i was scammed of 30 seconds of my life
from reading that bog roll QOTW answer
(Handel blah blah blah, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 17:52, Reply)

bloody bankers
my bank just tried to rip me off for being over my credit limit when i knew for sure i was anything but.
(suboftheday, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 17:02, Reply)

Have I really just read...
....that one of our number calculated the cost per sheet of bog paper?

I had considered calling The Samaritans as my life seemed meaningless following an incident where I put too much pick and mix in one bag at the cinema but clearly there are lower depths I can sink to before attempting to throw a seven.
(Danny Fishcharge Half arsed, smart arsed, on & off a lard arse sinc, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 16:40, Reply)

Say no to drugs!!
A friend of mine was hammered in London when a shifty looking chap comes up to him and offers to sell him weed for £10, He says yes and gives him £20 and the other guy runs off without giving him the weed, (which was probably mud anyway) so he shouts "STOP FBI!". For some reason the guy didn't come back.
(xlux, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 16:37, Reply)

I ripped off her clothes ...
... and gazed upon her naked body on the bed. Her firm breasts rose and fell with passion and her nipples were erect in anticipation of my tongue. She opened her legs and began to touch her parted lips with red-painted nails, gyrating her hips as she did so.

I unleashed my rigid tool, springing it free from my jeans. She made an animal moan and moved to the edge of the bed to take it hotly in her mouth, slathering it it with her tongue and taking it deep within her throat as she cupped my balls.

Soon I could take it no longer and felt the wells of lust gush from their source. At that moment, she withdrew my swollen tip from her mouth and bared her tongue so that the frantic jets of come could lash across it, striping her lips and cheeks with a seemingly endless spray.

"Hold on a minute," I said. "I paid for a hand job!" What a rip off!
(frankspencer, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 16:11, Reply)

beware of great gas offer
When i had my first house i was allways strapped for cash. so when a bloke knocked on the door in what looked like a britsh gas uniform i showed him the outside meter - 10 mins later he knocked again - "i can make a change so you dont pay for the gad" - woo hoo!!! - 50 quid and never a bill to pay again, it was winter and this sounded sooo good. i paid, and waited. 40 mins later the guy knocks on the door - but now im nervous, how do i know its been done? - i put all the gas rings on, the heating and he shows me the meeting aint turning!!!!!! - smug with myself i pay the man and turn the heating up!

2 days later gas stops - i look outside, i follow a pipe - then it becomes clear - i dig a little and find a small calor gas tank buried in the garden just under the meter - the bloke had disconected the gas and connected a small gas tank which was now empty. i had to call british gas to sort it out - it took a lot of explaining.

beware offers that are too good to be true, usually are. but greed will keep us going.

i still chuckle at a) my stupidity b) the guys front for and catch me if you can style c) the fact i know it cant just of hapened to me.
(Newhay, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 15:55, Reply)

All the time
I feel ripped off everytime I make a post on b3ta.
( knoxx I hate you because you hate me, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 15:53, Reply)

Ripped off?
Get this - a whole swathe of redundancies are about to happen at my workplace (myself included) - on Monday last we were all told via e-mail that the severage package has been altered to 'reflect the current market'

Yep - reduced by 10%

Twunts.

EDIT - this includes siouxfan as well ..
(flibbley lame balloon man far and wee, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 15:04, Reply)

Oslo - most expensive place in the world
I live in Oslo, voted by the Economist as being the world's most expensive city. Here are a few examples of things that I have recently purchased:

4cl of beer (about 2/3 of a pint) in a dirty pub full of students and alcoholics £5

Indifferent curry for two (2 starters, 2 mains, 2 bottles of beer) £70

1 courgette (zucchini for the merkins) £2

1 man sized bit of steak £8-10

1 bottle of 'inexpensive' red wine £10 (cheapest in the shop is about £8 but that's not drinkable).

1 single whisky £7 (I could buy a bottle for a minimum of about £30, but at that price I just wait until I go abroad and can buy duty free).

Every weekend there are huge queues of cars heading out for a 4 hour round trip to buy food (and porno) from Sweden. Sweden, that place famous for being cheap!

So please, if you ever feel ripped off, just take a flight here and the whole of the rest of the world will feel so reasonably priced.
(woodchopper likes chopping wood, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 14:56, Reply)

Toilet Paper Rip-off
I hate shopping and even more I hate Makros, but sheet for sheet they have the best offers on loo rolls. Trouble is, they play this stupid marketing game the other supermarkets play to entice you to buy a particular brand. So off I go to said Makros, this time with a calculator. There were 6 brands on offer at varied pricing. One brand had a buy one get one free, 48 rolls for £7.49. Or you could get 36 rolls for a fiver on another brand. Unfortunately the answer is to look at the packets to see how many sheets they have on a roll, and also the quality bearing in mind you scrape your arse a few times a week. I did some calculations and went for the best deal.

I also got asked by the staff what I was doing as I looked like a store analyst. Much to my surprise I was also told by a shelf stacker (I wasn't sure if it was male or female) that coloured toilet paper gives you thrush.

Just thought I'd pass on the info. Not literally though :-0
( Tiggy the diver, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 14:49, Reply)

German donkey porn...
In my Merchant Navy days as a very naive 18 year old my ship docked in Hamburg and I visited the infamous Reeperbahn district.
My mate and I wanted to see a live sex show, but it had to be something really hardcore or unusual. So when a spruiker told us about a "lady with a donkey" we readily parted with our hard earned cash.

There was a lady and a donkey as promised but to our great dismay the donkey was only given a very quick hand job and then did a rather large shit on the stage.

I reckon the donkey was ripped off too.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 14:28, Reply)

PJM
James Tiger Woods, I sympathise. It happened on four consecutive evenings. Except she faked the falling asleep part once she got what she wanted.

Needless to say she was shown the door not long after.

Length? SHE should be the one apologisiong!
(Barry Subchimp, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 14:22, Reply)

Er
Just remembered - I had a similar thing happen to me as happened to PJM - back at Uni (about 150 years ago), I was south of the (slightly hairy) river and pleasure was being had by the anonymous lady* - At point of climax she got dressed and left.

Ripped off? I **so** think so!

*Vicki, in case you're wondering
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 13:55, Reply)

Gents
If a lady is kind enough to undress herself and get into bed with you it is not being ripped off if she falls asleep after 40 minutes (yes 40 minutes according to PJM, I saw his unedited post) of tongue-time.

It's ladykind's revenge for all the times men have done it to us.

Although mr happylittletulip isn't included in this. hence my name.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 13:49, Reply)

Karma?
I'm beginning to suspect that it's RachelSwipe....

I've never had any problems with British Gas, Barclays or Orange*

I have, however, been royally raped by VW/Seat for their servicing - E.g. Cambelt change & service? Seat Dealer - £500. Independant (V.A.G.) garage - £300.

* Apart from when they barred me for hitting my bill limit for 100s of drunken texts....
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 13:25, Reply)

Ladies
It most definitely is NOT the done thing to encourage your beau to do whatever is necessary to ensure you're left feeling smugly satisfied in the sack with vague promises of "returning the favour" only to fall asleep within minutes of achieving orgasm - regardless of how half cut you are.

Unlike a good many cab drivers, I don't begrudge venturing south of the Thames in any way, but if I'm going to be breathing through my ears for however long it takes I'd at least appreciate the offer of favours being returned even if it isn't strictly necessary. Despite being a man, it's nice to feel appreciated for my efforts once in a while...

Ripped off? Not as such, but I've been left short changed a few times.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 21 Feb 2007, 13:06, Reply)

Bahamas grass
I was in the Bahamas with my brother back in '91. We were young lads, naive and pissed after a night drinking some kind of thick licorice stuff with the locals at the "Winston Churchill" pub.
There we were, walking back to our hotel when this car pulls over and a voice from within says "want something to smoke boys?"
This sounded like a capital idea, so we said yes and were invited to hop into the car. The very friendly gentleman driver even offered to drop us back to our hotel. What a nice chap.
To cut a long story short he then proceeded to drive us miles out of our way (the hotel was only a few blocks from where he'd picked us up) and then on handing over a small paper package asked us for $10 for petrol! We paid up, glad to get away from him, got into our room, opened the package, and discovered a handful of grass from the roadside.
What a bastard. Still, served us right really.
( BobbyParadise, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 12:55, Reply)

when I was at school
i was told i could do anything i liked for a career (well pretty much, anyway), my grades were good and qualifications are great for getting a career.

Aged 30 I have an MA, and I work in a bookshop. bollocks.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 12:17, Reply)

Drink+whore=ripped off
Just got back from weekend in Prague. Truly awesome. Unfortunately vast quantities of drink led me to make a very poor decision. Having gotten largely blasted on Vodka/Red Bull a mate of mine dragged me to a brothel (lets not play games, it was a brothel) where I got charged roughly £80 for a grim looking uninterested, lazy ho. For half an hour. And I couldnt get it up! :( Ripped off much!!!!

apologies for length, it was cold and I was drunk.
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 12:09, Reply)

Hmm
A few years ago a friend and I - Let's call him Phil - accidentally gate-crashed a speed dating thing in a London pub.

I say accidentally as there was a velvet rope and we just stepped round it - Some drink may have been involved.....

Noone batted an eyelid, we got some numbers and subsequent dates* and we toddled off.

Someone got ripped off and it certainly wasn't us.

* Ok - He got the date, I didn't. Meh.

Size? Woop woop ;-)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 11:53, Reply)

Long term dating
So far I'm saddled with her mortgage, the upkeep of her & her kids & a Fiat Punto.

So it's cost a couple of quid for you to establish you didn't like someone and still not get a shag?

Life swap anyone?
(Danny Fishcharge Half arsed, smart arsed, on & off a lard arse sinc, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 11:27, Reply)

speed dating...
£40 to meet 23 IT consultants called steve and a coffin dresser called dave.

still, my flatmate was more gutted. nobody wanted to tick her box, and as she said "i've paid £40 to be rejected 24 times in one night."

but even she was happier than our other friend. she got an email from a nice guy (number 12), much online flirting, then a date. he ended the meal quickly, no flirting in real life at all, and ran off saying something about a sick kitten, and didn't snog her. when she emailed him to meet up again, not having taken the hint (clearly he had thought she was someone else and got a shock when she turned up!), she suggested "the london ghost walk and then a pub".

he replied, word for word: "THAT SOUNDS SHIT. I'M NOT COMING."

what a total rip off!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 11:22, Reply)

Opticians
Enough said.
(frankspencer, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 11:17, Reply)

And I didn't even get a shag out of it!
Last night I went as "moral support" with a friend to a Speed Dating evening. I paid £6.40 for a glass of wine....I could have bought a reasonable bottle for that price in Tescos! And I didn't come away with any phone numbers, email addresses or even a shag!

What a bloody rip off!

Maybe next time I should take part and not sit in the corner chatting to another "moral support friend".
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 10:57, Reply)

Clock this
Back in the days when car speedometers had dials not digital displays, as a friend opened the back of one to *ahem* adjust it, a small handwritten piece of paper fluttered out which read "Oh no, not again!"
( Prof. Piehead, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 9:51, Reply)

Bentley's Cabin, Swallow St, London
On a Monopoly board pub crawl, like you do. Price of 5 vodka and oranges in Wetherspoon's pub: about 8 quid. Price of five vodka and oranges/cokes in this place: £24.95. We made sure we used the bogs, let's put it that way.

And, in fact, here it is:

freespace.virgin.net/roger.cantwell/stag%20do/Dscf0036.jpg

The Happy Hour sign must have been bollocks, because no-one would pay £50 for five drinks, would they?
(rogerzilla, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 9:46, Reply)

British Gas
Once told by a call centre worker friend of mine that

"every 60 seconds a customer comes back to british gash" is actually true.

However ever 20 seconds, one leaves...
(stevio is on the prowl for a girlfriend!, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 9:18, Reply)

Jimvin
I'm studying Law at University, that is theft. 7 year maximum sentence.

That being said, good on you.
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Wed 21 Feb 2007, 8:46, Reply)