I worked for a software house
as the network admin. They sacked me for flooding their internal mailserver with naughty emails targeting someone I hated.
A few days later, their server died, and they lost all their source code, email and internet access. It had nothing to do with me remotely logging into the server with a backdoor I wrote, your honour...
(eldergeek me likey pie long time, Thu 5 May 2005, 20:05, Reply)

Acts of petty sabotage
This seems to be my stock in trade....

(1) We had an "phantom wanker" (don't ask) in the first bookstore I worked in who had stashed a 50 year anniversary copy of Playboy for his "use" so I covered the most thumbed pages in photocopier toner.

(2) Same shop, same magnet trick but on some part-timers taped music collection. It was all wanky John Cougar Mellencamp (sp?) and other US MOR. It was not getting played on my gheto blaster

(3) The tosser in my uni class got given shots of wee insted of whisky for turning up to a night out un-invited.

(4) I once worked in an off-licence one Xmas when I was a student and I would spend all morning shaking the Carlsberg Trampjuice, under the counter, until the tins were over-pressured then sell them to the local drunks in the afternoon when they came out of the Dole Office!

(5) Again whilst I was a student, it was announced by my falt mates that they had booked a cheap holiday thro' their Uni, they left at 6am the next day leaving me 4 sets of curry stained cutlery, plates and half empty foil trays. I stuck them in their beds for the 10 days (It was my flat)

6) Me and the wife got royally done over by a bespoke kitchen maker in Edinburgh, who had asked for 50% of the money up front but it turned into a disaster for both timescales and materials. I with-held his final fee and he went bust!
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Thu 5 May 2005, 19:48, Reply)

And when....
The bosses son finally worked out we were sabotaging his tea mugs (took three times longer than any normal person though) he thought he'd be clever and just drink canned pop.
Not to be out done we took to drilling a hole on the side of the can just below the ringpull. The outcome?.... 75% in the gob, 25% down the shirt.
Best combination always being white shirt & cola
(ElGatodeBarco, Thu 5 May 2005, 19:39, Reply)

Sleepless until now...apologies for 'tis long.
I used to share a room with a girl who had a bad habit of bringing her boyfriend over at random times, always unnanounced. I kindly asked her to let me know ahead of time so I could find somewhere else to go as I didn't want to interrupt their constant fucking. She snapped off on me saying that I shouldn't be telling her what to do and shit like that. Well, after that I gave up being polite. I decided that if she wasn't going to be even the slightest bit courteous like that, she wasn't going to get any action. (Cue evil giggling....now.) I already had insomnia from her and her boyfriend's antics so I decided to use that as my weapon of choice. I stayed up all day, all night, all weekend. I never left the room, except for a drink and a snack from time to time. I was never gone long. This went on for about 3 weeks before he realized that he was going to be a little, um, frustrated for a few days. By week 3 he lasted about 45 minutes before he took a flying leap out of the lofted bed, smacking his head on the ceiling, grabbed his pants and headed out the door, never to be seen in the room again.

Also, before I left for home at the end of the term, I "forgot" to take out her nasty, food-ridden trash. I believe there was some old seafood salad in there, or maybe a tuna tin...I think I forgot to cap the jar of mayonnaise in the unplugged fridge (after I smeared it and some tuna salad on the wall behind her sofa...) I can't imagine what that had to have been like after being in a closed-up room for 4-5 weeks.
(Magical HellBunny, Thu 5 May 2005, 19:17, Reply)

i belong to a christian youth group called legacy
for those aged about 13 to the point at which you feel too old (first or second year of uni i would say. i'm 16). anyhow, we go on two trips a year: the legacy weekend away, in january or february and spring harvest, a massive christian festival in butlins in minehead, which happens for 6 days around easter.

anyhow, there have been some fantastic sabotages/pranks over the years. here's a little rundown of what's been craicing over my time at legacy:

w'end away 2003: the older lads, including my brothers, got hold of a large carp from a fish market, and tucked it away behind a radiator in the girls bedroom.

springy 2003: didn't go

w'end away 2004: the older lads who still remained played possibly the most random but brilliant prank ever. they bought four goldfish, and went into the girls' bathroom around 4 in the morning, and put a fish in each sink. it might seem pointless, but hearing the vicar's - rather dappy (but lovable) - daughter exclaim "there's some fish in the sinks... i wonder how they got there" was simply classic.

springy 2004: ok, by this time, my generation was becoming the more prominent legacy members, so there were more of us there than the older guys. now, one day, the girls decided they would obtain a key to one of the boys' chalets from stupid nathan (we call him this because he's stupid) and... rearrange things...
so we get back from losing the five-a-side football to find that the chalet with the games consoles had been tampered with. the ironing board had been set up, and every game and console in the place had been neatly arranged on it. how pointless. there were a few other things that they'd done, but they were crap, and not worth mentioning. so we decided to get revenge. we could think of no clever way of getting into their chalets, so we just decided to toy with their emotions...we took everything off the ironing board and hid it (quite well) in another chalet. next time we saw the girls, we asked for all our stuff back, and they said that they put it on the ironing board. we said there was nothing there when we got back, and the door was open. their response was an appropriate "oh shit...". later on, we told them that we saw some chavs with the stuff on a luggage trolley, so we ambushed them and got everything back.
don't worry, we came clean the next day.
oh, nearly forgot, we taped up the older lads chalet with "FRAGILE" red and white tape. it's all on video. awesome.

w'end away 2005: no prankage. dissapointing.

springy 2005: this was a prank war my friends. this was hardcore shit...
the girls kicked things off, by coming into the main lads chalet (the one i was in, no longer the outsider kids). they got the key off stupid nathan again (will he ever learn) and proceeded to put butter on some of the door handles, swap around clothes and food (i found my boxers in the freezer) and write in toothpaste on one of the mirrors, while we were playing in the football tournament (3rd place, minhead week 2). in all honesty, they actually did quite well by their standards.
but we got them back, oh yes.
we spent the next 2 days frantically trying to get a key, nearly sexually assaulting one of the more fragile girls in the process (i'll save that for another time). finally, one day, two of the lads (matt mcgay and the 3rd degree burns) just strolled into one of the two girls' chalets, and just picked up 3 keys from the kitchen counter: 2 for the chalet they were in, and one for the opposite one. the next day, the girls had a netball match on, so being the darling we were, we went into their place and wrecked it. we covered the living room of the main chalet with loo roll, string and selotape. we did the celophane on the bog trick (never did find out if it worked). we put OXO CUBES IN THE SHOWER HEADS, OH YES! oh, and we put a load of instant coffee in the cornflakes... hehe, that was my one...
anyhow, the girls were pretty narked, and attempted to take revenge. they were crap, and i can't even remember what they did. we got them back by waiting outside their chalet armed with water bombs one morning and absolutley destroying them. they didn't discover my coffee untill the last day: sunny (the new ditzy girl) told the rest of them her cornflakes tasted of coffee, but they dismissed it with and "oh sunny...". anyhow, rosie discovered the rather large deposit of the brown granules at the bottom in the nest bowl. she was pretty pissed off by that.
we won that, needless to say.

i have two more years untill i do a year out and go to uni, i must get as much pranking in on the legacy trips as is possible.

www.hair.captainsteveuk.com - buy it!!!

edit-seeing how long this post is i feel i should apologise for the length and girth... it's the christian thing to do...
(notjustahatrack peeling a sausage..., Thu 5 May 2005, 19:14, Reply)

Waaaaahhhhhh!!!!
Back in the early / mid '80s, when WH Smiths and Boots etc. sold 8 bit computers, me and a mate used to go in on a Saturady afternoon and bash in a quick BASIC proggy that went something along the lines of:

10 for blah=0 to 50000 (Can't remember how high it had to be for a decent delay)
20 next blah
30 whatever commands needed for yukky noise at full volume
40 goto 40 cuz some of them used to stop singing when the prog ended.

Then we hit run and turned up the volume on the portable tellys to full before retiring to minimum safe distance. This was crap with the speccy & best on the Atari 800XL.


A while ago I got made redundant from the software company I was working for. After a few pints that evening I remoted in via the "template" VPN account I had created a long time before. I changed the mail admin's password, disabled the auto update on the anti virus server and deleted all the documents I had written on how to do stuff in the event of me leaving the company. Had to go in again to disable logging on the VPN server and delete the logs. Got a call a couple of weeks later asking if I knew the mail admin's passy... I had, of course, forgotten.

Just realised that this would also have fucked the mail server backups. Bonus!
(Shorneee, Thu 5 May 2005, 19:14, Reply)

more magnets
I put hard disk magnets in my boss's lunchbox, and then threw it at the 16ft high metal ceiling in our office. He had to stand on a REALLY high stepladder and bash it with a broom to get it down!
(Joey[kins], Thu 5 May 2005, 19:12, Reply)

i
once cut this blokes throat then placed my roommates wank sock next to the corpse.
(fwack bang on it, Thu 5 May 2005, 19:01, Reply)

Little Girls, eh?
My mate used to live next to come right cunts who would make all kinds of noise at stupid hours - I think they managed to put his mum in hospital from the stress at one point.

Yonks ago, before the net was tightened up a bit, you could go Start->Run and enter '\\11.22.33.44' (IP Address) and browse the contents of that computer if it wasn't secure. We used to do this quite a bit and there are a few personal files (hint, they start with xxx.stolen.amateur) floating around eDonkey.

ANYWAY.

Somehow we managed to find his neighbour's PC and it was totally open, so we uploaded gay porn and 'child model' pics to the dad's folders on the machine. We also edited letters that the Chav Bitch Mother was due to send to the local council. Fun!
( Biggus Dickus , it was like that when I found it, Thu 5 May 2005, 18:54, Reply)

Gullible's Travels
You know the netsend you can do on some computers? Back in the day at school I realised that the netsend box and the print alert box looked the same... netsend somebody 'x document has printed at x printer' and the twunts would spent ages trying to find the documents. Techie man didn't like it. He made me copy out the computer policy. I photocopied it. He didn't like that either :(
(underwhelmed, Thu 5 May 2005, 18:45, Reply)

Rubber gloves
I took a box of rubber gloves into my housemate's room and put his belongings into inflated rubber gloves... alarm clock, videos, magic 8-ball... it's surprising what'll fit into a rubber glove.
(lumpy, Thu 5 May 2005, 18:40, Reply)

This guy was being a total twunt...
So I put a chilli in his cock.
( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 5 May 2005, 18:20, Reply)

Sabotage
I once flew a couple of planes into New York City.
Caused a fair bit of damage too...

Feel quite bad now though.
(Kayozz, Thu 5 May 2005, 18:00, Reply)

fuck me
that's just nasty.
(Mr Moo Cow - HairyBeef, Thu 5 May 2005, 17:59, Reply)

Retail therapy
Working in a shitty GAME shop (no hints!), i was one day pestered by the auditor/stock checker guy. He was a downright rude, impatient and altogether stuck-up-his-own arse TWUNT!
As i was busy serving a customer, he asked me to "make myself useful and make him a brew".

10 minutes later i returned...

I had rimmed his cup with underside of my helmet and ejected the contents of my bladder into his coffee... (at least two quick leaks)

(so if it's YOU!!!! then enjoy my smeggy brew you stuck up little twunt!)
(Kayozz, Thu 5 May 2005, 17:56, Reply)

the priest and the porn mag
when i was around 9 or 10, i had a friend who lived down the road who i would play outside with most days. Everyone now and again, we'd run out of stuff to do and so we'd go look around his house for stuff.

on one of these days we were looking through his wardrobe when we found a box with magazines in it, stuff like fhm and mens health etc....

as we looked into it more we found another with
magazines of a seedier nature, which we took out to a group of trees where we would "read" it for half an hour and wonder why our willies got bigger.

having not found an answer to the above question, we'd go on and play cops and robbers etc fully sporting our mini-boners.

anyway, we left it in the trees and when we came back, some bird had shat on it so we left it there for it to get moudly and generally nasty.

a while later, one of our neighbours , who happened to be a priest or a minister (a man of the cloth) had told us off really badly for something totally gay like making too much noise or whatever, so we decided to get him back by posting the shitty mouldy porn mag through his letter box.

i thougth it was funny at the time. and we werer onyl 10. honest.


im not going to apologize for my length COS U LOVE IT!
(Mr Moo Cow - HairyBeef, Thu 5 May 2005, 17:53, Reply)

hmm which one to post?
Once when I was a youngun, I can recall going to the CNE (Canadian National Exhibition) in Toronto and sabotaging several computer systems that were set up to show off the wonders of the big bad world wide web... for some reason I had a "modified" floppy disk in my coat (disk medium replaced with ultra-fine grit sand paper) which I inserted into several floppy drives and attempted to "format" the disk. In addition to this, I also managed to exit to DOS and type "format c:\" on several other machines.

Yeah. I was a little bastard.
( rawr isn't really here., Thu 5 May 2005, 17:46, Reply)

headfaster baby
Our headmaster had a bit of a reputation as a ladie's man. One time I saw he had dirt and dust all over the back of his flash car, so I wrote something in it. The mental image I had of him making eyes through his rear-view mirror at some woman driver in a traffic jam, while she is reading the word 'help' on the back of his car still makes me laugh to this day.
(bloodyHassocks, Thu 5 May 2005, 17:42, Reply)

I broke the front page
Mwahahahhaha
( Snollock Biffer I don't really sniff Bollocks, Thu 5 May 2005, 17:34, Reply)

b3ta has just conducted the best "Petty Sabotage"
...by coaxing various loons and fantasists out of the woodwork!
(apologies_for_length, Thu 5 May 2005, 17:32, Reply)

toothpaste japes
Once when I was on a teen adventure holiday this lad played a trick on me. We were all staying in rooms of triple-layer bunkbeds, he said my friend from their room was in there and had been looking for me. Like a chump I went to go in the room only to find he had put toothpaste all over the back of the door handle. Funny! I waited til he was gone and got an A4 sheet of paper, put toothpaste all over it, wrote a nice message on it and left it on his pillow on the top bunk. It was the last night of the holiday, so no chance of him getting me back as well... Obviously I wasn't there to see it but my friend told me he vaulted into the top bunk and got a complete mint facial, making it worse the more he struggled to get away from it. Sweet.

I apologise for nothing at all, ever, least of all the length of this post.
(bloodyHassocks, Thu 5 May 2005, 17:30, Reply)

my teacher at school
thought i was an idiot - this was mainly because my brother slacked off and i was tarred with the same brush. so one day after she was in one of her slag simon off moods, I sneaked into her class room hacked her computer and fucked it up well for her! okay it probably didnt take long to reload her shit back on the computer - but it was fun her looking at the computer blankly. obviously i wasnt even a suspect - me being so stupid and all!

also this bloke at college got on my tits, always trying to get in fights with me and thinking him something really special.
being the dumb shit he was - he left his one and only disk in the floppy drive. not wanting to just delete the contents of the disk - i wrote a little program that when next did a directory listing (good old dos) it run a batch file that deleted the disk then the contents of his personal network area! sitting there watching him smashing his fists on the keyboard and desk was quite satisfying :o) heheheh
( Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Thu 5 May 2005, 17:25, Reply)

Your M&S
I once smashed a rude customer's meringues when I worked at M&S.
(ryry, Thu 5 May 2005, 17:19, Reply)

A friend no longer
Last year at uni a friend of mine went to America, where he changed for the very worst, he was away for about six months and upon his return we found he had turned into a complete nobber. He had become some sort of eco-warrior/musician but was too busy smoking weed/bitching about stuff to be any use to any environmental groups/the rock world, anyhoo.

He used to turn up at my house sporadically without any notice or in fact being invited.
He would then demand the sole use of the sofa for sleeping/living on for days on end
and took it upon himself to get a load of drug dealers round to buy/borrow narcotics off.
One of the afore mentioned drug dealers eventually ended up robbing lots of stuff from the front room, but that is a different story.

The main point is we became so annoyed at his twunkish behaviour that we used to ignore all of his calls and pretend not to be in whenever he came round and made a point of not talking to him when he and his brother came to visit us in the pub (his older brother is a year or to older and completely normal and a nice person).

All of his/my friends before he left continued to do this thinking that he would eventually snap out of it and become a nice person again.


He hasn't and was working on a hemp plantation/commune in Hickton, Iowa the last I heard.

Very petty thing to do over him becoming a twunk but he did deserve it.


Haha, no apologies for length, girth bla bla bla
(A bit Manchester, Thu 5 May 2005, 17:16, Reply)

Fun with a pen
I used to work in an office with a twunt of a boss who would do no work at all, fill in figures all day and then take the credit for anything good that happened. Anyway, she really was rather evil and to cut a long story short she used to walk about the whole time with a white lab-coat on like some kind of jumped up doctor with a fancy pen on a chain round her neck which she used to nibble the end of. You can tell what's going to happen next...

You know those little yellow things at the bottom of the urinal?

Mini-golf.
(declan_m, Thu 5 May 2005, 17:09, Reply)

Boarding School...
Aged 14, a friend from another boarding house made a sportsman's bet with me that i couldn't kung-fu kick the wall down. The resulting hole was about a foot in diameter. And he footed the bill for me (the excuse for the housemaster was that he 'fell over into the wall'). They still don't know it was me.

Usual auto-correct pranks, changing 'the' to 'the fuckers'. Poor bugger almost managed to change them all back when proofreading his Geography essay, but still handed it in saying 'in India the fuckers have little or no sanitation'.

After an end-of-term's drinking, deposit all beer cans in sleeping friend's room.

Stink bombs.

The most recent sabotage was on a raid of the lower year at the end of term. Instead of charging in as usual, we organised an aquatic attack. Cue many, many plastic cups full of water on edge of Vth form beds, on latters, across floors. Then make a noise, one of them stirrs, knocks water on self. Wakes others. They climb down, walk around. By now water is everywhere. Only then do we charge :D That fight went on for hours...
(Mr_Jums, Thu 5 May 2005, 17:08, Reply)

petty sabotage
when we were students we lived with a real knobjockey who used to smoke dope all the time but he would always lose his stash and go mental.As we had a really awful brown shagpile carpet if he dropped his solid he could never find it. He was so irritating, so we used break up oxo cubes and leave pieces in the carpet. he would find them and be overjoyed untill he lit up.
(come2whereimfrom .co.uk, Thu 5 May 2005, 17:06, Reply)

Wheelie bin amusement
One drunken night, me and a friend decided to get revenge on one of our neighbours (who was a miserable, ball popping, fun hating alcoholic)...
So we decided to steal every wheelie bin in the area and construct a huge wheelie bin fort in his garden.

The next day we walked past to see the police comforting the very distressed bastard.

I think we got about 30 or 40 wheelie bins in his very small front garden.

Not amazingly funny but have you ever stacked a wheelie bin three high?
(Kayozz, Thu 5 May 2005, 16:58, Reply)

How how I laughed
Not quite sabotage, but still.

We used to have a strict as hell French teacher-now, 5 weeks before our GCSES we got an awful replacment teacher. Now, every lesson I took the liberty of snapping a friend's pen-I love him when he's angry. The other day, he managed to grab mine-but it wasn't a biro, oh no. It was a Uniball fine tip pen, with the ink inside a little resiovior inside. Yknow, you can see th ink through the little window?

Anyway, he posed to snap it. "I'm gonna enjoy this you fucking cunt. Finally!" Says he. I tried to tell him not to, but it was too late. He snapped the pen outwards, meaning that the remaining contents of the ink resevoir exploded all over his new shirt.

THe funny thing was that the twat didn't realise he'd done it for a few seconds. And that it would not wash off, and rendered his shirt unwearble. Ha. Teaches him to snap my bloody pen.
(Randall4k, Thu 5 May 2005, 16:52, Reply)

Ahh
For a couple of months (when I was a student) we sprayed weed killer over the fence. The neighbour was a Victor Meldrew type with an immaculate lawn.

He never caught us despite his curtain twitching.
(Von Trapp, Thu 5 May 2005, 16:37, Reply)