Homeless people
I mean seriously, whats up with them?

Have you got any tales to tell of that odd looking man with the crazy eyes who sleeps in WHSmiths doorway?
Whats the most interesting thing you've seen a homeless person do? Bum fights, smoke crack on the highstreet, or maybe dancing while far over the limit on god knows what they ingest?
Or any any of you in fact one of the many homeless who line the streets scaring young children?

Homeless people, always a fun topic of debate!
( palmr The speaking clock says:, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 22:15, Reply)

the longest I have been without sleep
How long have you gone without sleep and why?

I oftten get into something and forget to go to bed untill the next morning/afnternoon/day after tomorrow. so far the longest i ever stayed up was 80 hours, as a young teen in an effort to intercept the posty comming at stupid o'clock am with the impending letter form school to inform my parents of my near suspention for signing a reigster as Pat McGroin. (Cris P. Bacon got a suspended sentance.)

Aprrently the substite teacher found this to be obcene, thank fuck i didnt go with Mike Hunt
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 19:42, Reply)

Rites of passage! rites of passage!
Do this for a qotw please! I just read it and loved the idea, its also a chance to share my belief that you dont really become a man untill you can get socks and pants for a birthday or cristmass and deep down in your heart genuinely appreciate them as a usefull and practical gift. ("super, I wont have to go shopping for months now")
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 19:31, Reply)

The most drunk I've ever been
Like when I drank too much rum and vodka, offered all and sundry to fight, walked into a glass patio door brusing my head, passing out (in which time my eyebrow was shaved off) and then waking up in a depressive suicidal mood.

Oh, and the hangover lasted two days, and it was the first time I'd ever got drunk. Before then I was always a sensible little drinker.
(I have a face also had a sig on, Tue 30 Jan 2007, 16:45, Reply)

LIMIT QOTW TO 10 PAGES
LIMIT QOTW TO 10 PAGES
(frankspencer, Tue 30 Jan 2007, 16:03, Reply)

Typical Students
When my university friend went home at the end of term, he left his door unlocked. We proceeded to put all of his stuff (including his bed) in his bathroom. I think this was a reasonable move and was expected of us as students.

What have you done as a student that epitomises university life?
(SJH, Mon 29 Jan 2007, 0:11, Reply)

Health and Safety
Despite the fact that Health and Safety guidelines are stupidly over-stringent and idiot-proof, my kitchen would make even me shudder.

Example: My sister was washing up today, and when I complained that a bowl wasn't washed up properly and smelt like gone-off milk, she just tutted annoyedly and shoved it in the cupboard. And there is mould in the gap between cooker/worksurface and fridge/worksurface. And we had an infestation of flies in December.

What experiences have you had that would petrify a health and safety officer?
(Marmite Omelette ...but I feel better having screamed, don't you?, Mon 29 Jan 2007, 0:10, Reply)

Describe yourself as a house
Similar to somethingawful.com's Comedy Goldmine thread, "Compare Your Genitals to Cars".
As a tiny American girl with mental health issues I might descibe myself as:
Tiny clean home with lovely double paned windows (I wear glasses), tile floors (shaved privates), unstable attic. Dark blonde drapes included.
Or something a great deal more clever than I can think up.
(Windy Shrimp "wuz heah", Sun 28 Jan 2007, 14:51, Reply)

Whats the worst thing that you bought of Ebay?
My brother bought the playstation game Tomby of Ebay and when he got it its was in German. And you couldnt change the language.
( DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Sat 27 Jan 2007, 23:33, Reply)

Rites of passage
Today I saw a kid of about five years old sobbing his heart out after he learned that a helium filled balloon really will float away into the sky if you let go of it. Then I remembered I sobbed my heart out when my ice cream melted and fell off the cone into the sand on a beach in Weymouth when I was a similar age.
What other rites of passage do all kids have to go through to earn a degree from the university of life?
( TriedItOnceAndDidn'tLikeIt made you lose the game on, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 18:50, Reply)

Scroungers
I get called all sorts of names at work: "scrounger", "pikey", etc., due to my habit of not being able to throwq anything away without seriously considering its usefulness. For example, I am building a filing system out of cardboard boxes which just happen to be ideal for A4-sized paper, and the white plastic stick things from the coffee machine refills make perfect plant labels for my allotment. I also have the entire lounge carpet from my local pub to keep weeds down.

However, this habit has paid off. About three weeks ago they were having a clearout at work and nestling in the bin I found a fully-working HP Laserjet 2300d printer. For your information this is a 1200-dpi, full-duplex laser printer which cost around £470 plus VAT when new. It was being thrown away because it was the only one left (all the others are 1300n) and they wanted all the printers to be standard.

  My B3ta Gallery
( Amos E Wolfe makes vinyl signs and things like that, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 13:24, Reply)

The person you wish youd shagged- but got away
A lad recently left our place and I really regret that I never got to know him more intimately.

He wasnt very popular with the others . He had a real social inadequacy which they just ridiculed. I think he may have had some form of learning difficulties, so they shouldve been impressed that hed manage to rise to be Health and Safety Officer instead of just taking the piss.

He had a really kind nature though,he was a vegetarian, cycled everywhere to help the planet, and was always really concerned about other people, asking them how they were and worrying about their lifestyles, and Im sure I couldve made him happy given the chance but I was always too scared to make the first move and hes moved away now.

Its all just a dream I guess. I dont even know if he was gay.He was married once, and used to say how he hated the idea of anal sex but I always got the idea that was just a cover for his true feelings.

Ah well, guess I ll never know now.
(byebyemonkeyboy, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 9:57, Reply)

Ten Years After… !
Ok, so if you had the ability to choose a Decade in the last 100 years to live in or experience again, what Decade would that be and why?
(Pelagic, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 9:12, Reply)

Office weirdo's
We've all had one at one time or another, what your weirdo

Possibly bindun though :?
(polar69, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 14:23, Reply)

The Biggest Bollocking You've ever received...
I once was a land surveyor - doing a survey of the runway at RAF Cottesmore. Italian and German pilots were doing bump and runs in Tornedo jets. I was walking up the side of the runway logging details of the light fittings. On the other side of the runway i see a green light that i haven't picked up. I now either walk 2 miles up the runway and down the other side or 20 metres across. Well, a jet had just landed and taken off again and i knew there wouldn't be another for about ten minutes. i only need a minute of that ten and was sure air traffic control could see what i was doing. I even give the tower a look and a wave. Feeling good, i leg it across, measure the damn light and run back. Though time i turned to run two jeeps had squealed to a stop, a load of soldiers jump out and throw me in the back. Drag me up the stairs (i could have walked but they were insistent upon dragging.. or pushing) where i got my biggest bollocking by the base commander (or whatever), he was a she so i didn't really listen. nice uniform though.

My boss apologised for me not having proper site training and i'm let off with a warning.

Two days later and i'm doing 85mph in reverse up the runway in the company car.. four years before i passed my test.
(Coastal, Wed 24 Jan 2007, 15:25, Reply)

Both funny and functional...
...would be one devoted to length/girth/general nob gags, just so everyone can get it out of thier fucking system.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Wed 24 Jan 2007, 14:52, Reply)

How about...
1. Oddest courier/postworker/public service official you've ever encountered.

2. Tales of teenage acne.

3. Most unnerving sexual experience you've ever had (frankspencer will have some gems to share here)

4. Most psychotic teacher at your school

5. Weirdest imagery you've ever masturbated over.

6. Worst/most amusing visit to the doctor/hospital you've ever had.
(LunarJim, Wed 24 Jan 2007, 12:23, Reply)

How much
wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
( HoratioFellatio Taking the the out of psychotherapist, Tue 23 Jan 2007, 18:38, Reply)

Tales of the Unexpected
In today's Metro there is a story about a girl who's boyfriend got down on one knee, but rather than proposing as she expected, he stabbed her.

When have you been on the receiving end of somtething completely unexpected?
(Thebigfella, Tue 23 Jan 2007, 16:13, Reply)

the questions thus far have one thing in common
they're all stories from people's pasts.

So let's hear some stories from people's future.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 23 Jan 2007, 11:56, Reply)

I beat the bullies
After the previous QOTW which has seen a pile of stories about how some poor kid got picked on, I think it's time we had one big schadenfreude-fest and reveal how we (or someone you know) got one over on them?

Did you do it yourself and beat them to a pulp, or did you let Karma sort things out for you (eg. getting a high-paying job and meeting them many years later cleaning toilets)?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 23 Jan 2007, 11:52, Reply)

Bullying
Who have you bullied and what was the end result?
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 22 Jan 2007, 16:39, Reply)

The Next Life
Assuming you'll have one, and that it will begin immediately after this one finishes, what will you do in your next life?

I for one want to be in charge of a major TV corporation so that I can finally produce my idea for a new sitcom - "The Gay Gordons," which is indeed about two gay Scotsmen. Named Gordon.
( KersaI Missive Free Michael Shields! with Monday's Liverpool Echo, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 20:05, Reply)

What minor obsessive compulsive things do you do?
1) Whenever I leave the house I pat my pockets and say "Keys, Phone, Wallet - check"

2)Worying about getting the right scrambled egg to toast to brown sauce ratio right.

3)Never likning to having a platter of food to share in a restaurant, just order my own and eat it ALL!

etc
( Signify, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 18:41, Reply)

Have you ever seen anybody fall over?
would lead to lots of great stories. Hilarity would ensue. People would bruise. Gravity would have its effect. People wil lhit the deck. and so on and so forth.
(harestylenumber1 loves weiner, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 12:18, Reply)

Farting
Natural bodily function - check
Resulting in disgust from all around - check
Source of great humour and ability to make me giggle like a schoolgirl - check

Let's hear any stories about farting - inappropriate timing, silent but deadlies or massive arse-busters, it's always funny.

Cheers

Brocky

PS - why do everyone else's farts smell like they came from Satan himself, but you can happily sit basking in your own glory proud of your creation? Fart DNA anyone?
(brocky, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 10:48, Reply)

Celebrity Death Sweep...
I'm sure you're all aware of the famous faces that have passed away in 2006,
so how about a guessing-game to who's going to pop their clogs in 2007?
And reasons of course...
(alwyn Professional Whittler since:, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 9:19, Reply)

Best made up tale you tell about yourself...
...perhaps that way all the bullshitters that post thinly disguied urban legends will get it out their system then...
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 5:06, Reply)

procrastination
We're all avoiding exam revision at the moment: my friend put up some fairly lights this afternoon (even though it's not Christmas) and I spent yesterday afternoon cleaning my desk.
( thistle, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 18:31, Reply)

Did you know?
the most interesting thing any member can think of, like useless pub quiz knowledge... like the deep end of The Artist formally known as Prince (who is now Prince again i think) 's swimming pool is only 4 feet at the deep end.
(Necromental is a voice., Thu 18 Jan 2007, 16:07, Reply)