Wank Mishaps
Hmm another partridge idea for a great series err i mean qotw. Once my mate got caught wanking in his neighbours shed, he was doing some gardening from him at the time cos he had had a very serious stroke and couldn't do it himslelf. needless to say the stoke victim caught him in mid stroke. However my mate had the last laugh as his neighbour couldn't comminicate, so all he used to shout when he saw my mate was der der, der der.....I think he was probabaly calling him a wanker.

No offence to stroke victims that was the noise he made, I witnessed it myslef on many occasions and in a way my mate was a bit of a stroke victim :p

Anyway wanking stories, hilarious!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 16:00, Reply)

Handicapped Hilarity
Laughs & giggles for the new year with amusing stories of encounters & observations concerning the wild & wacky mishaps of those with less than total control of their limbs.
(barrycounty, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 15:10, 10 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Prostitute stories
Some of my less facialy gifted mates have visisted prostitues in the past, one of mates did in Bolivia and she was a grandma hugghh hugggh, he had a funny story to go with it....needless to say my request is a hooker related QOTW entitled who wants a divorce if ya missus sees your answers lol
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 17:27, Reply)

Shit Stories
I beleieve that most people find shitting themsleves stories ten times more amusing than puke stories, especially in adulthood....when frankly we should have full control over our bowels....cmon do it! it will be hilarious, i think i have a couple myslef too ;D
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 17:23, Reply)

Weddings
Having read the vomit qotw it reminds me of one wedding where the groom chucked up all over his lovely new wife. What can or has topped that?
(bluehamster, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 14:08, Reply)

Time wasting
I just watched an entire series of Eureka, a fairly boring sci-fi channel offering, while at work because I'm so bloody bored. What's the most interesting way you've found to kill time in a tedious job?
( difficultchild, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 2:38, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Gullible People
Did you know there's no such word as gullible in the oxford english dictionary? Surprised by this? Then this ones about you!
( Muns, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 16:26, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Love
I think a QOTW about love (unrequited or not) would be entertaining. Light blue touchpaper and stand well back... :D
( Bats, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Snow
We've all had snow. Tell us about your snow antics. Did you make a snowman? Did you build an igloo? Did you make a snowman bent over inside and igloo and do shameful but satisfying acts upon it?
(Pavlov'sDog is all out of pavlova, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 19:31, Reply)

Nap time
I've just fallen asleep at my desk while browsing b3ta. Obviously I got caught but the double hit being I was skiving off anyway.

Tell us about the aftermath of nodding off when you shouldn't.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 16:16, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

I dare you

I have eaten, drank and inserted various questionable items just because the ridiculous challenge was preceded by the phrase 'I dare you'...

Yes, I'm an easily led, attention seeking git...but I bet you've all done something ridiculous at one time or another just because someone has dared you to.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Thu 7 Jan 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Bleurrghhh
Last September, I had a big plate of spagbol. I must've picked up a stomach bug because later that day, it all came out again in one go, making the most horrific ear-splitting throat-rattling wretching noise. 20 minutes later, the police knocked on the door. It seems the woman two doors down had heard me, worried that someone was being attacked and phoned the police .

So, what are your vomit stories?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 13:21, Reply)

Snow Days
Tell us your stories of slips, trips and snowmen with nips.
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 13:21, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Irrational behaviour

Do you keep looking for your keys in your jacket pockets even though you've already looked there? Why?

I bought some underpants last year, stretchy, brief-type. They were pretty comfortable and I liked them. After a couple of washes though, they went out of shape and would turn into very uncomfortable thongs after ten minutes. They are still in my pants drawer though, I don't want to throw them out...in case they regain their shape miraculously. Why do I keep them?

What do you do that is totally irrational out of superstition, habit or just plain stupidity?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 12:17, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Irony
have we had irony?
I was just now walking past the crematorium when the fire alarm went off.
Nearly wet myself laughing - sorry, mourners.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 6 Jan 2010, 15:35, Reply)

How about
health and safety gone mad?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 6 Jan 2010, 11:48, Reply)

HR run-ins
Human Resources for any company are paid to deal with all the personal stuff that might happen to affect your job. This usually means fucking up your monthly pay, changing holidays unannounced and changing your rota on your days off.

How have your HR ruined your day today?
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 6 Jan 2010, 9:20, Reply)

I'm a Star Trek fan
I like watching the movies and series, I don't go to conventions with a Cornish pasty taped to my forehead. Anyway, I realised I hadn't seen the 7th film, Generations - the one where Kirk meets Picard through some plot device. So when I saw it cheap on Amazon I snapped it up. It was utter garbage.

When was the last time you said "Well that was a fat fucking waste of money"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 14:11, Reply)

and another thing
How come the entire country comes to a fucking standstill when we have some snow. When I was a kid in 70s and 80s, everything just carried on as normal. People went to work, the buses ran on time (although a bit slower) and the council didn't run out of grit. The only time I remember our school closing was when I was 5 during the winter of discontent when the school ran out of coal and we got two days off.

Now people just use the snow as an excuse to stay of work the skiving gets.

Let's have a rant-a-thon and get everything off your chest.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 13:20, Reply)

The cunt that last fucked you over...
I have just been royally fucked over by someone. I'm angry as fuck. Tell us when you last got fucked over, and what the consequences for you and them were.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 5 Jan 2010, 3:42, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Inappropriate things to shout during sex
Mine would be a rocky-esque 'ADRIAAAAAAAAAAAN'

What have you, should you, or would you shout during sex that you thought was great? Was it?

Funny, true, fake or worrying, who cares, I've reached the vinegar strokes and nothing's going to stop me!
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Sun 3 Jan 2010, 21:39, 7 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Bizarre Mastrurbatory Techniques
I just spotted on the image challenge that apparently one B3tard wanks with a sponge? I've read Portnoy's Complaint - jars of liver and all that. I am also aware of the premise of 'American Pie'.

What odd implements, lubricants and situations assist you in your solo journey to popsville?
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sun 3 Jan 2010, 0:57, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

what's the cleverest thing you've ever said
tell us your bon mots and pithy comebacks

i don't remember any of mine, but people do sometimes quote things back to me that I have apparently said
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 14:42, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Ordinary things that gross you out that other people find completely normal
I was left in charge of cooking the Christmas dinner this year due to unforeseen circumstances and as such had to sort out the beast of a bird that needed cooking. My mother found it hilarious that I was grossed out by putting my hand inside the turkey and ripping out the fat and giblets, considering the job that I do. The fact that I routinely don latex gloves when dealing with animals, dead or alive seemed to have escaped her.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 22:15, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Tell us!
What you did for fun drunken xmas times or arguments you had. Be it wii remote in the face to dog having eaten all the turkey or maybe one of your family members didn't get you what you wanted ensuring in ungrateful shouting.
(Just Me being probed by aliens since, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 18:14, Reply)

Most Pathetic Start to an Argument
Earlier this year I was walking down the stairs, when my foot hit one of the steps funny and I ended up flying towards the hallway, landing with a near-paralysing crunch on the floor. My gran hears the bang and runs into the scene of my near death, takes one look at me and screams "WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?"
A bit annoyed at this reaction, I took one quizzical look at her, still sprawled on the floor, and replied with the ever witty "I fell down the stairs you retard, what does it look like?"
She only started talking to me five days later. What's the most pathetic way you've started an argument?
(SpamHammer thinks the world will end on, Sat 26 Dec 2009, 13:42, Reply)

2 weeks
My suggestion is to have the current QOTW run an extra week.

If it happens, I claim all credit for the idea being acted on.

Edit: Since the QOTW was changed (though late) I now take full credit for that happening.
(barrycounty, Fri 25 Dec 2009, 3:36, Reply)

Obvious choice
tell us what you got for Christmas. Was it a shiny new toy? Something you needed for the house? A visit from someone dear? Vigorous oral sex?

Give us a warm and fuzzy story to follow up the stories of laughing at someone else's pain.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 25 Dec 2009, 2:37, Reply)

Oh god, I ust ot so drunk that I can oly remember flashbacks.
I'm talkin' srious serious drunk, i can't remmmber anythin. I think I'm still wasted, need to drink a ton of water so not to wake up shitfaced.

I made like £100 on the roulllette machine and spunked it all on drink.

I htrew up in a cab =/
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 22:33, 1 reply, 15 years ago)