At uni
the only other guy on my course was gay. At first, I was a little miffed at being deprived of manly companionship, but it turns out he was just like a *normal* man! I was *shocked* I tell you, *shocked*.

Well, except for his prediliction for teh cock, that is.

Anyhoo, he complained when someone (me) made a joke about a criminal getting his just desserts in the showers in prison.

Him: don't joke about that!

Me: hmmh?

Him: it's vile, you wouldn't make jokes about women getting raped, would you?

Me: *deep breath* *torrent of horrendous rape jokes*

Him: *shocked silence* Oh, ok then.


I like to think of myself as an equal opportunities offender.

I also like to think I'm doing my bit to defend civil liberties -- woo and yay for free speech!
(Exiled Youth [witty comment], Fri 23 Nov 2007, 19:26, Reply)

My Favourite Insult...
A certain black ex-employee at my work was getting a bit uppity about another white employee who was telling him what to do. All very fairly as the black dude wasn't always pulling his weight and did spend a surprising amount of time smoking himself into a total stupor whilst outside of working hours.

On one particular occasion the black dude, lets call him Bob, got upset and when he got fed up with being constantly told to get the fuck on with working (as the lazy bugger was pissing around) he had a little arguement with the white guy, let us name him Ted...

Ted: Stop fucking around and do some work
Bob: Will you stop going on at me, it's cos I'm black innit.?

Ted: I don't care if you are bright purple, you're still a lazy cunt.!
(elfinpunk Touching Cloth Since, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 19:07, 1 reply)

Pc or not Pc
A friend of mine whom we shall Call "Snowy" from now on was doing his usual fuck all at work one day. Whilst doing this fuck all found him self in the canteen area a little too early for his allocated break time.

Given his dilemma, walking back to his area of work is too far and would take to long... or linger around in the locker room washing hands etc...

Obviously he opted for the latter, a couple more work mates joined him which is when they noticed the shiny pair of shoes inside one of the traps.

"Shit its a gaffer" whispered Snowy, whilst leaning back trying to get a better view. They all hung on for a minute or two being very quiet as not to give away their identities. Break time came a sigh of relief later Snowy was leaving the locker rooms... Just as his "so called friend shouts.. "Snowy you dirty fucker, stop looking under the toilet door!"

Breakfast on his mind Snowy left with a shrug of the shoulders with a big fat fry up on his mind.

Cut to about 5mins later and a plate full of breakie Snowy was called outside by a rather large man with an equally large chip on his shoulder, who incidentally was a temp and not from these waters (say no more in fear of offence).

"why the fuck were you peeping under the toilet door?" he asks, To which Snowy replies "Nah mate you are misunderstood, ***** was just joking i was halfway out the door when he shouted that, just messing thats all, anyway come on back inside me breakfasts getting cold"

Then the reply came back "I've fucking asked you once, i wont ask again! why the fucking hell were you fucking looking at me under the fucking toilet door!" I got the impression he felt quite strongly about it?

Anyway Snowy just said "look mate i wasnt, i'm going for my breakfast just chill out"

Cut again to another 5mins later ish

Breakfast a little cold, Snowy a little bit confused with the guys reaction tucks in regardless. Until he is disturbed once more, This time my his manager. "can we have a quick chat please?" he asked, "erm well can it wait? im having my breakfast" Snowy replied. "erm no, come outside" said the manager.

Muttering "ffs" under his breath Snowy followed him. "i have just had ****** in the office, he wants to file a complaint against you, for your behavior in the locker room earlier". "Jesus!, i didnt do anything? it was ****** who shouted it as i was half way out the door!!" replied Snowy (a little worried by his managers comment)

"either way Snowy i must be seen to do something ****** is pulling the race card on me, it cant go unpunished, come on you know the score" said Snowy's manager. "bugger" thought Snowy.

Long story(and i'm trying to keep it brief) short. Snowy ended up with his first official warning at work.

The Headline read "Inappropriate Behavior In The Gents Locker Room"

"Oh fucking hell, i'm the new George Michael" Snowy spurted out when he told me. Laugh? i had a little wee.


Sorry for the length,
(MudButton does not mean to offend but......, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 19:00, Reply)

shower
In a training session at work I was told that we can no longer use the term "brainstorm" as it could offend people that suffer from epilepsy or seizures.

We now have to say "brainshower" instead.

'mazing.
(Darth Vegas Poke It With A Stick, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 18:47, Reply)

valentines day 2007-
My little brother comes home from his high school and informs me of a very unPC comment from their head teacher. A group of pupils were asked to make a slide show for valentines day showing love hearts or whatever. The group made this slide show and included pictures of people holding hands and kissing as well as pink hearts and flowers. Apparently it was very well made. However on showing the show to the head teacher she decided it was unacceptable. Why? Because there was a picture of two men holding hands.

On asking why this was unacceptable she replied that the picture "might offend the homo phobics." and had to be removed before the slide show could be shown.

My brother being a bit concerned by the comment inquired "So if there was a picture of an African man in the slide show we'd have to take it off in case we offended the racists?"

Her reply?

"Exactly!"
(MutantSixtyFour isn't doing his work on, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 18:43, 1 reply)

Just for Holistic balance
Do you think there are poor working class coloured kids in Kingston, Jamaica who dress in Gap clothes and talk with a bad Surrey accent to balance out all those middle class white Kids in Surrey who dress up "in da hoodiez" and talk with a bad Kingston Town accent. ?

I like to think so.
( RadG Drinking Mojitos in the sun, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 18:32, 3 replies)

support/condemnation of lifestyle choices according to popular ethics
my workplace allows employees prayer breaks, and emphasises how important it is for managers to be tolerant and flexible to those wishing to take them. yet smoking breaks are banned, smoking is discouraged by various emails, employees are offered free stop-smoking sessions, and one is not allowed to smoke outside our buildings.

religion and smoking. both are choices made by adults about how they want to live. yet the PC brigade won't touch one of them for fear of offense, but openly condemns the other with a sneering peer-down-the-nose attitude.
(lotf, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 18:29, 7 replies)

Council Emails
I work for a council in the West Midlands and every day we get these emails circulated telling you pointless rubbish like the the email system will be down for 2minutes at 3am on the 25th of December.

Anyway, last week there was an email informing council employees that there was a special Road Safety Course for Ethnic Minorities ONLY on such and such a date. So you're saying ethnic minorities can't cross roads and need to be taught how to?
(The Gidfather, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 18:28, 1 reply)

Trade union pen pushers
I used to work for UNISON, one of the UKs public sector trade unions.

I worked in the publicity department - part of their remit being to spec up freebies like pens, keyrings, mugs and so on.

Well, they wanted a pen with the word UNISON printed on it. And then some PC fuckwit seriously suggested that the word UNISON should also be put on the pen in Braille.

Think about it.
(tonyhrx, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 18:21, 5 replies)

In hindsight,
I should've done my Women's Studies thesis on something other than 'Menstrual Blood: The Polluter.'
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 17:42, 1 reply)

Midday Genocide
It was whilst doing a short stint in a London bank I first learned that not all the phrases we use in Ireland are universal. When asked if I fancied some lunch I said

"Yeah, I could murder a sambo"

Apparently 'sambo' doesn't mean sandwich in England.
(CuntyBumface was last caught masturbating by granny on, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 17:38, 2 replies)

Is it cos I is black?

Now here’s a thing for those of you feeling left out by mentoring schemes, and the like, that are only open to people of colour.

You don’t have to be ‘black’ to be ‘black’ – race and culture are to do with your self identity rather than the amount of pigment in your skin, so if you want to claim your black heritage due to a great great grandmother or whatever and get yourself on a black student mentoring scheme, go for it.

And should some MOFO be less than 100% appreciative of your place on the scheme you can set the PC attack dogs on them. No one can deny you your racial identity because you don’t fulfill their idea of what a ‘black person’ should look like.

On the face of it, this might seem a bit bonkers, but if you work through concepts of ‘race’ and identity it makes perfect sense.

Stick it to the man.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 23 Nov 2007, 17:31, 3 replies)

Port Elizabeth, South Africa.
A few years back I went backpacking and would be passing through Port Elizabeth.

Whilst talking with my elderly next door neighbour before setting off on the trip his eyes lit up when I mentioned the city. Clearly it meant something to him.

"I've been to Port Elizabeth!" he exclaimed.

"Really? What's it like?" I asked, eager to know more about the place and show an interest in my dialogue with him.

"I don't know..." he replied, I looked quizzically at him "... I didn't land. I just dropped my bombs and flew back to base".

Yup, his knowledge of Port Elizabeth extended to dropping bombs on it during World war 2.

Never expect a PC answer from someone who remembers "The war".
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 17:31, 1 reply)

short but sweet
What do you call a lesbian Muslim?

A fucking Godsend! at least she wont hatch another dirty brown terrorist bastard!

Hmm suppose its a bit harsh? but it is only a joke
(MudButton does not mean to offend but......, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 17:30, 10 replies)

legend really
i got talking to an iraqi bloke about racial abuse and how much trouble he was having

then we got onto the subject of some gay bloke i know

he told me "homosexuality is wrong"

i was a bit surprised at this attitude as he'd just spent a while talking to me about how ridiculous racial prejudice was

"you think that?"

"yeah," he said "when i got to the pub with my homosexual friends, i tell them that being homosexual is wrong"

"what do they say to that?"

"they tell me that i shouldnt be heterosexual as it is wrong."

i walked away from that conversation a little confused.
(ladyintheradiator, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 17:30, Reply)

Disciplinary at work
For telling a joke making fun out of Jews.

Red Sea pedestrian as I am, I still don't understand why they made such a big thing about it. Especially considering I'M THE ONLY ONE HERE.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 17:23, 2 replies)

Censored By the Police
As some of you already know, I make my living (or at least some of it) as an artist. A few weeks ago myself and an anonymous collaborator had a show

here

The work we decided to put in was

this

and the title was 'Operation Bum Injection'

Anyway, after about 12 hours of being on display the Police came and took the work down, leaving me with nothing but an A4 piece of paper in the middle of a West End Gallery with 'This work has been removed after complaints made by public'

I was especially pissed off since the work in the gallery the week before was a photo of a bloke with his cock out injecting heroin, with swastikas tattooed on his chest.
( WormuIus, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 17:20, 1 reply)

Just remembering
When I was kid growing up in the 70s and 80s. There were no kids with ADD - there were slow kids, but guess what they got a little extra attention from the teacher and worked a little harder. Problem is, everytime something is not right, someone has to assign a condition to it.

sucks.
(Subway Riding the rails underground, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 17:12, 2 replies)

The Rainbow Reich

(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 17:11, 6 replies)

the golden compass
why would you bother to make a film based on a book critiquing religion and then remove all of the references to god in it?

durrr
(ladyintheradiator, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 17:09, 2 replies)

9th November was Diwali!
Going back about 6 years at a previous employer I queried why my work colleague Sashant was off work. "It's Diwali, he's got it as holiday".

Further questionning established that as Diwali is a Hindu holiday he was allowed the day off work without taking it out of his holiday allowance. Having successfully argued that he we were allowed Christmas day as our religious festival.

SO, I phoned HR and said I wanted the day off for Diwali. Naturally the response was "but you're not Hindu". My reply, surely to deny me this day off yet grant it to my colleague who is employed in the same job role would be racial discrimination against me?"

I heard muttering (most likely swearing under breath) and was told to just make a note of it and go home.

Yay! Free day off!

Remember, if one person can have it, you can all have it. That's "equal opportunities".
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 17:06, 1 reply)

How would it have been...
if the PC crowd was around in WWI? Would we be refering to Kaiser Wilhem II as the physically challenged monarch because of his arm?

Cause you know he was.
(Subway Riding the rails underground, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 17:04, 6 replies)

Dear PC brigade :- guess what. Your helping isn't helping.
We had a kid at school, let's call him Tarquin, who was a spa... I mean, he was 'physically challenged', to wit, he had a withered right arm which he used to carry folded across his waist.

Today, he would be protected from playground abuse by the PC brigade, and would have grown up in political bubblewrap, being politely and embarrassedly skirted around.

Basically, nobody would have been allowed to call him a spacker because of his right hand, and therefore nobody - including Tarquin himself - would have ever found out just how tasty he was with his left hand.

And he was. Oh yes. You only ever called Tarquin a spacker just the once.

See how it works now?
(><(((">, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 17:00, Reply)

Political correctness means...
...that I never have to watch the Black and White minstrels ever again, except on documentaries about how shit life used to be.
...that I have a fascinating social life involving people of all ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientations and religious convictions, who feel free to live their lives without fear of censure.
... and that I have the pleasure of knowing that millions of Daily Mail readers will have read something that upsets them before they've finished their breakfast.
(Cameltoad, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 16:51, 6 replies)

When me and Mrs Farmfoodsman order chinese takeaway
we always refer to it as a 'slanty eyed meal for two'.

Does this make me a bad person?
( Farmfoodsman, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 16:41, 1 reply)

Through the looking glass
Interesting QOTW - currently working in .za, and it presents some interesting PC scenarios to say the least, as well as a murky insight into the boer mindset.

I've lost count of the amount of offensive tirades I've heard from both ends of the spectrum which would make *any* PC advocate shite their own spleen with outrage.

Would highly reccomend a visit for anyone who wants political correctness put into perspective in the grander scheme of things.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 16:39, 1 reply)

My brother
Bless him.

My mother had a very colourful vocabulary when we were of the more tender ages. Things had nicknames. The general rule was to mix the types of swear words up.

*button pressing* *sigh* "CUNTING STEREO"
and her favourite "Fuckshitbollockscunt".

As much as she liked her French, she did not use one racial swearword. Ever. It just wasn't what she did. Which meant my brother and I had a very politically correct upbringing. We were rather shielded, which isn't half bad for kids from a naff area who went out and caused mayhem every day in the local estate.

Now, the brother, he has Aspergers, and went to the special school on the other side of town, which was a bit posher than mine... He was sent home... for racist language.

The problem? He'd abbreviated the term "packed lunch" to "packey" and didn't see the problem. In fact, his rather bright head (but one devoid of social skills at the time) actually started arguing with the teachers about his right to use it, seeing as it wasn't a bad word to him.

Eventually he was persuaded not to use it. He grew into a rather normal teen, who was reprimanded from boarding (special) school... this time for shaving "666" in a friend's head.

I love him loads. He's excellent :-D

(A less politically correct area of my mother's brain was the hilarity caused from making light of disabilities. We were taught at a rather young age how to do a "thalidomide fight" - which involves being on your knees, holding your wrists to your shoulders and attacking the opponent with cushions... oddly people seem to find this funny now rather than offensive... maybe I'm mixing with the wrong people? )

Edit:
[Arthmelow] I r done b3ta entry www.b3ta.com/questions/politicalcorrectness/post102360
[noctu] That's funny, I always called my packed lunch a darkie darkie nig nog.
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 16:39, 1 reply)

ive produced e-learning for the police and the bbc
like the opening post, you know that if you choose the wrong characters and dont "reflect diversity" it will result in costly changes. so to play it safe and reduce risk, in most titles ive ever released they have about 75% ethnic characters. Black welsh-speaking females central characters, endless background pics of sikh coppers, you know they will fly and the same rules that force you to put them in also prevent anyone from complaining about them or that the ethnicity of the majority of users are totally under represented. Always go black or asian, why take the risk?
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 16:32, 1 reply)

Clampers
A friend recently got clamped outside her house despite the fact she'd been displaying the required parking permit. She phoned to complain and said that the permit was on the dashboard, in clear view. "Ah," she was told, "we are an equal opportunity employer and the inspector who booked you is vertically challenged, so how could he possibly be expected to see your permit there?"

FFS!

This story may amuse some but it wasn't in the least bit funny for the unfortunate person on the receiving end, who had to fork out £95 because the clamping firm employed someone clearly unsuitable for the job in the name of political correctness. It's pathetic!
(eesnahk, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 16:31, 8 replies)

Another one from NYC
Dad working for the city had some great times.

Well how far did the PC crown go?

In the winter, it does snow in NYC, not a blizzard every time, but enough. Well when he first started, they had an expression -

when the streets had been plowed they were called "black and running" - meaning you can see the black asphalt and that the traffic was runnning as close to normal in such conditions.

Well at some point in the 1980s that term became a problem. So they then had to say clear and running. Or someother claptrap. Well when reporting in on radio - they dont know who is saying what - most people still used the older term, black and running, and the district Super (superintendent) would get on the radio and scream "Who said that?!!, you cant say that, cause we'll get Jessie Jackson or Al Sharpton on us"

To which he would get the reply - in a very lispy voice

Sorry - the streets are queer and running...

Sometimes its better to leave things alone, because there isnt an connotation about it.
(Subway Riding the rails underground, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 16:29, Reply)