I know it's bad form to link to old QOTW's, but by God this one belongs here....
www.b3ta.com/questions/cougars/post323958
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:47, 1 reply)

Two of my mates, Adam and Ray (names etc)
were both big enthusiasts of Acorn computers back in the 90s. Adam was rather proficient at programming it and managed to create a 'virus'. He wrote the song below, programmed his Acorn to sing it (using a speech synthesiser that makes Stephen Hawking sound like he teaches elocution) and then wrote it into a 'virus' that would copy itself in to two places on the hard-drive and into memory. If you deleted one copy, it would copy the other one to another random place, all the time making sure there was a copy in memory. Cleverly done I thought.

He then sneaked it on to Ray's Acorn so that it would wait a random interval, anywhere between 10 mins to 5 hours, before firing up and singing the song, which couldn't be halted.

To the tune of "The Ash Grove". You'll no doubt recognise the tune as soon as you hear it. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ay9-8POXH7w

****
If you poison my trumpet
I'll nail you to a doormat
If you insult my teabags
Then I'll sell you a gnu.

If you damage my monkey
I'll throw up on your cornflakes
And if you dress up like Demis Roussos
Then I'll come in your shoe.

If you barbecue my pterodactyl
Or you henwox an axolotl
I'll rip out your epiglotis
As food for my giraffe.

If you rupture my saucepan
I'll spit on your apple crumble
And if you sing a bar in 17/40
Then I'll switch myself off.
****

At which point it would switch off. Not go into a shutdown procedure like Windows does. Switch off, as if someone had kicked the plug out of the wall.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:47, 2 replies)

There's
been a spate of this around our way recently.

There's a set of dining chairs AND the table nailed to a series of telegraph poles - about 15 foot up as well...yet no-one seems to know how it got there.
The really sad thing is, they were in better nick than the ones we use at home.
There's also been [nailed to the poles], fake bacon and eggs, fake vegetables, a fake parrot and real, yet dead, octopus.

Christ only knows what's going on!
(dchurch bah, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:44, 10 replies)

Think i might have a wank tonight!!
(Aoc BobMonk, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:44, 6 replies)

I probably am the weird stuff other people see in the street sometimes
While filming this, it was great fun hanging around the city of London at the weekend with a bunch of girls dressed like hookers and a big man in a cape, leotard, balaclava, helmet and nazi arm band. A few security guards did come out to see just what the hell we were up to. Several times couples walked around the corner and the chap's eyes lit up, only for him to be hurried away by his partner.

Link to pics:
www.b3tards.com/u/c62383b2fb0dc7237700/supervixens.jpg

Just an average weekend, really.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:43, 2 replies)

Random insult
At one of the low points in my life, I worked at Terry's chocolate factory in York, on the night shift.

Working the M1 (production line to fill 'All Gold' boxes) was a nightmare, but after a few weeks we had a night packing after dinner mints. The same round, foil covered, hard choc mints went into Sainsbury's and Waitrose's 'own brand' packages - the packages were different, but not much.

Anyway, the ease of this job and the bonus of the odd mint choc soon paled for me. What could I do to rebel against the Man? Well, at the bottom of the see-through plastic packs was a rectangle of silvered cardboard. So I took one out and wrote "You are a cunt" clearly with my fingernail on the card and put it back before filling with chocs.

So, some poor random stranger would have been insulted by an empty pack of chocs. I'm not proud of this now (yeah, right), but it felt good at the time.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:37, 3 replies)

When walking back from lunch at uni...
I saw a guy with a poncho (which looked like he'd torn up a doss-house's carpet and put it on), a rather old looking lampshade on his head, massive goth boots and an acoustic guitar.

Oh, that, and I once saw a woman mouthing words eccentrically at people, with a CD case sticking out of the back of her pants.
( Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:34, Reply)

Argh, I think I have a bigger aversion
..to misuse of random than I thought. The downs syndrome story isn't random, it's nice. the Amsterdam story isn't random, it's strange, or maybe a bit surreal. The Charlie Chaplins had presumably all arranged to be dressed that way, so it wasn't even a coincidence, and if you are going to see a lot of people in a costume, either a party or a tourist destination would be the place.

All stories that would be decent enough when related to a term other than bloody "Random"
(clinteastwoodbradfield, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:34, 19 replies)

On holiday in Amsterdam
My wife and I were walking round the center of Amsterdam one evening about midnight. We were there to sample the fine green and were in town the week before the cannabis cup. Needless to say, we were pretty munted and were just enjoying the pretty night time lights reflecting on the canals and generally being stoned tourists.

We wandered out of the most recent in a long line of coffee shops to behold a sight unlike anything I've ever seen.

There were four people dressed all in black riding some kind of push bike that had them in a two by two arrangement, parallel to each other. They had what I can only describe as a wireframe ball made of lights like Christmas tree lights, all white, perfectly encircling their heads. Each of them had one of these balls on and was just silently cycling through the city on this mad four seater bike.

It's the only time I've ever turned to my wife and asked her if she saw what I just saw. She did. We hadn't been near anything hallucinogenic so I’m pretty certain they were real and just out to freak the tourists. It was extremely cool and things like that are why I love Amsterdam.
That was my most random experience I think.
(Booce, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:29, Reply)

Secret career change persuasion
I found the classic 'office workers umbrella' on the train, you know the kind, smallish black, suitable for a busy chap, I kept it. The next day on the way in to work, I found a brand new Parker pen & pencil set in the street, all encased in leather, no-one around to ask, I kept that too. I found a £50 note outside my house a few days later (I waited around for about 30 minutes in case a little old lady came back looking for it, no one did). To top it all off a few days later I find a briefcase, But of course I did the right thing and handed it in.

I had a feeling someone was telling me to get a job in London and even gave me the fare. I started to think the next day I'd find a bowler hat or tie, but no.
( SauronWibble I'll hold it, you lick it..., Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:27, 1 reply)

Hush now!

About a week and a half ago, I went for a lunchtime wander with my camera. There was a bit of a commotion on Westminster Bridge, and I went to investigate. For no obvious reason, there were 15 Charlie Chaplin look alikes standing in a row facing back to The London Eye.

I did actually take a photo, but as I am work and then straight on a train to go on holiday at the end of today, the question will be closed before I have a chance to post it. But it was pretty awesome.

And also, they were surpringly vocal.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:24, 2 replies)

one of the kids i teach is 11 and has downs syndrome
At a recent assembly he got called to the front where the head presented him with a medal he had won in a cycling race.

I was really pleased for him and when I saw him in the corridor later that day I stopped to chat with him.

I asked him what kind of bike he used, whether it was a mountain bike, road bike or bmx.

He stopped looking at me, instead staring over my shoulder into the distance. His smile disappeared and a far away wistful look appeared on his face and he replied with a line that convinced me he is the most awesome human being who ever lived.

"I don't know. I just ride."

Then the smile returned and he waved cheery-o as he trotted off to maths.

Pretty random. Very cool!

Probably doesn't meet the requirements for this weeks answers but I feel justified in not giving a Fuck.
(OTT, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:22, 4 replies)

That's a big dog
Small pink Mitsubishi / Mazda / whatever car in Corinna Street Canberra with a very large dog in the back with it's head out the window.

Wow that's a big dog. Hang on, it's not a dog, it's a bloody llama.
(Redemption blamed it on the Bossa Nova since, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:21, 2 replies)

Looking to sound knowledgeable?
Take warmed-over new-age alternative-medicine handwaving, stir in random sciency-sounding words, upload to YouTube, stand back and let fame come to you!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0c5yClip4o
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:21, 2 replies)

Also - I took this on my way to work one day:

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:17, 3 replies)

People need to learn what 'random' means....
'Random' doesn't mean unexpected. "That pelican randomly flew at me!" No. It didn't.
'Random' isn't a description of you. "I'm just SOOOO random!" No. You're eccentric, spontaneous, or perhaps just stupid. Variations include things like "did you see that episode of family guy? it was so RANDOM".
'Random' isn't a filler word for when something happens. "Then the pile of papers just, like, RANDOMLY fell over." ARGH.
Just the other day I heard a girl recalling a story to her friend, where she walked past another person who was "randomly eating a sandwich". How can you RANDOMLY eat a sandwich??? Did she pick a sandwich at random and start eating it? Or was she ingesting it in some sort of convoluted, 'random' way, that STILL wouldn't be a random event? ffs.

'Random' isn't even a word for a stranger. "Who is that?" "Oh, just some random". ...FUCK OFF.

STOP MISUSING RANDOM. That is all.
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:15, 52 replies)

Walking into work, early one morning
I couldn't sleep, so decided to head off at about half-five and take a meandering walk in through North London.

Everything's appropriately fine and sleepy until I get to Camden, where there's a middle aged, fairly inebriated chap in a full Waffen SS uniform throwing stones at passing cars, with a great big grin on his face.

He gave me a big thumbs up as I walked past.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:15, 2 replies)

A good friend of mine is a keen letter-writer, poet, artist, and incurable romantic.
He regularly sends me stuff he's found, including a box of animal skulls he'd collected from the island he was curator of, all perfectly labelled.

One of my favourites was some camera film negatives of a father and son, which, he described in his missive, he'd found among a pile of clothes, CDs, trinkets and cut up suits and ties in the street on his way to work.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:13, 2 replies)

Odd note.
In the Co-op in Stornoway and waiting in the queue to buy 50g of Golden Virginia when I was tempted by the chocolate bars in the rack by the till, I pick one up and underneath is a note written on a bit of cardboard that read:

'How long until I see you lonely again'
( Larry Death Anger Pain Fear Aggression, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:07, 2 replies)

Wandsworth roundabout on a pavement
A couple in their 60s, dressed in tweed - man on a bicycle and the woman on rollerskates hanging on the back being pulled along.

Big woo to them!
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:06, 1 reply)

Accidental Stalker
This all happened when I was at University.

Took my girlfriend home to meet the parents.

First night, we went into town for a meal and a few pints. The waiter in the restaurant was a guy from school's sister. Then to the pub, where we bump into said guy from school.

Next day, we decide to get a bus and go visit another town fifteen miles away. Get off the bus, and the first person I bump into is the same guy from school.

Week after, safely back at University, we go to look at a flat I'm thinking of renting, and the guy who opens the door is the guy from school, who's down visiting his brother.

That night, we go out for a meal. Guess who's on the next table? Guy from school.

A couple of years later, I moved down to London. Moved into a flat in North London, popped out to check out the local with my new flatmate, and guy from school is at the bar.

I don't even like him. He's a cock...
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:05, 1 reply)

My old landlady
...singlehandedly validates the newfangled usage of the term random. Here are some of her highlights:

Referred, in one conversation, to a trip to the Tate Moss, having confused the supermodel with the modern art gallery, and to ger difficulty in getting back to Wolveremstrone, by which she meant Walthamstow.

During a weekend I was away, she replaced the carpet in my bedroom with lino. She did not inform me she was going to do this, and she seemed to think I would be pleased about it.

Sellotaped a tablet she stole from a kid at the school she worked at to the inside of the toilet. When I asked why she said "I have flushed it seventeen times and it is still there. Imagine what it is doing to that kids belly"

Played "Frustration" into the wee small hours, meaning that I could hear the click of the dice dome thing all bloody night. When she resumed the game with her boyfriend the next day, I once witnessed ger get angry because he didn't remember which colour he was the night before.

I think I was pretty close to going as mad as her by the time I moved out
(clinteastwoodbradfield, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:05, 5 replies)

Bathroom in a phonebox
A drunken escapade... (shock)

Night in pub
+
Walk home to sober up
+
Skip full of old bathroom suite outside a house
+
One phonebox located very close by and sadly lacking in pink bathroom attire
=
One phone box with a toilet on one outside wall, a bath on the other and a sink, with footmat, carefully installed underneath the phone.

5t.
(fivetide, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 11:55, Reply)

Awesome sights #467:
Last week I saw a BIG (6'9" ish) Jamaican rasta dude, dreads down to his arse, shades, the lot, walking hand-in-hand with a little white lad of about 8 or 9.

Suddenly, without prompting, comment or reason, they both started skipping, and danced down the street.

Sometimes I fucking adore London.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 11:54, 5 replies)

In a pub
having a pint. Middle aged landlord is the only person in the place except me and my mate.

The CD that's playing has jammed and is just repeating the same beat over and over again.

After a couple of minutes, I go over to the bar and, assuming he's a bit deaf, say 'Excuse me. I think your CD's jammed.'

He says 'Yeah, I know, but it's banging, innit?.'

Went back to table. Finished Pint. Went to another pub.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 11:52, Reply)

rand()
that is all...
(Rumbling Bear rumbled on, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 11:50, 1 reply)

There's a pub in Gospel Oak...
...entitled The Southampton Arms.

Their take on pub 'muzak' is a turntable behind the bar playing only albums that were recorded before 1969.

Bizarre, but also strangely brilliant.
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 21 Apr 2011, 11:48, 4 replies)

Damn
How Random.
(Helo, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 11:44, Reply)

27th!
I mean...'first?'
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 11:42, 2 replies)