Things you tried, but then gave up.
Your favourite squirrel stories.
Where's the oddest place you've woken up in?
Have you ever been birwatching?
My favourite Mike Oldfield album.
Penal reform: discuss (any knob gags leads to the answerer being publicly flayed.)
The things I have done for the love of my idol.
My most fascinating encounter with Local Government.
( caldini Have you seen my polar bear?, Fri 23 Sep 2005, 3:22, Reply)

Childhood Nicknames
Whats been your childhood nicknames? Some good? Some bad?
(CrystalGreen, Thu 22 Sep 2005, 17:43, Reply)

Recipes II - The Burning
Just to narrow down workboresme's suggestion, how about your scummiest, cheapest, 2-days-before-dole-day recipes? What CAN you do with pot noodles, onion and the skin scraped off your heels?
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Wed 21 Sep 2005, 13:59, Reply)

Where are they now?
tell us about people you thought were gone forever from your lives poppping up in strange places.

I thought Id never see some cunt who used to beat me up in school again till he tried to steal my pizza at a music festival.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 21 Sep 2005, 13:50, Reply)

Prove it!
what is the stupidest thing you've done to prove a point?

Mine was licking a scalectrix track to prove to a m8 it wouldent hurt. I was very verry wrong.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 21 Sep 2005, 13:43, Reply)

I like the exam story
I recall a number of peoples GCSEs were ruined at my old secondary school because they had to sit near a stoner who hadent washed in a month. Maths is hard enough without the constant reek of ganja and B.O. distarcting you.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 21 Sep 2005, 13:39, Reply)

what's your favourite film and why (boring I know, but could throw up some interesting results)

( mrlogic is copying your beard, Wed 21 Sep 2005, 12:17, Reply)

The Aristocrats
How about everyone posts their own version of a set joke...
(Mildred is a slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler, Wed 21 Sep 2005, 12:10, Reply)

tests and exams
In my last driving test the examiner suggested I open my window as I was sweating like a french rapist and gasping for air. I accidentally opened his, and when he tried to close it I opened it again. up/down/up/down. And in my GSCE French exam Dawn pissed herself, jumped up and her wee hit me in the face. I would like to hear everyone's comedy exam stories.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Tue 20 Sep 2005, 19:43, Reply)

Ideas for QOTW
Which celeb gets on your tits just by breathing? Celebs you really cannot stand. For example- i FUCKING DETEST Paul McCartney- the bloke makes me spit bile- why? he just does. end of. twunt

and dont even get me started on Miss Campbell
(Keyser Soze, Tue 20 Sep 2005, 13:47, Reply)

NOO NOO
I agree with the noo noo.

Crazy kids would be funny.

and

CAUGHT YOU!!

is also excellent

Pick one of those.

I once caught a crazy kid bumming a cat
(JinDod, Tue 20 Sep 2005, 13:35, Reply)

Chat up lines
Lets help get more B3tans laid: we all know the usual 'did you hurt yourself...when you fell from heaven', 'you must be a parking ticket, cos you've got 'Fine' written all over you' bollocks, but what was the last inventive chat up line that you heard or used?

My personal favourite was the guy who tired the line 'let's play the tiger game - you kneel down and I'll throw you some meat'. Didn't work , but that has more to do with the fact he was dull and ugly.

Share your successes and failures and lets turn B3tans everywhere into lean, mean, chat up machines.
(kitteny_goodness, Mon 19 Sep 2005, 22:30, Reply)

That crazy kid in your school
Come on, EVERYONE had a crazy kid in their school. Maybe even their class.
we want to hear teh worst. Wild, mad, attention-seeking behaviour. filthy habits. what happened to them eventually (e.g. carted off to a mental hospital, the works)

I remember, back in my primary school days, a kid who was the first one we knew that had a Mega Drive (back when they were the best gadget around)
We would ask him "Do you have a MegaDrive?"
And he would repl, in a really false, low voice (he was 6 or 7)"YES."
"Why don't you play on it?"
"BECAUSE MY GRAN KEEPS IT IN THE TOWEL CUPBOARD."

Obviously, asking him never got boring.
( Noo_Noo Is now 'BeerElf Jnr', I guess :), Sun 18 Sep 2005, 16:08, Reply)

The idiocy of local councils
Northants County Council always put in fucking stupid diversons whenever part of the A14 is closed so that no-one can get in or out of East Anglia without getting hopelessly lost. This is probably why there are so many Joey Deacon-alikes in the more barren parts of East Anglia (eg. Ipswich)

What infuriating things have your local mandarins been up to?
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 17 Sep 2005, 23:59, Reply)

Recipes
C'mon, what's your best recipe?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 17 Sep 2005, 3:29, Reply)

A camper van
What would your ideal camper van contain? Inspired by this - www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1537344.html?menu=
( Misterk1973 been a hanging around these here parts since, Fri 16 Sep 2005, 13:47, Reply)

rubbish transport
my worst car was a datsun 120y-mustard and choclate two tone paint and a lingering smell of urine.i also had a motorbike that always stopped working at inappropriate times(in the middle of busy major junctions.)my partner once had a mini that was 1/3 newspaper covered with filler.what is the crappest form of personal transport you have owned?
(discodaz *generic witty comment*, Thu 15 Sep 2005, 23:18, Reply)

CAUGHT YOU!
What have you caught people doing?
Did your dad think he could get away with bumming the cat while you popped off to the shops? Ever walked in on your boss having a wank into the waste paper bin? Did one of your friends at school lend you a video that he thought was "Monster Trucks" but instead was actually a video of him eating his own sister out?

Tell all.
(Flagrant Tendencies, Thu 15 Sep 2005, 19:01, Reply)

Bad Advice
Whats the single worst bit of advice anyone has ever given you?
(Minty Hit, Thu 15 Sep 2005, 9:28, Reply)

Good Advice
What’s the single best bit of advice anyone has ever given you?
(Minty Hit, Thu 15 Sep 2005, 9:28, Reply)

BEARS!
Everyone loves to hear a good wildlife scare story. People are always talking about that "run-in" with the bear, tiger or llama they had while jogging the other day. Ask about some of those. If we're lucky, we'll hear about how some bugger lost an arm and is now a bum. with a computer.
(Davmaster is not a quadrispazz, Thu 15 Sep 2005, 5:33, Reply)

QOTW - Silly Games
Am in a job where a large group of us travel by coach long distances all year. We invent games to conquer the boredom the latest of which is unrolling a metal retractable tape measure until it bends - longest wins. We are bored again and facing more journeys help us please.
(mrsmoketoomuch, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 21:22, Reply)

Worst day ever

(Pimms'N'Lemonade thinks you are a twat, prove me wrong., Wed 14 Sep 2005, 21:16, Reply)

P*O*R*N Names
If you use your Pets first name and your Mum's maiden name/ street name you get your P*O*R*N Name. Work great on some people. Mines poor: Poppy Ward!

Can anyone do better?
(bectoria, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 15:03, Reply)

People Rachelswipe should be involved with ...
in preference to her "incontinent alcoholic hose beast" boss?
(Throbbe, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 14:44, Reply)

backfiring practical jokes

( loko, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 9:35, Reply)

some christmases ago,
I got drunk on something liquerice and Greek, thought licking my brand new plasma ball in front of the mirror would be a smashing idea, and promptly electricuted my tounge. I done something similar last year, involving vodka and a dodgy microwave that someone had opened up to fix and left open, it's glittering fuseboard thingy like a bright light to my mothlike hand.
This year I'm hoping to do something with fairylights and whiskey.

What stupid (and possibally life-threatening) traditions have you started over the years?
( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 3:57, Reply)

gavD
I overheard the end of a conversation that finished with "...and I said to him, thank God I'm not a halibut."

I've always wanted to know what led up to that, I like to think it was something really odd and/or funny but it was probably just fish-gutting
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Tue 13 Sep 2005, 11:56, Reply)

Certainly not my Dad...
Have you ever disasterously mistaken a stranger for a loved one?

At a water park at around the age of nine, I ran up behind my 'Dad' and graciously leaped in to the air, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck.

The only upside was the look on his face was totally priceless.

Oh the shame.
( Argh. There be scallys in the ranks., Tue 13 Sep 2005, 11:34, Reply)

Full stories
Tonight, my friend Ben and I were walking home from a house party at 3 in the morning. Passing a house, we heard an unearthly scream. Conversation immediately ceased as we turned towards the source of the sound. A voice came from the house:

"OH MY GOD! I've just burned my cock on the hob!"

What witnessed events would you like to know the full story of?
(gavD, Sun 11 Sep 2005, 3:22, Reply)