Life's Greatest Mysteries
What are your personal "Life's Greatest Mysteries"

Anything that still astounds/mystifies you. Even things that might have been explained but don't quite cut it in your mind.

From the mundane to the profound.
(barrycounty, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 5:47, Reply)

Beer trophies
Ever woken up with that re-assuring fuzzy headed feeling that lets you know, even though you cant fully remember, that last night was a good un'?

Ever had this fact reinforced by waking up next to half a scaffold? A collection of childrens bikes? A fully grown Whale from Leeds?

If so, dear reader, please tell in all the detail you can muster up
(Is this a good idea? ... Yes this is definitely a good idea, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 12:03, Reply)

I repeat...Volunteering
A couple of weeks ago I suggested this (see below). I've only just got around to reading the 'best of' Tramp stories as I've had a fuck of a week. But, lo and behold, the 2nd place story would have fitted the bill perfectly for my suggestion.

So, how about it? If not this week, then in the near future?

---------------------


Here's one that's not been done before and could be good.

I learnt how to speak French at a month long conservation holiday in the Pyranees in 1983 - I celebrated my 21st birthday there and my brother turned up on his motorbike specially and spent a noisy night in the big communal dorm with the eldest member of the group.

Several years later, I escaped from Mrs G and newly born Sprog for two weeks footpath repairing in the Lake District and was sorely tempted to be unfaithful.

What have you lovely, giving souls got up to while ostensibly giving of your valuable time for a good cause?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 11:46, Reply)

Best public toilet graffiti.
Inspired by this little gem, seen scrawled above the urinals in the toilets on my way to work this morning:

"Cok dun now wank."

Simple, to the point (maybe slightly confused), and words to live by, I feel.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:11, Reply)

Recipes.
Let's make a useful QOTW, give up your best recipes!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 4:23, Reply)

School Summer Holidays
With the 6 week break shortly upon us, what memories do you have of your own School Summer Holidays, and what did you get up to?
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Sun 12 Jul 2009, 15:33, Reply)

School discipline
Other then being twatted half to death by a lead weight, what ingenious punishments have been meted out by teachers for unruly behaviour?
I was once given an A4 sheet of graph paper, told to put a dot in every millimetre square and hand it in the next day......it was bonfire night.
Bastard.
( Twizla ...a shrew living on the edge of a bog, extinct on, Sat 11 Jul 2009, 22:52, Reply)

french campsite adventures
Getting horribly pissed in a french campsite bar staggering of to the bog only to fall in the septic tank oh happy days
(raith50, Sat 11 Jul 2009, 8:44, Reply)

Being inspired by movies
Driving at 88mph to see if you go back in time?
Standing at the front of a ship with your arms wide open in the wind?
Running up a beach screaming firing guns?
Refusing to let your bus driver go under 50mph?

Have you ever been so inspired by a film that you've attempted to recreate it, or had it affect your life in some way? Tell us about it.
(Uhmfhshhghd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:46, Reply)

I'm so ashamed to even know me...
In the interests of becoming more assertive, I just got very angry and huffy at a call centre operative. I've spent years being a doormat, and I wasn't going to stand for any of his fob-off excuses...

Until about five minutes into the call, after about three incisive questions from the really nice Irish man on the other end of the line, it transpired that it was completely my mistake, and I'm probably too stupid to even use the Internet, let alone shop on it.

I was so embarrassed, I completely turned tack and became all nice and simpery, thanking him for his time and apologising for being a tit. I could just hear him thinking a few choice epithets at me.

The thing is, I've worked at a call centre. I know what they go through, and how fuckwitted customers can be.

Reader, I am ashamed.

Make me feel better - tell me what you've done to show yourself right up.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:49, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Shopping
We all have to do it, the parking, the crowds of dead eyed zombies, standing behind someone with 11 items in the 10 item or less que and deciding that hangings too good for em, Watching kids wail all the way round Tescos. The rigmarole of returning stuff that dosen't fit. The "fun" that is Ikea.
Its a part of everones life so there must be some more stories out there
(Gru being trolled since 1998, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:47, Reply)

4Chan is 4Losers
I wanna start a fight! Tell uncle B3ta just why he is sooo much better than auntie 4chan!
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 8:30, Reply)

A suggestion by Emms Scracci:
"What next week - lets take the piss out of cancer patients?"

I'm not entirely sure this is the best idea, personally.
( Cawl, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 16:30, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Watching Sport
On my first journey to Stamford Bridge aged 10, I was witness to 2 fights in the stand .

The first : a valiant father who asked the butch skinead behind him to stop swearing infront of his young son who replied..."why don't you take him to the fucking zoo"

The second between a 72 year old man and a young Liverpool fan who had sneaked into the stand and stupidly cheered when they scored.

Any funny stories from the stands and arenas?
(Eggstrovert isnt patronising you...honest..., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:31, Reply)

Robbed
When I was about 14 I was once 'half-mugged' in Wolverhampton before an old man crossed the road and told the would-be thieves that 'Cherry' would be disappointed in them for mugging kids. Tell us your story about thieves.
( Terry_Tibbs Coarse and violent nudity. Occasional language, Tue 7 Jul 2009, 21:25, Reply)

Repeated acts of middling stupidity
What are those slightly stupid actions that you repeat every day? Stubbing your toe on that awkwardly-placed coffee table? Burning your mouth on hot pepperoni pizza? Disabling your laptop's wifi with the stupidly placed button in the front?

What repeated acts of middling stupidity are you victim of?
(SimianKid internet faffer, Tue 7 Jul 2009, 12:45, Reply)

Getting back to nature
Ever get the urge to pack a tent and get back to nature?

Tell us your horror stories (Blair Witch puns will result in instant castration).
(Big Grant, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:51, Reply)

Gadgets gone wrong
Ever designed one, ever used one in anger or the fine art of making lurve only to end up in casualty? Please, we all want to know.
(Big Grant, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:49, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

My biggest ever argument
I once got locked out of my house for a weekend because my then girlfriend didn't like the fact I owned Alanis Morissette cd's.

Tell us about your best ever arguments, rows, and barnies.
(Big Grant, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:47, Reply)

Pretentiousness
I have a mate who went off to public school and came back a complete pretentious prick. Tomato ketchup's not good enough for him since he discovered tartar sauce.

Lets collect together our tales of pretentiousness.
(Big Grant, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:45, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Midgets.
Midgets are great. What encounters have you had with the vertically challenged?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 23:42, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

job interviews
i have just had the most calamitous interview ever, i could not have fucked it up more if had just whipped my cock out and declared my love for bum sex with Alsatian puppies. so what are your stories of interview fuck ups or moments of pure genius?
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:46, Reply)

It's a small world
The other year whilst attending a colleague's leaving do I found myself chatting up one of her mates. After about 20 mins of getting nowhere I gave up and spent the rest of the night playing pool. The next evening on my way home from another do I jumped on the tube did my usual nutter sweep only to find the girl I'd been chatting up the night before holding onto the very same poll I'd just latched onto a second before. Once I'd managed to convince her I wasn't stalking her we had a nice chat then she went her way I went mine and I've never seen her again since.
What's your "It's a small world" story?
( Big Ian has stopped changing his sig, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 17:25, Reply)

BBQ's
Its summer, so lets hear your burning down shed/house, mutilation stories
(Acidhouse, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 16:39, Reply)

Courtroom, more like a circus
I've just finished a two week stint on jury service, despite my reservations it's been a real laugh, some dodgy case of domestic abuse that was like a 6 hour jeremy kyle without the adverts and the bloke behind me sleeping through most of the case.

I'm sure that whether on the jury, as a witness or in the dock there are some good courtroom tales
(bluehamster, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 11:52, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Girls Scream Aloud.
Its been a good week for freedom of speech, and all round common sense: news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/tyne/8124059.stm

So in the spirit of the law, which band would you dismember, and in what order?

For bonus points though, the devil as always, is in the detail.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 0:18, Reply)

Working Abroad
Whether it's been a month, a year, a decade as an expat, tell us your horror/happy stories about working abroad!
(Mr. Cunt put the indy in kindy., Wed 1 Jul 2009, 11:14, Reply)

Tramps.
There have been some excellent stories in previous QOTWs involving tramps, burn-outs and the homeless insane.
Let's collect up our hobo-tales around the burning oil-drum.
( Cawl, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:58, Reply)

belly's gonna get you
In stark contrast to the usual b3tard stereotype, some of us make frequent use of our gym memberships.

Naturally, being a b3tan means that haplessness usually occurs. So far I've broken three exercise bikes and two running machines in pursuit of endorphine nirvana, not to mention concussing myself, grazing my knees and most distressingly, bruising my testicles.

What pitfalls have you had to endure in pursuit of the body beautiful?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:33, 6 replies, latest was 15 years ago)