Mother's day
Mothers day is coming. Yet another comercialised reason to run off the the garage at the last minute and get the last bunch of overpriced dead flowers to save our necks.

What's the best/worst thing you have done to keep the peace??
(Mong The Merciless Older not wiser, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 20:23, Reply)

QOTW
'The most ill you've ever been'
(Pixel, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 11:46, Reply)

Mental parties?
I had a quick look but couldn't see anything other than Xmas parties.

So what about the most mental parties you've been to?
(Lannes, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 0:56, Reply)

games at work
As a temp I have time to kill in my average working day and today have invented a new game called 'hide in the lift until someone finds me', its equally as risky as 'how many breaks can I take in an hour' but just as satisfying in the getting paid for doing nothing stakes, plus you look busy if you are carrying paper.

What games does everyone else play so I can extend my repertoire?
(LittleMissBunbury I'd take you seriously but you're covered in soap, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 16:42, Reply)

Getting messy
House left in turmoil after a big party? A kitchen cooking disaster? Ever had the squits and left the bog in a right state?
When was the last time you made a really big mess?
( Droog is too orangey for crows, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 13:01, Reply)

When's the last time you laughed uncontrollably?
I was at pizza place once, and asked my friend what she was getting.
"A pizza" she says.
"No no, what type is it?"
My other friend butts in; "Twenty past four".

We just stared at her and laughed our fucking faces off.
(__, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 17:06, Reply)

E.B.D
"So, anyone got any good white people jokes?"

Hmm... David Beckham's got one. As has the bloke shagging Jade Goody (although mercifully not for much longer).
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 28 Feb 2007, 16:17, Reply)

PJM
Hmm... I used to date a lady who'd not bother getting out of the shower when she went to the toilet.

We didn't last.

That reminds me of an old ethnic joke (that is, a joke made by ethnics):

What's the definition of a W.A.S.P.?

Someone who gets out of the shower to piss.

So, anyone got any good white people jokes?
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 15:30, Reply)

Worst party ever...
What's the worst party you've ever been to. Is it one you hosted, did you go to a friend's and everyone else was a dick, or did no one turn up at all?

My worst answers the latter description:

I had met my friends at the monymusk arms, aberdeenshire, miles from anywhere (they were working in a castle at the time - Scotland is like that). The three of us were all young 18y/o at the time. We decided to try every whisky on the back bar and this being rural scotland there was plenty to sample.
The night dragged on and we got steadily more pissed.
I need to mention my 2 friends both had their bicycles with them.
We had to get back to Kemnay over 4miles away. My friend being a bright spark (albeit a pissed bright spark) said he knew a short cut.
Out of blind faith and the need to get fergus back home (he was falling asleep - bless him) we decided to take it.
A very wavery mile later we hear music coming from a local forest. We start shout in the general direction of the tunes to make contact with late night revelers, we do this for ten minutes to no avail. On leaving the pub we got some whisky and we advertised this to wet their appetite to invite us over.
Still no reply.
I head over to investigate further. I walk through gorse bush (that's spikey bushes to city slickers) and cut my self to ribbons. I come across a chicken wire fence, trying to climb over it proved difficult because it was so weak, so I tore it up from the ground. I head over further and I see a light and still no people. All that's there is a bucket and tiny courogated iron structures that look like mini bomb shelters. I shout around for longer and still no reply.
I eventually found the radio making the music and nick it to keep us company for the rest of the journey.
When I got back to my friends I thought that we had attended some sort of ghost party... spooky.
We later dumped the bikes in a field and got a taxi.
The next morning I went to collect the bikes (Scotland's like that). Still curious about spooky ghost party I had attended we drove further along the lane to find out what it was.
The people I had been offering my whisky to, and believed I had the possibility of a shag with, was a phesant farm.
Appartently they have radios to keep them entertained.
The break in was covered in the local press and it recorded the theft of the radio at the phesant farm (Scotland's like that)

Sorry about the length, but I'm sure you could write something better.
(If you say "i like this" I'll donnate a thousand pounds to a kitten charity)
(kintore_homeboy tenuous links since 1986!, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 13:52, Reply)

For once I have one...
What's the weirdest combination of items you've ever seen in someone's grocery basket?

Tonight while buying candy to sneak into the movies, the 16 year old looking girl behind us was buying Peeps (marshmallow bunnies) and condoms. My daughter murmured, "Isn't he a little young for you?"
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Tue 27 Feb 2007, 7:37, Reply)

..And thats my side of the story
i think the next qotw shoudl give evryone thier chance to give thier version of events.

For instance, when i was working in a call center i was severly bollocked for stoping to rescue my sandwitches during a fire drill. i was given a lecture about adhering to H+S regulations even if i knew it was a drill. All the while i was holding in my side of the story, witch was that i had thought it was a real fire all along, and that my sandwitch was the only good thing going about the day and i just couldent bear the thought of it burning.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 26 Feb 2007, 21:56, Reply)

Coming last
What have you been last in? I came last in the school cross-country run every other week.
(lolwhites, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 20:53, Reply)

the simple/weird things
what are the simple/weird/stupid things that cheer you up or make you happy

i got a text in french today

i was well chuffed

yes i am a fruit loop
length? it was a fucking text, no more than 144 characters obviously!
(classic-spastic, Sat 24 Feb 2007, 23:01, Reply)

Bike (motor) Stories
2 wheels good, 4 wheels bad, 0 wheels...don't even go there!. Let's have your stories of life on two wheels.
(behold the golden sausage has never been bi-curious., Fri 23 Feb 2007, 16:41, Reply)

Long-Lasting Arguments
When I was a lad (still am, sort-of), way back in Grade 5, I had a few friends back in primary school who were big on Star Wars, you know the sort.

One day, our teacher decided that, as part of the curriculum, everyone in the class should get together and form clubs. Of course, the Star Wars Club was quickly formed, but not without an argument. One of my friends had,just days before, discovered "the other Star Wars" and had become a Trekkie.
*dramatic gasp!*
He thought the group name should be the Star Club, so that he and his wild beliefs could feel more accepted.

This argument started a chain reaction, which led to the falling out of him and his best friend, who had been best mates since they were babies. Many years later, he thinks 'Star Club', his ex-best friend still stubbornly thinks 'Star Wars Club'.



Have you ever had an issue/argument with someone that's lasted longer than it should have, or one that's even still going strong to this very day?
(Corner-Cautious Gravy is the new Botox, Fri 23 Feb 2007, 13:18, Reply)

Thick as pigshit
Whats the stupidest thing you've heard someone has done? A bloke I know told us this story (I would have kept quiet). He had just moved back to his parents and was making a sandwich. He got two slices of bread and some cheese. Then he found some onions and sliced one. He thought it looked funny, so threw it away. The tried another. Same thing. Thought fuck it and used it anyway. Finished his sandwich, his mum comes downstairs, he says 'them onions taste funny'. She says 'what onions?' He replies 'the ones under the sink'. She says 'oh those are daffodil bulbs.' Silly fucker was lucky not to kill himself. Still better out of the gene pool eh?
( DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Thu 22 Feb 2007, 16:58, Reply)

Why will you be going to Hell?
I will probably be taking the "down escalator" for:
* lying to children
CHILD: LOLerskates, why are there bunnies and raccoons by the road?
LOLERSKATES: Sssshhh; they're sleeping...

* wishing bad things upon others
LOLERSKATES TO SOME FRIENDS AT LUNCH TABLE: I wish [insert name of pretentious classmate here] would get dysentery.

* watching educational television... regularly... and liking it on occasion (yep; I'm doomed)


So... how 'bout you? Why will St. Pete demote you?
(Mademoiselle Dustman picked a bouquet of oopsie daisies for you on, Thu 22 Feb 2007, 2:39, Reply)

REASONS IM PISSED OFF
yes, thats right, I need a place where I can rant at random about random stuff that annoys me!! please make this so b3ta. I realise that this very idea has been posted about 4 posts before this one but it MUST HAPPEN as I have LOTS OF STUFF to SHOUT ABOUT!
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 17:28, Reply)

Internet bullies
Ever been on the receiving end of an internet bullying campaign..or perhaps you are the bully?
In the land of parenting forums there's an awful lot of it going on, coupled with this agony aunt section I felt inspired to suggest this QOTW.
( moogy boobles, Tue 20 Feb 2007, 21:56, Reply)

'early memories/recollections'
Binsuggested?
(Le Man Marathon in English 'The Marathon Man', Tue 20 Feb 2007, 20:06, Reply)

whinge
come on, fucking whinge. Any thing you like. I took a poke at the fucking french tossers on the ripped off qotw just cos they are overpaid lazy cunts, and some others had a bit of a whinge about being ripped off, but what REALLY GETS YOUR GOAT? What FUCKS YOU RIGHT off? Come moan, come all, get your whinges out. Express yourself and moan!

...and dont moan about this post ffs!
(i AM that masked man Book him Tonto, Tue 20 Feb 2007, 20:05, Reply)

Salamander
Hmm... I used to date a lady who'd not bother getting out of the shower when she went to the toilet.

We didn't last.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 20 Feb 2007, 15:50, Reply)

The Best Part About Being a ____________________
The best part about being a woman is not having to use the men's toilet. I just walked past one and now I'd like to take a shower...
( salamander, Tue 20 Feb 2007, 15:44, Reply)

What golden opportunity for mischief have you siezed?
My phone just rang: "Hello? Is theis the Ampol Petrol Station on Lane Cove Road? My car is in for a service and I wondered if it's ready to pick up."
I said no, sorry, you have the wrong number and hanged up.
Then started banging my head on the desk.
Why did I not say "Yes! Yes this is the service station and you should come in immediately, we found some blood stains in the boot and the police are here running tests"
Knowing the bastardry of the b3tards, I'm sure others would have reacted better.
( difficultchild, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 1:33, Reply)

Real ghost stories (fully blown shit your pants ones, and gash ones)
I work in a night club, which is in a really old building. One night, i heard a large thud and some half shouting, half screaming... Then a massive doorman came running towards me like a proper fanny.. he'd just seen the "ghost of the love apple" and shat himself.
Share your ghost stories.. (not in a gay camping sorta way)
(binarymilk Rossz csillag alatt született, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 9:56, Reply)

Poor Sportsmanship
At the conclusion of my first cycle race, I emptied my waterbottle on two girls who were cheering the finishers. Just because I hadn't won. That, my friends, is bad sportsmanship. Can anyone provide more examples?
(mortdubois lacks imagination, doesn't play well with others, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 1:20, Reply)

More encounters with celebrities.
What you said. Did you insult them, how? It was a funny QOTW. I want more.
(barrycounty, Wed 14 Feb 2007, 19:18, Reply)

Wingman tales
Have you ever been such good mates with someone that you taken one for the team and copped off with the Igor Man Hands hippo/swamp donkey/she man-pig thing so your bestest pal in the whole world can get off with her hot mate?

I certainly haven't but rumour has it fat chicks try harder...

Tell us about your Wingman(or woman) tales of woe and sadness or of the great debt you owe to someone.
(Stanlington Jobsworthy Smythe Last skived off work on, Wed 14 Feb 2007, 16:22, Reply)

Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells
I love complaining. Really love it. I'm the sort of person who writes to national newspapers and TV stations to point out mistakes. The slightest whiff of bad service sends me screaming for my stock of "Dear Sir, I really must complain most strongly, blah de blah" letters. But it's not in vain, gentle B3tards, oh no. I've got free flights, train journeys, meals, apologies from Channel 4 etc etc. It can be quite a rewarding pastime, if one that generally leads to the majority of your collegues thinking you're a sad old pedant.

What have you complained about and where did it get you?
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Wed 14 Feb 2007, 12:51, Reply)