Cute things kids say
Apparently, aged about 3, i piped up loudly in church with "Mummy, why is that man talking to a duck?" as the reader started his spiel behind a large sculpture of an eagle.

In the style of countless naff, but secretly very funny, ITV filler guff, what is the cutest thing that you've said as a young'un?
(donksta, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 0:10, Reply)

Art imitates life
Have you ever seen something in a movie or on TV that happened to you before you saw it? For example, you had a crazy dream where your mouth disappeared before you saw "The Matrix"
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Mon 27 Jun 2005, 11:35, Reply)

New sports club
I am trying to start a club with the intention of inventing a new sport. Currently no one has joined. what clubs have you tried to start? why did they fail? or not i guess.
(kitandholly is dangerous when bored, Sun 26 Jun 2005, 21:58, Reply)

how about...
people you're jealous of, and why
(frozen treat, Sun 26 Jun 2005, 20:56, Reply)

how about...
your favourite thing of all time? like an item of clothing that molds you in to a very attractive shape, or a cup that makes coffee taste better than all the other cups, or a games console that has stuck by you through good times and bad?
(frozen treat, Sun 26 Jun 2005, 20:56, Reply)

QOTW
How about stupid things that people say?

I work in a bar and friday night's tend to be 'local chav night'.
Some of the stupid things they say:
* Whilst on the cloakroom:
Me- What are your initials?
Them- What?
Me-YOUR INITIALS so i can take your coat
Them- oh, dave smith
Me-so that'll be d.s then right?
Them- What?
Me-Nevermind div head.

* Whilst at the bar:
Them-pint of Carling please.
Me-We only have pints and bottles of XXXX and Stella
Them-Got any rolling rock?
Me-Does it look like it? Like i said we only have pints and bottles of Castelmaine XXXX and Stella.
Them-uurrr, a triple X and a Stella then.
Me- sorry we don't do movie heros.and is that a PINT or a BOTTLE you thickheaded idiot?

I hate people who can't read or listen to the few words that we have to say at work.
(Fille, Sun 26 Jun 2005, 20:26, Reply)

The drunken parent cringe-a-thon
What's the most embarrassing thing your parents have said while drunk?

Once while smashed off her face at my 21st birthday party my mother decided to regale ALL of my friends with stories from my youth.

Or to be more precise, stories about her and my father having sex, when I was a youth. Including the amount of pillow biting she had to do so me and my brother wouldn't hear them.

As if that mental image wasn't horrific enough, she then admitted that they used to put vaseline on the door handle of their bedroom so our littler fingers couldn't get a grip and open the door.

If someone hadn't held me down I would have ran off to try and rinse my brain with bleach.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Fri 24 Jun 2005, 13:01, Reply)

Restaurant baiting
Something along the lines of stuff you've done in a restaurant to be annoying. Like the time I screamed "beefs" at the poor sod on the drive thru at McDonalds.
(Karl avec un K I am an England fan, Fri 24 Jun 2005, 9:46, Reply)

Goodun
The weirdest thing youve ever found in your food
(Randall4k, Thu 23 Jun 2005, 13:45, Reply)

Tell us about.....
Interesting imitations or actions you can do with your body parts. I had a mate who would grab the base of his bollocks and squeezed them until they ballooned. He'd then draw two eyes on them and wander around asking everyone if they wanted to see ET
(ElGatodeBarco, Thu 23 Jun 2005, 12:53, Reply)

secrets about other people (you think) only you know....


or : things you'd like to do but are to afraid to do.

... while serching for pron i for instance found very nsfw piccies of a friend i lost touch with on abbywinters.com (nsfw)

i think no one else knows.

i'm still wondering what to do about it. tell her i know... send her mates... blackmail her (she didn't screw me over or anything. but she is closer to an ex-mate of mine who turned out a twunt - maybe i can get back to him and send him the pics with her reply to addess... his wife would love that i'm sure)... just say "hello, long time no see"...

suggestions to bierbelly-at-gmail-dot-com

ta.
( bierbelly, Thu 23 Jun 2005, 12:47, Reply)

Let Us Be a Bit Fluffier
Some of the last QOTW fave been a forum for rants.

How about we describe what we love about our villages / towns / cities / countries?

I have moved to Sydney and it is winter. It's a lovely change to be so cold after sweltering for months. The sky is clear and crisp, and to rug up in gloves and scarves is fun.

Being from London, I miss the balmy days and the fact it stays light so late, and I miss the lovely long evenings sitting in a beer garden with all the gorgeous flowers.

Tell us what you love about where you live...
( Strangey is present at, Thu 23 Jun 2005, 12:25, Reply)

Religious jokes
In response to a new government bill which officially eliminated religious hatred, but actually prevents us from telling religious jokes (most of which are funny and in reasonably good taste), I think we should all make a real effort to defy the government and the nanny state in the most amusing way ever.

That's right folks, give us your religious jokes.
(Mr_Jums, Thu 23 Jun 2005, 11:27, Reply)

Craziest drug experience
Having matured into a sensible adult person I enjoyed my youth by not doing drugs but mostly watching other people.. Once such experience was my friend who soon after watching Terminator 2 then (unbeknown to him) digested a entire swiss roll laced with LSD tabs and saw Eastbourne vapourize in its rightful glory.
What has been your craziest drug experience ? (Personal or observed)
(The_artist_formally_known_as_alz0r, Wed 22 Jun 2005, 23:51, Reply)

Um
how about... ever been bummed?

or whats the worst porn yove ever seen?
(Limited IQ, Wed 22 Jun 2005, 21:38, Reply)

What was your most Horrid / Amusing dining experience?
Having my 8-yr old cousin go into Burger King, order a Whopper with all the salad dressing etc and then announcing to the whole restaurant that "Slitheens had shat on his Burger."

The shame..
(FightingComet got Boost Power on, Wed 22 Jun 2005, 19:22, Reply)

Maybe as an annex to the main QOTW
Most random person you fancy.

Perhaps everyone could just put down the name at the end of their answer to the main question, maybe as a substitute for hilarious jokes about length...
(Sir Ian Blair, Wed 22 Jun 2005, 15:48, Reply)

I was so bored one day I....
Shaved off all my pubic hair
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Wed 22 Jun 2005, 14:15, Reply)

username
ok so it's sheer nosiness. but how did some people get/think of their b3ta tags???
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jun 2005, 11:56, Reply)

your most pathetic thoughts
today whils reading the QOTW I wondered why their wernt any scrolling arrows to shift between pages. I felt that pressing a WHOLE NEW NUMBER every time was too mutch work.

tell us your most petty thoughts, even if thier as pathetic as when I strained a jaw muscle yawning.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 16:24, Reply)

Fool for love
Tell us the amusing things you've done to try and impress a suitor that seemed like a great idea at the time before the sense brought about by hindsight.

Mine would be attempting to convey my love in singsong style at three in the morning with an out of tune guitar (and mouth)
(oseany, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 4:25, Reply)

What is the worst situation a piece of clothing has got you into?
Mine was boxer shorts caught round a door handle. They ripped right off. Bloody embarrising.

Nearly strangled yourself with a G-string? Do tell...
(Fwapper Has just got a new PC =), Mon 20 Jun 2005, 21:11, Reply)

Thou shall not kill
But I did (it was an acciddent/on purpose)
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Mon 20 Jun 2005, 17:17, Reply)

What makes you a freak?
What intresting things can you do or do you have? My eyes are different colours, and I can bend my thumb backwards 90 degrees, but I bet that there are many more freakish and unkempt people on b3ta. So do you have 16 toes? Can you sing at a frequency known to shatter glass? I want to know.
( Lightguy hail satan, Mon 20 Jun 2005, 16:16, Reply)

I Know You're My Mate, But...
Today I was walking through the park with a mate. Suddenly he grinned at me and said "There's some girls over there doing handstands and you can see their knickers!" I looked round. They were about six years old.

What psycho things have your friends done recently which have made you feel like they should be sectioned?
(CerberaSpeedTwelve, Mon 20 Jun 2005, 0:16, Reply)

following instructions
when should you really have followed the instructions?
(riedacher_bertram, Fri 17 Jun 2005, 14:03, Reply)

almost dar winner
almost darwin? i thought it made a nice pun...

SHUT UP!

anyway...
what have you done that should have resulted you being nominated for a darwin award? ie: almost lost sexual organs/life.
(riedacher_bertram, Fri 17 Jun 2005, 14:01, Reply)

Experiences...
...you wish that you had tried years and years ago!
(cilit_mong, Thu 16 Jun 2005, 15:40, Reply)