You realise you whiteys stink of sour dairy
To people who don't eat your western diet?

Well, according to the Ethiopian kid in Gondar I was chatting to...
( zulu eh?, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 19:33, 5 replies)

Who on earth thought this was a good idea?
Shame on you B3ta...letting the nethanderals out of their cages under the guise 'my grandad said it so it's funny' er,,,no it's not
(DubstepBetty Down wiv der kids since 1972, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 19:05, 12 replies)

My Grandma
had all her windows put in after the Birmingham Pub Bombings. She's a Geordie. Shows what thick cunts racists are.
(DubstepBetty Down wiv der kids since 1972, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 19:00, 14 replies)

I can officially prove that being racist
is a manifestation of the simple act of growing old; because my Mum's only started developing racist tendencies in the past couple of years (she's edging t'wards retirement).
She's not a grandparent, nor likely to be soon (one socially spastic son and two who are totally paranoid about accidentally spawning...oh okay, three socially spastic sons) but she counts anyway, because nar.

The incident when we were down south recently, and she instantly accused a bad driver of being 'probably Chinese', and then proceeded to defend herself vigorously is funny, but short; what she was also defending herself against was the family's lingering shock at her actions last year over my flat deposit.

Having finally been done with university, I was moving out of a flat in another city, and the entire family had turned up to help me dispose of my stuff. My flatmate was staying for another year, so the issue of the deposit was a bit tricky, especially since our frantic efforts to make the place worthy of even the slightest return had only managed to upgrade it to 'a bit crap'.
In a rather exceptional display of reasonableness, the landlord had agreed to simply return my entire half of the deposit, with any future issues to be sorted out between me and Flatmate. So, the last of my stuff was loaded into the car, the whole wodge of delicious moolah was returned to me and signed off with no issues whatsoever, the new flatmate was there to pay his deposit and move in, everyone was just waiting around to say cheerio, and my mother loudly and angrily accused the landlord, a third gen Pakistani, of ripping me off to fund Al Quaeda.
Erm.
Wait, what?

Yeah, she waited patiently until I'd got all my money back with no hitches whatsoever, and was bidding farewell to the place forever, to launch into a loud declamation of how "I just want to say that I think this simply isn't good enough, I've probably paid for a whole cell of Al Quaeda by now. You go around charging people for every little thing, you're bigoted against white people and it shows. If there's much more of this I shall be writing a letter of complaint!"

In front of the guy, his Chinese wife, three or four baffled students, and her own immediate family. Who haven't let her hear the end of it since.
I cannot emphasise enough just how incredibly unexpected this was - rude: sure, utterly backwards: should be obvious. But if I'd previously thought of her as someone likely to do that, I wouldn't have brought her along in the first place. I was literally too stunned and appalled to move to shut her up; I just sat exchanging 'do you fucking believe this?' glances with everyone else. She gets really upset when it's mentioned and tries to change the subject about it, which I hope and pray is an indication that she's at least embarrassed about how incredibly fucking out of line it was. Who knows, maybe she was still seething about the last deposit I was ripped off on. By...a bunch of ginger Celtic types. Hey, who says racism and thickheaded wibbling cretinous stupidity can't just get along?
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 18:33, Reply)

My Grandma
Keeps complaining about a bunch of white middle-classers coming on here and stealing all her best racist jokes.
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 18:10, Reply)

Not so much racism as xenophobia and plain dimwittedness, but facepalming all the same
My mum's cousin lived in Spain with a succession of rich German or Austrian men for a while after she got divorced. While there, she kind of dabbled as a hairdresser but mostly just lived on the largesse of whichever sugar daddy she coupled up with (back then, in her mid-to-late forties, she was strikingly good-looking; at 70 now she's still a looker for her age). She split up with the guy she was living with and came back to the UK and, having sold up everything to move out there in the first place, moved in with me and my mum the year after my dad died. So we're thinking about 1989-90.

~~WAVY LINES~~

Aaaanyway, she signed up for Spanish lessons after she moved in with us; she was so deeply buried in the ex-pat community out there, the only Spanish speakers she ever met were the kids who cleaned the pool and the ones manning the supermarket checkouts. Yet the very same evening she announced her evening class intentions, she saw some item on the news about immigration then went into a five minute rant about "them lot coming over here taking our jobs and they don't even speak the language".

**BLINKS** Really? What, like living in Spain working as a hairdresser but only being able to work for English speakers because, in the five years you lived there, you've never bothered to learn the Spanish for "make me look like Princess Di"?

Later that same day, she lamented how the country was going to the dogs because all they showed on the telly was sex and violence, so when I asked what she wanted to watch instead of whateveritwas she said "Oh, I don't know - Is there a good murder on?"

She was a natural blonde, you see. (I say that not only because she was as thick as a Welshman's cock, but also 'cos of that time the spare room door swung at precisely the right angle while she was getting ready to go out. As furtive a wankbank entry as there's ever been; she was the first real live woman I ever saw wearing stockings and suspenders. But that's another story.)
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 17:51, Reply)

I would just like to highlight the massive racism on QOTW against /talkers.
There are good people like myself and Personality Horse who just want to escape the persecution we face on our own board and come and live here with you.
Sadly there is a lot of prejudice here. I have even changed my name to help me fit in better and yet QOTWers frequently tell me to get back to my own board and call me a dirty /talker. The institutionalised racism of the B3ta Mods mean that they turn a blind eye to our plight.
All I want is to be able to live here happily with my pretend wife and my three little comedy account children which I don't feel is too much to ask.
(PR1CKBOT IS ONLINE, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 17:47, 17 replies)

FIRST
My grandparents were racist until I took them for a drive in my Ferrari with my girlfriend (who is a supermodel).
(yeah right bollocks bollocks, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 17:34, 4 replies)

Fuck the lot of you
You cunts re-writing racist jokes as 'stories about family members' just cunt off.

Can we end this shit now.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 17:30, 26 replies)

my paternal grandmother
when i was very small, one of my best friends looked a bit dark. she was from an all-white english family, but had a slight cast to her skin.
on sundays, it was customary to visit my grandma, a vicious old bitch with no legs, who would force me to eat butterbeans. i fucking hate butterbeans. sundays were hell at her house.
one week, i decided to take my friend with me when i went to visit grandma. surprisingly, we had only been there 10 minutes before grandma said we had to leave, as she was going to a funeral. puzzled but pleased to be off the hook, we left.
the following sunday, my dad took me to visit her again. upon opening the door, she looked at me and said "i'm glad you didn't bring that fucking little paki with you again."

to be fair to her, she wasn't racist just for the sake of it, she hated everybody equally, the nasty old legless cunt.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 17:10, 9 replies)

When my dad graduated university as a mature student, circa 1998,
he took my grandparents with him for the ceremony.

They were both from a rural part of Ireland, and members of "that" generation. They were sat on the second row, behind a black family who were there with their son. Subsequently, the conversation afterwards went like this:

My Dad: "Did you enjoy the cermony, Mum?"

Grandma: (in thick rural Irish accent) "Oh it was lovely. Lovely. Did you see that black family sat on the front row?"

My Dad (eyebrow raised): "What about them?"

Grandma: "Weren't they dressed beautifully?"

Grandad: "Beautifully."

My Dad: "Eh?"

Grandma: "Ah, he had his suit on, and a tie, and such lovely shoes..."

Grandad: "lovely shoes..."

My Dad: "They were just wearing suits. Ordinary suits."

Grandma: "Ah but they looked so lovely, all dressed up like that..."

Grandad: "lovely."

My Dad: "Were you expecting them to be carrying shields and jumping up and down all through the ceremony?"

Grandma: "Don't be stupid, I'm just saying; 'You don't often see a black man in a suit...'"

Grandad: "Unless he's in court."
( PMGT -Bacon., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 16:54, 13 replies)

Racial Friday
A good friend of mine set up what he called 'Racial Friday' in his office, allowing pc conventions to go out of the window. Racial jibes were encouraged amongst the multiracial staff who accepted it as a way to breakdown racial stereotyping. This went on for months with the complete support of his team who he tells me loved the concept, eventually senior management shut it down as it wasn't 'pc'.
(Celtican is 10! Old school or what?, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 16:47, 14 replies)

Mechanical Racism
During the 1960's my Dad was a mechanic in Bolton. One day he was under a car on the trolley when he saw two pair of feet standing next to him. 'How's it looking?' asked the boss.
My father replied 'I can't see it's as black as a Ni**ers arsehole under here' and slid out from under the car only to be faced by his boss and the black customer to which the car belonged.
(Celtican is 10! Old school or what?, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 16:42, Reply)

Not a grandparent but anyway
My dad, when talking about any guy he met of non-white descent, often adds "nice fella, mind". It's a good job he says that, because otherwise we'd automatically think the guy was a rapist or something.

On a less polite note, when I was a kid in the passenger seat while my Dad was driving, he once rolled the window down and shouted "black bastards!" at a couple of black kids who'd crossed the road 100ft in front of him. I just wanted to disappear under the seat.
( Ysol ab abl blap, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 16:35, Reply)

My Great Aunt
She is 100 years old and a bit of a pain in the Ass, non stop complaints about the food, weather and her care nurses. She seems to hate the West Indian nurse the most or the 'Blackie' as she calls her.

I've yet to tell her that I'm getting married to an Indonesian girl next year, the shock will probably kill her.
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 16:25, 2 replies)

My grandad:
Im not racist, I have a colour telly.

What a wanker.
(Margatemug, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 16:19, Reply)

my grandad once made a racist remark
we just laughed it off though because back in his day comments like that were conidered socially acceptable.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 16:08, Reply)

A relative:
I'm not racist, I just hate the Chinese.

Hmm?
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 16:07, 3 replies)

There was a friend of the family while I was growing up called Sam
He'd known my mum and her siblings since they were kids. It wasn't until I attended his wedding and the vicarpriest said his name that I found out he was called John. Sam wasn't even his middle name. I asked my mum about it afterwards and she told me that as a child John had contracted some kind of disease that turned his skin blotchy and made his face - particularly his lips - swell up. It was during this period that he acquired the nickname "Scabby Sambo", later abbreviated to just Sam...
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 16:00, 1 reply)

One Christmas
my family were telling amusing anecdotes around the table, as we were wont to do.

My grandfather joined in with his story: "When I was an engineer I worked in a big factory near Manchester. One afternoon, a coloured fellow walked up to the foreman, bold as brass, and asked for a job!!!"

That was his story. We looked at him blankly.

"So we chased him out with a stick".
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 15:55, 6 replies)

I was walking to the train station
when a young black kid shouted "hey you!" at me. I ignored him and walked on. Then he ran towards me. I picked up the pace a bit. Then he gave me my mobile phone back, which I'd dropped.

I was a little bit ashamed.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 15:54, 1 reply)

Not my nan, my wifes....
Was shopping in Hounslow with her daughter (my mother-in-law) and walked past an Asian chap sitting on the floor in the shopping centre and loud as you like said "look at him sitting there waiting for his elephant". My mother-in-law had to walk away in shame and won't take her shopping any more.
(Beaverman Opulence, I has it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 15:51, Reply)

My Racist relative used to say
Singing, Dancing, Running, Jumping and dressing up in silly clothes are the only things blacks are any good at.
(nitro fan, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 15:45, 2 replies)

A mates Nan
If she ever saw a black person she would tell my mate to touch him or her for luck, I tried it once, I got beaten up and had my my mobile phone stolen, It's what they do apparently
(serge, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 15:44, Reply)

My grandmother (bless her soul)
was telling me about when she used to work in the telephone exhange:

"I used to work with a lady called Marge.. black lady she was... but she was nice!...Anyway, she said blah blah blah"
( Mr Gear the gay-maker, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 15:39, Reply)

Maybe you fine folk can help:
I used to go out with a girl from Singapore, and with her mates she'd often speak "Singlish", which was a combination of Cantonese and English.

We smoked quite a lot of dope at the time, and she had an excellent phrase which was pronounced "Whah lao ... ", to be said in a tired voice, which translated roughly as "Oh for fuck's sake ... " but in a really accurate way of being really stoned and can't be arsed to sort whatever it is out.

When talking some years later with a chap from China, he knew of Singlish, and asked me to say the phrase. He said it was quite a racist term, meaning "Dirty white man". I don't believe she was saying this, and asked if he was sure. He said it depends entirely on how you pronounce it.

Has anyone else heard of this phrase?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 15:36, 9 replies)

The old (and now dead) lady I bought my house off was a grandmother (and hence tenuously links me to the question).
She was also a member of the BNP. I still get stuff through from them occasionally.
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 15:35, 11 replies)

I used to work in an office where two of my colleagues were Chinese.
They had similar names too: I'm going to call them Hubert and Rupert.

One of my other colleagues (who is a grandmother, so again tenuously links me to the question) was talking to me & another colleague. Across the office she said that Rupert had given her some information. She followed this up by pointing at him and saying "It is Rupert isn't it, that one?"
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 15:32, Reply)