People who fine other people...
...traffic wardens, ticket inspectors, etc.

Yes, I know you're just doing your job.
Yes, I know I shouldn't have parked here/should have bought the right ticket, etc
And yes, you're right, someone has got to do it

But you're enjoying it, aren't you, you cunt?

(Anyone who doesn't enjoy it is exempt, Obviously...)
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:13, 8 replies)

Anyone else in the company who isn't a writer or an editor.
Yes you are able to write. No you are not able to write well. Your opinion on how it should read does not take into account the five-page house style guide, the audience, the house voice, or any information about the product at all, and the only reason you're still speaking is that, because you are senior to me - and so publically rubbing your ego - it is not my remit to quietly allow you to make an utter fool of yourself, until it is absolutely clear that that is all you deserve.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:11, 13 replies)

Co-ordinators
Anyone with the term in their job title. Means fuckall as far as I can see. I live by the belief thst the longer the job title the less important and useful the job.
(RainKing What do I put here then?, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:10, 5 replies)

Recruitment consultants.
Scum, pure unadulterated scum. Essentially they lie their asses off to get you into the job knowing full well that you'll only realise they've lied when you are proper stuck in a hell hole job, and they are sat there drinking Pimms getting blown by the new office temp who they placed in that role so they get the commission off that placement too, so the BJ is technically paying for itself.

I almost hate them more than the Mum Rabbit from Peppa Pig who seems to have 30 different jobs in the same town.
( The only Dave is pushing things forward, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:07, 5 replies)

Chuggers.
Fuck off, chuggers.
( moohalaa, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:01, 5 replies)

Duck (Scary) vs Builder vs Solicitor
I had some building work done, but got ripped off horribly when the useless workshy cunt of a builder did a runner with the job half finished. After negotiating an out-of-court settlement, the useless workshy cunt never paid up and left town leaving no forwarding address, and there followed a short exchange of letters with his legal representative, Mr Useless Money-Grabbing Cunt of a Solicitor.

Dear Mr Duck (Scary)

I represent Mr Useless Workshy Cunt of a Builder. We note from your recent communication with our office that you have referred to my client as "a bit of a crook". These comments have been seen by Mr Cunt of a Builder's former business partner, and this therefore constitutes a serious libel against my client.
A payment of £1,550 will settle this case without having to resort to the courts.

Yours etc
U.M.G Cunt of a Solicitor


Dear Mr Cunt of a Solicitor

I note with some interest the contents of your letter, and respond as follows:

1. I have spoken to Mr Cunt of a Builder's former partner, who tells me that your client has absconded owing him £2,500 and agrees wholeheartedly that he is a "bit of a crook"
2. He also notes that your office has requested £1,550 in unpaid legal fees from him, owed to you by Mr Cunt of a Builder. He has, I understand, refused to pay Mr Cunt of a Builder's bill
3. I am sure that the Law Society will agree that the sum owed to you by Mr Cunt of a Builder, and the similar sum you have requested for this alleged defamation is a complete and utter coincidence

I therefore refer you to the answer given in Arkel vs Pressdram

Your pal

Duck (Scary)

He does not reply
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:59, 6 replies)

School dinnerladies.
Scrotum-faced buttery ogres who hate children.
( Bob Todd whee, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:58, 1 reply)

Sales.
Everyone in a sales department is a backstabbing, hateful cunt who'll tell any lie they have to in order to get a sale. Anything after the sale is someone else's problem (i.e mine).

Also sales get pizza on Friday while we work late providing all the shit they promised without actually thinking about what we could actually provide.

Bastards.
(Scritty Bakerman., Thu 27 May 2010, 12:56, 11 replies)

PR
There is no one who works in PR who actually understands anything about PR. They're generally just too posh to get a proper job and too thick to do anything requiring any talent.

It's an industry made up of well-dressed blonde-twentysomethings called Tamara, or the like, alternating between sending out pointless press releases, trying to pretend to clients that some no-hoper chef/singer/TV presenter is the PERFECT partner for their campaign, and banging on about the time they chatted to Jude and Siena at some cunt-fest of a party.

If the whole industry was wiped out by a well-placed cruise missile strike on Soho/Fitzrovia, absolutely nothing would grind to a halt.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:51, 6 replies)

"I love you."
Bollocks.
(roysin, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:48, Reply)

Private Parking Attendants / Officers / Cunts
Those total scumbags who lurk around silly little private car parks issuing their 80 quid fines then towing you off in under 3.5 nanoseconds slapping another 135quid charge on you.

Its not legal you know.... but i bet lots of innocent parkers end up paying.

DONT DO IT!! It only encourages them.
(a girl called harry, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:43, 1 reply)

Celebrity "professionals"
Specifically those employed to judge things like Britain's Got Talent, and whose sole purpose seems to be to cry at sob stories, or be patronising to children with more talent in their little finger than the judge's career.

Just because you look good in a skin tight top does not make you a qualified judge of music.

And, on the same lines: Andrew Lloyd Webber. Being able to plagiarise from Sibelius does not make you the next Wagner.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:42, 7 replies)

Telemarketers
I mean, everyone hates them. And I'm sure they hate themselves, too.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:39, Reply)

Estate Agents
mainly as they are money grabbing fuckers and I am pleased they are going under during the recession.

They are not regulated and they can charge what they like for seemingly non existent crazy reasons. £100 to replace a broken 'for sale' board is a bit much.
(twiceydrinker hmmm is it pint time?, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:38, 1 reply)

Non-speciaisation librarians who work in uni libraries....
...and refuse to call up the specialised librarians who might actually know the answer to your question, preferring to give their own opinion.

Favourite example so far was when I tried to get an orchestral set of Faure's "Requiem" out of the library. The librarian returned with a timpani part, a score, and three brass parts. She then argued with me for nearly five minutes that, "That's what's on the computer, therefore it must be a full set... I'm sure it's perfectly playable."
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:38, 4 replies)

Footballers
Jumped up overpaid granny shagging purse stealing coke addicts
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:38, 2 replies)

Columnists
Even lighter on facts than journalists, yet get invited onto Question Time.
(lolwhites, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:38, 1 reply)

Corner shop owners
mainly the guy near my house because his judging eyes pierce my soul every time I buy a pack of fags and beer
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:37, 3 replies)

As my Dad said...
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Chuggers
Charity Muggers

Minding my own business walking out to get lunch in Putney I get some people from 'Warchild' - kids injured in warfare and so on.

Them - "Help the child soldiers sir?" *waving pictures of children carrying guns and looking sorry for themselves*
Me -"Actually I already do."
Them - "How?"
Me - "I design landmines. I'm working on a really good one, when triggered it jumps to at least 5 feet before exploding. It should miss most children."

Them - *shocked* *move away*
( Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:37, 10 replies)

computer programmers
Guess what I do for a living?


It's soul destroying.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:37, 2 replies)

Torturers
Bastards get right under my skin....
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:34, Reply)

Traffic Wardens
Surely they are the emissaries of evil??!
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:32, 4 replies)

politicians
they are all lying bastards. don't trust any of them.

also, first page.
(tb2571989 dies at precisely, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:32, Reply)

Crippled disabled rights campaigners, in any location.
I can't stand them anywhere.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:31, 1 reply)

Interior designers
F**K OFF! A bunch of mincers who come in and arse rape you out of £5k while delivering a room painted in £60 worth of B&Q magnolia paint.
( Victor Meldrew, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:31, 3 replies)

Injury Lawyers
Not sure if I hate them more than the people who needlessly sue for accidents borne of their own stupidity....probably equally hated.
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:29, Reply)

First
Sorry but I've always wanted to do this!! :o) I've actually got a smile on my face now...really says more about me than I thought!!
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:28, 3 replies)