The One That Got Away
Should you be with someone that you're not with... due to circumstances / cowardice / being a tosser on your first date / shagging his or her best friend after a drinking spree(etc.)?

Tell us your hilarious, heartbreaking and/or maudlin stories.
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Sat 28 Feb 2009, 12:55, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Great Things You Never Did.
Pre internet, me and my mate Ian were going to buy an old ice cream van and start a business selling porn from it.
We were going to call it 'Mr Stiffy'.
Couldn't raise the funds and were, frankly too fucking lazy for it.

The Hebden Bridge remake of 'Zulu'
'Lesbians. Faaaaasands of 'em'.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 21:42, Reply)

what makes you angrier than anything?
its a bit average but ive just started working for the met and there are people out there you just wouldnt believe....
(gingerbollocks 'happy and content' since, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 11:05, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Good QotW?
I've seen a lot of QotW's, and my coffee is Damned Strong (which may explain my suggestions this morning), but some of the QotW's are SHIT and STILL GET SELECTED. Tell us what you think the ideal QotW should be.

(Warning: Recursive Surrealism may occur)
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 8:06, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Inexplicable Questions
I've just been to get my first coffee of the day from the canteen downstairs in my Place-O-Work(tm) and when ordering I was asked "Will you be putting milk in that?" to which I answered "Yes. Yes I will." As I walked away, I realised that the canteen staff *always* ask this odd question. The price is the same whether I say yes or no.. ..so why do they ask?

What strange questions have you been asked lately?
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 8:04, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

False-Flag Operations
Can you remember the last time you crashed a plane into a tall building and convinced everyone that a terrier had done it? Or maybe you crashed an economy deliberately to allow you to buy banks and corporations for a few pence in the pound? Or maybe you used the cover of an 'exercise' to bomb a tube station to ensure that all your lovely consumers remained scared and compliant?

Tell me about the false-flag operations and scams that you've run as a world-leader!
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 8:02, Reply)

I'd Like To Thank...
Contrary to popular opinion, there are nice people out there. Who are you grateful to and why?
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 7:16, Reply)

Something thats not by ScaryDuck
Tell me a story that hasn't been thought of by ScaryDuck and consequently used as a QotW by His Fans, B3ta!
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 6:58, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

We're living through one of the most definitive times in modern history.
So my question is simply this:

What were you doing during a key event in national/global history?
(The Stig, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 20:28, Reply)

Housemates
I'm living at my girlfriends student house atm (moved to canada and came back to visit for a month) and have found myself in the company of insufferable cunts. middle class, never-had-to-do-anything-because-of-daddy types.

i cant even fart without a letter from the landlord.

so i piss on their toothbrushes, spit in their shampoo and and collect bugs for their rooms.


yes, this isn't the best method, but by god i sleep easy at night knowing my urine has gone some way to cleaning their twunting gobs.

edit: i guess my question is; have you ever had any shitty housemates?
(Catch21, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:11, Reply)

Rumours

I once told the cousin of a friend of mine that I was so desperate for a shag that I had just ordered a mail-order Thai bride. This guy being Indian and not so familiar with the British sense of humour didn’t realise I was joking. Consequently, he told a friend, who told another friend and so on…. some time later I was confronted and asked outright if this was true that I had indeed ordered a “Ting-Tong” of my own? Apparently this story had been doing the rounds for the best part of a year. Whenever I turned up at a party, people would talk in hushed tones just out of earshot- “Is that the guy who?” “Is he the one that?” and so on.

So my question is what rumours have other people spread about you?
(Nitrous Nitrous, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:02, Reply)

Teachers
the weird and wonderful stories of the people who helped you become the person you are today. Or, your own experience of teaching somebody
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 11:39, Reply)

Fantasies
Last night my Mrs asked me if I had any sexual fantasies. So after thinking for a while, I went on to tell her in lurid detail about the outfits and uniforms that would turn me on, the whips, chains, car batteries, torture, masks, third, fourth and maybe even fifth parties getting involved, and of course, porn.

She thought I was kidding. What are your fantasies?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 8:26, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Obscure pub truths
I have a friend who knows about everything. I know about lots of things too, including the fact that I'm not really sure anymore if I know about them or am making it up, like my mate does. What minutiae or random facts do you 'know'? Is it true?

May I remind you of the possibility of being challenged on said fact?
Minus points for wikipedia usage.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 23:46, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Music
Self explanatory really.
( MatJ LOOK, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 2:24, Reply)

Treasured crap
I have an empty packet of crisps I keep from Bali, mainly because they are called Happy-tos (close enough to toss for me) and they continually say they 'contain more less salt than two piece bread'.

What crap do you keep because it makes you smile?
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 17:40, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I cant belive they let me do that...
Cleaning out the attic led to the discovery of some oily, rusty and broken car parts.

When I was about 8 myself and my best mate would go and hunt around the local garages to find broken bits of old cars. The logic being that soon we would be able to build our own car and could drive to school making us the coolest kids evar!

Bless my mum for letting me come home with oily rubbish and keep it in my room.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 11:50, Reply)

Retro
I brought a cassette Walkman yesterday, what retro stuff do you get up to?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 11:45, Reply)

Does Question of the Week make you shit your pants?
What have you learned after reading QOTW responses? For instance, I had no idea men really shit themselves as much as they seem to do. Have the "facts" you've learned saved you from sticky situations, or have they just gotten you into deeper trouble than you would have on your own?
( salamander, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 0:52, Reply)

I revealed my ignorance
Tell us about the bluffs that went horribly wrong.
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 21:51, Reply)

Where would you go?
If you had a time machine where would you want to go and why?
(fresh-meat, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 19:09, Reply)

Whats your most embarrassing moment that you were glad nobody saw?
Everybody has one. A moment that when you think back makes you cringe, but that nobody but you knows about. Time to share people
( Furness, Fri 20 Feb 2009, 1:08, Reply)

If I Was In Charge...
We all think we could do a better job at running the club / school / workplace / county / country / world / universe; but what exactly would you change and why?
( Seventh is somewhat subdued, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 23:06, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Unexplained (wooooh!)
Although an utter sceptic, it's true that "I want to believe" and I've had some strange experiences in the past myself. So, come tell me your stories of alien abduction, ghostly possession and other Forteana - show me it's real!
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 13:57, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Junk Food
Recession-hit UK is apparently consuming ever greater volumes of junk food, but what is the most horrible, interesting, or generally disturbing thing you have ever eaten (not counting you mate's mother)?

In my GCSE year we went on a school trip to Morocco, and went to some supposedly "traditional" event with corresponding food. Noone else would touch it, but I reasoned that it couldn't be too terrible, it was food after all. How wrong I was. I have never actually tried goat-tripe cooked in snail slime, but if it's anything like I imagine it to be, then it would be just like traditional Moroccan god-knows-what. A quick bout of retching and I saw the error of my ways, but there must be some other "junk" that people have mistakenly eaten.

Edit: Apologies if this is too like Terrible Food from two years ago (don't seem to be able to post URL). Forgot to search the archive. However, that was a long time ago and more about cooking than eating, so maybe this still works.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Tue 17 Feb 2009, 16:18, Reply)

Sorry, what?
We all make mistakes, we're human after all. But how far have you gone before you realised you'd ballsed up?

Could you repair the damage or had you gone too far/offended someone too deeply/made too much of a tit out of yourself to even contemplate any degree of redemption?
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Tue 17 Feb 2009, 12:37, Reply)

Second Hand
What is the best/most useful/given the most pleasure, second hand item you have been given or bought?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 17 Feb 2009, 10:23, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Broken Britain
Old ladies being mugged left, right and centre. Knife and gun crime soaring. And now 13 year old dads. We're all sick of The Sun and The Daily Mail telling us about it, but what are your experiences of the apparent shocking state of the country today?

This is the inspired by the following incident I had the joy of witnessing while on the circle line yesterday...

There I am, heading home from town after watching the football, nice and relaxed on the tube listening to my ipod, when this proper be-tracksuited 'rudegal' from the deepest, darkest estate in london (i'm guessing) boards the train with her 8 or so year old daughter. After a stop or two she got a little bit upset because no one would offer her 8 year old daughter a seat, and decided the best way to deal with the situation was to go completely mental at everyone in the carriage, right infront of said 8 year old daughter. Even threatened to stab one poor chap who tried to calm her down, but not before repeatedly telling him to 'suck her pussy', of course.

I really really love london sometimes.


Would make for a somewhat more depressing QOTW than usual, but at least we might actually get a few true stories for once!
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 16 Feb 2009, 9:09, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pointless endeavors...
I learned how to sew extremely detailed doll's clothing purely so that I could make a Flat-cap and see if I could secure it to a bumblebee, as I thought at the time that bumblebees were the Yorkshire salary man of the bee world.
(Churba, Mon 16 Feb 2009, 6:11, Reply)