when i was 7...
.... my dad really annoyed me, can't quite remember why but think he wouldn't let me out on my bike, well anyway in sweat revenge i filled the tank of his moped with sand.
it was months befor i was allowed to play outside again
(reallyevilpete666, Wed 4 May 2005, 20:07, Reply)

sabotage
A bit more "serious" than "petty", but an ex-friend ripped me off by several thousand pounds and moved away from the area. I found out where he lived eventually. Being a wimp, I didnt fancy my chances of beating him up, so sabotage was in order. He loved cars. His and his wifes cars were lovingly maintained. I drove about 300 miles down there on evening and under cover of darkness, crawled under both cars and forced open their bonnets (cut my hand quite badly doing so, but it was worth it.) a few handfills of sand went into each oil filler cap.
I also had a jerry-can full of a nasty chemical from work with me, which I used to write the word "paedo" in massive letters on his new houses front lawn. The chemical would have killed off the grass, leaving the word etched into his lawn.

With a bit of luck a passing mob will have hounded him out of his house and given him a good kicking.

Greg - may you rot in hell you total fuck.
(dave likes cheese, Wed 4 May 2005, 20:01, Reply)

hehe
yeah, i was playing around with neodium magnet, electricity and water (managed to not get shocked actually!) and sucseeded in creating a large magniic pulce rod (accidentally) took out a shitload of computors, luckilly, it was at school lol.
if they found it was me i would probably be expelled lol, that would suck.
( Arsonade is saving up for a new box of hummus, Wed 4 May 2005, 19:50, Reply)

Friends letter
Found this beauty in my friends car, so I posted it on the interweb.


That will teach him for leaving important stuff lying about.
(Danage, Wed 4 May 2005, 19:44, Reply)

Sabotage eh?
hmm...

I used to work in a bar that bought really, really cheap vodka and "decanted" it into smirnof bottles (very not legal) and then served that to the ones that were already drunk, so one day after I knew I was getting replaced by a large breasted female, I sneaked into the store room, and swapped the contents of 4 boxes of smirnof with the cheap crap, (there was a method of taking the tops off so the seal would not break) Therefore, when the lads came in to swap the vodka around, they were in fact, putting it back the way it should have been.

I was also able to replace all the fuses in the main fuse boards with smaller ones, so that when things gor really busy, and the bar started using the aircon etc, all the fuses would blow...
( TBL I posted this on, Wed 4 May 2005, 19:31, Reply)

Mr X.
is what we shall call him, he might be reading . . .

We did many things, most fairly ordinary (sellotaped belongings to ceiling, stole bed, defenestrated clothing, porn on desktop, sabotage of savegames on the rare occasions he left his laptop unlocked) but one particular incident sticks in my mind.
Another character, Mr.Y, was doing the usual porn on desktop thing, when he decided to take it a step further. He hurriedly composed an email to the IT services manager (who could also be reading this, he is wonderful) saying 'I think I love you. Please meet me at the IT support desk at 2:00'. Mr. Y hadn't originally intended to send it, but then Mr X's domineering Victorian mother walks in. Mr Y has to make a getaway, and Mrs X shouldn't see what he's been doing. So he sends the email. Of course. Mr X, though doesn't realise until . . .

2 days later: 'Mr X, I have received a rather strange email purporting to come from you . . .'
(Radio Free iPods "Fickt nicht mit dem Raketenmensch!", Wed 4 May 2005, 19:04, Reply)

Scissors...
Well what happened was ma lil sis got a playstation when they first came out and wouldnt let any one including me who had brought it for her on it at all. One day i happened to go out and came home intoxicated to high heavens and for some reason decided it would be clever to teach her a lesson so i got some wonderfully sharp scissors and cut all the connecting leads and and the controller leads!!! HAHA serves the brat right!!! But... in ma intoxicated state i didnt realise the wires were all plugged in and turned on!!! Oh well the electricity passing through ma body just added to the fun of the night..
(Bhougal...hang me upside down from a banana tree and call me BERTTIE BHOUGAL>>>Oh Yeah...!!, Wed 4 May 2005, 19:03, Reply)

Not me, but a 'friend'
Was moving departments. Complete smegging jackass of a boss (Sleazy, Rude, Unwashed) decided to move him to make room for a prettier girl.

He stapled a kipper underneath the drawers to the bosses desk.

2 weeks later, the boss found it. The smell, however, lingered on. Like the very ghost of the kipper haunted that very office.

Either a ghost, or the second kipper stapled behind the filing cabinet :D
(Attention Whore, Wed 4 May 2005, 18:58, Reply)

Sabotage
I, like many others sabotaged this QOTW by only posting anecdotes about any old prank, lark or practical joke that I felt like. Instead of actually about sabotaging things and rubbing chilli on the old chap.
(gentleben, Wed 4 May 2005, 18:53, Reply)

Sabotaging Boss/Arsehole's PC
I could barely stand to be in the same room as my boss and since I had domain admin rights it was a remarkably easy thing to connect remotely to his PC and delete the 'nt.ldr' file - his PC would work perfectly until he tried to start it up, when it would refuse point-blank to boot. The real tragedy was that our support people couldn't fix it and it had to be re-built from scratch, losing all the documents he'd been working on at home.

It was still funny on the fourth repetition...
(Nagra III, Wed 4 May 2005, 18:50, Reply)

Classic New Year's prank from the countryside
Locate outhouse. Add yeast.

I suppose this made more sense in the time of my grandfather. Outhouses seem to be rare these days.
(spinoza, Wed 4 May 2005, 18:37, Reply)

My dad told me
That he and his mates really didn't like one of their teachers, so back in the days with BLACKboards that had a pull down sheet, they all put fruit up the back.

On severaly occasions I've actually scrubbed the toilet with my brother's toothbrush.

But I really can't wait until Friday - German - when I slide magnets across Mrs Soppitt's tapes. No more "Ich heiBe Bigirt".


Serves the constipated penguin bitch right for confiscating my Fuck School badge.
(The Disillusioned Starburst, Wed 4 May 2005, 18:36, Reply)

ladies bits, and the accidental sabotaging of
I once managed to hospitalise someone by irritating her chuff with fairy liquid. And in a non-filthy way too. You see, once, when several of the girls we lived with went out on the lash, Letch and I, being skint, sober and more than a little nasty, urinated into every toilet in the block (there was only four, we weren't urine supermen) and didn't flush them. We instead emptied washing up liquid into all the cisterns. And waited until several pissed up women came back, dying for a slash, moaned about scruffy bastard blokes not flushing, and then flushing and immediately sitting down to wee. The annoyance of these lasses when the toilets bubbled up from between their legs was only countered by one of them having to be taken to hospital when the detergent irritated her "lady-garden" which swelled up (to probably elephant-like proportions, but I can’t be sure) and became very, very painful.
But it was funny at the time. For everyone who heard about it to her immense displeasure.

Apologies about the length, language, amount of comma’s and stuff.
( fr13day has everything required to be a Penguin, Wed 4 May 2005, 18:26, Reply)

database debased
Years ago, when I was a student, I had a crappy temp job, entering operator timesheets into a database for BT. My colleague who I shared the job with was a lazy good for nothing cnut, whose greatest achievement while working there was to introduce a bunch of really nasty viruses into the system from some stuff he'd downloaded off the university computers.

So, to get my revenge for his uselessness, for the last few weeks before I left I just entered loads of made-up data and obscene messages telling him what I really thought of him - in such a way that it must have taken him hours and hours to fix, if not days and days.

Even if he could have deleted the lot easily, he was left with three weeks worth of timesheets that needed to be re-entered into the system. Take that, fucker!
( smutch, Wed 4 May 2005, 18:19, Reply)

annoying teacher
in secondary school there was this really annoying helper woman for the science teacher who kept sending us outside when it was cold/raining, she thought of herself as a teacher.

so one day at lunch time when they left the science room unlocked we went in there and saw that she had stupidly left a letter that was shortly to be sent out to pupils open and on the screen. so i simply typed a swear word or two in the letter, saved and left.

lucky for us she didn't proof read.
(jimskio http://www.whoopdedoo.co.uk, Wed 4 May 2005, 18:13, Reply)

I told my brother
that the cotton wool bit from inside a Vic's nasal inhaler, when rubbed under the eye, makes you see in black and white because he had cut up every shoe lace on my shoes 10 minutes before I went out with my first girlfriend.
The fucking Sunday Sport picked this up off the message board when I posted it once then printed this as a true fact in their shit ridden paper, the cunts.
( DrPoppers Touched by his noodly appendage, Wed 4 May 2005, 17:58, Reply)

Student halls...
A haven for petty satobage.
The best one we've managed so far has to be the numbers...

The lift in our tower is 1960s, so the only way to tell which floor you're arriving at is to look at the painted on number on the wall outside. Most people though don't even look at the number before they get out.
We felt it was necessary to take photos of the numbers from all of the floors, print these out, and glue them over the existing numbers. But in the wrong order! So you'd get in, punch your floor number, either stare at the floor or absent-mindedly chat, get out, walk a few steps...then slowly wonder what 10th floor was doing so close to the ground :D
The next logical step was to replace the ROOM numbers accordingly. Complaints of broken room locks ensued as people unwittingly attempted to break into other people's rooms hahaha!

They never caught us :P
(Lurker131072, Wed 4 May 2005, 17:57, Reply)

More upstairs idiots
We also got the name of one of the guys living above us from the student directory. We called the Gay Student Alliance and signed him up.
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Wed 4 May 2005, 17:52, Reply)

Pizza Delivery
I spent the first two years of my college life living in one of the largest dorms in the country. When you ordered a pizza, they wouldn't bring it to your room, they'd call you a few minutes ahead and meet you in the lobby.

The people above us were real jerks, bouncing basketballs at two in the morning, banging on the radiator pipes, harmless but annoying stuff. So one night we called them up.

Me: "Yeah, this is Domino's, we'll be there in five minutes."

Upstairs idiot: "We didn't order a pizza."

Me: "You didn't? Isn't this 321-1234? Oh man! My boss is going to kill me! I'm already 20 minutes behind and I can't try to track these people down. You want a large sausage and onion? Five bucks just to get it off my hands."

Upstairs Idiot: "Sure man, thanks!"

We just happened to be behind them on the stairs to watch the action.

Money in hand, one said to the other: "You know he's gonna try to charge us full price and say he didn't call us. Idiot!"

Sadly, no real Domino's guy showed up, would have been great though, watching them argue.

They did figure it out more quickly than we did when it was played on us a couple weeks earlier. They only waited five minutes, we were there for 20 waiting for our $5 pizza!
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Wed 4 May 2005, 17:50, Reply)

I decided
to sabotage my own cock by putting chilli on my bellend.



Obviously.
( Laughing Boy, Wed 4 May 2005, 17:49, Reply)

I cut my mate Di's brakes
because she didn't kiss my kid.
(The Disillusioned Starburst, Wed 4 May 2005, 17:45, Reply)

Wheelie mouse sabotage
simple but effective:

when your colleague pops out for a break, stick a penny into the slot of a wheelie mouse (use sellotape or summat)so that the ball is pushed inside & the coin is flush with the base.

It took my boss ages to work out why his mouse wouldn't work... tee-hee!
( Hidden Mouse, Sleeping Kitten Gromada? Gromada!, Wed 4 May 2005, 17:37, Reply)

My fiance has some crackers...
as a young lad in Herne Bay in the 50s, he got up to some seriously ASBO-worthy japes:

a. fired a home-made rocket from his bedroom window to the local police station, setting fire to the roof;

b. blew up a phone box;

c. put potassium permanganate in the duck pond and dyed all the ducks purple;

d. flooded the local cricket pitch.

His mother swore it was high spirits, and he was just 'very intelligent'.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 4 May 2005, 17:35, Reply)

My first flat
living on my own for the first time, I had the upstairs neighbour from hell. He and his whore of a wife used to come home steaming drunk at 3am and proceed to play very loud music till 6am - every so often joining in with a badly played guitar.

Now, I'm a big fat coward, and I wouldn't go upstairs to complain. After all, the town I lived in (and specifically the estate I was on) was notorious for violent and abusive chavs, and I certainly didn't want to get my head kicked in.

After one really, really (did I mention REALLY?) bad night of music turned up to about twelve on the Spinal Tap scale, I plotted my devious revenge.

Six thirty on a Sunday morning, I took out my very squeaky descant recorder (god knows why I still have one of those even now...) and played loudly for at least an hour.

Ah, sweet revenge.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 4 May 2005, 17:30, Reply)

Pineapple Cubes
Sunday afternoons were when we would all meet down the pub for the obligatory "hair of the dog" session after the previous two nights fun and frolics.

A friend of ours, (not really a friend since we were right horrible bastards to him, largely because he was a total twat and deserved it) had an annoying habit of falling asleep in the pub on a Sunday afternoon - always before he'd got through his second pint...annoying when this is around 30 minutes since we all met.

On one particular Sunday afternoon, whilst relieving ourselves in the establishments facilities and mulling over the weekend so far, we noticed that the small yellow cubes we were pissing on would look far more at home in this idiots pint.

We popped them in there and swirled them around every few minutes trying to get them to dissolve before he woke up. They didnt...but he still woke up, muttered something and took a hefty swig of his pint without noticing.

The look on his face as he realised he'd been poisoned by his so-called friends was nearly as good as the scarlet face, neck and eyes he was sporting when he eventually returned from the toilets.

A reccy mission after he'd left confirmed he'd not so much prayed to the white porcelain god, but rather proclaimed his faith at the top of his lungs.

We didnt see him much after that.

Yay! First post :)
(inspoken, Wed 4 May 2005, 17:28, Reply)

mostly petty revenge
classic; a .35mm dia mechanical pencil can hold a pin quite nicely which can be deployed with a click of a button. Cue much stabbing of bastards at school, such a vicious git.

the usual downloading of porn diallers on my housemates comps, i suppose.

getting very good at sabotaging myself; being drunkenly inappropriate at parties and bellowing out fuming "I'm not sorry!"'s in the faces of pretty women.

going into my bosses comp across the network and renaming his files amusingly. So many he hasn't found yet.

too long for comfort, not long enough to dickwhip you.
(sancho, Wed 4 May 2005, 17:26, Reply)

Instead
of putting superglue/epoxy resin in padlocks - where it's obvious, I used to push about an inch of small diameter solder into the hole. Completely invisible - but renders the padlock useless.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Wed 4 May 2005, 17:26, Reply)

Toothpaste
I was a good girl at the dentist (I opened my mouth really wide) so he gave me a tube of Crest as a reward. My sister was so jealous she stole my Crest, took it under her bed and ate the whole tube. I found its sucked out remains 2 weeks later and she had the nerve to suggest I HAD DONE IT IN MY SLEEP.
(ShockerMocker, Wed 4 May 2005, 17:23, Reply)