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This is a question Lies that got out of control

Ever claimed you could speak a foreign language to impress friends, colleagues and/or get laid? Make a twat of yourself - and I couldn't possibly comment - saying you were the godson of the chairman of BP? Tell us how your porkies have caught up with you

(Thanks to augsav and Sandettie Light Vessel Automatic for the suggestions)

(, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 13:03)
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I've got an interview with the RAF next week
So when they ask me why I want to join, rather than the truthful answer of...

"I have recently lost my job and although I have been looking frantically for a new one for the last 3 months, I have only mustered one interview and a couple of weeks temping in a factory. So as you can imagine, I am in major fucking need of a job. Even though I have no desire to go all over the world and be a part of the killing of thousands of civilians and the general fucking up of the planet on the basis of George W Bush's lies and Tony Blair's gutlessness, I am applying for a career in the forces because I am getting absolutely desperate. I have had to move in with my girlfriends parents, most of my stuff is in storage and I dont even qualify for job seekers allowance, so if I need anything I have to beg money from family or my partner. Therefore putting aside the moral issues, the fact that I can and will be shipped all over the world away from my loved ones and the fact that I really dont want to be a part (however small, safe and in the background a part it may be) of an international criminal war machine, I am resigned to 6 years in the RAF in the hope of turning my life around. Also because there is a few months between interview and putting my name on the dotted line I can still hope and pray that something else will turn up before I sign my life away."

I will probably just say something along the lines of...

"I like planes."
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 13:41, 31 replies)
The armed forces want to hear that you wish to serve your country
so that's a good thing to slip in there. Heard that from a recruiting officer.
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 14:04, closed)
Best to keep the Guardian-reading bollocks quiet though.
(, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 9:53, closed)
I'm in a remarkably similar situation.
Although I had never considered a career in the Armed Forces until I read your post.

I also like planes.
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 14:11, closed)
Well you are one step ahead of me
I'm pretty indifferent to them. However they are preferable to boats and getting shot, so Biggles FTW.
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 17:36, closed)

...on second thoughts, it might not the be the career for me.

As someone has just pointed out to me, taking orders from anyone in a position of authority was never my forté.
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 19:07, closed)
Pays well, though.
And, if you're lucky, you'll be made redundant in October after the government's spending review. Wins all round.
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 14:13, closed)
...at least you'll get good at Afterburner.
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 14:32, closed)
I feel your pain
I totally understand, having also recently been made redundant. The thought of applying for a job because I just need one fills me with dread, due to the fact you can't just say 'I need a job because I don't have one'. Apparently, places will only hire you if they believe this is the role you've worked your entire life to find. Not just because you need to pay the rent and feed yourself.

I really hope you manage to find something before crunch time.
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 15:53, closed)
I think that whilst many things would be better without the armed forces,
many many things would also turn to shit very quickly.

Society just isn't ready to grow out of the closed tribes mindset. Ditching religion would be a good start.
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 16:49, closed)
..ditch religion and people would easily find other things to fight about. Religion isn't the problem, the religious are the problem sometimes, sometimes it's the irreligious.
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 19:15, closed)
Sounds all right
If I had to join the armed forces, the RAF would be the choice I'd choose too. Partly because I'm a coward, partly because I'm not stupid enough to put myself in harms way. Stay on the ground and fix the planes for six years and come out with qualifications which will be sought after in civil aviation.
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 17:47, closed)
You couldn't have sounded more like Student Gwant if you tried. What a hypocritical fucking tosser you are. I don't hope you get hurt in the RAF, because I know you'll never make it as you are.

Most people work their arse off and pay a bomb in taxes only for wankfucks like you to come along, all snivveling, and just use the forces as a means to an end whilst publicly proclaiming your hatred of them.

(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 18:49, closed)
^^ this
If you don't want a job in the RAF, don't get a job in the RAF.

Man up.
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 19:16, closed)
I don't think either of you understand his post
He's applying for a job in the RAF because he needs a job.
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 20:02, closed)
Apparently this is all it takes to make him a wanker.
And a dickhead.

Is it a prerequisite for joining the Armed Forces?
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 20:08, closed)
Hey Foochan! Foochan! Can you hear me from your pedastall?
Just so I know, because I am clearly not as cleaver as you, what are the correct reasons for wanting to join the military? Seeing as a means to an end and giving at least the minimum terms service isn't enough.

After all I wouldn't want the significant wages I may earn which you be paying for to go to waste.
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 23:22, closed)
Ok then Mr Righteous. This lad is contemplating a career in the forces, which doesn't half entail some hard work.

Lets see....
9 weeks Basic Training (RAF Halton) - You don't get a weekend off for at least 2 or 3 weeks, no alcohol, smoking only IF your discip allows you to, scrubbing bogs and ensuring your clothes are pressed to better than expected, Drill, PT, General Military Studies. Oh, and being made into a MAN / WOMAN. Having to cope with mental and physical pressures that do make the majority of the population only wince and turn into bubbling snot monsters. Shin splints from marching stupid distances but you deal with it. Standing outside in the piss wet cold freezing windy outdoors to attention, but not moving, even though the PTI's are in their fleeces and drinking hot tea in thermal mugs. How about 20 press ups because you are chattering your teeth? It'll warm you up!

Oh, then you have at least 9 months trade training before you get anywhere close to the job in hand.

He'll have been told most of this - it's not an easy ride etc etc.

Before you take the piss out of others laddy, think about what he is contemplating, think about the reality of this lads dilemma, and I give him credit to the fact that he is actually getting off his arse and making an effort to get a job!

You, are, not just a berk, but a full on cretin.

Oh yeah - TWAT.

Thats all.
(, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 23:28, closed)

I have friends in the RAF. I know full well the hardships they go through. I also know the dedication and love they have for their profession. So when some dickhead labels people I know as murders of civilians, it just gets my back up a bit. Particularly when this person is themselves joining.

Why join if you believe they are just a band of murderers?

You ask what reasons should you have for joining? How about the desire to better yourself. The desire to make your, and other countries a better place. To be involved in, not just wars, but delivering aid and rescuing victims of disaster?

*I like planes*? You're an immature dickhead, and you Tesco Quality, have a particularly apt name. Don't try to condescend me or lecture me. It's precisely for the reasons you state that he should have more respect for the RAF. It may be fashionable just now to hate the forces, but some people still hold these guys with the high regard they deserve - and they deserve better colleagues than some twat that thinks his surrounded by murderers.

Oh yeah, fuck off back to your checkout, twat.
(, Sun 15 Aug 2010, 10:25, closed)
I dont hate the forces
I never professed any hatred or even dislike for any members of the forces. Any negativity I expressed towards the forces was directed at our benevolent political overlords who disgracefully misuse the thousands of very brave men and women who sign up. You ask not to be condescended to, yet have a very limited grasp of written comprehension (perhaps this stopped your own military career in its tracks, is that why you are so angry?). Also you dont have a monopoly on friends and family in the military and an understanding of the hardships they go through. Life must be awesome in that ivory tower you live in.

I guess the answer to my question is (minus your laughable, impotent vitriol)... I should do it because I really want to and I believe in everything it stands for?

Well I dont really want to and I dont believe in everything the military does. I NEED a job, I would LIKE a job with prospects and a future and quite frankly there are very few of them available right now. The RAF may offer me that, but in return I will have to make massive sacrifices. I'll have to sign up for an extended period, I will have to be away from my friends and family for extended periods of time possibly in dangerous, shitty places, I may have to put my life on the line and I have to put my misgivings and moral concerns about the some of the things the military is involved in to one side, because they are offering me what nobody else is; a proper career. That's why most of the people I know joined, I guess I had better tell them that this is unacceptable, because someone on a very high horse told me so.
(, Sun 15 Aug 2010, 11:32, closed)

The fact that you are flailing about, making accusations of 'ivory towers' and insults toward me, despite the fact that you know squat about me, shows that you know full well you are wrong.

So I made a comment (heavily) criticising a statement that was in my opinion immature, lacking in any wisdom and deeply hypocritical, and you didn't like it. That's life.

You've since gone on to state that your original statement was directed towards the leaders of the forces, and not the forces themselves. However in your first statement you described the RAF as a 'international criminal war machine'. Seems to me you're back peddling a bit.

That said, having read your explanation of what you actually meant, I'm quite happy to take your word that what you actually meant isn't what you originally wrote.

Contrary to what someone has claimed, I'm not trying to start an argument. And for what it's worth, I hope you do well, and remain safe. Perhaps after a few years in the RAF you'll come to realise that they actually do a great deal of good in the world, and perhaps you'll come to believe in what they stand for.
(, Sun 15 Aug 2010, 17:39, closed)
You call me a wanker, immature and tell me to fuck off back to my checkout
and I'm the one throwing insults about?

Jesus wept!

If you read the OP properly, which its apparent you still have not done. You will notice I never at any point insult, disparage or take away from the people who make up the armed forces. I am critical of the actions the forces take part in, but not the brave men and women who serve, there is a huge distinction which you have chosen to ignore.

I believe SOME of the actions the British military are involved in are deeply deeply flawed, flawed to the point of criminality, however this is not the fault of the men and women who make up the military and is not a slight against them. I stand by my statement and am not back peddling one bit, the war in Iraq is based on bare faced lies and the war in Afghanistan is an ill judged bloodbath on all sides and I dont want to be a part of either as a British citizen or a serviceman. However if I want the job, the perks, the pay, the pension and the future opportunities a career in the forces could give me, I have to suck it up and I am ok with that, I dont need anyones approval to justify my position or my opinions. If you believe a person cannot hold those views and join the forces without being a hypocrite, so be it, you probably have a point, but I wont lose any sleep on it.

Like I said, I am not joining to be a hero, or because I want to protect free speech, queen, country or any of that cliched bollocks. I am doing it because I need a job.

And just so we are even on the insults front. You are a self richeous twat. Fuck off back on that ridiculously high horse you rode in on.
(, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 0:37, closed)
look closer
"You call me a wanker, immature and tell me to fuck off back to my checkout"

Well lets face it, anyone joining the forces whilst also branding them an "international criminal war machine" is a wanker.

Anyone who says that it's not possible to work in a job that is rewarding and does good is immature.

And the checkout reference wasn't aimed at you, perhaps you also should read a bit closer.

"If you read the OP properly, which its apparent you still have not done. You will notice I never at any point insult, disparage or take away from the people who make up the armed forces."

Your words: "Even though I have no desire to go all over the world and be a part of the killing of thousands of civilians and the general fucking up of the planet... I really dont want to be a part (however small, safe and in the background a part it may be) of an international criminal war machine"

The RAF does not travel the world killing civilians as you stated. They combat military targets.

You say: " I dont need anyones approval to justify my position or my opinions".

OK, so don't get so upset is someone calls you a wanker for being a hypocrite when you provide your opinion to the public for comment.

Don't bother replying, I have no interest in arguing this further. I think you're a hypocrite, you wont change my mind, and insults wont get you anywhere.
(, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:46, closed)
One last post because I think we have reached the end
I dont care whether you think I am a wanker, twat, dickhead or any of the other things you have called me, I will happily trade insults over the Internet like a retarded 5 year old.

I am however slightly bothered by your continued incorrect insinuations about what I have said. So I am going to break it down nice and simply and type really slowly.

The military for the most part does not decide where it goes, what it does when it gets there or who/what its targets are. The government decides this and in the case of the current wars in the Middle East, the government, not the military, have made in my opinion criminally awful decisions which have directly and indirectly caused horrible bloody results on all sides. Therefore its an 'international criminal war machine' which has left many tens of thousands of innocent civilians and hundreds of young soldiers who deserved better, dead.

This is not a swipe at people in the military as they are pawns and are victims like everybody else who is involved.

I am a total hypocrite for wanting to join this 'international criminal war machine' and wanting becoming a pawn myself for those few pieces of silver. The whole point of the OP was showing the lies I will need to tell to cover that and like I said, if you think I am a wanker for this, then bully for you, lets all be keyboard warriors and call each other names. But I have nothing but respect and admiration for the people who do the job and any suggestion to the contrary is just laziness of thought.
(, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 23:05, closed)
If you honestly believe that being in the defence force
is being part of the "international criminal war machine", then why the hell would you join?
This sounds like (to me) "I don't want to be any part of killing/harming anyone, but I'll do it because I'll get paid".

*note- I was in the RAAF for some years,as an armourer, and still work on military aircraft and have no such qualms.
(, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 3:23, closed)
Thats about the size of it yeah
Is that really a terrible thing? Would I be the only person there who doesn't believe in the wars?

I have done plenty of jobs where the company which employs me provides nothing positive to anyone and takes advantage of the poorest and weakest in society and I have still sucked it up and got on with it. Beggars cant be choosers.

How many people go to work every day believing that they and their employers are making a positive difference to the world, that the company mission statement isn't a pile of drivel, that they are providing a real service to people?

Do you know the last time I felt I was doing a truly honest days work, was when I was cleaning offices as a student.
(, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 9:04, closed)
Not sure you're worthy of a response, but here's one anyway.

We all have friends in lot of places. They're not all in the best place in their lives. They don't all agree with you or me, nor have the same viewpoints on life.

Unfortunately, I'm seeing only one prime candidate for "immature dickhead" at the moment. It's the one picking fights on an internet forum.

Chill out.
(, Sun 15 Aug 2010, 12:03, closed)
"pay a bomb in taxes"
*snort* See whatchya did there...
(, Sun 15 Aug 2010, 16:20, closed)
I used to wanna join
The french foreign legion, but I didn't wanna learn french so I said fuck it. My dad was a navy seal, got some backup from the Raf once and told me I am to buy them a beer too as they saved plenty o lives that day, but it's all he can say. So I'll at least owe you one.
(, Sun 15 Aug 2010, 12:22, closed)

I think they have the best uniform. Good luck.
(, Sun 15 Aug 2010, 19:51, closed)

don't wish to get involved with the flaming, but here's a military joke (told me me by a former RAF officer as it goes) which may guide you toward your choice of service:


Thank you for calling the British Army. I'm sorry, but all our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organisation, the region, the specific crisis and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call.

Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers:

A. If your crisis is small and close to the sea, press 1 for the Royal Marines.

B If your concern is distant, with a tropical climate, good hotels & golf courses and can be solved by one or two low-risk bombing runs, please press 2 for the Royal Air Force. (Please note that this service is not available after 1630 or weekends.)

C. If your enquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a warship, some bunting, flags, a damn good cocktail party and a first class marching band, please write, well in advance, to the First Sea Lord, The Royal Navy, Whitehall, London SW1.
(, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 4:43, closed)
Tell them you'd like to "rise above the rest"
And remember; You don't have to be a pilot to fly in the RAF.

But it does help.
(, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 16:53, closed)

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