Why
did Adolf Hitler kill himself?

Because he read the gas bill

edit:

WHy can't you get served in a Morcombe Bay Chinese reastaurant?

They're still waiting for the chef to wash up

sorrysorrysorry
(Sorry, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:38, Reply)

Two paeodophiles on a beach...
...one says to the other "Can you get out of my son please"
( pattwat, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:38, Reply)

An Irish Joke
Why did the Arabs get the oil and the Irish get the potatoes?

The Irish had first choice.
(Wrecked Tums, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:36, Reply)

Not sick but..
How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her!

also

What do you call a prostitute with white eyes?

Full.
(I've done it so many times it's boring now..., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:36, Reply)

Joke
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him in the face with an axe.
(all thanks go to simon)
(kibethewalrus, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:36, Reply)

We're all going to hell....
This was around after the Kings Cross fire...

What's the difference between a commuter and a smartie?

Smarties don't melt in the tube
(fried gold, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:34, Reply)

Cockle Picker jokes
Seeing as only the one has been posted so far, all be it numerous times.

Cockle pickers wages are to rise to £2 per hour to enable them to keep their heads above water.

Police have found 18 pairs of shoes in Morecambe bay, they were all winkle pickers.

Due to recent bad weather Morecambe council have reviewed their sea defences after they found several chinks in their harbour wall.

One of the Chinese at Morecambe phoned his mum on a mobile before he drowned, she asked where are you ringing from, he replied from the waist downwards!

Police have named 5 of the victims who died at Morecambe Bay at the weekend. They are, 1. Way Ding, 2. Drow Ning, 3. Sin King, 4. Lef Too Dy, and 5. Ty Dis Hi

What's the difference between the tide and immigration officers? At least the tide catches the bastards!

New entry into the Chinese charts, straight in at number 1... The Tide Is High (but I'm holding on)

Because of the recent success of the Chinese cockle-picking trip, it has been decided to open up the trip to Turks, Afghans and Iraqis.

Police have named 4 more of the Chinese cockle pickers, Lin Tu Deep, Swim Lo, Fuk en Nippy and Mee Cants Wim
(Mischeivious_Delinquent_Squirrel, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:29, Reply)

Why does Laura Bush always climb on top?
Because George Dubya can only fuck up.
(Wrecked Tums, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:29, Reply)

Shipman jokes not already posted
What’s the difference between Michelle from Pop Idol and Harold Shipman? Michelle's still hanging.

They are going to make a film about Harold Shipman starring Robert De Niro. Title: The Old Dear Hunter.

Harold Shipman's suicide note has been found. It reads - "I can't go on. I've run out of patience."
(Mischeivious_Delinquent_Squirrel, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:27, Reply)

What's better than winning a gold medal at the Paralympics?
Having 2 legs
(soma9766, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:25, Reply)

How many people live in Brixton?
Count the windows and multiply by 11.
(Wrecked Tums, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:21, Reply)

"Keane are a wonderful band"
...sorry, that's just too sick
(Mystery Woo Yay Boy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:21, Reply)

jokes
Best excuse for not coming to work " I can't come in to work today because i'm sick"
Boss " what do you mean your sick" "i'm at home shagging my son" always worked for me !
(sackoftatties, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:21, Reply)

Why has Jamie Bulger got dandruff?
He left is head and shoulders on the railway track.
(FortyFour, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:20, Reply)

joke
come on train!
how often i gotta do that then?
( applehead herp derp, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:19, Reply)

What's worse than finding half an apple in your worm?

Reading some whinging, insipid little cunt complaining about people complaining about someone complaining about reading the same jokes.


Ps. Complaing..
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:18, Reply)

Whats the difference between 10 dead babies and an ice cream van?
My parents didn't tell me 10 dead babies playing music meant that they had run out of ice-cream.
(thrain, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:18, Reply)

...as seen on a T-shirt
Thousands of battered women,

...and I eat mine plain.
(useless, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:17, Reply)

Why did so many
cockle pickers die at Morecombe Bay? They were told to come in when the tide came up to knee high. Unfortunately Ni Hi was waiting back in the van.
(elgonzorelli, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:17, Reply)

Clunt
No Paul,

A clunt is someone who runs away from a chinese chip shop without paying.

All the best sick jokes seem to be up already, so I can merely offer a couple of excellent letters I read in Viz:

Dear Sir, according to the new advertising campaign for HSBC, the rudest thing you can do in Thailand is to show the soles of your feet in polite company. What rubbish.
The last time I was in Thailand, I shat on a ladyboy's chest while her sister wanked me off into their mother's hair.

Dear Sir, if Samantha Mumba came round while the missus was out and demanded a portion, this is the order I would do her in: arse, mouth, arse again. If I had any left, I would do her arse.

And top tips! Hippies! Don't waste money on expensive lava lamps. Simply put a torch under your scrotum and watch your balls float about in their sac.
(Cheesemonger, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:16, Reply)

Definitions
Welsh rarebit = Cardiff virgin

Hormone = noise heard outside a brothel

Yankee Clipper = an American rabii
(Wrecked Tums, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:14, Reply)

what's got 3 legs and a cunt on the top
a drum stool
(Mystery Woo Yay Boy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:13, Reply)

jokes
Why did Hitler kill himself?

He got the gas bill.

Whats the difference between Hitler and Paula Radcliffe?

at least Hitler tried to finish a race.

How many frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?

Don't know they've never tried.

What do you call a welshman with 6 sheep?

a Pimp.

Whats the definition of a Cornish virgin?

a 10 yr old girl who can run faster than her father and her brother.

you hear about Victoria beckham going in the guiness bok of records for the worlds biggest gang bang? her shaved cunt fucked the whole nation in 90 minutes.

how do you 5 indians in a mini?
2 in the front, 2 in the back & Mrs Ghandi in the ashtray!! (woo hoo!!! old joke alert!!!)

Did you hear about when they clearing the rubble from the trade centre looking for survivors the first guy they found was the italian bloke who used to sell hotdogs in the foyer. His first words were 'OK, who ordered two jumbo's?

The cleaning compnay responsible for the world trade centre lost their contract after the attacks, it was because they left the landing lights on.

Did you hear about the french mechanic back in '97 who had trouble getting the gearbox out of a princess?

What were Princess Di's last words? I can't wait til my head hits that pillow tonight.

Stevie Wonder overheard in conversation... I may be blind but at least I'm not black.

What do you call a paedophile pirate? Arr Kelly.

I'm a going to hell!!!
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:11, Reply)

i think the russian kids ones are just too sick for my liking

( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:11, Reply)

too soon?
why did the russian kids run naked into the cafeteria?
because they heard it was sudden fired cechen.

why were all the russian schoolkids lined up naked?
'coz the terrorists were cechen them out.
(ozz1lla, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:10, Reply)

....another 'un.....
A man with a speech impediment is planning to buy a horse, so he goes to a local stables.

The breeder and the man get on well until he asks "Can I see her twot?"
So, the breeder grabs the mans head and rams it up the horse's cunt. The man staggers out, dripping wet with goo and asks "Can I see her wun awound instead?"
(Wrecked Tums, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:05, Reply)

What's...
...brown, runny, and hides in the loft?

The diarrhea of Anne Frank.
(minister of heresy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:03, Reply)

Why...
wasn't Jesus born in Brixton?

They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
(Wrecked Tums, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:03, Reply)

did you hear that Ronald Reagan was a fan of Sonic Youth?
you could always hear him singing "I love you, I love you, I love you... what's your name?"
(Mystery Woo Yay Boy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:02, Reply)

What goes...
black red black red black red white?

A black man having a wank.
(Wrecked Tums, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:01, Reply)