I had a major operation on my leg (see Blood QOTW in profile)
I was in hospital for a while and every day my girlfriend would come and visit me, tell me how much she missed me and how she couldn't wait for me to get home.

On the day I was due to go home she came to the hospital and we went home. I went in the house and she didn't. I've seen her maybe twice since just in passing in the street. She had moved everything out whilst I had been in hospital. I was on crutches with leg in full length plaster. If I cooked a meal I didn't even have anyone to carry it in to a different room so I had to eat at the cooker every day. The stupid cow had also put a rug down on the kitchen floor. The slick lino kitchen floor. As soon as the crutches hit it I went flying across the kitchen and earned myself a trip back to the hospital I had only just left.

I never got any explanation as to why she walked out.
( Peej, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 14:49, 4 replies)

Postcards from planet mad, part 1
One of the many jaw-dropping things she did toward the end of the relationship...

She was getting ready to go out; I was child-minding for her daughter and another kid. That's pretty much the only good part of the relationship by then, since her daughter was/is ace. A row develops, and I decide I'd had enough and stormed out.

A few seconds later she comes barelling out of the house, runs past me in the street, turns around and screams:

"How dare you leave the kids alone in the house, I can't believe you'd do a thing like that!"

Then stomps off toward the pub.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 14:43, 4 replies)

Everyone has been in a crappy relationship
and sometimes it's enough to make you think "I'm never going to find the right person, I'm never going to be happy" but the right person for you is out there somewhere! You just have to belieeeeve!

But of course I am biased because I have the bestest boyfriend in the world and was just using this QOTW as an excuse to brag about that fact.

*skips back to happyland*
( Mellicious is made of candy, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 14:40, 10 replies)

Breathe.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 14:40, 7 replies)

She told me several times
"That's it. It's over. We're through." Five minutes later there'd be a tearful "I didn't mean it."

Eventually the message sank into my thick skull, and so the final time she declared that we were through I took her at her word. By that point there really wasn't much magic left.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Mad bitch
And, I suspect, not the only one who will be profiled in the QOTW. She insisted she was 30 but in retrospect must have been at least 40. I was 19 and living in her house - the one the council paid for due to her claiming under two different identities.
Normal day:
She stays in bed until 2pm. I'm up at 8 to clean the house and look after her daughter (10 and thankfully a very cool, well-balanced kid against all the odds), VERY quietly. If she woke, there would be hell to pay. When she got up she wouldn't have a civil word to say to me, I'd have to make her all her meals and I would inevitably get it wrong and be shouted at. She would be in a shit mood with me all day until mid evening when she would begin to mellow. We would eventually go to bed, have sex, then she would turn into a ball of hatred again and find an excuse to kick me out to sleep in the spare room. Every day was like this for months.
Other highlights:
1) I wasn't working at the time but had given her all the money I had for board - about £500 for the 2-3 months I stuck it out (this was in Scotland a long time ago and living costs were cheap - this was a fair amount of money for the purpose). At a later point, she bought an £80 guitar after getting her dole (I didn't ask her for this and she didn't ask me if I thought it was a good idea). She couldn't play, I could. Later that day I was denied buying a £1 magazine because apparently "WE" had bought a guitar today. Within 24 hours she insisted that I wasn't allowed to play HER guitar - the one she couldn't play at all...
2) One day she decided to have the garden landscaped, with a pond, several levels, a stream, etc., etc. I was informed that I would have to do this. Without any kind of tools. And that I wouldn't be allowed back into the house until it was finished. Thank fook she gave up on this.
3) I wasn't allowed to speak to any other woman apart from my sister and my mother, and them only on sufferance.

When I finally saw sense and left before finishing with her, she called me, made me call her back from a phone box and kept me on the line for 5 hours (no exaggeration) until I was sufficiently worn down to agree that I would go back out with her again. Within 24 hours she finished with me in order to take up with the guy she had been shagging behind my back for some weeks.

What a six months that was.... still, she got her comeuppance when she was reported to the dole for her fraudulent claim (not by me) and someone burnt her boyfriend's (the one she'd been shagging) flat down. As for me, I fortunately learned my lessons and have never allowed anyone to treat me like that since.

Apols for length, there wasn't much left by the time she'd finished with it.
(rampants, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 14:23, 6 replies)

Glastonbury 2008
Ah, what cool memories Glasto must have for many people!

Just not for me, I've never been. The ex-wife has though.

I was struggling to manage the finances of 2 mortgages, a 2 yr old child and a wife who didn't work but had decided to spend a year at college doing teacher training. I had sold a lot of my stuff and worked hard to save up the 500GBP to pay off her credit card. So you can imagine my surprise to come home from work on the Tuesday to find that in fact she hadn't closed the credit card a month or two earlier as I'd thought, and had in fact decided to go to Glastonbury in 2 days time necessitating new clothes, tickets etc which cost pretty much the whole 500GBP.

There was no discussion, no hint, no compassion, just me coming home taking over childcare for the evening and being told that I, yep me not her, needed to sort out some childcare for Thursday, Friday & Monday (when I would be at work) as she was going to Glastonbury.
So at the last minute I had to beg time off work from the boss to stay at home for 5 days while she was off her face in a field somewhere.
When she got back, not even a thanks or asking how it had been etc, instead she just moaned about being back at home again.
Don't get me wrong, I loved having 5 days with my daughter, just pissed at how selfishly the ex went about getting her way, not to mention squandering money on herself that I worked so hard for to do something to help us both in hard times.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 14:15, 3 replies)

Could go for first page
But don't really have a story.
(ab1kenobe, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 14:08, 2 replies)

Last laughs 'n all that
So first relationship, first boyfriend, ZOMG!!! PENIS!!! **Squeal**

Yeah, that was my reaction when I started dating D (Ryhmes with Mario) at 16. Him being 26 was the "older man" who showed me a world of drugs, sex, drink, anal sex without lube (owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, magic should've ended there!) and also how to completely fuck up a relationship in a few easy steps.

Step 1. Shag the b/f at work while all his colleagues are outside giggling.

Step 2. Plan a trip to America and bring a pack of 18 condoms.

Step 3. Come back from America with a new pack of condoms and all but one missing. (At least he used 'em...)

Ta-dah! You have now unlocked the "utter basturd" achievement! So we broke up pretty sharpish after that however... Karma is a bitch.

So about 10 years later I'm in the gym chatting with some friends and getting undressed and who should I spy in the shower? Yeah... D... So we're both nearly naked, in a all male gym. Oh goodie :)

I notice him, he notices me, our eyes meet and in a second I realise that he's a old fat assbag jerking off in a shower hoping to pick someone up. This however looks pretty unlikely because he looks like he's the drug addled queen of the fuckhead clan.

Looking back I realise due to the copious amounts of drugs we used together and things we did that could've been me, but instead? Heh, I'm not :P Magic of that little relationship finally died there and there seeing what could've happened if I hadn't actually sorted my life out.

Fuck yeah.

(Christ b3ta, that's the second depressing QOTW for me. What's next weeks question? How do you intend on dying and what's your ideal funeral ceremony?)
(Helo, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 14:07, 5 replies)

Barclays Bank
My Crappy Realtionship isn't with a person. Its with a Bank.

Honestly their customer service is so bad Writing a sign outside that says- "thinking of opening an account here, why not piss off and die instead" - would be an improvement.

Having tried to get them to open a student account with them they needed proof that I'm a student. Which is fair enough- I gave them a letter from my college saying so. Which was rejected as it didn't include my address where I'm staying, despite the teensy problem of the fact that it DID contain my address where I'm staying. So I got another letter from my college which contained my address TWICE once in bold making it absolutely clear that I am living there.

Which has now been rejected.

Because it wasn't addressed specifically to barclays.

And because it wasn't stamped- BY THEIR LOCAL BRANCH.- Their fault not mine.

Sadly I think I'm going to have difficulty satisfying their other demands, as my first born child has not yet been born so I cannot offer up its soul in exchange for an ATM card. Similarly I will have difficulting obtaining a dragons egg and vial of angels tears that surely must be the requirements for any kind of monthly statement. Honestly Prometheus stealing fire from the gods probably had an easier time of it.

Still better than Natwest's service mind.
(FondaAccord, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 14:05, 3 replies)

When...
...after 40 minutes of ranting about how she hated her job, and her boss was a waste of space, I suggested that she might want to change jobs, that I'd help her find a new one.
Her reply of "I don't want help, You're not here to help! You're just here so I've got someone I can scream at!"

Rather told me how valued I was...
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 13:51, 2 replies)

Time fopr a pea
the below pics were taken aftr we split, however the house was never much better than that when we were together.

I suspect the final nail in the coffin was when I said that I didn't think she was very affectinate. she sulked for 3 days over that one.
and when her daughter destroyed (and I mean DESTROYED)her bedroom. that didn't help


www.b3ta.com/questions/filth/post676891
(Vinegar strokes Should know better on, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 13:40, 2 replies)

Pearoast ahead
After a holiday away (with her parents I should add) I thought it would be a good idea to tell her that I had been going to ask her to marry me but had realised I actually didn't want to....unsurprisingly this killed it stone dead, right there.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 21 Oct 2010, 13:36, 3 replies)

"Where the fuck have you been?!"
Erm ... visiting my mates up in Manchester ...

"You didn't tell me you bastard! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Why didn't you tell me?!"

Um ... I only met you on Saturday, it's Wednesday now, and I've been away for three days ...
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 13:24, 6 replies)

Foreign aid(s)
Years ago my girlfriend sat me down for a serious talk and told me she had AIDS. Said she got it from the weird French guy at the market who bags her groceries.
That kind of ended it for me...
( CaptainKirk, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 13:24, Reply)

I discovered I was about the only guy in town she WASN'T fucking
...no wonder she was always "too tired".
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 13:18, 5 replies)

babies
how the heck to people find the time to have more than one, by the time little hamster is in bed we're too knackered to do anything, does this mean it's all over or does it get better?
(bluehamster, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 13:13, 9 replies)

I was riding in an old Ford, some time in the Seventies,
with my two friends Ray and Lee. We were tight knit in those days, and did everything together - we'd grown up in the same village and been friends since forever. That particular night, I'll never forget, we were on our way back from the town nearby, and Lee took a corner a little too fast.

The car rolled twice before the roof detached, and Ray was thrown clear. Or most of Ray anyway. I'd told him to wear a seatbelt. Somewhere in the confusion I broke one of the bones in my left forearm (it still aches in cold weather). Then the car finally came to a halt and we called an ambulance. They tried to reattach Ray's legs, which had both been "detached" somewhere near the pelvis, but it was too late, he rejected them. Lee was beside himself, but he'd been driving like an idiot, and anyway, if he'd maintained his car better, perhaps Ray would be able to walk today. So I didn't have much consolation for him, when I turned to him and said "See what you've done with your Capri, Lee - Ray shuns hips, I've got a broken arm, and your insurance is probably going to sky rocket."

We don't talk much anymore.
(sabre-tooth monkey, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 13:10, 3 replies)

What has a partner done that convinced me the magic has gone?
Fucked somebody else


Probably not the first person to post this, definately not the last
(gaylord stinchcomb Ridicule is nothing to be scared of. AIDS is., Thu 21 Oct 2010, 13:03, 3 replies)

I once went out with a girl who never stopped talking
she also didn't require you to join in the conversation in any way. They day I decided to end it was the same day that she phoned whilst I had a few friends over. I put the phone on speaker and put it in the middle of the room. It was over 45 minutes before she noticed I hadn't said a word.
( Peej, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Crabs
That is all
( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 12:52, 3 replies)

I used to work as an electrician for P&O ferries
out of boredom I replaced all the electrically operated switches on all their ferries with dog poo.

Man, those were some crappy relays on ships.
( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 12:49, 4 replies)

Frustration. The definite
I dated a fetish model and stripper, after the initial spark grew cold we struggled along. Obviously the sex was not really happening from her perspective despite me finding her hotter than the stuff you get in freshly toasted Pop Tarts (*obvious joke removed*), so throughout the rest of our relationship (another 14 months) I was slavering for humpage like a man possessed and suffered the worst case of blue watermelon sized balls ever inflicted on a man.

Still, we're friends now so all good.

[first post in forever!]
(Monchberter Can't go wrong with Doom, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 12:45, 21 replies)

:(

(DefinitelyNOTAmorousBadgerOhNo, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 12:43, 1 reply)

She gave my collection of Paul Daniels DVDs to charity.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 12:40, 4 replies)

I dated a coprophiliac
That was a shitty relationship.
(whyamihere, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Hahahahahahahaha!
I can't wait for a certain someone's reply to this one.
( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 12:36, 16 replies)

tits
I was just about to recommend b3ta.com/questions/wishlist/post915150 and then I noticed the compo had changed

Hmmm...crappy relationships...

I'll come back to this, I'm sure I've had loads
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 12:36, Reply)

first
Woooooo!

Will edit and add a story when I think of one...

Ok, having had a think, it seems more often than not things have slowly fizzled out over a period of months. Almost without exception my exs have, in hindsight, been fairly reasonable. I've done things which hurt them, and they've done things which have hurt me. I guess that is why they are exs...

The only think I can really think of is, last summer, after we'd been sort of going through a rough patch (lots of work meant we'd hardly see each other all week despite living less than 1km away from each other) trying to plan a holiday with my then girlfriend. She'd been on about planning something together for weeks and I'd kept putting things of. Eventually I brought up the topic of holidays and she told me she'd planned a holiday with a girlfriend instead. She said it was alright for couples to go on separate holidays. I felt crushed. We split up a week after she got back from the holiday.

Apologies for lack of funnies.
(ComplexStuff Was confused by life on, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 12:35, 3 replies)