Fwappage fodder
Chickenlady and I have concluded that we would like a QOTW where we can regurgitate our turgid erotic prose for the amusement and analysis of everyone who will, in turn, place their damp, throbbing fingers on the keyboard and spill their own words across the page like succulent, pearly drops of lascivious wisdom.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 1 Feb 2008, 11:59, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Foot in mouth moments
I've had so many of these.... but an outstanding example is when I bumped into an old schoolfriend who was pushing a pram. I'd been drinking, and didn't have time to control my mouth when I peeked into the pram to be confronted with what looked like a shaved chimp.

"jesus fcuk" was blurted out, and she marched off in disgust. I felt bad .. for about thirty seconds .. then had hysterics.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 31 Jan 2008, 15:16, 3 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Embarrassing childhood memories
What moments as a child still make you cringe?
( Trollman, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 15:14, Reply)

What is said -v- What is meant.
Ie:

We need to talk = You're sooooo ducking fumped.

I got this lovely shower gel for a bargain price, you should get some = Have a shower, you dirty smelly fuckpig.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 14:48, 3 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Resisting temptation.....
Or not, as the case may be. When were you last tempted to do something really really naughty?

Mine? Last summer, while England was suffering horrendous flooding, I was basking in the Spanish sunshine. Sky News were asking people to send in photos of "where you are".

I was soooo tempted to send a piccie of the glorious sunny weather, blue skies and dry pavements. I didn't, because of the fear that they'd get me on my return.

What was your last "Adam and the apple" moment, and did you resist?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 31 Jan 2008, 14:43, Reply)

Shit / stupid things I've bought 'on a whim'.
Those things we buy, then realise that if we'd thought it through, we would have realised it was a bad idea.
My own include;

A guinea pig
Remote control hovercraft
Suzuki 4x4
etc.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 14:03, Reply)

the funniest thing you've ever seen
inspired by this funny but mean event that tickled me this morning in the horrid weather...

... which was the tiny little chinese tourist gentleman in front of me with a giant umbrella. it was an unequal contest. first it blew him over, then it dragged him along the road for a bit, then it escaped altogether and headed off into the traffic... he was so wet and upset but it was bloody funny.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 11:49, Reply)

Stereotypes...
...they exist for a reason you know! Tales of people conforming to and/or suprising you by breaking out of theirs.
(misanthrope is so adjective he's verbing nouns!, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 11:41, Reply)

Dieing of boredom at work.
So Im sat at work, its actually my last week. Theres not a great deal to do, and anything there is to do I cant be bothered. Im so frigging bored! Ive gone through the whole of B3ta and other places I visit. I still have 4 hours to go. Im craving for someone to email me something interesting. Im literally dieing here! What do you do to keep your tiny little minds amused in the abyss of work?
(Miggyman, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 15:53, Reply)

After bastard colleagues...
How about bastard punters? Eh? Eh? Those inbred, mouth breathing scrotes that cause garden centres no end of grief when they take their grow bags back for a refund because 'despite watering it solidly for three weeks, it hasn't grown any tomatoes like on the photograph'.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jan 2008, 15:40, 2 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

What about
the worst narrative puns ever.

Can we turn QoTW into Question-of-the-half-hour-now-fuck-off-and-stop-this-shit?

Whaddya mean, bindun?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 14:29, Reply)

Thanks....
How about 'fond memories'? or, alteratively, 'fondling mammaries'?

I've a story which would fit either of these.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 14:05, Reply)

my hero
you sh!t your pants in public, your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere or you fall down a well.

tell me about who saved you and how the hell you got your a$$ in the situation to begin with.
(meh! bored since, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 1:07, Reply)

Starting to worry
In IT, my little brother had to make a spreadsheet that needed to have a list of random names. According to him, everyone else in the class used names of celebrities, whilst he went on the crimewatch website and used names of sex offenders.

When have you ever started to worry about someone after a certain incident? Or more apropriate for this site, has anyone started worrying about you?
(Blue Mushroom, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 18:33, 3 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

One-liner threats
Have you a favourite one-liner threat that you or a friend has used? Maybe there's loads you know but are too Polite/afraid/wimpish to have used.
Could be that there's one from a film you'd love to try out.
C'mon, let's all be Chuck Norris!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 17:48, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Police community support officers
Have you ever had the misfortune to be accosted by one of these cretins? What did you do to make them interested in you? What have you done to them?


I think they are all wastes of DNA, I mean, just how thick do you have to be to NOT get into the actual police?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 16:58, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Arch nemesis
Batman had the Joker (insert Heath Ledger joke here), Superman’s got Lex Luther, but who’s your arch enemy. Is it the school bully who tormented you, a jilted ex-lover with a Glen Close complex? Or how about the twat with a head like a can of spam, who only refers to you by your surname?

‘Fess up peeps.
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 13:11, Reply)

What about ??
The best bus nutter? every single bus route has its own nutter, the strangely dresed weirdo who smells of cabbages and tells you strange things..... whats the best bus nutter story you've got?
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Sun 27 Jan 2008, 18:10, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

The Star Trek Moment
The Star Trek moment is when you're out on the piss, and then suddenly wake up in your bed the following morning with no recollection of what happened.

I once was out, drinking pint after pint, and then suddenly woke up with pool balls in my pocket and a half pint of water spilled over the bed.

What drunken activites don't you remember?
(__, Sat 26 Jan 2008, 2:50, Reply)

The end of innocence
I told a mate who was a mere 22 years old that the song 'turning Japanese' by Adam and the ants is actually about a prisoner wanking in his cell over tabloid photographs.

"oh noes, I could of happily gone the rest of my life without knowing that. cheers willenium"

whats your story about the end of innocence
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 16:25, 3 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Guilty Pleasures
Secretly fancy that chick from Hanson? Practice dropping bombs in the mirror like your man Westwood? Daily Mail reader? We all have a guilty pleasure, what's yours?
(Hampton St.Roker (has probably had your mum), Fri 25 Jan 2008, 9:57, Reply)

Strange Pets
I've got 2 cats and an Alsatian, but the youngest cat is by far the weirdest creature I've known.

She tries to be sneaky and at a snail's pace, reaches her paw into whatever it is I'm eating, hooks a pawful and chows down, every time. She hates laps, yet is content on my upper arm or my cranium. That's just the tip of the iceberg.

What kind of oddball pets do you share your home with?
( Hosehead, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 9:34, Reply)

How I achieved the body beautiful
I have started going to a gym to get rid of my paunch and moobs. So far all I have done is pulled various muscles, so I now actually look even unhealthier than when I started out. What capers have you got up to whilst achieving that Charles Atlas figure?
( Smallbrainfield, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 11:41, Reply)

Lets do the "Onosecond" one again.
It has been nearly 3 years since the last time and I am sure we have all had plenty more onoseconds since then.
( Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 6:43, Reply)

Post really fucking obvious and tired old jokes
regardless of what the actual gist of the compo
please just resort to the same old tired clichés, so that the majority of the board will want to claw their own eyes out in frustration.
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 23 Jan 2008, 22:03, Reply)

I did my driving instructor
I had a really good lesson, got really close with my instructor, with legs being felt and VERY sexy innuendos. Then I took him home, fed him and had amazing sex.

It doesn't matter that I was with him at the time and he wasn't a professional instructor.

What have YOU done with your instructor?
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 23 Jan 2008, 19:15, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Caught Short
When I was young, I was once got so desperate for a dump whilst doing a paper round, I went in someones back garden and used their copy of the daily mail to wipe my arse. I feel it improved the papers content ten-fold. What have you done in times of desperation?
( Muns, Wed 23 Jan 2008, 13:39, Reply)

Stuff your parents say/do.
My dad once told my brother off for swearing, telling him "Your Language is fucking obnoxious".
He also once crashed a tractor into a tree directly in front of him, with him going at 5 miles/hr.


What about a QOTW of things other users parents have said or done?
(Zigmund can't think of anything good., Wed 23 Jan 2008, 1:18, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Whats the best lie you've told on QOTW?
Own up, now.

Or if you haven't, come up with a really ace lie for this QOTW.
( Cae1, Wed 23 Jan 2008, 0:57, Reply)

Heath Ledger.
Obvious I'm sure.

We did Steve Irving, and princess Di (e).

How about Heath Ledger...

Come on, you know you want to.
(Lord RumbleFIsh IV this may or may not work..., Wed 23 Jan 2008, 0:48, 1 reply, 17 years ago)