can i just stick up for binmen here? Cause I am one and it's service with a smile all day but it's a 50/50 friendly reaction split. Could we have a bit of love? We'll move over so you can get past...
(johnjohnjohnextra2, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:58, 16 replies)

"Revenue protection agents"
The septic cunts in train stations who stop you to check that your ticket is valid, before you get on the train and someone checks your ticket is valid, and then you get off the train and a cunt checks your ticket is valid.

(nothing against conductors on the train who do useful things like give information and check your tickets when you are sat down and it doesn't make you miss your train.)

Their attitude nearly always stinks. I understand that if you do an unpopular but necessary job like, say, policing, you would reasonably object to people taking an automatic dislike to you - your work benefits society, so maybe society shouldn't be so rude. But if your job is purely inconveniencing people then maybe the reason people treat you like shit is because your are comprised of fetid faeces on a skeleton made of bastard.

The job title sounds like a euphemism for someone who attacks people for money.

The posters in the stations probably don't help the cause "I noly aksed to chekc theer tcikets, teh nxt thign I kenw tehy whree kciknig me" say to me "we can't spell, and this job is the only thing we can do. It is ok to kick us in the head because it won't impair our brain function"




Give me an angry look when I ask you to open the gate to get my bike through will you? I'll show you. I'll complain to the internet about you, and then we'll see who's sorry.
(teebie jeebie, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:50, 4 replies)

Quality Co-ordinators
The tossers with ISO9002 manuals who are ruining businesses in this country. I used to get their stupid updates which told me things like that the font for filling in change control forms had changed. Like anyone reading a change control form cares what font it's in, as long as you don't use Comic Sans or Wingdings.

I once produced a form and someone pointed out that the date on it wasn't in the right format. Conversation (I did lose it a bit):-

"It's supposed to say 23rd November 2008 and you've written it as 23/11/08"
"And?"
"well, for starters, the year is in ambiguous"
"what, someone might pick up this form and think that this program change had been made in 1908? That we'd written it on the previous, Edwardian version of the software"
"There's no need to be like that about it"
"Well, it's not ambiguous, is it?"
*pause* "And the date should be written so that people don't confuse month and day"
"But they can't because there aren't 23 months."
"Someone might think that 23 was the year"
*stares* "1923? Before the first transistor was even developed?"
*goes into a huff* "look, these are the rules about dates. You have to fill them in this way"

If you've got them in your company, find a way to fire them. They're parasites who don't make things go any better. They just exist to keep themselves in a job.
(swestener, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:44, 6 replies)

Shit Teachers not the good ones
I went to parents evening yesterday as little defective was complaining that his ICT teacher was an absolute bitch with an attitude problem of epic proportions and was singling him out for ritual humiliation infront of his friends.

I really didn't believe him until I met her yesterday, she started to rain down a torrent of abuse on the little defective saying that he was unmotivated and disruptive. She was damn near shouting at him and trying to embarrass him infront of me and mrs defective, so I cut her down mid rant, told her to be quiet because I was completely aware of the situation and had offered him guidance on how to deal with difficult characters.

I then went on to ask her how she was going to change the situation for the better, and how she was going to take responsibility for rectifying the situation. The head of year had to intervene as my questions became more difficult to answer.

I'm now a hero in the boys eyes, and this teacher will never pick on him or single him out in future. I have now effected a change for him to a new class with an absolute babe of a teacher. Double qudos for verbally abusing a shit head teacher and moving him to a class where the teacher is an abolute babe.
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:43, 17 replies)

I really want to like Job Centre staff...
...but their sneering apathy and suspicious outlook makes it nigh on impossible.
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:42, 6 replies)

It took me a while to get over my dislike of teachers
I was a reasonably well-behaved schoolchild, did my homework, never stabbed anyone, yet my schooldays seemed to be full of shouting teachers. Endless shouting, shouting during lessons, shouting while walking down corridors, shouting while waiting for the bus…I guess the main point that I’m trying to drive home here is that I was unnecessarily shouted at a lot.

Yet every teacher I have met as an adult has been really nice, often the life of the party. I always find it hard to reconcile them with the shouty arseholes I remember from days of yore. Even so, when someone tells me that they are a teacher I get this involuntary urge to say “…oh…”
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:34, 13 replies)

Bailffs - what bastards.
In one of my jobs I often overheard the bailiffs making intimidating phone calls to the daft sods who'd defaulted.

OK, it's better to stay out of debt in the first place, blah blah blah, but telling someone over the phone that you're on the way round to seize their car or other goods 'so it would be better for you if you have the cash ready' without first ensuring that you're talking to the actual debtor is irresponsible.

Also, the bailiffs would enter a home or workplace and help themselves to the debtor's property, boxes full of it, until they felt they'd covered the debt. Then they'd flog the boxes off at 10-20 quid each to their neighbours. CDs, china, ipods, whatever, all at knock-down prices.

I've never had bailiffs after me personally but they did used to come to my house after the previous owners. I'd prove that it was now my house and they'd politely thank me and leave. Bet they were RIGHT pissed off.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:32, 22 replies)

And while I'm here.
Psychologists. Especially drink and drug specialist ones. They're fun up until you marry one then get all sensible and complain when you disappear for three days with your mates on an absolute bender. Very unreasonable.
( DeadEyeDick, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:27, 2 replies)

Architects
I was struggling to add my least preffered proffession to this list, but Psymon below just triggered it (for different reasons to him). For some reason, despite never having trained as an architect (I do have a laymans appreciation of good architecture though) - I seem to attract them like paedos to a sandpit. At uni, shared house with two (and all their architecture mates that came with it). Left uni, shared flat with two (and all their architecture mates that came with it), now my best female friend works on reception in a London architects (and all her architecture mates that come with it). Gavin, a gruff scot if ever I met one, used to be a good friend ((and all his architecture mates that come with him).

I can't say they are all bad.... but.... A lot of them seem to be completely self absorbed up their own arse twats, the London ones are especially Nathan Barley like. Stupid affectations, like bow ties and cravats, polo necks and soul patches. And a refusal to understand there are other, equally or even more worthy disciplines out there. Frankly I don't know what I did to deserve it. Having said that, there are just so many of them hoping to be the next Frank Lloyd Wright it might just be the law of averages. Still, I take solace in the fact that after 7/8 years of low paid training 10 of them end up fighting over one job to design the next Aldi super warehouse.

And on Kevin McCloud - I really enjoy Grand Designs in spite of him. He's always so brilliantly negative - whispers to the camera 'It'll never work/be finished/stand up when it's done' etc.. Incidentally, a work colleagues Dad went to uni with him and apparently he's always been a cnut.

Sorry for length of rant.
( DeadEyeDick, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:12, 8 replies)

Teachers
Bunch self righteous moaning bastards. And I mean all of them, no exceptions. Constantly going on about having to do marking up to 8 or 9 o'clock at night when they get a quarter of the year off. Moaning at a 5% pay increase when the majority of the rest of working world are not entitled to an automatic pay rise. Finishing University and walking into 25k jobs while the majority of graduates struggle to get 20k. Moaning about how the job has changed, how it's now all about hitting targets and not the teaching. Newsflash: Every job is about hitting targets, surely the grading system for qualifications is nothing more than a series of targets and that's how you got yourself the job you hate in the first place. The majority of Teachers I know are thick as hell and simply went into Teaching because it was a safe career and they loved being institutionalised.

I once had an overweight PE teacher tell me how her job was the hardest job in the world and that she doubted anyone else could ever do it as there was a level of organisation required unparalleled in any other career. A PE teacher? Isn't that like being a teacher without the fucking marking? Due to her sheer girth she clearly was not doing star jumps till 9 o'clock in the evening.

In short, because you chose a career that operates outside of the rest of the Capitalist world you have waived your right to moan to me about pay, working hours, job progression and pressure. You have 4 months a year to get over all that crap whilst I'm in work.
( The only Dave is pushing things forward, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:11, 23 replies)

Nerf herders
Stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:09, 1 reply)

Words of wisdom from my housemate
If the second part of your job title's "Agent" and the first part isn't "Secret", you're a cunt.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:59, 10 replies)

Phones 4 U wankers
I needed a new phone recently, and so went to Phones 4 U, I just wanted a bit of advice, to start with. I do not use all the fancy apps, I may use the camera, and the internet, but that is about it. Why do they try and sell me the most up to date shiny phone?

I do not need all this crap. I also don't want to spend £35 a month.

But that isn't all, the way they have these awful cheap suits, and overly gelled hair, generally spotty faced, and wearing too much Lynx/aftershave, and have the appearance of someone who left school at 15 and is on their way to court.

Then they show you their phone, and suggest they have another phone as their private phone. Why does a phone salesman need more than one phone? It isn't exactly business central in phone shops. People come in, as for phones, and leave.

Apologies for ineloquent rant. But I had to get it off my chest. I hope someone writes a similar rant, but funnier at some point this week.
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Thu 27 May 2010, 15:59, 3 replies)

Street Dancers
Street Dancing is as close to dancing on the street as Street Fighter is as close to fighting on the street. Hadouken.
(rhyswynne - on every social network mullarkey known to man, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Those cunts in suits with spikey hair
are cunts.

You know the one's, the types who use jargon and act like they're doing you a favour by persuading you to buy what ever the fuck it is they are selling.

Fuck off and die. Cunts.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:49, Reply)

Hairdressers
I hated them as a child. Now I don't even have the follicular ability to grow my hair long just to prove a point.
(destrasinistra, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:46, 1 reply)

Chiropractors
Money grabbing twats.

They have no interest in your long term welfare, only making sure you book your next appointment. If they actually cured people's problems (if they were able) then they would make much less money.

Spend any money you would have spent on a chiropractor on seeing a decent physio. Then when they give you exercises, do them.
( TheFinch is getting to grips with the complex plane on, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:40, 11 replies)

The Clergy
It is not a calling or a vocation, it is a job!
You get a house, some cash, the pensioners who worship your far-fetched god bring you all kinds of goodies and you get all the kiddies you can fiddle.
You have to prattle on about the holy ghost and shit like that for a couple of hours a week and you charge extortionate amounts of hard cash to marry/bury people.
Take a leaf out of your own, long winded and highly contradictory book. Live a selfless life without the cares of the flesh. Look after your fellow man, while you're at it, even though you're not told to, hows about a nice thought for the ladies (and I don't mean knobbing your house keeper, who your parishioners pay for).
Bunch of god-bothering, work shy, sex mad, greedy buggers, the lot of you!
Except that Desmond Tutu, he's got such a shoppable face.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:34, Reply)

Mediums, 'Life counsellors', NLP practitioners and other parasites
Did you ever watch a programme a few years ago called something like 'Pay off your mortgage in three years'? Basically it was a bloke persuading people to jack in their paid jobs and set up business for themselves to try to make lots of money very fast and pay off their mortgages. Very laudable, except that every single one of the twats ended up taking up a job being, essentially, a shyster. Not surprising, as it's one of the few ways to make large amounts of money with very little training, skill or outlay.

So one of them ran workshops for teaching people to stop smoking. Another became a 'life counsellor'. One became a karaoke singer (at least that involves some skill, so perhaps is the exception to the rule). I can't remember the rest, but the message was the same: stop doing a real job with genuine benefit to people, and start finding some suckers.
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:33, 7 replies)

Seeing as I was fired last week...
... for 'not progressing to the expected standard' I hate pretty much every working man woman and 8 year old child working for 7 grains of sand in 3rd world sweatshop.

I am now back in the dole queue, back applying for endless fucking shitty fucking jobs that I dont want, back to moving in with my parents because I cant pay the rent, back to square fucking one. So fuck you working people! Fuck you!

P.S

Estate agents are also all cunts, but I dont feel I need to justify that claim.
(Bam Bam McPenis will change all this when he is fuhrer., Thu 27 May 2010, 15:31, 1 reply)

Not strictly a profession, a 'professional' institution!
The entire (okay, the majority of) staff at Manchester Metropolitan University, administrative and scholarly persons included. Could not tell their collective arses from their elbows. I've never before had the pleasure of spending a year dealing with such a bunch of disorganised and peevish people.

P.s Observations are from personal experience only; I am full of annoyance.
P.p.s That'll teach me to go to a former Polytechnic.
(TruckfulsOfWoo, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:21, 9 replies)

Tele-sales people on 100% commission
Oh how I fucking hate tele-sales people on 100% commission. If it's just a sales shill for some company I don't give a shit about, it's "no thank you, have a nice day, buh-bye now". When it's a charity calling, I let them do their bit and if I like the charity I often give something, because I'm nice like that.

I had one recently, range me up in the middle of a wank my tea, calling on behalf of Guide Dogs for the Blind. Fair enough, a nice cause. He starts into his spiel, and I stop him and say:
"Sorry mate, I like your cause an' all, but I am completely skint right now".
"That's okay", he says, "could I tell you about Guide Dogs for the Blind anyway?"
Fair enough, I'll be nice. He probably has his boss over his shoulder or something. I'll let him do his spiel.
So he goes on about GDfB for a good 5 minutes, then asks "so if you could just give us £10 a month to help train these dogs."
"Sorry mate, like I said, completely skint right now, I just can't afford it"
"Ok, I understand. But it really is a great charity..." and he goes on for a another few minutes, stating the bleeding obvious about GDfB. He then wraps up with "I understand money's tight right now for everyone, so what about £5 a month?"
"Really, I am skint. I lost my job recently, am unemployed, and have more going out than I have coming in, I just can't afford it"
"Sorry to hear that, what about £3 a month?"
"Seriously, I'm poor. I'll need a charity soon! I cannot afford anything"
"£2 a month then? Anything you could give would be a real help"
"What don't you understand? I'm skint! Kaput! The coffers are empty!"
"Okay sir, I understand. Perhaps you would like to give in 6 months time when you are in a better position"
"Ok, sure, give me a call back in 6 months" (I really do like the charity and would give to them if I had the money)
"Oh no, we can't do that, you have to give something now. How about just £5 a month"
"Goodbye"
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:03, 10 replies)

Ambulance drivers, nurses
Self-righteous, worthy, and not clever enough to be doctors.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:01, 31 replies)

High-profile bankers
I hear they don't always have their customers' best interests at heart.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Thu 27 May 2010, 14:54, 5 replies)

Clueless I.T. Drones...
I thought I'd pre-empt the usual ‘I.T. are shit’ stories with an important distinction. There are two types of people in I.T. Those who have a genuine interest and knowledge for all things electronic and those that are too thick and shiftless to do anything else, I’m referring to the latter group in this case.

For Christ’s sake just find another job, you’re dragging the already heavily damaged reputation of I.T. down with you. If you don’t know the answer to a question don’t just guess and spend hours clicking at random stuff making the problem worse as you go, just say ‘I don’t know’, Google it if you have to and come back and do your job properly.

Bah, Bah and thrice Bah to the lot of you!

;-)
( JamHamster My eyes, my beautiful eyes!, Thu 27 May 2010, 14:47, 19 replies)

Homeopaths (Aims MFO shotgun at large fish in small barrel)
Either

1)deluded freaks with healing fantasies

or

2)professional shysters
(joe is troubled Got all married and teh stuffs, Thu 27 May 2010, 14:43, 2 replies)

Pop Stars
Easy pickings I know, but I've been thoughtful enough to determine exactly what purpose they are capable of serving. To my mind, the modern Pop Star should serve one of three purposes.

Actually be talented enough to be a professional singer
This is obviously an increasingly rare qualification for today's Radio 1 fodder to hold

Be a bloody fantastic dancer, to the point where the music can be ignored
This is what mute buttons were made for. Examples, dependent on gender preference, include Usher, Ciara, Justin Timberlake and Shakira (although the latter actually can sing)

Be so blisteringly atttractive that nothing else matters
I give you Pixie Lott.

Even with the generosity here exhibited, there really is absolutely no excuse for the continued indulgence of that useless cunt Robbie Williams. Click "I like this" if you think the above should be adopted as British Law, entitling anyone with sufficient hatred and motivation to legally hunt and kill any pop star who demonstrably serves no purpose. This would effectively lead to the closure of Radio 1 and make The X Factor into a sanitised version of The Running Man as the winner is sure to die horribly shortly after Christmas. Who wouldn't want to live in a world where crap music is punished by vigilante justice?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 27 May 2010, 14:38, 10 replies)

Facebook/Twitter
Idiots who confuse Facebook with Twitter and update their profile with the inane shit they are doing at a minimum of once an hour, but for a variety reasons you can't remove them from your friend list or hide their profile as they once in a while post something you need.

Please get a twitter account for this crap so I don't have to see it.
(langers, Thu 27 May 2010, 14:38, 4 replies)

Gynecologists.
Stuck up cunts.
(Tugnut I got them all..., Thu 27 May 2010, 14:36, 4 replies)