Hey, teacher, leave them kids alone
Not molestation stories - When I was at school we were taught that different areas of the tongue taste different flavours. At university, I learnt that this is complete bollocks. What pointless lies were crammed down your throat at school?
(ZoFreX is cleaner than smoked trout, Sun 15 Feb 2009, 16:55, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Because I felt like it
What have you done for no reason other than that you wanted to?

Tomorrow, I'm off to climb the Pentlands, just because they're there.

I know this is a crap suggestion, and I don't care.
( MatJ LOOK, Sun 15 Feb 2009, 4:44, Reply)

Flukiest moments
Something incredible has happened. I tossed a cigarette to my pal, only for it to land, butt first, in his mouth. What have you done which you couldn't do again if you tried?
(Sir General ***WoW***, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 20:25, Reply)

Coincidentally...
The morning after the London tube bombings, I was walking down my street in Newtown, Sydney, Australia and looked down at the footpath to see a tube pass from the day before.
Spooky!!!
What strange coincidences have sent a shiver up your spine?
( difficultchild, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 6:18, Reply)

Float Your Boat
Ever been on a boat? Ever fallen off a boat? Gotten laid on a boat, sank a boat, tipped a boat, flipped a boat, or stolen a boat? Crank up the way-back machine and tell us your stories of personal watercraft mayhem and mischief...
(tingtwatter Eating loads of red meat since, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 20:21, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

It's a steal! Sort of.
Thanks to the generous policy of the Tesco supermarket chain, where they refund 'double the difference' if something you are charged for is marked at a lower price on the shelf, I've managed to get a free bottle of aftershave (advertised at half-price on the shelf, charged full price).

What outstanding compensation/bargain grabbing opportunities have you earnt from?

We all love a good deal. What the best?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:09, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

"I'm not mad at you, I'm just disappointed"
The ultimate parental guilt trip.
What did you do to make maw and paw utter this immortal phrase?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 13:06, Reply)

Flat packed fuck ups
Last weekend, chickenlady and I spent Sunday building an elevated double bed we'd bought flat packed from Ikea.

Twelve hours later we had finished, but the injury toll was one bruised finger, a swollen foot, four separate bumps on my head and a normally placid chickenlady weilding a rubber mallet with intent to wound.

I'd like to hear about your self-assembly shenanigans.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 12 Feb 2009, 10:13, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Darwin Award
I have a mate who burned his eyebrows off by looking down the barrel of a potato gun.

what stupid things have you done or seen that Could earn honourable mentions in the Darwin awards?
(Bluffboy South Africa! World Champions!!!, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 8:00, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Initiation ceremonies
Years ago I was made to do all manner of things on hockey tour for initiation.

Tell us about the things you had to do when you started work, joined the sports team etc etc
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 17:16, Reply)

Perfection
Tell us about the moments in your life when everything turned out perfectly.
And if you can't think of one, make it up like everyone else.
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 17:04, Reply)

My uncle Reg
Uncle Reg was a character! I once saw him eat a live mouse while he was off his tits of acid.

Has anyone else got a story about my uncle Reg?
(frankspencer, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:42, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Random Facts
I am a fountain of knowledge, and an asset to any pub quiz team, but struggle with some very basic tasks.

For example, I know that St. John's Wood is the only tube staion that contains none of the letters of the word 'mackerel', yet am stumped by my own shoe laces.

What random facts do you know?

Could it be the beginning of the b3ta quiz league?
(Duckeee Is nothing special, in fact, she's a bit of a bore, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 23:45, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bad Timing
Call it synchronicity, call it coincidence, call it the gods of fate royally shitting on your cornflakes, sometimes things happen with the worst timing in the world.

So when did you call someone a cunt only to find out they were standing behind you? When did you slam the door the remember your keys were inside and your housemate was in Spain? When did you simultaneously find out that you'd not got that job and the object of your affections had gone back to his girlfriend?

If anyone's interested, the answers to the previous three questions are a) on a daily basis; b) two weeks ago last saturday and c) the 19th of January.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 12:54, Reply)

Dictatorship
When I was 18, my girlfriend used to work several night-shifts (at McDonalds no less). Having nothing better to do, I would go see my mate (whom she despised). Oftentimes we would wander to his local and have a few pints. This was when I could have a night in the pub for maybe £4 at the most.

For some reason still unknown to me, she used to give me a right earful for it. I don't know what she expected me to do instead. Stay in and watch telly I suppose.

Saying that, she's mellowed a bit since and now refuses to go to sleep on the night until she's jacked me off.

Have you ever been rebuked for something you're perfectly entitled to do?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 9:57, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pulls your heart strings
I was at the school play at my daughter's primary school a few years back when the headteacher came on at the end and said how they were twinned with another school in Sri Lanka which had being washed away in the 2004 tsunami.

So the school had a big fundraising and managed to send off £1000 which at the time was about 250,000 rupees and in Sri Lanka that was as much money as it sounds. The Sri Lankan headteacher managed to rebuild the full school with it and would write back twice a week about how the school had usable classrooms and he'd bought new desks and books and so on.

What brings a lump to your throat? No points for deep-throat stories.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 9:38, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Nicknames
Almost everyone has one (although you may not know it) and you at least know someone who does. What's the best nickname you've ever had or heard and whats the backstory that produced the name?
(tingtwatter Eating loads of red meat since, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 23:47, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Do the right thing

How about one of B3ta's rare feel-good questions?

Tell us about the times you did the right thing, when despite temptation you acted the better person.

The married woman you didn't sleep with, even though you wanted to.

The time you helped the lost old lady get home even though it meant missing out on a pint with your mates

The wallet you found and handed in with all the money still inside it.

Let's have a burst of goodness, a shard of light, a moment of virtue.

Failing that, tell us about the times you didn't do the right thing...I'm sure there are more of those stories...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 15:38, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*sighs*
after my afforemention experience of the "ribina milkshake" i started to have terrible memories of things i was forced to endure as a child. such as, a Rice Crispy omlette... so its has to be... "worst thing your parents have tried to make you consume?" WARNING sterilized milk and ribina should NEVER EVER MEET.
(samurai_beth, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 11:22, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What's the grossest thing you've ever seen?

When I was 14, I was at an ice rink and there was some flash bastard skating backwards. A girl fell over and he skated diaganally over her face. She was led there screaming for 45 minutes, and the paramedics had to scrape her face off of the ice.

I asked this question to my friend, who said, "I once saw someone catch bird shit in their mouth".

Have you seen anything worse?
( Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Sat 7 Feb 2009, 19:53, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Practical Jokes Gone Wrong
One of the classic pranks is to tightly stretch a bit of plastic wrap across a toilet seat so that it creates an excrement-repelling force field with hilarious results.
A friend tried this, but it failed when the target went to squat a dump, because, as he put it "He fired out such a big peanut buster parfait that it broke right through the plastic."
Who else has had pranks do strangely awry?
(TommyShanks, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 16:20, Reply)

Snow
What's the betting that the next QOTW is 'Snow'?
(stubbledchin, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:56, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

25 things

There's a thing going around Facebook at the moment where you write 25 things about yourself..

Exact rules here:
Rules:
Write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you.

I'd love to find out a bit more about people, doesn't have to be 25 things either, even 10 would be interesting enough.

Ho Hum...
(Kip, Wed 4 Feb 2009, 11:47, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

b3ta qotw...
I still think my idea from some time ago would become a good 'un;

Tales from B3ta...

Tell us how you first stumbled across the site, if you found the love of your life via the boards, seen one of your creations ripped off in some Heat/Nuts/Zoo/Daily Fail publication?
Been busted at work/school for logging on? Where's the most bizzare place you've ever viewed the new QOTW?

Tell us your B3ta story.
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Wed 4 Feb 2009, 10:23, Reply)

Personal Hygiene
When I clambered into the shower this morning, I discovered Ms Hanky had left a fine, fluffy carpet of pubes all over the place from her electic razor.

I'm now very clean, but can't help feeling I've got most of her muff stuck to the soles of my feet.

Tell us your personal hygiene mishaps...
( SpankyHanky, Wed 4 Feb 2009, 9:24, Reply)

Non-versation
Is it just me or is there too much nonversation about?

watching TV and a lady comes on screen:
Flatmate: "I would totally fuck her"
Me: "I would too, because I have Y chromosome. Thats what has kept the human race going through floods, droughts, wars , famine supervolcanoes and tory governments. That goes without saying, If you feel the need to tell the world what you would do to every woman you see why don't you just wear a badge that says 'I'm really not gay' It would save a lot of time."

I don't like nonversation
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 22:02, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Ever been trapped in farm machinery?
When I was 11, I fellinto a combine harvester and was lucky to escape by being baled up with wire twine. Have you ever had a similar accident with a tractor?
(frankspencer, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 16:27, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can't tell the truth....
Things you'd love to say to people but you can't live with the consequences. For instance: my wife is really shit at....naah, I'd better not say it. Only if this becomes the QOTW.

Mort
(mortdubois lacks imagination, doesn't play well with others, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 2:24, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I Got Fucked Over
You write the next bit.
(pobhockle, Mon 2 Feb 2009, 23:03, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Are you pregnant?
How did it happen?
Please tell us in great detail. Leave nothing to the imagination.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 2 Feb 2009, 18:41, Reply)