Steady, Rachelswipe
I know it's Thursday, but that's way off topic. You didn't mention Canada anywhere.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 12:02, Reply)

can i just say
that i have just seen the entire english rugby team marauding down high street kensington?

IN

THEIR

SHORTS

i am very excitable as a result of this...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 12:00, Reply)

Isn't their national anthem
Whale meat again?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 30 Aug 2007, 11:58, Reply)

Canada
.
Can be a tad oversensitive. Last time I was there, somebody asked me if I wanted to go clubbing. So I said:

"Didn't know you had seals in Quebec"

If looks could kill....
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 11:37, Reply)

Isn't it Thursday yet?
Just wondering...
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 11:32, Reply)

No
They invented SARS to achieve that!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 30 Aug 2007, 11:28, Reply)

Canada
I thought they got themselves involved in Afghanistan just so that they could get on the news?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 30 Aug 2007, 11:26, Reply)

Canada: 100% awesome.
i) they say 'aboot'.
ii) they call beanies 'toots'.
iii) there is thus the real possibility, in Canada, of having a conversation about beanies which is 'aboot toots'.
iv) My friend's friend's wife comes from there, and she's incredibly hot.
v) you can go there if you're an American soldier and you don't want to fight in Iraq.
vi) The Littlest Hobo.
vii) Degrassi Junior High.
viii) The Beachcombers.
ix) Naomi Klein.
x) In 1814, invaded the United States and burnt the White House to the ground (probably sufficient in itself, some would say).

In conclusion: Canada = all teh win.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 11:19, Reply)

How many Brits does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they've gone to Australia, rather undermining their point about how shit it is.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 11:09, Reply)

Perhaps it's market research
from the titles purchased...

"Buggered Babysitters" and "Rimmin' Women" evidently sell more than "Knee Trembling Knobbing" and "Normal Nookie"
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 30 Aug 2007, 11:09, Reply)

Laugh
Emily B-D's line about rimming Damian Hirst's starfish is the funniest thing I've read in the whole QOTW so far. I've been laughing like a hyena since I saw it.

Shame it's off topic.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 11:07, Reply)

Err
How do you get a job as a "pornography researcher"


Inquiring minds need to know...
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 11:00, Reply)

Go to buggery
Australia is very civilized. We once gave a major art award to a shed. A recent portrait prize went to a velvet painting of the artist's severed head. If Damien Hurst was to tour out here we would be rimming his starfish faster than you could say Saatchi and Saatchi. More to the point, a researcher on pornography has described us as absolutely obsessed with anal sex to an extent not seen in the whole world. If that isn't civilized I don't know what is.

PS Roy and HG!
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 10:37, Reply)

errr...
Pissed in most corners of the bedroom over time.

Went downstairs and pissed in the dog's bowl.

Woke up in the garden smoking a fag, that was a weird one.

Woke up in my Mum's bed, snuggling up to my Mum. Ooh, hate remembering that one...

Took a bath once.

One time, my Dad woke up and found me in the toilet. He watched as I threw the loo roll out of the window, took the loo roll holder apart and then threw the pieces out of the window shoutin "see how you like that, you bastards".

Stayed at someone's house, woke up in the wrong bed.

Actually, bed swapping is the most common one I do. I'm always waking up in one of the kid's beds, having turfed them out.

Of course, this isn't all in the same night.
(smorgasbord, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 10:14, Reply)

How many Aussies does it take to change a lightbulb?
(while sleepwalking, obviously)

16.

1 to change it, 3 to stand around offering advice, 10 to bring beer and 2 to set up a barbie.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 30 Aug 2007, 10:13, Reply)

Actually...
I'm into Advanced Ozzie Foreplay.

"BRACE YERSELF SHELIA"

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 10:10, Reply)

The only country
with less of a culture than yoghurt...

Mind you Legless, it'll be easy enough for you in bed - the average foreplay in Australia consists of shouting "Wake Up!" at your missus.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 30 Aug 2007, 10:08, Reply)

K2K6
I wouldn't say that. They haven't actually managed to get past barbarism yet. I mean, have you seen Prisoner Cell Block H?

Cheers

P.S. Next week, instead of North vs South can we have Continent vs Continent? Or, even better, hemisphere vs hemisphere...
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 10:06, Reply)

Cheers Legless
No doubt you'll be posting to this board in the middle of the night.

Upside down.

And you know what they say about Australia - it's the only country to have gone from barbarism to decadence without first passing through civilisation.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 10:01, Reply)

Right...
Once, when I was sleepwalking, I stumbled into a bar in London and yelled:

"You're all soft, shandy-drinking, Southen puffs who aren't fit to link the cheese from my knob. Now bow down and tell me who's the greatest Northener who ever lived"

They kicked seven colours of shit out of me. So I shouted:

"There's no reason to resort to violence just 'cos you don't know the answer.."

Now, just for the record, I'm a Northumbrian so anyone South of Darlington is a fucking Frenchman as far as I'm concerned.

And another thing - Can I just mention that next Thursday I'm fucking off to Australia to live? So, technically, from next week, you can all mock me for being more of a Southener than you lot.

Oh. And I better take this chance to say goodbye to you all.

Goodbye...

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 9:55, Reply)

It's like
a cold Australia isn't it. Except civilised.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 30 Aug 2007, 9:45, Reply)

Canada
Occasionally something in Canada makes the news in the USA, in the world news segment...

Canada's nice though - it's got exactly what the south east of England hasn't. Lots of space and bugger all people to fill it.

I like that.

If you must travel to the French speaking bits, you'll find that the variety of French spoken is a bit old fashioned and very much school textbook French. Which is handy for those of us whose knowledge of the language was gleaned from school textbooks.

Edit - We really do need a new QOTW. We're not even remotely on topic now.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 9:32, Reply)

Canada...
A mixture of Yank and Frog...

Of snow and desolation where the only excitement comes from snow, fish and the danger of wolves...

The only country that never makes the news, anywhere.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 30 Aug 2007, 9:06, Reply)

Vipros
There's always the Germans....
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 9:01, Reply)

For whoever mentioned Canada...
yeah, your countryside might be nice, but the people are a mix of the Americans and the French, how can you get worse than that?

Edit: Ok, I concede that the Germans are worse, but it waters down my point somewhat
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 8:57, Reply)

Im a mad arse sleepwalker!
Ive been a chronic sleepwalker since i was a bub, ive done some pretty awesome things too.

I once got up, took the doona into the bathroom, folded it up perfectly and put it in the bath... and pissed all over it.
My boyfriend came out to see why the doona was gone, saw what i had done and guessed that i was sleepwalking. He went to gently coax me back to bed and when he touched me, i spun around, grabbed his wang and shoved him over so that he was hanging from my hand by his old fella... suffice to say i was treated with more respect on my sleep walking adventures after that.
(Dodger, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 7:10, Reply)

Long-time lurker, first-time poster - where do I start?
1990 - At Uni in campus flats - after acting as barman for a "cheese'n'wine" evening, was presented with a freebie bottle of wine. Aged 20, 6'0" and weighing a princely 9St. (I'm now somewhat heavier with a tolerance to match), I took the wine over to where a couple of stockier mates were presenting a campus radio show and we shared it out. I was paralytic in minutes and my mate Gary had to carry me home (cheers, pal - still grateful!). Woke up next morn in just my bathrobe and socks, tugging on... the door of the campus bldg. Realizing I had to get back to my 3rd-flr flat w/o keys, I rang the doorbell, hoping to be greeted by my next-door neighbour and partner-in-crime Mike: the door was answered by the resident God-botherer, who looked down her nose a bit before beckoning me in, reluctantly.

1995 - Visiting the (then) g/f's parents - woke up standing in their bedroom, 2 hours after I'd gone to 'sleep', wondering why their room wasn't the lavatory (didn't actually use it as one, though). We all still talk.

1997 - In a shared postgrad house - ditto, but substituted climbing under welded cushion covers for opening cupboard doors.

1999-2003 - Crashing chez ex-flatmate in unfamiliar room (several times) with a latched door - woke up frantically grabbing at cupboard-door handles.

2004 - Hotel in Marlborough after a wedding - ditto. I think I'm still banned...

I'll get me coat.

Oddly enuff, I've never sleepwalked at home, but I've done a lot elsewhere...
(kdp100, Thu 30 Aug 2007, 1:05, Reply)

ZOMG i pissed in the wardrobe!!!!11!!!1!!!oneone!
It's bindun, OK? Why is it on every cunting page?
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 29 Aug 2007, 23:41, Reply)

Hotel sleepwalking
I once woke up to find myself wandering the halls of the hotel I was staying at wearing only a towel and desperately needing to go to the loo. I had to go to the front desk and ask them where the toilet was and then come back to ask them which room I was in and for a spare key. It was a one night stand so I consider myself very lucky that I was paying attention when the guy was checking us in so I knew what name the room was in!

I've also woken up in my flatmate's bed naked with none of my clothes in the room which means that I must have been wandering around the house with no clothes on - luckily she was away at the time and I woke up before anyone else had gotten up.

These are the only two times I've sleep walked to the best of my knowledge, but this is only because I woke up somewhere other than where I went asleep. Makes me wonder how much I actually do it. Maybe I shouldn't sleep naked...
(mmm....beer, Wed 29 Aug 2007, 23:17, Reply)