hmmm
I heard somebody call an all girls school a "virgin megastore". made me larff.
( MrGomez and David Bellamy's big pubey beard, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 14:33, Reply)

bits
My six year old came home from school last week and told me that all his teachers are 'cunts'.

I went to a parents evening last Friday - he was right.
( insignificantsnivellinglittleturd I Like Peas, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 12:25, Reply)

In the north
we have the term "pikeys Wedding" to describe a not inconsiderable fight.
(Higgy, Sun 1 Feb 2004, 14:57, Reply)

Wankbank
part of your memory where you store mental images of attractive ladies for later use during onanism. eg - "Phwoar, look at the charlies on that".

"Indeed - another one for the wankbank, I think".

Also, poodunnit. When a shared/communal lavatory either stinks of shit or is inhabited by a particularly stubborn floater, but no one is prepared to own up to it.
(JamScones, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:44, Reply)

subtle slang for ladies
Damage - bit of alright
Major damage - bloody fit
Damage has been done - older fit bird
minor damage - fit but you would be arrested for it
fire damage - she'd leave you with a burning sensation
smoke damage - stoner
water damage - would wet the bed
collateral damage - ugly bird with fit mates
(evilash, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 9:05, Reply)

a typical bedroom conversation with my partner
(no meanings given - should be easy to guess)

"I'm still queuing outside."
"Yes I can tell. Ouch! Stop Pushing!"
"It's OK just relax."
"Ouch. No! No, it's no good. You'll have to have a word with the doorman."
"*sigh* OK"

(a couple of mins pass by)
"OK now"
"Yeah. Ow! Christ not so hard!"
(trollbite, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 23:07, Reply)

beadle...
Courtesy of my flatmate DOM, referring to disability aids with the beadle prefix, eg rails in toilets are beadle-rails, and the handle on a taxi driver's steering wheel is a 'beadle-wheel'
Also used instead of butter-fingers - 'you dropped your pint, fucking beadlehands!'
(jeff-bobbins, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 16:55, Reply)

and
I heard a guy in a belfast bar at the weekend say he was "fucking shipmanned last night" meaning he couldn't even finish a sentence...
(meatatarian!, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 16:11, Reply)

Cheeseburger Happy Meal
This originates from a girl we know getting a ride home from a guy. He took her to McDonald's on the way home and bought her a Cheeseburger Happy Meal. She claimed she felt obligated to perform fellatio on him for this favour (cost: about $5 CAD). She requested he play "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring, and when she was done, she let him come on her norks.

(Sorry for the vulgarity?)
So now, when someone does you a favour, instead of "you owe me one", you say "Cheeseburger Happy Meal" (there's no sexual connotation in this usage, at least not typically)... we're trying to spread it outside the GTA, so feel free to use it locally!

Also, when someone/something annoys you/me, it's getting "on your tits" or "on my tits"
(Ecclesia, Sun 1 Feb 2004, 19:40, Reply)

LIKE DRAGGING A BLACKMAN OFF YOUR MOTHER IN LAW
first used when trying to park a large car without power steering but now used at any time when a task is difficult
(pussypoop, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 15:21, Reply)

Glasgow Salad
Chips
(ewok, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 18:47, Reply)

Pikey
The correct term for the burberry-cap-wearing FCUK-t-shirt-trackie-bottoms-trainers half-a-tache underclass are pikies. Or Pikey, singular.
(SneakyPete, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 15:50, Reply)

Some old, one brand new.
"Timmies" are how my friends who work at the local welfare office refer to those who recieve a disability pension. From the Southpark character of course.

Asking a mate "Go down for a dollar?" isn't a request for oral pleasure. It's shorthand for "I'm bored of this pub/club. Wanna go somewhere more interesting?" Used mainly towards the females in the group.

"Michelle" is a g-string. Used in public places to point out girls wearing anal floss without seeming to be a perve. "Is that Michelle?" "Yes, I think that's Michelle." "No, that's not Michelle."

Umm, "Anal Floss" hasn't been listed yet either. It's a g-string.

And one I've been meaning to coin for a while now. "Woo-plaint" As in "I'd like to make a woo-plaint." It's a complaint about something that's too good to ignore, but ends up sucking away great portions of your otherwise productive life, like spending hours reading these b3ta threads every week.
( Udderbelly A tale of four titties, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 12:54, Reply)

Weird one from Uni
At Wells Hall in Reading Uni, there's an insult "Mattock".

Mattock - young man who has been in his first year and at Wells Hall for 5 years, and was once caught wanking into a bin.
(Small Green Hamster, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 11:01, Reply)

About twelve or thirteen years ago...
when I was still at school in Huddersfield, me and a mate were making up new words- this was something to do in those long periods when the teachers disappeared to do paperwork/take antidepressants/screw the art teacher or something else that was deemed more important than teaching. One of us, I can't remember if it was me or him, came up with the word 'bab'.

We both found it extremely funny- a more comic version of the same thing as both 'crap' and 'shit'. We began using it in general conversation- "that's bab", or "you're a babstain". It began to be used by other kids at our school- a whole new swearword to add to our limited vocabulary. Then other people started to use it. As time went on, when I began to meet people make friends from further afield (like Halifax or Leeds, etc), they'd sometimes say 'bab'. And I occasionally hear people say it now, even though I now live in Aberystwyth and the people who say it have never been to Yorkshire. Is that cool or wot?

Well probably not, no. But if any celebrity ever says "bab" on TV, this will be our claim to fame...
(fourplusone, Sun 1 Feb 2004, 21:47, Reply)

There are two that I can recall from my misspent youth in Manchester
Bobbins: meaning that something is crap. ("That's bobbins, that is")

The sound of a thousand bananas being peeled: the sound of masturbation.
( vbloke OLDSKOOL, Sun 1 Feb 2004, 20:31, Reply)

Euphemistically speaking
I heard these euphemisms recently and they made me arf, although they sound like they might have come via Viz...
'The Oompah-Loompah's are on strike at the chocolate factory', meaning one is suffering from constipation. The other, 'to eat sushi off the barber shop floor.' Ask your dad if you don't get that one.
(Dr Whom I say DJ. You say Roomba. DJ, Sun 1 Feb 2004, 17:29, Reply)

This is a little weird, but...
"ghurr.. ezzay cammo niyah" is what I say when I can't think of what to say. I also say "Nysen noissen nysen" when someone tells me something I don't agree with, and "ezack-snack-shinoik-c'nack!" is what I shout when something strange and unexpected happens and I don't know what to do.

I know, I'm strange.
( Comma, Sun 1 Feb 2004, 15:02, Reply)

down
here in the westcountry. a popular phrase with which to describe taking a crap, is to "negociate the release of the chocolate hostages". kids these days eh.
(augustus_pablo, Sun 1 Feb 2004, 14:36, Reply)

"Rough as toast"
I have no idea what it means, but my flatmate from Halifax says it.

Oh, and upon leaving a shop, most likely with stolen goods, the more discrening ghetto child will say "Hoods up, dip out".
( Mullet Over, Sun 1 Feb 2004, 14:10, Reply)

The best I've heard in AGES
For someone with a reputed sexist attitude on women: Contradickhead (Because he says women are no good then gos to fuck them)
Online sexchatters: Webfuckers, screwboats, purple pranksters (Ala ZUG.com's Purple Prank)
(number 27-hunter, Thu 5 Feb 2004, 22:53, Reply)

Not in public,
but I tend to refer to disabled parking bays as "spakker spots"

*shame*
(dominocat opinions only valid until, Thu 5 Feb 2004, 18:11, Reply)

How I feel in the morning
"I feel like I have been sucking the arse out of my cat" - Hungover

"Even the Alkaseltzer has made my arse fizz" - Case of the trotts from a hangover.

"I think I have had a tongue transplant, this one doesn't seem to fit." - We all know this feeling.

"Sweet as a donkey's helmet" - Something very very good.
(Rikaitch is full of crap ideas., Thu 5 Feb 2004, 17:48, Reply)

"Special Hell"
From Joss Whedon's Firefly - the Shepherd informs Malc that this is where he's going if he succumbs to the advances of an underage girl.
Now used in the better parts of Guildford to describe a young girl who you would...but you know you shouldn't.
Also "Mauve" - applies to behaviour which you might describe as classy if you could get your sarcasm cranked up high enough e.g., washing down a donner kebab with a £300 Chateau Neuf du Pape.
(Fishpig, Thu 5 Feb 2004, 17:27, Reply)

Pramface
Pramface = Typical Kappa/Bling/Chav type girlie who *looks* as though she would be better placed behind a pram pushing young Chardonnay or Britneeeee. This progression is as inevitable as JL leaving IACGMOOH
(gobbo, Thu 5 Feb 2004, 16:52, Reply)

Too Many Ponies, Not Enough guns
"Too Many Ponies, Not Enough Guns" - an event or situation that does not live up to expectations or requirements.

EG:
"That pub had too many ponies and not enough guns"
"You are the pony, I am the gun".
(Endjinn, Thu 5 Feb 2004, 15:29, Reply)

Bog roll
is called 'skid flannels' in my house, much to the annoyance of my missus.
(boltneck sacrificed a smurf to Cthulhu on, Thu 5 Feb 2004, 0:02, Reply)

McCoitus interruptus
Scottish slang for coitus interruptus : "getting off at Paisley" - ie not riding the train all the way into Glasgow
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 23:14, Reply)

Spastics...
are known as 'Mothers Pride'...or even better 'SMDHT' (some mothers do have them)
bitter bitter irony...
on a less sophistocated level, i often hear them being refered to as 'UNNNNNNNNNNNNLUUUUUUUCKY'....
(lifelikeandposeable, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 22:38, Reply)

You buckle like a belt.
For someone who gives in easily (like BadWife!)

What the badgery fuck
and
What in the name of Greek Buggery...
both exclamations of shock

ultimate swearwords- reserved for emergencies only...
cuntmuscle
dog's cunt

bum warden- gay man
Indigo girl- lesbian- after the popular lesbo combo
Birkenstock brigade- similar

Good name for a lady's parts-"Mrs Harris" - no logical reason

Liaising is the main word in use in meetings right now. I don't do it because I'm not a liaisbian.
(BadKittyDirtyKitty, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 21:06, Reply)