driving incidents
have you been a victim of dangerous driving?
(vitch, Fri 26 Aug 2005, 11:48, Reply)

GHOST STORYS
I was once bummed by a spectre.

Oh, no sorry that was Phil Spectre....

and I wasn't bummed.... I was shot....

I am a ghost.
Now yours....
(JinDod, Fri 26 Aug 2005, 10:18, Reply)

';,,;'
"Will you go out with me?"
It'd be nice to hear it from someone.
Especially not from a 50 year old fat balding guy on instant messaging systems. "[email protected]" I'm on to you...
( ' ; , , ; ', Fri 26 Aug 2005, 2:31, Reply)

people you absolutely hate ,and why.
i work in a dirty hole ,and my immediate sup.no ,i cant say it.the person who is on the next level of management is an absolute fool who cant even do sums,is a ginge,stays doing overtime and sits doing zip,kisses butt to keep the senior management sweet and bullies the younger staff.
i hate him and i want to torture the freak.
(discodaz *generic witty comment*, Fri 26 Aug 2005, 0:37, Reply)

Victims of crime
I once lived in a pikey area where we were burgled by the next-door neighbour's kids. I didn't mind their taking everything and flooding the house so much as their carefully hiding a pair of pants in my bedroom complete with the biggest skid mark the world has ever seen. The police declined to take them for DNA testing. What crime have you been the victim of?
( Olembe Refuses to write in this space, Thu 25 Aug 2005, 8:49, Reply)

Hideous Airplane trips
Once was on a trip from Singapore to Bangalore and one of the high(low)lights of the trip was to see someone washing their hands with water (after they had just eaten dinner with fingers) WHILE SITTING AT THEIR BLOODY SEAT. Result: water trickling its way along the floor this way and that with th plane's movements. Of course the bogs were hell too! Some parts of this plane ride, I have excised from my memory.
(sunbomb, Wed 24 Aug 2005, 21:27, Reply)

I took one for the team!
Once I had to spend 2 hours “distracting” a fat Munter just so my mate could get in with her fit friend. Name any instant when you served the greater good and took one for the team!
(Minty Hit, Wed 24 Aug 2005, 13:24, Reply)

one for the oldies
question of the week should be

what nowadays is classed as dangerous compared with 10 20 30 years ago

skateboarding now for one :)
collecting melted tar from main roads etc
(collector, Tue 23 Aug 2005, 17:09, Reply)

Drunk/Stupid Bets / Drunk/Stupid Bets Gone Wrong
Over the years I've ended up with a pierced nipple and a tattoo drawn by a trainee tattoo artist - in his first week of training. My friend Jim is now legally known as Zooton Feaver and his friend Bond, James Bond after a series of druken tupenny bets.
(Let's all have an asbo, Tue 23 Aug 2005, 9:47, Reply)

This is only in capitals so it stands out, i am not being a cunt
WHY NOT DO A QUESTION OF THE WEEK ABOUT THE BEST GRAFFITI YOU EVER SAW?
(David Fishwick Minibus Sales - notmad.co.uk, Sun 21 Aug 2005, 20:48, Reply)

Get back at bullies
I actidently knocked the baddest bully in sthe school's lights out for a few moments when joining a conga line in the playground. For some bizzare reason i made a motion with my right arm with fist cletched like i wanted to punch someone lookng over my right shoulder. turns out He was tring to pull my skirt down and got smashed in the face breaking his glasses.

I got a dead leg from him when he woke which i told my teacher after limping to the nurses office (his family were shits, his little brother in first year broke a nursery kids arm)
and he got suspended.

Also once my mum got cornered by 4 girls after school once, and head butted one when she tried to escape breaking a nose! YAy!
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Sun 21 Aug 2005, 1:01, Reply)

Barbecue disasters
Once rolled up pissed at a barbie. Tripped and fell right onto the bloody thing. Cue trip to hospital and transfer to burns unit. OK now though. Any other barbecue idiocy out there?
(BlackAjah, Sat 20 Aug 2005, 22:22, Reply)

Youngest of three
Someone plzzz talk to me,all this talk of siblings hasmade me sad.....my two are cnuts
(Jetboy75, Sat 20 Aug 2005, 7:41, Reply)

Just remembered
Got the cnut back, told him a trip would calm him for his interview the next day ha ha ha ha,he didn't get the job, now who's the CNUT ha ha ha ha ........ Has anyone got any sleepers......
(Jetboy75, Sat 20 Aug 2005, 7:38, Reply)

Same brother
Made me snifff wart remover and told me it was poppers,same effect(sort of) headache and wart free nose. CNUT !!!
(Jetboy75, Sat 20 Aug 2005, 7:36, Reply)

Bastard Bothers
Fuck me its earky,so sorry still a little pissed,
when I was 6 yrs old my brother blew pepper in my eyes telling me it was tinkerbell dust, blinded me for two days.cnut !!
(Jetboy75, Sat 20 Aug 2005, 7:31, Reply)

Parental corporal punishment
Reading responses to Sibling injuries QOTW it became obvious that most B3tans have fond memories of savage beatings at the hands of their parents something most kids of today will never appreciate given bloody PC attitudes. What sadistic and inventive methods of non-lethal punishment did your parents inflict on you?
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Fri 19 Aug 2005, 16:42, Reply)

How did your phobia begin?
I'm five. One of my front teeth has become quite loose. For lunch I enjoy a delicious bologna-and-white-bread sandwich. When I finish the sandwich, I am missing a front tooth. The tooth is nowhere to be found. I didn't touch another bologna sandwich for over fifteen years.
( madrabbit is fully prepared, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 10:06, Reply)

Petty acts of rebellion....
Personally, I like to drive round mini roundabouts the wrong way when no-one's looking, and I only wear brown trainers to work instead of the regulation smart shoes.

The satisfaction is immeasurable- what do you do to stick it to the man?

Fight the Power! Fuck the pigs! etc
(this is a shit username, Thu 18 Aug 2005, 18:39, Reply)

Exploitations of gullibilty
I only suggest this because of a particularly good story of my own. The long and short of it is, a friend and I convinced another guy (fully 17 years old) that we were drug dealers, and we managed to persuade him to make a London-Manchester round trip to make a 'pick-up'. With no pay. Full details of further exploits with this pathetic specimen to follow, provided this is QOTW
(Mr_Jums, Thu 18 Aug 2005, 17:00, Reply)

Lapses of concentration....
Whilst concentrating on a Suduko puzzle I just answered the phone to a customer, and instead of introducing myself and asking how I could help I just said "Hello, 1,2,3,4..." Then pissed myself laughing before hanging up.

My colleague's think I'm mental and my job's in danger- what are the consequences of your fuck wittedness?
(this is a shit username, Thu 18 Aug 2005, 15:45, Reply)

most rubbish B3ta question of the week.....
I think this weeks question(teenage poetry) would be a very strong contender!

Discuss.
(scratchy, Thu 18 Aug 2005, 12:43, Reply)

Greatest rip-offs.
When I flew into London in July (from the US), I had 4 hours to wait at Kings Cross. Of course I found a handy pub, and got talking to a chap. He was very interested in my US Dollars, and wanted to know if he could buy some off me. I gave him about $15 (in small bills and change), and told him not to worry about it. He insisted on giving me £25. Result!
What's been your best rip-off?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 17 Aug 2005, 17:16, Reply)

Small victories
Life is a series of small victories.

My particular favourite is to drive up to a free pump at the station, bypassing all the drivers waiting for a pump on the same side as their petrol cap, make it very obvious that the tube reaches around BOTH sides of the car, fill up, pay and return to the car giving the slightest of smug grins to the driver who still hasnt moved.

Makes my day that does. What small victory makes yours?
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Wed 17 Aug 2005, 16:53, Reply)

FYI
I opened the communal fridge a few months back to discover a tupperware box with a handwritten note on it that said "Talia's stuff - do not open, touch or look at or I will hunt you down and kill you, and you will die a horrible horrible death. T x"

So, what um, friendly handwritten messages have been left by friends and colleagues for all to read and take warning from?

(Personally, at school I used to go round writing 'Help! I'm stuck inside the whiteboard!' in mirror writing before the rest of the class came in)
( Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Wed 17 Aug 2005, 15:34, Reply)

Conversation stoppers-
Situations where somebody drops something into an otherwise normal conversation that leads to awkward silence. Can't immediately think of an example, you know the sort of thing though. Like when your gran randomly announces a liking for anal sex during a family dinner or something. Not that mine has, I hasten to add.


And I mean just anal sex, not her enjoying anal sex, but only during a family dinner. That'd just be weird.
( Shrub Rocketeer is a twisted emotional husk, Tue 16 Aug 2005, 22:51, Reply)

Knob splinter
I just reminded my
brother of the time he got a splinter stuck in his knob from climbing a tree with no undies under his baggy shorts.
What can you embarrass your siblings with?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 15 Aug 2005, 15:33, Reply)

egg
how many eggs could you eat in an hour?


now thats a question
(who, Mon 15 Aug 2005, 12:31, Reply)

Everyone has shit themselves
at one time or another. The odd fart that follows through to a dose of detonative bum squirts which catch one by surprise at the worst possible moment.
Do you have some sniper-shit related shinnanagans?
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 15 Aug 2005, 10:04, Reply)

I wish I'd thought of that at the time
When insulted, it's often hard to think of a comeback line at the time, but a corker often dawns on you later which you really wish been there at the moment it was needed. Examples.....
(Sonic promises not to spray it in her eyes next time!, Mon 15 Aug 2005, 1:53, Reply)