Retentive Anus
I'd like to hear the most anally retentive thing that other people have done, so I know that putting up a laminated plan to maximise space in the morrisons lift for all shoppers going down to parking with their trolleys isn't that bad.
( Christian's Bolt and Ski, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 14:28, Reply)

Medication Side Effects
Opiates apparently make you feel absolutely great, so it's no wonder people use them recreationally and become addicted. Other things make you gain weight, turn your poop bright pink, or get you drunk.
What inspired me to this QOTW suggestion is the following little story: I tend to get some pretty nasty panic attacks, so my doctor prescribed me Lysanxia to take when necessary. It comes in the form of drops to take with water. I have always hated the taste, but managed to choke it down when I needed it. So today, as I felt that godawful anxiety creeping up yet again, I poured a glass of water, put a few drops of Lysanxia in, took a drink, choked on it - and promptly tossed my cookies. And I am not prone to cookie-tossing AT ALL.
That's how rank the stuff tastes.
(lanternchikk hat eine schwere Bohlenallergie, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 20:57, Reply)

Vaguely Christmas related
Yesterday I was playing in the snow at the station while waiting for my train home. A miserable man about my age gave me a foul look as if to tell me to grow up/act my age. Thing is I was having far too much fun writing in my footprints and throwing snowballs at trees to care.

What childlike behaviour do you never want to lose/have never lost?
(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Tue 22 Dec 2009, 15:41, Reply)

How about a one-word QOTW?
Gullible!
(b3ta_demeter, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 11:47, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Navel gazing
Tell us about your voyages of self-discovery and self-analyses. What insights did you gain and what conclusions did you come up with. Was it something you'd rather not have known, did it unlock valuable facts about yourself, was it just a welcome distraction for you, or did it give you the giggles? Or do you think that navel gazing is just a waste of time? Do tell.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sun 20 Dec 2009, 14:19, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

How's your Christmas spirit?
A friend of mine was walking into a theatre last weekend.
Outside, a Big Issue vendor was hawking his wares. The conversation went like this :

Vendor : "Big Issue miss?"
Friend : "No thanks."
Vendor : "What are you going to see?"
Friend : "Scrooge."

Give us your examples (or not) of the Christmas spirit.
( finnbar has officially retired, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 16:56, Reply)

Public persona
If you met me for the first time you might be fooled into believing that I was an upper middle class, public school boy. An aspiring writer about to sell my first novel who still finds time to go to the gym 3 times a week and party like a fresher every weekend.

In reality my family's working class, I've been working on the same stupid book for 5 years and pretty much only leave the house for ciggarettes, takeaway food and Nintendo Wii sessions at my mates.

Who do you pretend to be in public?

edit: or alternativley have you been found out and your cover blown?
(Bo Nidle Coming back in from the cold., Tue 15 Dec 2009, 21:20, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

flaccid/sahara inducing things said to you mid-coitus
talking during sex is not always the best idea. just recently I've had the startling words "stop looking like you hate me" whispered in my ear, right when I had just started chewing the lemon peel.
(injektilo smoking the weed that killed elvis, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 19:37, Reply)

Most Shameful Wank
Yeah, I took one on the back of the C3 to Chester, because I could see the reflection of the HAWT chick's boobs and thighs reflected in the window as she sat in the front seat. I spooged on the floor and rubbed it in with my trainer. I feel guilty as fuck about this. What's your most shameful wank B3TA?
(goldfish23, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 11:27, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Laughing at the misfortune of others
Since we're all bastards in our own right, why not share times when something has gone badly wrong for someone else, and yet you couldn't help but either stifle your giggles, or even better, guffaw loudly in their stupid fat face.

As a mild example I once pointed and laughed at a man as he stood in what he thought was a shallow puddle at a pedestrian crossing only to end up almost up to his knee in water.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:45, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

That's not where I woke up....
....I once woke up on a boat in Bristol harbor. A pub which I wasn't drinking in the night before and the passenger seat of an abandoned car. All on separate occasions you understand.

Where have you woken up, without having any recollection of getting there?
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:06, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

"It's Christmas"
Last week, I drank so much at a party with colleagues that I lay down on the floor under a table and went to sleep.

I then went home and woke my flatmates up because I couldn't get up the stairs unaided. But it's alright - it's Christmas!

What terrible behaviour have you used the Festive Season to excuse?
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:04, Reply)

Exams
Tried and tested methods of study and why they weren't quite up to scratch on the day.

Tell us all about your horrors and suprise results.
(British Steel was participating in awesomeness on, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 8:17, Reply)

Favourite Christmas songs, and why?
Christmas Shoes by Newsong wants to make me stab my ears out with a blunt knife, but Fairytale of New York will always have a special place in my heart.

What's your favourite Christmas song and why?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 8:03, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Working on Christmas day
Have you ever had to work on a public holiday and watched people falling over drunk left, right and centre?

Tell us your tales, and spare a thought for me, working in Bristol airport on Christmas day.

To be fair, I get paid treble time plus a day in lieu, and I did volunteer, but I feel like moaning anyway.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 9 Dec 2009, 21:08, Reply)

Smashed Childhood Beliefs
Santa! Easter Bunny! The Tooth Fairy!
Being a kid you always had something to look forward to, until somehow that illusion of a fat bearded man in a red suit shimmying down your chimney is shattered by a friend or family member when you're 5 years old.
When or how did you realise that the world isn't secretly filled with gift giving strangers who creep into your house every so often!?
(Midamachewspageoshirkews We don't need another hero, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 13:10, Reply)

Bizarre/Interesting examples/stories told by teachers to keep you interested/make you remember something
Phew,

Quite a few slashes there. What I am getting at is that teachers will often give a story to try and help you remember a formula or keep you interested. Some are pretty cool.

Our physics teacher told us that you could shake down a lamppost if you shook it at is resonant frequency and kept going till it fell over. We tried this later at uni but it made far too much noise.
(Turbo Blackbeard And then squirry the squirrel went nee nee nee nee, Sun 6 Dec 2009, 10:10, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Inappropriate Childish Antics
In a business meeting with a big-wig US boss for a multi-million pound company I decided to sneakily make one guy sitting next to me to fall off his chair, with the awesome result of him almost headbutting the big-wig in the nuts.

When have you let your childishness get the better of you?
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Sun 6 Dec 2009, 9:48, Reply)

Driving
Lets have a good old moaning session about your driving pet peaves.

Is it that foriegn car (or drunken taxi driver) that hogs the Fast lane of the motorway while traveling at 60mph?

What about those drivers that cut out infront of you on roundabouts forcing you to squeal to a stop?

Whatever it is lets get it off our chests.

My biggest hate is nervous "sheep" drivers. Those people that always brake when they see oncoming traffic no matter how much space there is on the road, who have to have a 1/2 mile gap between cars before pulling out, and always start signaling 2-3 turnings before the one the actualy want. If you're that scared of driving, why don't you go get some extra lessons to help your confidence? Right now you're slowing down traffic, aiding congestion and increasing the aggression of those idiots who think that driving on your bumper will make you go faster, until they plow into the back of your car next time you slam on your brakes for a gentle corner.
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 9:06, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Alternatively, Wankers...
Ignore the fact that 'Tis the Season to be Merry by telling us about absolute bastards who've got on the wrong side of you.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 3 Dec 2009, 10:16, Reply)

The Anti-Christ(mas)
People, and things, who have singularly failed to embrace/live up to the Season of Goodwill to all Men.

e.g, work making you take holiday to not work Christmas Eve. Bastards.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 3 Dec 2009, 10:15, Reply)

Stay out of 2010
People you hope never make it to 2010 and why.

Should make for an uplifting holiday QOTW to counter all the sweetness.
(barrycounty, Thu 3 Dec 2009, 2:36, Reply)

Phobias
I've got quite an aversion to spiders. This was not helped when my mate, Doug, tip-toed up behind me and emptied a jar of the fuckers over my face while I was watching TV round at his place.

Phobias - scared of snakes, rats, bees, or hard work? Let us know, its good to share, theraputic...
( SpankyHanky, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 13:01, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Inebriated
What misfortune has beset you whilst under the influence of alcohol? Whilst walking back from the pub with a few mates, we had to cross this bridge across a drain

www.geograph.org.uk/photo/764378

Although it's been tidied up recently, the embankment is usually overgrown with nettles. So we're stumbling along and there's a scream, a lot of groaning and a liberal amount of F-Words. One of our group inadvertantly walked the wrong side of the bridge and fell down the embankment through a huge patch of nettles.

We lean over the edge and watch him has he struggles to his feet and then has to scramble back through the nettles to the road again.
He has been stung everywhere exposed, and I imagine a lot of places that wasn't either. "Look at my arms!" he cries showing off the dozens of small white welts. That's when we noticed two puncture marks. There must have been a snake of sorts in that undergrowth, probably a grass snake, a grass snake that was a bit annoyed at having some pissed up bloke come crashing through it's spot.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 9:10, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Neighbours
I fucking hate them. They play music all night and day, throw parties whenever the mood strikes, and are constantly doing DIY throughout their house, keeping me, my fiancee and my baby awake all night and day. They won't answer their door to us but will happily go galivanting around outside at stupid o'clocl in the morning, before hastily retreating as we open our door to talk to them.

How do you deal with yours?
( Kyazrael Juan, two, three, floor?, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 5:29, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

The wrath of nature
been flooded in cockermouth?, snowed in? sunburnt in unexpected heat spells? When and how has the weather unleashed hell upon you or a friend of a friend?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 29 Nov 2009, 12:33, Reply)

Sexism
Apparently roughly 50% of the world's population is opposite to the type of sex you are. So what makes yours "The Master Sex"?

Discuss, and provide examples and diagrams if necessary. And for fucks sakes, don't give her your car keys either.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Sat 28 Nov 2009, 16:05, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Festival Freakishness
Summer is now long gone, but what was the really freakish thing that happened to you at a festival last summer? Naked mud wrestling or furry animal fancy dress nutters maybe...
( b3tz, Fri 27 Nov 2009, 22:39, Reply)

Falling down
Have you ever been on a separation anxiety-fuelled rampage across an American city? Alternatively, have you ever fallen over or down the stairs and fucked yourself up?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 27 Nov 2009, 21:38, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)