Christians
That Fat Boy Slim video? That's you.
( Ennui loves you, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 16:36, 2 replies)

Smokers
I know plenty of great people who are or have been smokers (etc, etc), but when I find out unexpectedly that someone smokes, I can't help but think a bit less of them. I suppose it's a kind of pity - do you really hate yourself that much? There's also a suggestion that maybe you don't really buy all of that "facts" stuff, such as cigarettes being highly likely to seriously fuck you up. You also probably play the lottery and genuinely believe that you will probably win one day, which will solve all of your problems (financial and emotional). You're also needlessly aggressive and think that your "live for today" attitude gives you some kind of right to drink far too much, far too often and give people a hard time for not indulging in the same vices as you on at least as regular a basis. You seek out non-smokers, vegetarians, people who don't enjoy watching football and people who enjoy their jobs and try and start some kind of witless fight with them, based upon their being "boring".

Of course, I might just be stereotyping myself as a non-smoker.

Edit: OK, peeps, bit of clarity: I don't actually think this at all, I just get a sudden pang of self-loathing if I find myself objecting to someone smoking (which, thankfully, hardly ever happens). My "No offence, but I'd rather you didn't" echoes through my head as "I am *so* much better than you and I hate you and all of your kind!"... Mainly because I've heard it put more or less that way by other non-smokers and I subconsciously worry that I'll get confused for someone like that.
( Ennui loves you, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 16:34, 2 replies)

This is going to turn into a bit of a rant, feel free to skip over it :/
I actually think prejudice is an innate part of human nature - kids learn that something is hot / cold / spicy / whatever, and become prejudiced against it. Cavemen were prejudiced about sabre-toothed tigers; they always suspected that given a chance the tiger would tear them limb from limb, and I'm sure many times they were right.

The problem comes when common-sense is abandoned... My girlfriend got suspended from work a couple of years ago over an alleged "racist incident". She and a group of care-worker colleagues had gone to a party with the guys they cared for, and my girlfriend was asked to get a round of drinks in. She did this, and forgot to include one lady (I'll call her C) who, upon realising this mistake, elected rather than to go to my girlfriend and say "Oi, what about me?", went to the manager, who in turn mentioned the mistake to my girlfriend - who immediately apologised to C and asked what drink she'd like, to be told "I don't want a drink thanks". Incidentally, the reason my girlfriend forgot to include her was that she'd taken herself to a different part of the room, away from everyone else and out of sight.

So far, so utterly utterly uninteresting. However, a couple of weeks later C decided that that only reason she'd not got a drink was because she is black. A complaint was made, and while it was investigated my girlfriend was suspended.

The complaint was eventually thrown out, my girlfriend was reinstated with no blemish on her record, and that was that.

However, just let me recap the events:

- Girlfriend gets everyone a drink (and forgets to include C, who was out of sight at the time)
- C complains that this was because she was black
- Girlfriend apologises, asks C if she wants a drink
- C says "No thank you"

Ok, you've got to have an investigation - but surely a bit of common sense would have meant it could be done in an afternoon instead of 6 weeks? She wasn't the only black person there and my girlfriend got drinks for the others. Surely that sole fact is enough to disprove the theory that she was being racist? Or how about the fact that every single person involved in the investigation was incredulous that she'd been suspended over not buying someone a drink?

In the interviews that happened, my girlfriend was asked about the race and colour of the other people there and couldn't actually say for definite - as far as she was concerned she was out with some colleagues. When C was interviewed though, she could recount the race and colour of everyone at the party. Doesn't this on its own say something about their respect mental outlooks?

I realise I'm not making much sense so I'm going to stop now, sorry if I've wasted a few minutes of your life there.

Thanks to skydivingyeti for grammar correctionosity ;)
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 16:30, 4 replies)

Here's a great example of ignorance and prejudice.
Fox News blowhard Bill O'Reilly really, really needs to get out more.

After sitting down to eat coconut shrimp at Harlem's most famous soul food restaurant with the Rev. Al Sharpton, the talk show host told his radio listeners he was surprised that Sylvia's was a perfectly normal, civilized restaurant.

"I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. It was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks [and has a] primarily black patronship," O'Reilly said. "There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, 'M-Fer, I want more iced tea!'"

"It was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people [who] were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun. And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all," he said.

O'Reilly was apparently trying to say that not all black people are into profane gangsta rap culture.

www.nydailynews.com/news/2007/09/26/2007-09-26_harlem_diners_shockingly_civil_bill_orei.html

Yay for the Conservative Right!

(And the Tea Party wonders why we don't take their ilk seriously...)
( Wanderer, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 16:29, 1 reply)

Pea-roast from only a couple of weeks ago...
...so don't click it. Definitely deserves to be in here though:

My dad used to run a pub. Mark, one of the regulars was chatting to my dad, and asked him for some advice. He'd just started going out with a black girl, and the relationship was moving towards the point where they wanted to spend some time alone in private.

"The trouble is" he told my dad "My dad will go MAD if I take a black girl home, he's funny like that" (Mark and his dad, as you may realise, were white)

"Well go to her house then" suggested my dad.

Mark spluttered over his pint and exclaimed "I can't do that, coon's houses stink!!"
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 16:12, Reply)

My mate is shamed of being gay
Some friends he wont tell and definetly not his family. He only told me when I started to spot holes in the web of lies he had to hide it and confronted him about it and told him that I didn;t care either way and it has never altered our friendship.

Why? He was brought up on a homophobic estate and ecause of his upbringing he's scared to tell people that he loves the cock. He's grown up amoung homophobic jokes and insults, in an atmostshpere were being gay was considered the same as being a kiddy fiddler. He's seen people get beaten up and cut up for being camp, his long term partner had burning papaer pushed through the door while he was out. He just too nervous of being shunned to admit to everyone that he's gay.
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 16:10, 2 replies)

In 1981 I owned some music shops and ran the one in Cambridge myself as it was my home town.
It was called Cambridge Musician's Centre and I was sitting in the shop one day with a mate from the same band I was playing in at the time. (see previous reply to this qotw) His name was Murapa and he was a very large muscular black guy from Zimbabwe. He was about 6' 3" and was built like a brick shithouse. His large afro hairdo made him look even bigger. I had planned that Murapa would look after the shop while I went over to one of the other branches to sort out some shit and such. I had told him to lock up and meet me at a pub called the Free Press nearby to hand over the keys and maybe a swift one.

At that time I had more black mates than white ones and I completely forgot about prejudice for a second, which was much worse back then. You only need look at old episodes of 'Love Thy Neighbour' and 'Till Death Us Do Part" to see it was even acceptable on prime time TV back then. The pub was also the the local for the local police station and regularly have half a dozen filth from the Gene Hunt school of etiquette in there drinking halves. I got a bit held up and was late getting back to the pub and by the time I got there, he was nowhere to be seen. I was beginning to wonder how I was going to get into my shop if he had fucked off home so I popped back and I was relieved to see him inside. I went in and started to make my apollogies but before I could speak he stood up and began calling me all the names under the sun. When angry he sometimes reverted to his natural tongue so I'm not sure exactly what he was calling me but part of it went something like this, "....bastard, don't ever ask me to meet you in a place like that, you f..", etc etc.
I found out after he had calmed down that several of the filth had started talking loudly, laughing loudly and generally being racist cunts. I was so sorry and told him so. I just didn't think and I got it a bit wrong. A day or so later he was relating the incident to someone which gave me an idea. We planned that I would go inside the pub first then Murapa would follow. I would act like we were complete strangers and get involved with any racist banter only take it far too far. This is what happened.

As soon as he walked in, I was sat at the bar close to the three old bill who were in there as usual. As he walked through the door I said in a loud voice, "Oh fucking hell. Look what's walked in a facking sooty, there goes the pub down the shitter lads". The three policemen all laughed but then began to look a bit uneasy when Murapa did one of his angry faces which believe me could frighten a fucking police horse let alone let alone a couple of cuntsables. He looked directly at me. "What did you say!", he assertively bellowed. "You heard sooty! Why don't you fack orf back to the jungle?". By now there were only two filth as one had got to the bog. Murapa pointed out to me the worst offender from the previous time with a preplanned gesture. I made sure I got as close to the cunt as possible then Murapa ripped off his shirt and flexed his huge powerful muscles and positioned himself so we could have a slagging match with the racist cop in the middle.
I called him every degrogatory racist term I could muster and this cop was bricking it by now. He looked very uneasy and tried, usuccessfully to calm things down and had now entered the "best shut the fuck up and duck if necessary" state. Oh by the way the landlord was in on it too. I have to make that point as the rozzer who went for a slash had asked the landlord to phone the police station for back up. They were off duty, no radios and this is a good 12 years before the mobile phone. He just pretended to make the call. Meanwhile the argument had reached a point where a. Murapa was running out of threats and b. I was running out of racist insults. Then, as planned, Murapa looked at me and shouted, "What do you want from me?". I simply said in a normal polite voice, "Pint of bitter would be nice." Murapa then faced the landlord who by now was requiring a change of boxers and ordered in a very posh accent, "Two pints of IPA my good man and one for your good self." The copper litterally breathed a huge sigh of relief. He was then told by the landlord that it was a set up and that would teach him a lesson for being racist in his pub. He never came in again, well at least I never saw him again.

Murapa and I walked back to the shop pissing ourselves laughing. We got back to the shop and our singer was there looking after things. He was a Jamaican and was sitting reading the paper unaware of what we had just done. I went over to him and casually said, "Murapa called be a racist cunt bastard and threatened to punch my head off just now". Nev looked a bit puzzled, then Murapa piped up, "Because you called me a shit skin, a coon, a wog, a coon and told me to fuck off back to the jungle". Nev just dropped his paper and looked round and with a frowing puzzled look and asked what the fuck we were on about. We told him about the stunt and as we reminisced were all in so much pain from laughing about it I had to close up early.
_{Dedicated to my very good mate Jon Murapa who often dined out on this story and left this earth two years later.}

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sun 4 Apr 2010, 15:59, Reply)

Hmm. Racist...

I don't think you can really be a racist unless you act upon your prejudices. Merely noting that someone is of a different skin colour, race, religion or has a funny accent doesn't necessarily make you a racist. You're only racist if you treat them differently than you do the God-Blessed, Geordie Race.

Which is lucky for me as I believe that anyone born South of Durham is a fucking Frenchman.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 15:36, 6 replies)

Yes, I am
And I think I know why, but it took a bit of digging to figure it out.

I'm ginger (or was when I had hair...), have needed spectacles since pre-school, and am so white as to be nearly albino. I'm also a nerd, a geek, and I was a major swot at school. I came in for quite a lot of stick for a variety of reasons - gingernut, coppernob, Duracell, specky, four-eyes - the lot. Oddly enough, it all stopped when I hit six foot tall and started studying Shotokan. These days, I'm a skinhead, 6'4" biker and it's amazing how many people decide to go pick on someone else.

But my prejudices are of a different root. I don't like black people.

Worse still, I know that's wrong on a logical and reasonable level - I'm not stupid, a Daily Mail reader or a member of the BNP. I don't think they're coming here and taking our jobs, nor are they out to rape all white women. I know that's all media bollocks.

So where'd it come from? Yeah, it beat the shit out of me too. But I did some mental digging and I think I have it sussed. I grew up in a tiny village in Lincolnshire. No black people around. No ethnics at all. No Chinese, Asian, nothing. Nothing except pure-white Lincolnshire farmers. We didn't have a TV, because it was the 60s, they were expensive and my folks just couldn't afford one. So all I knew was the tiny village world around me, apart from books.

And I didn't think black people were real. I'd read about them in such wonderful tomes as Little Black Sambo, and had kind of grouped them in with Noddy and Big Ears as fictional. The first black person I remember seeing was aged around 8, at a friend's house, and seeing an episode of Star Trek, with Nichelle Nichols as Uhura. I didn't even realise *she* was real, I thought it was just another clever make-up job like the green girl, or the blue man in the end credits!

Then I read a lot of my Dad's pulp fiction - Tarzan, who is one of the least PC characters in C20th fiction - he regards black people as sub-humans (because one of them did kill his mum), target practice, kills them for sport, and on at least one occasion as a potential food source. There were also the Sanders books by Edgar Wallace, featuring the adventures of a brave, stiff-upper-lipped colonial type who spends his time pacifying a bunch of thieving, murdering and fairly amoral tribes. These all formed large parts of my world-view.

Then there were my Dad's war stories - he'd been in the Egyptian police before the war, spoke Arabic like a native, and although he'd had many friends out there, still pretty much classed the lot of them as 'wogs'.

As I grew up, still with no black kids or Indian kids in any of my schools, I saw the riots on TV in South Africa in the '80s - huge lines of scruffy black guys, waving makeshift weapons and chanting something which clearly translated as 'You're going home in an ambulance!' and all I could think of was that apart from swapping the leopard-skin loincloths for dirty t-shirts, these people could have stepped out of a Sanders book, as it all seemed to be tribal warfare. Stupid black people killing other stupid black people for no reason that made any sense to a 15-year-old white boy.

The single incident that finally cemented it in place, though, was an article on TV about how they don't really show the horrors of war, and they showed footage of a cameraman/reporter team, and the reporter walks about 100 yards up the road to talk to a guy with a gun. The cameraman films everything, and sees the reporter be made to kneel down, then lie down, and then get shot in the back of the head, all in the space of about 30 seconds. And I remember thinking, "That's not a soldier, that's not a black man, that's just a fucking monkey with a gun."

Does it affect my daily life - no, not really. The office I work in has a generous sprinkling of all ethnic types - Caribbean, African, Indian, Oriental, and I attempt to treat everyone with the same level of professionalism. My son has black and asian friends, who have always been welcomed in our house, nor was he ever discouraged from going to theirs. I know it's wrong, and I know it's irrational, but I think it's too deeply-rooted for me to do anything about it at this stage of my life. All I can do is make sure that this is one set of memes that do not get passed on.

Because my son's got enough problems being ginger, specky, a geek and left-handed as well.

Apologies for length and lack of teh funny, but it was actually quite cathartic to write it all out.
(Leo Sasquatch hates being the grown-up, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 12:56, 11 replies)

Disabled
Yep - I am a fully-paid-up member of the spaz fraternity. It's quite obvious by looking. The crutches are a bit of a giveaway. Keep the crutch jokes; I've heard them all before. I was perfectly healthy until the age of 18, when I was in an accident. In the 5 1/2 years intervening, I've learnt a lot of new stuff about the world.

For example, on Friday, I met my fiance from work and took the train home with him. The train pulled in as we were only just reaching the platform, so we had to hurry as best we could to catch it. From behind me, I can hear "Love! Scuse me, love! Scuse me! Love, can I get by? Scuse me, love!" Now, as we're all going for the same train, we're all going to catch it. In a display of consideration, my fiance moves to let this Jeremy-Kyle-reject-mouth-breather through. She's got sixteen kids in tow, and is a genuine Waynetta. This isn't pure snobbery, mind - I grew up in a one-parent family and we still managed to wash our hair and sponge the stray food off our clothes. As soon as she gets past me, Waynetta clocks my stick and starts bellowing to her kids "Oi! Hold the door for the lady! Chardonnay, hold the door for the lady!", then turns to me and starts with the "will you be alright, love?" I've been catching this train for 3 1/2 years, I know I'll get on it safely and in time. As we draw level with the door her kid is holding, I walk straight by, to the next carriage and get on there. Somewhere in the distance, I hear Waynetta go "Oh!", apparently surprised that the poor, vulnerable, useless cripple has rejected her kind offer and displayed some self-directed thinking.

I know she was trying to do what she understood to be the right thing, and I know she was genuinely trying to help, but I am actually capable of catching a train, opening a door, dressing and feeding myself without the assistance of anyone else. I think a lot of people don't know what to do for the best when confronted with someone like me, possibly even some b3tans, but take it from me: assume nothing, ask "is there anything I can do to help?" and if we say no, leave it.

My big problem with discrimination is that people assume I'm incapable. I've got a spazzy leg - my brain's fine, that's how come I managed to complete a three-year Honours degree. Potential employers seem to assume I'll want lifts and ramps installed and take two of every three working days off sick and then sue them if they so much as look at my stick - I've never lost a day due to my leg, apart from 10 days after my most recent operation, which a nurse forced me to take and I didn't actually want. Still, at every single job interview I attend, I'm asked about it. The Equality Bill makes this illegal, but it can't force them to hire me. I believe this is why I've been unemployed for the last 18 months.

When I started learning to drive, I was asked "are you sure you should be doing that? Are you sure you're alright to?" (by my own mother-in-law, no less). The DVLA says I'm fine, won't even limit my license to an automatic, even though I freely admit that's all I can drive (can't use a clutch, you see)

Worse even than all of this is the news story that broke early last year - 70 per cent of people surveyed said they'd never, ever even consider having sex with a disabled person, and 25 per cent said they'd think about it but might not do it. WOO! 3 per cent of the population would sleep with me! Just as well I'm engaged. Admittedly you have to take into account the individual person's impairment, but for 70 per cent to dismiss it out of hand is ridiculous. Seriously, you won't get put on a register or anything. You might even enjoy it.

Apologies for length and lack of funnies - this is a serious QOTW.
(Trauma, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 12:25, 18 replies)

Prejudice for the gayers
A few years ago, I worked for a large NHS trust in London. Although anyone who knows what I do will work it out, I'm going to keep the specific name of the Trust out of this answer.

Being gay in the NHS is not at all generally frowned upon, and in fact, I have only ever had one or two experiences of homophobic prejudice, and both of those times they have not been directed at me, but at someone else (generally someone extremely camp, but more of that later.)

Anyway, one day I was approached by a member of staff from another part of the trust, who I knew vaguely well. The conversation went thusly:

"Hello Carrot. Just wondering what you are doing on 18th August?"
"Er, not much, why?"
"Well it's Gay Pride, and I've been asked to organise our parade for the Trust."
"Very nice, congratulations. And you're telling me this....why?"
"Well, you're gay aren't you?"
"Yes"
"So you'll come along and march in the parade" [this was not phrased as a question, it was a statement of fact]
"No"
"I'm sorry?"
"No, I wont."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to."
"But...but...you're gay!"

The guy didn't seem to understand that despite the fact I was a lover of Teh Cock, the last thing I wanted to do was prance down Old Compton Street dressed in green. My refusal actually generated a few problems and a few unpleasant moments before I left, as I was seen as some kind of fabulous and well-dressed traitor.

So here's the thing. As a gay man, I am prejudiced against gay men!

If you are an admirer of the male form, there is no need to start speaking like Frankie Howard and Julian Clary's bastard love child.

Sucking cock does not, as far as I am aware, stretch the tendons in your wrist.

Loving it in the marmite cave does not give you the right to dress in lurid colours, take vast quantities of poppers and amphetamines, and dance until 5am to shit music before being dry buttfucked by some rough trade called Bruce in a back alley in Vauxhall.

My point is this: I do not see the point in gay "pride". I am not proud to be gay. Being gay is something you are born with - let's not fuck around here, it's innate not learned. I didn't have to pass any tests to become a raving bender. I am gay. I am also catholic, and have brown hair. I don't take "pride" in either of these things, nor am I ashamed of them, like my sexuality.

The best way to deal with prejudice is to act in a manner that encourages acceptance. The self-exclusion of elements of gay society is putting this process back by years. Until people identify being gay as being part of the normal spectrum of human sexuality, this cause is going to be stopped from progressing.

So, homos, please put down the Julie Andrews biography, step away from the musical theatre DVD collection, put on some old jeans and a scruffy t-shirt and for fuck's sake, stop living up to your own sterotype.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Sun 4 Apr 2010, 10:42, 45 replies)

Your tributes
to Terry Blanche who gladly died yesterday:
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/8602347.stm
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 9:52, 5 replies)

"celts"
Go on the BBC sports forum and look in the England football team section or the rugby section when the Six Nations is underway and you'll find a plethora of posts from our "celtic" neighbours. These will include: supporting anyone but England, the English are arrogant wankers, the whole world hates the English, blah blah, sob sob, blah blah. It's one big "celtic" love-in of anti-English hatred.

What I would like to know is where does this "celtic" brotherhood disappear to when Rangers are playing Celtic?
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 9:46, 4 replies)

The world was a terrible place
before Jews invented dice.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 9:40, 1 reply)

This is more about complete obliviousness sounding like prejudice...
One morning while leaving a coffee shop with my mother, she sniffed the air and said "wow, something smells like bacon!" ...referring of course not to the three police officers standing a few feet away, but rather to the nearby restaurant that was in fact exuding bacony aromas.

She quickly realized her error and we exited the scene before we got any more dirty looks from the cops.
(Exempt OH WOW, VICODIN, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 9:30, 1 reply)

Members of the recruitment section of Pixar.
They come here, and they steal our Jobs.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 4:27, Reply)

Kick a ginger day
Being a ginger I have had to put up with all the usual school ground bullshit. still, once into adulthood i though that all that was over, except for the being ignored by most women part. i always figured that would last. still, now it seems that picking on gingers in wider society is considered acceptable. people need something/someone to have a go at.now it's no longer acceptable to do so against blacks/gays e.t.c people have started to run out of people to make fun of. gingers are seen as fair game as they are white and it's o.k to be prejudiced against your own race and in a society that is majority white then its game on .please note,i'm not for a moment suggesting i have had to put up with anything like the stigmatisation,pain and suffering of other minorites in the past though.
anyways this kick a ginger day business for me works like this: if you're around my size or smaller and you kick me you get a very solid punch in the head in return.no questions asked. if substantially bigger than me you get a mean stare and impotent rage.
(kenzillion, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 2:00, Reply)

I pre-judge therefore, by definition, I am prejudiced
But I guess it depends on pre-"what" my judgment is made.
Pre-"meeting" said individual?
Pre-"knowing"?
Pre-"understanding"?
I have never met Richard Arnold, but I hate his very existence. Am I prejudiced? He might be a very nice chap in person, but I fucking hate the cunt I see on TV.
I would agree that if I hated all camp, GMTV entertainment reporters with no fucking talent at all and who mince their way onto my TV that I paid for with my hard-earned (straight) cash, then that could be deemed as prejudiced.
But I don't. It's just him. And having never met him I guess I am pre-judging him.
Sorry about that.
PS I quite like Bono.
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 1:39, Reply)

I'm not prejudiced


I' ve got loads of black friends.
(Oops....did I say that out loud cos I really bloody want to., Sun 4 Apr 2010, 0:22, 2 replies)

Belgians
I can't help but think that, deep down, they're all paedophiles.

This prejudice was reinforced when my housemate started dating a Belgian girl who lived next to a primary school.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 23:52, Reply)

Hmm
Metrosexuals - The types who feel obliged to experiment with the same sex, JUST because it's trendy and then they go and tell everyone about the experience. Nobody fucking cares...

Facebook posers - The types who have a night out for the sole reason of standing sideways on and pouting to a twat with a camera.

White kids who act black or asian. Pull your fucking pants up.

People who say they're off to a 'rave' when in actual fact they are spending £20 to enter a mediocre nightclub and dance to some astonishingly shit tunes and drink over priced booze. That is NOT a fucking rave.

Young rockers - The quiffy haired, tight jean wearing, mosh pit dodging nancies who listen to 'Him' and 'Bullet for my valentine'.

People who think Leeds festival is a real festival.

MC's - What is the fucking point? If you've paid to get into a club, you don't want to listen to some gobshite piping on about 'E's' down a microphone for six hours. Fuck off.

Southerners who get offended if you call them 'mate' or 'luv', it's called being friendly. Climb out of your own arse.



/breathes.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 22:46, 5 replies)

English People...
... I'm Scottish and I've lived among you for 30 years... you always complain more than me about your shit national football team, are renowned worldwide for being drunken tits with small dicks and consistently prove yourselves bigger AND more stupid than I could ever be...

Maybe I love you really... but Shhh!!! Don't tell anybody!
(hengushrh is found at the Dole office every second thursday, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 22:33, 10 replies)

i get skeptic when...
1) someone seems very excited about what they've done to me that they can't wait to throw the loud, screaming-for-everyone-around-you-to-hear SORRY right into your face even when they know they'll be doing it over and over.
2) someone very similar to n.1 but this time has done something to you that only you (and they) can notice, and suddenly to their surprise you actually start to defend yourself (how rare!) and the audience becomes suddenly aware of what they've done -then they try to mask your voice talking about the problem with the same old infamous SORRY!!!!!!!!!1111111111111
3) someone seems to enjoy using the word "cute"
4) someone just talks a lot about how they are and what they think when you haven't known them long enough to know whether those things are true (and mind you, i don't rly believe anyone knows themselves to the extent of always being right about what they're rly like)
5) someone constantly uses a voice tone that clearly isn't their natural voice tone. e.g. girls who decidedly always speak with a soft tone or an unhealthily unnaturally high pitch of voice. (but of course that was just an example, my prejudice doesn't only apply to girls)
6) when someone's facial expressions seem to be all made-up and pre-tested in front of the mirror.
7) when someone's speech seems to be all made up and pre-practiced in front of the mirror.
8) when someone acts as if it's common sense as well as common taste to like the things they like, as in someone who thinks everyone naturally likes thin people and everyone who says fat ppl are hot is definitely lying.
... i'm not even sure if i'm rly done...
(micky rartin hmmf, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 22:26, 4 replies)

I'd like to say no but........
I did nearly have a panic attack a week after the July 7th London bombings. I was on a train and an Asian chap with a backpack sat near me. I acted like a totally irrational tit and excused myself to find another seat.
And now I realise that I'm a fanny who should cultivate a healthy disregard for media frenzies. (Sorry Mr Asian chap)
( Hitler's Barber Soylent Green is high in saturated fat, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 21:47, 9 replies)

Food facists
My Mam would only eat Chinese curry, not Indian as "Cleanliness is part of their Religion" whereas Indians were "dirty buggers who wipe their arse with their left hand" Also, my mates' Mam called the Foo Yung we were scoffing at 3 in the morning as "Heathen Food"
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 21:26, 2 replies)

.
There is no excuse for the following

1.Tony and Guy's Hairdressers
2.Topman and Topshop
3.R&B

The person who is able to combine the above 3 in my opinion deserve a good kicking. Though its not big and its not clever.
( hedge_diver, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 21:08, 1 reply)

Best friends
I guess it's fair to say that my friends come from every walk of life, (won't bother listing their racial or religion or nutty profiles). I just think that if someone's an asshat, they're an asshat - and I can't really see a pattern - sometimes you meet a good guy/girl - sometimes you meet an asshat - kinda the way I live my life, just hoping the that the good people outweigh the asshats :)
( starsnip, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 19:59, 2 replies)

No I'm not prejudice, my mother brought me up correctly
Sat down having a meal with my mother in a restaurant when we overheard a woman at the next table saying, "What do you call those people? You know, the ones that are worse than the Jews?"

Sadly we never did find out who was worse than the Jews as we were laughing too much. We still joke about it today.
( Mond, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 19:40, 2 replies)

If you tell me you own a Michael Buble album, I will judge you
If you:

- Like Leona Lewis

- Have a Rat-pack remake album by a bunch of boy-band twats who think they are being cutting edge by singing Sinatra songs

- Are male and drink Blue WKD

- Started liking Kings of Leon after the release of their third or fourth album

- Think Jeremy Clarkson is a "legend" or a "genius"

- Spend enough time playing guitar hero that would have been better spent learning a real instrument

- Send me daily Farmville requests on facebook

- Work in a door to door "marketing" company and enjoy it

- Are over the age of 15 and have a "Hollyoaks babes" calendar

and/or

- drive a Subaru

You are more than likely a twat
(El_diablo_blanco, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 19:39, 4 replies)

The Police
Can't help it. Whenever I (have the misfortune to) meet one i always think 'No good will come of this'.

If I'm at a party or in the pub and someone introduces somebody who turns out to be a pig (see!), I immediately treat them with suspicion.

Might have something to do with having the shit kicked out of me by the SPG just off the Kings Road way back.
(pastcaring trembling in a corner....., Sat 3 Apr 2010, 19:32, 12 replies)