xmas present
I love my mum, but she is not good at picking at christmas gifts. She bought me an ice scraper for 3 years in row (not from a garage- from marks and spencer),The most amusing part of xmas is seeing what cheap( or occasionally surprisngly expensive) tat she`s got us, but we can never let her know.
What unusual or rubbish gifts have you had or given in the season of goodwill??
(rural confucious, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 10:36, Reply)

The wrong bus
Tell us your stories about getting on the wrong bus by mistake. How did this affect your mundane (or otherwise) existence? Did you end up going somewhere interesting? Did you spark off exciting new friendships with your fellow passengers? Did you pay an extortionate bus-fare? Or were you just late?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 23:08, Reply)

Busted!

At Uni my friends and I when decidedly pissed decided to remove all the furniture from the downstairs lads living room and place it outside.

Unfortunately they came home before we were finished, we heard tham getting closer and my mates hid behind the sofa. But it was too late for me, as it was pitch black I crouched down and put my head between my legs. This worked quiet well in the dark.

Unfortunately they quickly put the light on exposing a drunken idiot crouching in the middle of their now empty living room vibrating with the effort of concealing giggles!



When have you been caught in the act?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 15:11, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Forgetfulness.
I am known among my friends for having a terrible memory.
This has ranged from forgetting how to spell the word "green" to not remembering I had agreed to date someone...

So what things have seeped out of your head that really shouldn't have?
( Mellicious is made of candy, Sun 14 Dec 2008, 18:59, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Discovering your darker side
Inspired by this story, how did you learn about the previously hidden darker side to your morals? Likewise, if you're evil, how did you learn about your nice side? Or for that matter, just how much did you learn about yourself in a single night?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sun 14 Dec 2008, 2:48, Reply)

I've got gas!
I once woke up to my father screaming at me "Are you ok? ARE YOU OK?? SPEAK TO ME!!!". Turned out, somehow (we still don't know to this day) the gas had been turned on and not lit. The entire house filled with gas throughout the night and I'd slept through it. For 8 hours, I was one spark away from death and didn't realise it.

What are your near death experiences?

*Edit* I've just realised, this has been done before. Damn!
(The Stig, Sat 13 Dec 2008, 18:05, Reply)

It`s not you, it`s me....
Who wants to break up.
I once broke up with a girl by letter.
Not too awful, but when you consider she was in hospital,(which I worked at) and I only did it as the next in line for my teachings, wouldn`t let me do the bedroom kung fu with her, until I was sans girlfriend.I wrote the letter in front of her, posted it, and got down to the business.
Tell us the awful lies you have told to break up with someone.
(ps. my friends nickname for the soon to be ex was "shakey flakey"- as she was epileptic with eczema,sorry...so very sorry....).
(rural confucious, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 14:15, Reply)

The Office Xmas Party
...That, Mr Anderson, is the sound of....inevitability. Or perhaps vomitting.

I've spent the last few days listening to the tales of joy and woe that my colleagues have brought forth from that timeless institution, the Office Xmas Party. Some have made me weep with laughter, others just made me weep.

Tell us your tales of partyness, and let us live vicariously through them.
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 11:58, Reply)

Tis the season to be ill
I'm currently enduring both a terrible cold and a kidney infection. It hurts when I wee, and sneezing makes me wee.

What are the worst and most painful and runniest ailments you've had?
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 17:11, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Addiction!
Needn't be drugs or booze.

I think I've become a gym addict. I have a cold and won't be able to go for a few days now and it's bloody killing me.

What is it that you just can't stop doing, having or needing.
( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 15:18, Reply)

It's war!
The winterval* is almost upon us, that means that family and friends will be coming from far and wide. This usually means lots of petty arguments, but will any of these descend into a blood feud. what I'm trying to say is 'have any petty arguments become an all out war?'



*tesco value terminology due to credit crunch.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 11:56, Reply)

Have you comitted a crime or been bad?
I haven't because I'm good, but I'm sure there are some right bastards out there. Perhaps you stole a scooter and robbed a McDonalds, or maybe something more innocent. Tell
(augsav forgot about B3ta, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 4:34, Reply)

My Best Christmas Ever....
was when my best friend told me she was divorcing her husband on Christmas Eve, and then we got drunk on champagne and skipped through the music channels to have Fairy Tale of New York on constantly, singing along at the tops of our voices, til 3am on Christmas Day morning.

I don't know why it was so great, but even now, four years later, the opening bars of that song cause both of us to well up and collapse on each other, overcome by happy memories and the knowledge that we love each other lots.

What was your Best Christmas Ever, and why?
(G-Lo, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 21:11, Reply)

Christmas 'circular'
You run down the stairs in hot anticipation; has postie delivered any christmas cards? Then you open up an unassuming envelope to discover the dreaded christmas circular. It can come from friends or relatives and basically goes like this: "dear everyone, we're great, Tarquin and Satchel are great at School, X has got another promotion and Y has now been made a partner at the law firm" blah blah and then finishes with "hope you're all doing ok, lots of love, smug cunts"

Best/worst one ever was when some friends delighted in telling us all that they had just bought a yacht, and a dog. Within a year, they were unexpectedly with child and had to give them both up, but did we hear about that? Did we fuck, instead it was "bump is kicking fantastically well for a six month old foetus and X has just got another promotion" blah blah.
(mersault, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 17:31, Reply)

Strange parent first-aid bordering on child abuse
When my friend was between 2 and 4, he was circumcised for his own good and whatever.
After the operation, bits still sore, he was plonked into a bath of salt water. One can only imagine the screams that filled that household.
Still, it turned out pretty well.

What cruel cures for ailments did you parents give you?
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:38, Reply)

Misheard and Misunderstood
No, not the two spinsters of this parish.

Many b3tans seem to have one or more parents of exotic nationality (Not Local). What things have been misunderstood\misheard by b3tans and passed into family folklore? If this one escapes into QOTW I'll tell you the tale of the treebags.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:43, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

What is you claim to fame?
Ever been an extra in a film? Been on That's Life with your talking dog?

Or, like me, were you on Playschool?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 9 Dec 2008, 23:01, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Your best pet ever?
It's Christmas, so why not inject some Christmas fluff. My best pet ever was Mutley, a wonder mutt dog who was uncontrollable and totally lovable. He used to take himself off on journeys, like the time hopped into the cab of a builder's truck and traveled around with them all day, before they delivered him home again at 5 O'clock. He also ate anything he could get his paws on. His most "Gourmet" snatch was a whole Camembert cheese that had been left out to "breathe." Dog cheese-farts are pretty bad!
(Woofie, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 20:32, Reply)

Ye Ol' Console Wars!!!!
Ahhh the age old war of old'

Forget the 360's vs the PS3's! were talking old school.

Amiga Vs the ST
Megadrive(Genesis) vs SNES.
etc vs etc

and what random bollocks reason did you give for why you owned the one you did and what arguements ensued!?

Mine was because the Amiga could have 2 Floppy drives!! made syndicate more fun oh and kick ass graphics!

Grrrrrr clunk clunk clunk.
(zenzeypher, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 20:07, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Trouble Virgins
What's your earliest memory of getting into trouble?
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 15:33, Reply)

What. The. Fuck. Is. That?
One Christmas I was given a Terry Pratchett book by my sister, my brother had also purchased the same book for me. My parents made it a triumvirate of crushing disappointment as they passed me a distinctly Terry Pratchett book shaped present with looks of horror and shame.

Its the season to give, so what shit have you been given and what rubbish excuse was used by the giver after witnessing all hope and joy extuinguish in your eyes?
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 14:22, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

How did I just get away with that?
Freddy Woo PJM writes:

I once narrowly avoided being decapitated by a flying barn roof during the same storm that partially lobotomized the popular 'Allo 'Allo actor Gordon Kaye back in January 1990.

What other lucky escapes from the Grim Reaper (or a P45 or perhaps an angry spouse) have you been involved in?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 9 Dec 2008, 12:35, Reply)

We all know that SMA tins are for keeping marbles in
but I have an empty Quality Street tin and don't know what to do with it.

What do you keep in your Quality Street tins?*



*other chocolate tins are available.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 9 Dec 2008, 12:11, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What makes you feel guilty?
Whether its a story that makes you feel really bad when you think about it or just everyday things that you do that make you feel guilty. Not eating cake or chocolate, that doesn't count.
Look forward to hearing your stories..
(Davethefan began lurking again on or around, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 2:09, Reply)

Worst/best/most hilarious sacking
Attempt to recall a time in your life when YOU were dismissed from a place of work. It may have been completely unfair or so warranted that you were utterly dumbfounded as to why it didn't happen earlier. Oh and make it entertaining.
( Fitznicely into a thimble, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 0:00, Reply)

Christmas Present Disasters
Worse/wrongest gift you ever gave or received?
(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:54, Reply)

why is your ex
your ex?
(sirolimus, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:22, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Aspirations.
What aspirations do you have in life? What have all these years of careful planning, study or hard graft been working towards? They could be to one day rule the world or just to simply achieve nirvana. Are you aiming for married life and 2.5 kids or wealth, status and fame.

Let us know your plans and how your going to get to where you want to be.
( girlinthehole, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:17, Reply)