Clever ways of stealing
I used to work in a camping store in Dublin that had a sister branch 10 mins walk from the store I worked in. Every couple of days I would have to walk with a rucksack full of stock between the two stores. Despite the rucksack normally weighing a ton, this task was rather profitable for me because I had a friend who worked inbetween the two stores so I would always load some extra items and deposit the extra items with said friend who would fence them on for me!
Despite the shit wages, it proved to be a very lucrative summer! What's the cleverest work stealing antics you've enjoyed?
( sneep used to date Freddie Starr's hamster, Thu 27 Jul 2006, 9:56, Reply)

beaverwastemangement...
That's already been asked, here

www.b3ta.com/questions/virginity/
( Bats, Wed 26 Jul 2006, 16:06, Reply)

Popping the cherry
Oh it must be awful for everyone. Myself: Scottish Hillside, early morning in September, cold, half-naked apart from pants around ankles, nervous and post-fumble; rolling over into a pile of nettles.

A broken hymen is nowt when compared with that.

Ever since I carry protection.... a docken leaf.

Do tell.....
(beaverwastemanagement a real company. I want to work for them!, Wed 26 Jul 2006, 11:08, Reply)

I got another suggestion
Let's NOT have a question of the week that involves drink or drugs. Surely there's only so many "Hurhurhur we were so wasted..." stories the populace can handle?
( Bats, Wed 26 Jul 2006, 9:56, Reply)

The worst thing you have ever witnessed.
My brother and mate are hiking in brecon, mate is walking on a little way ahead when he comes to a bothy (those little stone cottages for hikers). Reaches the door, pushes it slightly open and sees to walking sticks against the wall. So he assumes there is others there. As the door swings fully open he is confronted with the site of two grey haired sixty year old blokes, one standing on the bench, only wearing a pair of walking boots, whilst the other one is chowing down on his cock like a champion. He actually pulled it out of his mouth and said 'oops'. Oops? My mate turned and made an extremely swift exit. Pass me the mind bleach.
( DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Tue 25 Jul 2006, 16:12, Reply)

So how did the pet really die?
parents are away - you have to look after the pet - it dies - you lie to the 'rents on their return.

ie - the lizards tail just fell off - odd isnt it mom?!

not - tryin to grab the bastard but he won't have it - play with ME, PLAY WITH ME! YOU COLD BLOODED BASTARD!!! oh no.......

of course this is all fictional and i donnate regularly to the rspca and love hugging/stroking/petting/feeding animals on a regular and totally healthy basis.
(hatofjam built a friend out of lego on, Tue 25 Jul 2006, 15:06, Reply)

Has a hairdresser ruined your life?
Cos he has ruined my barnet.
(wooed, Tue 25 Jul 2006, 9:37, Reply)

What annoys you/makes you angry?
I could probably think of dozens, but drivers that queue jump or don't indicate really annoy me; microsoft - when things re-format themselves when you cut&paste them; why can't I get size 7 socks??? Shoes come in all sizes, socks are 7-11?? Always baggy!; TV - need I say more? Just because people watched one programme about buying houses doesn't mean we want loads every day, also, why repeat 'Little Britain' four times a day, every day on BBC3?; you get the idea?

Vote now....or I'll be really annoyed!!!!
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Mon 24 Jul 2006, 16:59, Reply)

worst shag ever
where would i start??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Jul 2006, 14:50, Reply)

Scary Animals
This weekend I had the unnerving experience of being chased by a sheep. It had horns, too. I was walking down a public footpath, too. Anyways - the bloody thing may as well have been a leopard, considering how I ran away gibbering. (Cue Carry-on film style leap into hedge etc.) This made me think - have any b3tans been similarly chased, either here or abroad, and did the beast(s) in question catch you? I've asked at work and I seem to be alone in this. Apologies if this question has been asked before. I am still in shock partly.
( Rastus made a twat of himself on the main board on, Mon 24 Jul 2006, 12:21, Reply)

What's your lifelong dream?
What is it you've always wanted to do, and someway or another, how are you going to do it/afford to do it?

Could be a farm in Fiji with a cow, and a sheep, or simply making the world's largest ball of string.

Be interesting to have something non-bowel movement, or mutilation related. Look how popular the 'Beautiful Moments' one was!
( Bats, Sun 23 Jul 2006, 9:45, Reply)

What is the best or most unusual sandwich you've ever eaten?
What is the best or most unusual sandwich you've ever eaten? When i was young decided to go on a quest for the perfect sandwich, the peanut butter and jam for the 21st century if you will. I'd say the weirdest one i made (and there were a few) would have to be a yogurt sandwich. It was soggy but nice.
(raemie, Sun 23 Jul 2006, 0:45, Reply)

Talk your way out of THAT one then!
Just before the end of the semester (but before the exams started) I was caught while receiving head in the University library.

Due to the lack of blood reaching my brain I was unable to think of an excuse that would simultaneously explain away my raging erection and the man-batter dribbling from the corner of my girlfriend's mouth.

My gf mumbled something along the lines of
"...sociolology experiment...testing people's reactions in a public location.."
and other such bollocks.
Not sure if the librarian was convinced or not.
Got banned from the library too.

What awkward situations have you been caught in and what brilliant/terrible excuses did you use to gt out of it?
(33% God, Sat 22 Jul 2006, 20:53, Reply)

I Cried Like A Girl.
I'm loathe to admit it, but I cried like a wee girlie while watching the last episode of Doctor Who. In my defence, I am - damnit - a girl.

Shut up!

Anyhow, what odd stuff has made you weep openly?
(Elle Toupee, Sat 22 Jul 2006, 15:02, Reply)

How to pass time at work
Other than on b3ta.com

I am sure this a most unoriginal suggestion, but nonetheless would appreciate some ideas.
(veniceboy lives in California, Fri 21 Jul 2006, 21:06, Reply)

Shit Stories The Sequel!
It's time we had a sequel to that most awesome of chapters. We've had two law ones, two fire ones...so why not a shitty one eh?
(FightingComet got Boost Power on, Thu 20 Jul 2006, 23:34, Reply)

Bullshitters...
There are some people at work who always have an story for everything. "Oh you went to egypt on holiday, Well a few years back I was asked by the local SAS regiment... blah blah blah"
( wierdo was bored @, Thu 20 Jul 2006, 15:07, Reply)

Work Pranks
need i say more?!
(djgalaxe, Thu 20 Jul 2006, 11:25, Reply)

Time travel
If you could go back in time and hangout with your past self, what kind of stuff would you do?
(EasilyRecognisable I’m back baby, Wed 19 Jul 2006, 6:40, Reply)

Schoolboy Pranks
Why not?
I have a great story on this topic- but you'll only know what when you use it as QOTW!!!!!!!!!

And on that tantalizing teaser, I bid you farewell.
( Paedosmile service with a grin., Tue 18 Jul 2006, 19:38, Reply)

Culinary disasters
I once cooked a curry in which I ignored the recipe for a single spoon of curry paste and used the whole jar. Result: bottom napalm.

What's the worst thing you've ever cooked? Extra credit for road kill.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Mon 17 Jul 2006, 22:45, Reply)

I scarred my cousin for life.
My little 5 year old cousin loved eggs and chicken, and would pretty much refuse to eat anything else. Just after he'd had a chicken sanwhich, I took him upstairs to my room and showed him this little nugget of joy from PETA: www.petatv.com/tvpopup/Prefs.asp?video=chickens_and_turkeys Needless to say, he is now screams and cries whenever he gets asked if he wants to eat chicken.

How have you traumatized a little young 'un?
( B.T., Sat 15 Jul 2006, 21:08, Reply)

The weirdest thing I have eaten
was Balut, which I got from one of the Filipino's I work with.
It's basically a ducks abortion, being that it is a duck embryo of about 15 day's old (they hatch at 21 day's).
It's boiled for about 20 minutes before being peeled and eaten like a normal boiled egg, but with with feathers and guts, and you don't eat the hard bit, that's the duckling's bill! Surprisingly tasty, but it didn't agree with me the following morning as I felt that I had a serious hangover with serious nausea, all day!
( frogdog Fuck Your Holy Leaders, Sat 15 Jul 2006, 10:27, Reply)

Bottling It
What's the most lucrative/ridiculous/impressive thing you nearly did, but bottled out of at the last minute?
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Fri 14 Jul 2006, 23:40, Reply)

Driving test
Entertaining stories happening whilst on a driving lesson, or test. My mate from school passed his test, and about 2 days later, crashed into his driving instuctors car and some traffic lights.
(jimmy_stavros, Fri 14 Jul 2006, 10:11, Reply)

Trying
to get fit and lose weight - promises you never meant
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Thu 13 Jul 2006, 23:27, Reply)

Wrong place, wrong time......
I dont have a story as an example.....at least not that i can pull to the front of my mind right now. But still, i think its afriggin great idea....
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Thu 13 Jul 2006, 11:29, Reply)

I was robbed
What have you missed out on because of a miscarrage of justice? It seems apt what with the end of the world cup.
( Lightguy hail satan, Wed 12 Jul 2006, 13:50, Reply)