biking...
there's sumthing about bikes, I've had feckwits throw bricks at me, had doors opened as I ride by, had herberts (yes, in flat caps) glare at me at the lights and say 'those things are dangerous' SMIDSY: sorry mate I didn't see you...way too fucking often, they pull out on me from T junctions but i really lost it with a J (jersey?) car on a single track road, the fecker kept speeding up, slowing down and pulling over the whole road so I couldn't get by...this went on for about 2 miles (BTW the highway code says to pull over and stop and let the hazard go by or sum such shit like that) anyways we finally get to a major road and he doesn't indicate right or left but sits there in the middle of the road, i'm going right so i squeeze by him-attempting to avoid eye contact as the rage-ometer is hitting the red zone-when he says.....'you were a little erratic back there weren't you!' and as Chatle M ses i go: 'uh?' what with being a tad incredulous, and the cherry on top? 'you need to be more careful youn' I think he wanted to say young man but by that time i had him out of the car window and was holding him off the ground...i'd lost all speech apart from youcuntyoucuntyoucuntetc.
I dropped him on the floor and fecked off asap.
I stopped about a mile down the road in a chittle lef (aka the happy vomiter) for a T and to stop the shakes...when in comes the munter and missus and tells everybody how a crowd of hells angels had just attacked him and his missus, I called him a cunt then as well....
I can be erudite but that day wasn't it.
No complaints on length, only the morning after....
(mickturate if i could be arsed i'd be bored, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 7:32, Reply)

There was this one time...
... I was in the van with my dad (In the passenger seat, not in the back with my pants down). He was doing deliveries and i was very bloody bored. We're going down this curved hill, and suddenly the nice lady in front of us doesn't indicated and swerves off down another lane, causing my dad to hit the brakes. We heard a smash at the back (never good if you're delivering glass)

The poor bitch behind us on a bicycle slammed into the backdoors and had to be carried away in an ambulance. The woman who swerved off drove past and slowed down to see what had happened (a girl crying with blood everywhere, a broken nose and a rather mangled bicycle), then noticed as my dad ran towards the car and sped off.

women drivers :(((
(Hat Implant, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 7:28, Reply)

and then, there's not-even-on-the-road-yet rage
the scene: a saturday afternoon at home. i'm in the process of getting my driver's license, and state law requires me to drive a total of 12 hours with a parent before an instructor can give me a lesson. mom's got somewhere to go in half an hour, but she has a bit of time free now.

tinyninja: mom, can we go out driving?

mama ninja: no, sweetie.

tinyninja: why not? you're just sitting there.

mama ninja: it's too windy.

note: i'm from New England, not tornado country. the woman, bless her, remains terrified of driving with me - and i'm a safe driver! she will use any, but ANY excuse to keep me from driving.

tinyninja: let's go Mom, I'll drive.

mama ninja: no, honey, let's just get there.

wtf? because when i'm at the wheel we wind up in Kalamazoo?
(tinyninja, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 6:42, Reply)

Bloody cellphone users
Back in '97 I was driving through this tunnel in Paris and this driver is talking on his cell-phone. I decide to test his reflexes and give him a little nudge, and sure enough, he wasn't paying attention and crashes. Bloody cellphone users. It even made the news.

Sorry,
( Rails [*·:·], Fri 13 Oct 2006, 6:02, Reply)

old tosser.
I'll apologise now. I'm a taxi driver. There thats that out of the way.

A few weeks ago I was travelling up a road with a 40 limit, when this ancient twunt in one of those Wagon R things pulled out in front of me, forcing a swift brake-slamming, fit of horn-blaring and general wank-sign making.

the arsebiscuit then crawled at 20mph for the next mile, swerving all over the place to stop me overtaking.

When we got to a set of lights on red, Captain Geriatric decided to get out an stride (hobble) up to my minibus, knock on my window with his walking stick and ask if he had anyting I wanted, what with me driving so close.

I replied "certainly not your driving ability, you old fcuker", prompting him to smash my door mirror off with his stick, and go all "John Cleese" on the van...

...right in front of the nice policeman from the car behind me, who nicked the old coot for driving without due care and attention, breach of the peace and criminal damage.

hopefully thats got another one off the road.
(coobeastie Used to Be in Evil Gazebo, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 4:49, Reply)

i find myself
hurling abuse at folk who drive at 30mph on the local backroads. the speed limit is 60!

and all these people who sit in the fast lane at 65mph, it's for fucking overtaking. not for them to trundle along at the same speed as the other lanes.

the other week i was in edinburgh with my mates' band kobai. we'd parked their bus down the bottom of a street but needed to move it. cue me jumping in the driver seat and realising i'd have to reverse the bloody thing all the way back up to the main road about 200m away. this would have been fair enough if people hadn't decided to double park into a bloody chicane formation. after slowly manouvering the big yellow spaz bus past the first, i came level with the second, only to find both driver and passenger sitting in the car, engine running. and the bint in the passenger seat smiled, rolled down her window and said something along the lines of "you did really well there like".
said woman was lucky not to have her teuchter patter rammed back down her throat. why not move you're car, stupid east coast... ARGH!
(i am blip don't trust bono; he's a wank, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 4:43, Reply)

Silly bugger...and men can multi-task
I`ve never snapped at anyone...but a certain Shining Love Piglet, embarking upon road cycling for the first time, was slightly lax about hand signals. My leisurely change of lanes cues a deafening screech behind me, then a rapid accelerating "vroom" noise sprouting from just behind my right ear. A well polished and probably very nice car sidles up, with a bespectacled gent shaking his fist at me and roaring

"IMBECILE!"

Never been called that name before or since, and frankly, I deserved it.

Incidentally, over here in sunny J-pan, I saw a guy riding a bicycle (not exactly at a crawl) whilst holding an umbrella, smoking a cigarette and reading a manga at the same time. Respect.
(Shining Love Pig, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 3:46, Reply)

Road rage by proxy
Riding my motorbike across the ANZAC Bridge (it's in Sydney and has a long drop to water beneath it) a woman in a four-wheel decided she wanted to get into my lane so ficked on her indicator and just started pushing me out. Unfortunatley I was already in the inside lane with nowhere to go but into the wall or over the side so I politely beeped my horn in the hope she hadn't seen me and would move back over. No such luck. She just looked over, gave me a "get out of my way" gesture with her hand and kept coming. By this stage I was sandwiched between her car and the wall doing about 70km/h in packed traffic with nowhere to go, until the guy behind me slammed on his brakes to make room and I slid back into the space he created.
At the next lights I was sitting there shaking my head in disbelief when the aforementioned guy got out of his car, walked up and asked if I was OK.
I said I was, he said that's great then walked up to the woman in question's car and started banging his fists against her window and calling her every name under the sun.
She took off through a red light and he walked back looking very happy with himself.
( difficultchild, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 3:06, Reply)

Road/hormone rage
Last week while trying to make a U-turn in our very narrow street, Mrs Difficultchild found her car stuck because of another car parked in a no-standing zone, at an odd angle and about a metre out from the gutter.
As she struggled back and forth (with no end of useful advice from myself in the passenger seat) a woman emerged from the apartment block nearby and started walking over toward us.
"Is this your car?" Mrs DC asked... and all hell broke loose.
I'll leave out the capital letters, but just assume everything from this point on is shouted hysterically.
"Oh my God yes it's my car I'm moving it I'm moving it for God's sake I just had a baby it's still in the hospital I only stopped here to pick something up and then I'm going back to the hospital my baby is still there I just got out look for God's sake I'll move it I just had a caesarian do you want to the the scar here look at the scar just leave me alone!!!!!!"
By this stage she was in tears, raking her hands over her face, jumping about, had dropped whatever it was she had been carrying and had, to my delight, lifted up her dress to show us the caesarian scar from the aforementioned baby.
Then she jumped into her car and started hitting her head on the wheel, with the horn going off as she continued to scream.
We quietly reversed up the street and drove off.
( difficultchild, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 2:57, Reply)

Upon a rainy morning-o,
I gaily did a walking go,
When crossing a road and filled with glee,
A cyclist near' crashed into me,
"Wanker!" was his pithy call
As he swerved almost to fall,
I sweetly giggled at his luck,
And shyly told him to get to fuck.
(MooCow_Byter, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 2:15, Reply)

I'm guilty.
My most memorable moment of road rage happened years ago. There was one lane in each direction and I was heading north. Another car was heading south. We were just arriving at an intersection when a car heading east completely ignored a stop sign and drove between us. I slammed on my breaks in panic, scared but resigned that an accident was happening. Miraculously I stopped scant inches away from the oblivious driver who continued on. The other innocent guy and I sat for a minute or two in utter disbelief.
After shock came rage. I started following the bad guy. I sped up, caught up to him and followed him. He saw me, he tried evading. I followed him as he twisted and turned, my rage building. Eventually he knew he wasn't going to lose me. He decided to face his fate. He pulled into an empty parking lot, I drove up to him. Only then did I wonder what I had in mind. I realized that killing him was perhaps not a valid option. Instead, for some reason, I assumed a look of wrath and wordlessly I slowly reached out my arm and pointed at him with my index finger. I had in mind that I looked sort of like the Angel of Death. He cowered. I drove away. What the hell did I think I was doing?
(thatguyjoe, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 1:57, Reply)

Been dun?
I'm on the plane from Gatwick to Madrid. Bad food, smelly people, and generally unpleasant journey. But it didn't matter, I'd agreed to this little driving journey across europe, and I couldn't back out of it. There was four of us.
In Madrid we rented a car, and set off to Lyon (A bastard of a drive).
Getting to Lyon we were all starting to regret this journey, and as we went on to Paris we were all considering coming back to Good Old Brittania, but no one dared say it out loud. When we got to Paris, however, it was confirmed we were coming home.

I was driving at this time, and I was so pissed I could see an extra little meter on the dashboard that read blood pressure. So, you can imagine I'm angry, and no-one would say a word for fear of incuring the wrath.

However, as we drove through an underpass a fuck load of wankers on mopeds or motorbikes shot past us, which put me through the roof, and, blind with fury I just drove forward and clipped the tail side of a Merc. No harm done like. And after that we just came home to get pissed. Only to find out our princess had passed away.
(Alexxx It wasn't me, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 1:29, Reply)

Last week
I was driving home from work, and I could smell smoke, a burning engine oil smell. I carried on, and eventually caught up with the culprit. It was some kind of MG Rover coupe thing, but I could see exactly what because of the black smoke belching out of the twin exhaust. I could hardly see where I was going, so I started flashing my lights at the person to pull over, because they really needed to get a car mechanic asap, as thier car was burning more oil than petrol.

Anyhoo, they didn't pull over, for several miles. We got to the roundabout as you come into the town where I live, and they stopped. I pulled up beside them, tooted the horn and wound the window down in order to tell them that thier car was in serious trouble and needed seeing to, as I am nice like that.

All I got for my trouble was a two finger salute and being told that my own car was a "geek's car".

At least mine doesn't create it's own A-Team-esque smokescreen. Twunt.
( Rubymurray is disdainful of your hateful, ill-formed opinions, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 1:20, Reply)

Driveing has been placid for me
Back when I was on my L-plates someone beeped me for indicateing badly on a roundabout.
I almost hit a sheep on the motorbike as well.

Scooters mainly piss me off.

I once saw a chav pretending to do gears on a scooter wich made me giggle
( Letum Your Ad here £2.40, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 1:14, Reply)

Surprising to watch
On the way back from work in a (then) large 4x4 (not mentioning it, too embarrassing) I was undertaken by some chavy type who then persisted to go around the guy in front cutting him up.

At the next traffic lights the guy in front (a large bodybuilder type) not too amused got out his car went to his boot got a golf club and walked up to the window of the chav hitting the window with said club.
The window didn't break (how I don't know) but the chav backed up the car and sped off spinning the car 180 back down the road out of the way narrowly missing a car turning into the road.

The rather large guy, pretty chuffed with himself at a warning well done, headed back to his car and just before getting in gave me the thumbs up and a smile before moving up one place at the lights, all I could do ones a thumbs up back (why I don't know, just a reaction).

A very bemusing and amusing episode I must admit.
(Opanoid Look sweats dripping off them, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 0:46, Reply)

Oh, a good topic for me-
Not quite road rage, more like road insanity. I was doing the speedlimit, 115-ish kph, not sure of the exact conversions, and I was in the slow lane. Passing me on the left side was a black camaro. They pulled up until they were about level with my door, the man in the car turned and looked at me and then wrenched the wheel sideways, almost into my car.

I reacted in almost the same instant, so we weren't hit, but then I swerved and nearly went over the guardrail of an overpass and onto a 6-lane road. I did stay on the road, and made it off of the offramp without further mishap, but that was scary.

The guy had no reason to try to hit me, and I hadn't done anything to him. It was odd.
(Fodqou, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 0:40, Reply)

Dreadlocked rage
I drive busses in Cardiff and have dished out and recieved a fair amount of road rage,never come to blows (close tho).One occasion I had dropped off a passenger at a stop thirty yards from a set of traffic lights ,looked in mirror ,nothing coming behind , started to pull away when a black toyota sports car overtakes fast frightening the shit out of me such I gave a blast on the horn.....Cue the car door opening and the biggest ,meanest craziest ,looking rastafarian I have ever seen walking towards me (This cuold count as an ono moment but too late)opens his mouth too reveal his gold teeth and says....BLAST THAT HORN AGAIN AND I,LL FUCK YOU UP....I swear I nearly pissed myself with fear cos he looked like he really wanted to do it as well,but jumped in his car and fucked off......Length of knob? who cares I,m still alive too use it
(andycrass loves two hats on, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 0:31, Reply)

I get really mad when a women honks at me, then flicks her hair towards me, batters her eye lids in my direction, then speeds off in the hope I chase, catch her, and end up in a layby with her having mad passionate stranger sex

all merged with the fact this has never actually happened as of yet, it really makes my blood boil.
(Lt Columbo, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 0:24, Reply)

I got pulled over 1 time too many
I was on the way home from work, I spotted a police car behind me and understandably began to drive more cautiously....

Granted I drove a metallic purple Mk1 Astra GTE but I found the police followed me for 3 miles.... I did a perfect 29 mph all the way to my own street, then they put on the blue lights and stopped me about 10 metres from my front door!

I got everything, the tyres, the tax disc and really daft questions... this is when I lost it...

"Why are you driving down this road sir?"
"Because I live here"
"I see, but you took a rather unusual route, why was that?"
Ok this was too much for me.
"Well I thought about staying on the main road at 70, but I noticed a copper behind me. Well you know what it's like, you think the bastard is after me for something, so I hit the local road, slowed it down but wouldn't you know it the stupid fuckers followed me to my own front door then wasted my time questionnning my A-Z knowledge and checking the tyres!"
I got a bollocking, a 7 day wonder and continued to get stopped weekly.

If you get road rage, don't mouth off to a copper.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 0:09, Reply)

The 14A,
was (still is? I haven't seen it in a while) a silly bus for many reasons. It was run by a practically obsolete bus company (in fact I think it may technically be part of Stagecoach, their tickets were printed on the same paper, in the same design, but without the logo at the top and sometimes it's run on Stagecoach buses, but normally the rickety old Redby buses that should have been scrapped years ago). I used to get it home from school despite the fact that hundreds of lovely shiny new buses went up my actual road, so much so that if there was a queue of a couple of buses at the stop I could get dropped off at my front door, and this stopped a few streets away. Mainly because it went from the same bus stop as my best mate's bus and because nobody used this one, well, I'd be guaranteed a seat.
Oh, and the fact that it went up the main road (ie my road) halfway, then got forced up a side street that it took about five minutes (sometimes literally) just to turn onto, and then dodge around cars parked (perfectly legally) at either side of this street. Any car coming the other way didn't stand a chance.
Or, indeed, any car that tried to cross the street in front of the bus and then got honked at very loudly for driving like a twat.
Hence why the drive of said car ran up to the bus when it next stopped, waited patiently for the pack of primary school children to get on, and then launched into a massive sweary tirade at the driver, 'What the fuck do you think you were doing?' 'You could have fucking killed me!' etc etc. Until an old man at the front stood up and told him to fuck off and learn to drive properly. He fucked off.
(and now for someone completely different, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 0:04, Reply)

sorry
i know i've done it twice in the same qotw, but sod it.

baby on board signs (although not solely used for this purpose) were invented to try and reduce the amount of babies and toddlers killed in horrific car accidents when the driver was incapacitated and couldn't alert the services at the time. however most firemen would tell you horror stories of situations similar to this where they've spotted the baby on board sign, searched for hours (risking their or colleague's lives) only to find out a week later when the driver regains consciousness that the child was at home that day.
they have a use, but it tends to be ignored by people with them

and those aren't their husband's pieces of shit they're driving. more's the pity
(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 23:59, Reply)

Argh..
Women in North London in their husbands HUUUUGE 4x4 who edge out out of side roads so far into the road you have to emergency stop from hitting them, and then they just wait for you to flash their lights to let you out.

Also people on phones. Anyone who does it- it does affect your driving. Don't kid yourself. Anyone behaving like a cock is either driving a Fiat Punto or is on the phone.

Drunk drivers who think that driving at 20 mph at 2 in the morning on empty roads is going to fool anyone, when I want to get home.

Anyone with a baby on board sticker- what the hell is that for? It's not as though I've been planning to ram you all the way up the road, and yet will suddenly change my mind when I know that you have managed to procreate just like everyone else on the planet.

Police who decide to shut vast swathes of Tottenham and Wood Green just to piss me off.

More later.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 23:53, Reply)

Old Man V Suit Guy
I was the mediator in this one; I was walking home from work recently when I spied a guy in a suit cycling on the pavement. I was delighted then to see him stop rather abruptly as an old man (possibly alcoholic) who was walking in the opposite direction started whacking his bike with a cane he had been hobbling along on. Suit guy got off his bike as the old man was jabbing the cane into his spokes and started REALLY shouting. This didn't please old man who then started jabbing suit guy in the ribs. Suit guy proceeded to pick his bike up almost over his head and went to attack poor old, old man. That's when I caught up with them so I jumped in, grabbed the bike and pushed suit guy away. It was never going to be a fair match, especially considering their weapons of choice, and luckily suit guy managed to calm down, get back on his bike and ride off. To give him his due though old man never stopped hurling fecks and cnuts from start to finish.
(Lifesize cnut, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 23:52, Reply)

My mother

always uses the carpool lane which seems to annoy some motorists when they see her shooting up the lane in the car on her own. The fact that me and my brother are 26 and 31 respectively seems to mean nothing to her though.
(Lt Columbo, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 23:46, Reply)

I'm a Longboarder
You know the things. Like skateboards, but long, and with big soft wheels so they can go faster among other things.

Basically they're designed for roads, think snowboards for asphalt.

So I'm outside, on a beautiful sunny Southern England evening, carving about, and this tosser in a Jag comes round the top of the hill, which I am at the bottom of. He honks me, all the way from up there.

Fair enough, I think, he's alerting me to his presence, that's cool. So I skate off, and stick to the left of the road, taking up less space than a cyclist would do.

I get as far left as I can, but he comes delibarately close, honking me again, and almost hitting me, going ludicrously fast.

Well, there's no way I'm letting him get away with that. Probably a year ago, I would have let it slide, but the new cutting-edge version of me wasn't standing for it. So I tear off after him, chasing him back to his house (He lives down my road).

He pulls into his drive and shouts out the window "Are you bloody stupid riding that thing in the road?!?" so I shout back "Are you bloody stupid almost running me over like that?!?". He winds up his window real slowly, probably thinking "Bugger he's not going away like all the other 'kids' I intimidate", and gets out real slowly too. "I beg your pardon" he says. "I said, are YOU bloody stupid almost hitting me like that?!?" So he walks over to me all aggressive and starts poking me in the chest shouting "Well you've got no right to be on the bloody road" etc. etc.

So I'm standing there trying my best not to grab his wrist, which is frikkin difficult as I'm sure anyone who's been in a similar situation will agree. With him being a like a 50 year old man, and me a fairly tall 18 year old, I thought it would be best to just stand there.

"Where do you live?!?"
"Number 16! Come and complain if you like!"
"...No! You've no right to be on the road, that's not a vehicle"
"I've got just as much right as anyone, and this is a vehicle"
"Ho ho ho a vehicle my arse"
"There's no law against using a skateboard in the road"

It was hilarious but it made me so furious that he thinks he can get away with that and saying things like "He needs a damn good hiding". Bearing in mind I'm standing there, a fit and healthy 18-year old, wearing a helmet holding a big piece of wood with massive metal bits attatched, fully padded up from head to toe, I actually admire the stupid old twunt's balls.

Then his wife came out probably seeing he was about to get himself smacked over the head with a 46" plank of wood, and came out with all this crap like they were just "Worried for my safety" and that "I'm a teacher so I know it's more safe and more fun to be in a skatepark".

"You have to be careful on roads you know"
"I know, I certainly do with idiots like your husbands driving on them"
"You have no right to be on the road"
"He has no right to start pokin me in the damn chest!"

So I eventually went home, told my parents, and my dad, being a senior policeman, told me that I was in the right, and that there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with riding a skateboard in the street at all.

So the moral of the story is, in a quiet residential area such a the one I was in, you have as much right to be on a board in the street as a kid on a tricycle or a ten ton truck. Don't be put off or intimidated by these people. Stand up to them, it's the only way to combat this problem. Don't let them get away with stunts like this just because they're older than you, or they're in a car.

Needless to say one of my favourite skate spots is now right outside this bollock-muncher's house.

It strikes me as ironic that these are probably the kind of people who would also shout at you for zooming past them on the pavement.

(Post-Modernist joke about jokes about length etc. etc.)
(captain_pirate, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 23:45, Reply)

The least he could do
A few years back, on a particully drizzly day, as I left my school, trumpet in one hand and hefty bag on my back.

I decided that I should continue in my usual style of "I don't wait for cars" road crossing technique. I sprinted and then, looking to my left, noticed an object that as far as I was concerned was somewhere it shouldn't be.

Now for some reader participation! Whats large, red, has more than 4 wheels, and is not wanted by those sprinting across the road?

So, my local bus slams in me, shattering my hand and propelling me a good few metres back into the cold and wet road.

So, for some reason, this caused young me to simper a little, as it stung a tad. The bus stopped, and a man sprinted off, he checked my hand, but all of his questions were shrugged of by me, horrifically in pain, but more embarressed. I got up, holding my definatly out of action hand, limped to the bus, tried to get on, only to have the driver tell me that I couldn't get on.

There was no space. You'd think that he'd have, I don't know - asked if I was ok, but no.

I was left in the rain, shattered hand and forced to wait with a crowd of people constantly asking if I was ok. I resent you, bus man.
(Lofn and Idun, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 23:36, Reply)

Chav in a Civic
Chichester, West Sussex. Big roundabout near pc world etc which has 3 lanes going round it. I indicate to turn off at an exit, in the correct lane etc. and as I'm just passing the queue of cars waiting to come on to the roundabout I look to the left and there's a car a few inches from the passanger door, who's just shot onto the roundabout and it looks like I'm about to hit them side on. He then acclerates ahead of me and I flash my lights to show that I'm mildly peeved. When he gets to the pelican crossing about 200 yards later he doesn't see the red light until it's too late and stops with his car covering the crossing, gets out his car and walk towards mine which is just behind him. I open the window about an inch (not enough for him to put his arm in the car and pull my tongue out, I saw it happen in a film once, I think it was 'the mask') and the conversation went something like...

him: what's your problem?
me: well you cut me up at the roundabout
(pause)
him: what are you? some sort of cnut?

Then he drove off. My mate in the passenger seat said he was trying desperately not to laugh, I however was trying desperately not to wet myself.

I don't care how 'fun' driving is in the ads, it's put me off ever wanting to own a honda civic if that's the sort of chav-thug-retard I'd be associated with.

As a footnote, I also get extremely annoyed with people who don't indicate where they're going at a roundabout and those that don't show any gratitude when you let them through

I can see this topic going on for a while...... or at least if people don't realise that the topic is 'road rage' and not 'things about cars and driving'...... I think I have b3ta rage now
(idiot pilot, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 23:31, Reply)

I'm a cyclist
So basically you all hate me now.

I ride at a good fast pace, look behind me, give good clear hand signals and obey the rules of the road (including stopping at red lights and not pavement cycling).

I know that there are lots of bad cyclists out there but there are also bad drivers, inconsiderate pedestrians - basically a fair proportion of users of any mode of transport thinks that:

A) They are a great driver, cyclist, motorcyclist, pedestrian etc.

B) Everyone else is a bad driver, cyclist, motorcyclist, pedestrian etc.

C) If it wasn't for all those people getting in their way, breathing their air, shagging the pretty women/men etc, then their life would actually be like the car and lifestyle adverts.

Deep down we are all selfish fucks and we are all afraid on the road; afraid for ourselves and afraid of other people. Sadly this fear is usually expressed through anger. Anger at others, and ultimately towards ourselves.

Cyclists and pedestrians are at the lower end of the food chain and tend to be viewed as having no rights.

Bad behavour by cyclists is viewed as the behaviour of the group as a whole. Like many semi-serious cyclists that I know, I like to chase down the Red Light Jumpers and pass them as effortlessly as possible. My favourite tactic is to freewheel past them at about 25mph. Then listen as their little hearts burst as they try to keep up.

This doesn't stop people shouting at me/and or trying to kill me (had a guy jump out at lights with a baseball bat once because I 'complained' when he spat at me). I have been driven directly at, been shunted from behind, been 'doored' by moving vehicles, I think basically because of what the frustration of being stuck in traffic does to drivers. It does something to people on a primal level. Mainly because they think that they can be aggressive as possible and get away with it because they feel insulated in their little metal box.

Road rage is a stupid term. It's almost an excuse or apology for irrationally violent behaviour. Call it what it is. It's violence, plain and simple and we all indulge in it and are victims of it from time to time.

I ride in central london and my journey to work by bike is about 15 minutes faster than the public transport alternative, and 25 minutes faster than the journey by car would be (if I could afford the parking), so I cycle. If I lived somewhere whre the 'value of time' benefits favoured another transport mode, then I would probably use that.

Apologies for lack of humour but I have lost two relatives and far too many friends to death on the roads. It isn't funny.

Unless it's royalty.

EDIT: Actually, I regret using the term "I'm a cyclist". I'm a person who chooses to use the cycle for some but not all of his journeys. I would also love to own a big old dirty V8 some day...
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Thu 12 Oct 2006, 23:28, Reply)

dobby
i'm a cyclist, and i don't jump reds. mainly cos i mostly cycle round bristol, and i've never driven (i used to drive before some scally twunt robbed my car) in a city in england sharing the road with worse drivers. therefore i'm in fear of my life everytime i leave the campus.
did nearly knock myself off yesterday

to all people who hate cyclists jumping reds i'll do you a deal, you stay out of our right turn lane section at red lights, and i'll continue to stop
(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 23:20, Reply)

I was waiting at a crossing once (as a pedestrian)
and the green man said go, so I looked both ways (as I'm good like that) and, seeing all was clear, stepped out to cross the road

Just as I did this car came tear-assing round the corner and didn't stop, very nearly running me over in the process. I jumped back and survived, looked around in mild disbelief and then carried on crossing.

The chap on the other side of the crossing though, went absolutely MENTAL. Something like "YOU WANKER WATCH WHERE YOURE GOING SHOULDNT BE ALLOWED ON THE BLOODY ROADS WHO PASSES THEM ANYWAY YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HER RAH RAH RAH" etc. Bless him, it's nice to know people care, but by the time he got past the first word of his rant this chap was probably half-way to Birmingham.
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 23:14, Reply)