Probably been asked before but...
What's the strangest place you've unrinated when drunk? I'm not sure I'd know where to begin...
( hYpe is haunted by humans, Fri 31 Mar 2006, 22:04, Reply)

How about...
The time you thought you were hot-shit but in retrospect you just looked like a spazmo. Why did I wear day-glo pink cycling shorts with mismatched jelly shoes and an alice band with my name written on it? ANd why did doing that dance in the middle of the circle at the school disco seem like such a good idea?
(schnuff, Fri 31 Mar 2006, 18:41, Reply)

Cruel nicknames
What nicknames have you bestowed upon poor unsuspecting victims/had bestowed upon you and why?
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Fri 31 Mar 2006, 16:30, Reply)

April Fools' Day
Perhaps this has already been suggested but given the time of year and since it's never been a QOW, the question could be:

What is your greatest April Fools' Day memory?

What tricks, successful or failed, have emanated from the warped neural paths of B3tans?
(chrisdalby, Fri 31 Mar 2006, 1:43, Reply)

birth stories
I was about a week late being born. To try and induce birth, my mother went to the cinema to see the film Alien. Tried to scare herself into labour. Didn't work.

When I was eventually born, the first thing I did was piss all over my dad (9 months worth of wee). He had to drive home topless with his shirt drying on the car aerial.

What funny things happened when you were born?

edit: incidentally, if you count backwards nine months from your birth date, you'll be surprised how close you come to a significant event for your conception - mine was my dad's birthday.
( mrlogic is copying your beard, Thu 30 Mar 2006, 15:25, Reply)

What little things really cunt you off?
A couple of years ago, I was buying some grumble from a newsagent in Wembley and the old prick infront of me was talking to the shopkeep.
"You all right?" the chav hag said.
"No, I'm half left!" said the old man.

Oh how they laughed - I did not see the funny side. In fact, for some reason this got my blood boiling and I really wanted to skull-fuck both of them.

What random, and seemingly innocent, events really make you want to go Uncle Ben?
(misteroz, Thu 30 Mar 2006, 13:53, Reply)

why did b3tans choose their usernames?
mine came from someone asking what an FP was and i provided a list of possible answers to the acronym, including Fudgy Poker, Flapping Penguin, and Figurative Pineapple. The name grew from there to have more meaning personally. And now I use it in everyday life as a pseudonym. So where did yours come from?
( mrlogic is copying your beard, Wed 29 Mar 2006, 18:36, Reply)

Sex Sales
We need a question of the week that is something to do with sex, they are the most interesting ones and there hasn't been one for a while. Something along the lines of "things girls/boys do in bed that are really annoying" or "worst/best ever sexual experience". Maybe I'm just too horny for my own good!!!
(T2DaBone, Wed 29 Mar 2006, 14:50, Reply)

weird childhood games
Surely most people had a 'make believe' game that required a lot of imagination when they were at primary school.

Surely amongst those people, there are a few who played really weird make believe games that may or may not have revealed that they would turn out weird/kinky/sadistic in later life?

I used to get my friend's younger brother to tie me up because I was a 'dragon' and he was meant to be 'the evil wizard'

In truth though (although I was only nine or so) I got a kinky kick out of being tied up.

Fucked up yes.
(you_always_felt_like_suede, Mon 27 Mar 2006, 0:29, Reply)

D&D Stories
Come on quite a lot of us must have had true moments of hilarity in playing this fine game. Any stormings off, people taking it too seriously or stray magic missles?
(Pimms'N'Lemonade thinks you are a twat, prove me wrong., Mon 27 Mar 2006, 0:12, Reply)

"Challenges you wish you'd never responded to (or issued)?
I feel a bit guilty about this one but here goes ...

A few years ago I was on a residential 3 week rehabilitation course at a well known orthopaedic hospital as a result of breaking a few vertebrae (another story). Also on the same ward were a few patients who had had an arm removed due to something to do with a problem with a nerve (brachioplexus or something?). Apparently the only cure was to lop the arm off and the consultant was an expert at this. People came from miles away to have this done; the subject of my story was from Ireland.

Of course we weren't ill and were allowed to sit out until late at night with a beer or two and set the world to rights, the nurses even let us use their fridge.

Well about 1am one morning a guy with only one arm was cracking on about how he could do anything that a person with two arms could do - and wouldn't let it rest!

I argued and he was having none of it - so I told him I could prove that he couldn't.

He accepted the challenge.

I clapped.

* Winner! *


Bit unkind and sometimes I feel guilty ('ish).


Length - well you need two arms to hold out to measure it.
(lozzzz, Sat 25 Mar 2006, 22:00, Reply)

Internet anonymity my arse
My brother just called me and as I've never told him I use the name 'Squash' I was surprised to hear him say 'Hello Squash'.

Turns out he reads B3ta as well and got suspicious about my identity from the 'In the army now' QOTW and then confirmed his suspicions by reading the other answers I'd given regarding relatives and family holidays.

Have you ever been identified through the internet?
(Squash, Sat 25 Mar 2006, 12:16, Reply)

What Notable Strange Dream Have You Had?
And not those occasional, symbolic, aquatic dreams that only signify you have to pee. Have you ever predicted the future, or solved a puzzle, or had an out-of-body experience?

Ever since I was a child, I've dreamt of being carried safely in the womb of Diesel locomotives.....
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Sat 25 Mar 2006, 4:34, Reply)

inappropriate fart moments
My mate once farted on a wooden chair in a posh boardroom meeting, and had to leave the room because he was giggling so much.

I once farted loudly and comedically as a close friend was sharing some depressing issues he was struggling with.

I reckon we've all farted totally inappropriately in our lives. Tell me about it - I want to know.
(teasus likes tea, Fri 24 Mar 2006, 10:16, Reply)

Encounters with drunk tramps
The other day I was walking through my town, as you do when my music was interrupted by shouting on the street. Pausing it and looking around for the source of the noise, I saw on the opposite side of the road, three drunken tramps. The leader, who looked the most piratey of the three, was shouting, not just randomly, but at me. He was preaching, calling me the Devil Reborn, and it lasted about a minute before I was too far away to hear him any more.


There MUST be some people who've had funny encounters with drunk tramps.
(oseany, Thu 23 Mar 2006, 18:56, Reply)

Encounters With Canadians
Being Canadian, loving this site, I hear Brits ragging on Americans all the time, in pretty much the same way we would if we weren't such pansies. I figure I'd like to know what Brits think of us.
(Poogle, Thu 23 Mar 2006, 18:15, Reply)

Festivals
Festivals + pooing + drugs = loads of fun stories to while away the hours...
(cake It's about bloody time too, Thu 23 Mar 2006, 12:27, Reply)

Further to M3Essential's nipplering 'shopping
I'd like to hear more tales of how Photoshopping something in/out has proved advantageous (or indeed a necessity). Damn handy skill to have ;-)
(sundaeg1rl Lady Two-Jugs, Thu 23 Mar 2006, 0:01, Reply)

What was your best (*worst*) present
1974 and just got engaged.

My Grandmother gave us an engagement present.

Opened it - 1lb (454g or about half a kilo in new money) box of Cadburys chocolates, but noticed that it wasn't in it's cellophane wrapping.

Inside were loads of bars of carbolic soap (look it up) all neatly laid out - some even cut into half so they fitted in neatly.

"It'll come in handy later on." she said.

Well it did- but only as a QOTW!


Length? Girth? Doesn't matter as long as you wash it with carbolic! Guaranteed to pop!
(lozzzz, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 22:22, Reply)

Reincarnation
What experiences in your life lead you to believe you might be reincarnated?
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 21:35, Reply)

peepee or poopoo?
when was the last time you soiled yourself? and while you at it what was the biggest shit you ever had.

i once did a transparent one!

beat that ya bastards!
(the brown fist heart of gold,fists of steel , knob of butter, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 18:27, Reply)

Bitter...
Come on... there's always one thing everyone's really really bitter about... You know you should get over it, it was out of your hands, but you also know it'll eat away at you for the rest of your life, and ten years from now you'll still be ranting about it.
(izzlewizzlekappatizzle, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 17:17, Reply)

White lady or equivalent........
Remember shitting yourself about the white/red/purple/rainbow coloured lady or equivalent?

What spooky things happened to you and your mates??
(Shot glass, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 11:14, Reply)

Strangest sexual fantasy?
I had a mate who I used to work with *no bullshit* and his fantasy was to shag the skinniest women that he could find, get to the vinegar strokes, and slit open her stomach in order to wank himself through the hole onto her entrails.

Weird thing is..... He's happlily married...

apologies if already posted, can't be arsed to read everything else
(Darkpie 3.243F6A8885A308D31319, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 23:28, Reply)

Unusual Coincidences
Have you ever had an unusual coincidence?
One time I was walking up my garden path and heading towards the kitchen when me and my brother were singing the same song, on the exact same verse, singing the same words. Eerie.
(sickprophet Injuring Disabled Animals, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 13:10, Reply)

Re: Complete Cunts
I'm going to generalise a bit here.
The people I find so completely annoying are the twats that never shut up rambling about complete and total bollocks. They're funny, well, never.
One of these twats was going on about battles in parallel universes and that he was God and so controlled everything. He was droning on for about 20 minutes till one of my boys got so pissed off he knocked that cuntingly annoying prick out. Hooray!
(sickprophet Injuring Disabled Animals, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 12:45, Reply)

Complete Cunts
Tell your stories about people who are / have acted like complete cunts and just what it was that made them so cuntingly annoying.

Answers could be anything from some bitch / bastard who cheated on you, tried to get you sacked to steal your job, put coffee granules in your sandwich (again and still thinks its funny), etc.

Only trouble with this QoTW is that it leaves everyone feeling pissed off and vengeful :/
(Catfish Ma, why can't I draw? "Because you have fins dear", Mon 20 Mar 2006, 15:42, Reply)

Gig Horror Stories
One of my female friends claims to have had sex on the front row at a Placebo gig. I'm not sure what's worse - her having public sex or the fact that she'd been to see a transexual dwarf with personal esteem issues?

Anyway, tell us your gig horror stories, especially if you once threw a fake prosthetic arm onto the stage at a Def Leppard gig.
(The Graduate Adding to the confusion since 1974, Sat 18 Mar 2006, 20:59, Reply)

Stories of favouritism
Do you have any really frustrated stories about a sibling being your parent’s favourite? Perhaps you were the favourite?

This does not have to be about siblings, it could be about work, school, anywhere!

Lets hear about it!
( Squiggy Alloria makes theme parks., Fri 17 Mar 2006, 14:04, Reply)

Mistranslantions
Whilst on a business trip in Hong Kong, my dad and some collegues were in a restuarant. As the waitress served their food, the collegues said "Um gai" (I don't know the spellling, but that's how it's said) meaning "Thank You."

My dad, trying to be clever with his Mantanese, planned to say "Thank you very much." So the waitress gave him his plate and he said "Um gai hai." The waitress blushed and the restuarant laughed.

Later, my dad's collegues explained to him that he just said to the waitress, "thank you fat cunt."

What are your stories of foreign language fuck-ups?
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 13:52, Reply)