I'm sorry that after five months at home with the family
I've got to go away to work again.

So...goodbye Leeds, the Mrs and boy, hello Shetland Islands.

EDIT - and I'll be travelling on my 4th Candleday!....what are the odds?


(365-1?)
( Larry Death Anger Pain Fear Aggression, Sun 20 Jan 2013, 9:41, Reply)

I'm sorry to the young lady, who's name escapes me now...
...that I was engaging in a numerically named sexual position with, a few years back.
Looking back, a vindaloo may not have been the ideal meal to have on our date. And although I was rather proud of the sniper-like accuracy at which I fired the intestinal gas up your unsuspecting nostrils, I feel it ruined the moment somewhat. A feeling which was confirmed by you rushing to the bathroom retching as you fled.

I am also sorry for getting dressed and leaving at that moment, going back to the pub and copping off with someone else...
I am also a little sorry that I did not fart up her nose as well.
(NoStrings Tastes like zombies!!, Sat 19 Jan 2013, 23:05, 3 replies)

Sorry for grabbing you
I would like to apologise to the attractive lady whose job it was to hand out free tequila to already-pissed techies at my company Christmas party circa 1998.
I shouldn't have grabbed you by the front bottom. I sometimes think back in shame. The fact that I was pissed at the time was no excuse, you should have really slapped me instead of saying "Excuse ME!"
(Bob the Builder killed Captain Alex, Sat 19 Jan 2013, 19:57, Reply)

To the person sitting next to me in Year 3.
Sorry for getting a load of pencil shavings into your hair. I don't think it went down well, though I can't remember exactly what happened anymore...
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 19 Jan 2013, 16:48, 5 replies)

I'm sorry driver of Volkswagen Golf
Stationary at the lights with your sunroof open

Directly below a foot bridge.

On which I was standing.

With a water balloon.

Teenagers...
(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Sat 19 Jan 2013, 14:17, 1 reply)

Dear woman
I'm not saying it still keeps you awake at night, or that it haunts your days. But every now and then you must think about it and ask yourself 'who did that? why? and where did it come from?'

I can answer those questions.

It was us, two 13 year old boys. We did it because we found it fun to go into Gloucester city centre on a saturday and see what mischief we could get up to. And buying jacket potatoes covered in sloppy, slimy chilli and cheese in order to throw them off the top of the NCP car park was certainly mischief.

It wasn't personal, and I want you to know we'd never actually managed to hit anyone before. And I feel a bit bad that when the soggy brown mess hit you squarely in the back and slid down your light grey raincoat and you looked round to see no-one behind you it resembled something from a psychological horror movie.

Please accept my apology, and know this: we were so ashamed that we hardly let off any stink bombs in the Boots lifts for the rest of the day, and could barely bring ourselves to steal shitloads of batteries from Poundstretcher.
( feckler https://twitter.com/LeonardEctric1, Sat 19 Jan 2013, 12:14, 15 replies)

I'm sorry Andrew.
I was 15. You were 14. It was a snowy Saturday morning. I was walking home having finished my paper round with my weekly £6 earnings.

I found a £10 note on the floor and continued my walk home. That's when I saw you. You looked really worried and upset. You asked if I had seen a £10 note as you had lost one and had started re-tracing your steps in an attempt to find it.

I looked into your eyes. I saw the sadness in your heart. I heard the melancholy in your words. And I knew what had to be done.

"sorry mate, not seen one"

And then I bought sweets and football stickers.

Sorry Andrew.
(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Sat 19 Jan 2013, 11:54, 3 replies)

What else should I be?
All apologies.
(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Sat 19 Jan 2013, 11:41, 2 replies)

To all the dying bees
Apiologies.
(roysin, Sat 19 Jan 2013, 11:37, Reply)

Whoops - sorry for causing an estimated £2m worth of damage
My sincerest apologies to the site manager of the massive well known high street department store refurb and refit.

Sorry for dicking about with a length of metal cable pretending to be Indiana Jones and taking out a ceiling sprinkler when trying to whip coat hangers off a rail.

Sorry for the thousands of cubic litres of stagnant water that burst through the now damaged outlet and cascaded down all three levels of the store ruining not only all the walls, wall fittings, carpets, flooring and stock but the escalators and lift shafts too.

Sorry I fucking legged it down all the flights of stairs and hid in the bogs for 5 minutes before emerging pretending to look as horrified and shocked as everyone else.

Sorry to the guy in the basement, knee deep in swirling water trying to shut off the mains water supply via a massive metal wheel (Imagine the scene at the end of The Poseidon Adventure).

Sorry to the security firm that interviewed every member of the team for lying through my teeth about where I was when the disaster struck.

Sorry to the all the guys that had to work day and night for 2 weeks to repair all the damage I caused in time for the grand opening.

Lastly, sorry to the imaginary Polish painter and decorator who, as folk lore now has it, damaged the sprinkler valve with his long wooden ladder over his shoulder.

;-)
(l0bst3r, Sat 19 Jan 2013, 10:33, Reply)

I'm really sorry for having an Internet Breakdown & having a username similar to someones elses.
EDIT: & altering this post so none of the responses make sense. I'm really SORRY for that.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 19 Jan 2013, 7:47, 8 replies)

There's probably a pun here about an e not going down right
sore e?

fuck you then
( broadsword now that's fresh, Sat 19 Jan 2013, 0:49, 2 replies)

I'm sorry
For subjecting b3ta to my first QOTW post then fucking off again in shame.

If you've just read my history to find which post I'm talking about, then I'm sorry again.

Slurp
(99pence didn't wake up until, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 23:45, 1 reply)

This is more tedious than Simon Mayo's "Drivetime Confessions".

(Elephant Balderdash attempting to bottle the absurd, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 23:07, 3 replies)

the one guy
Sorry to a guy collecting a bag from the belt at the airport

I am not sorry (as I do it on purpose) for the following though, I stand back and spot my bag before approaching the conveyor belt, and then grab my bag a flail around randomly to remove my bag from the hoards of dicks swarming around the edge of the belt hopefully but probably not making them realise that they have been a knob.

The one guy I hit in the nuts was doing the same as me keeping away until he spotted his bag, he was not a knob, just unlucky
(resistanceisfutile, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 22:02, 27 replies)

Apologies to the dimwits who can't seem to tell the difference between 2 different yet similar usernames.
& I'm terribly sorry to all of those who seem to think I'm having some sort of breakdown.

I'm not. But thank you very much for your concern. The fact that you spend so much time thinking about me makes me quite happy.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 18 Jan 2013, 21:38, 65 replies)

I have a psychopathic, narcissistic personality.
So I only say 'sorry' to people when I need them to think that I'm contrite, so that I can continue to manipulate them into doing exactly what I want them to.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 21:00, 6 replies)

Mum & Dad
Dear Mum & Dad,

Sorry for all the shit I put you through as a teenager, sorry of all the obvious lies I told you as to where I was going, where I'd been and what I'd up to.

After moving in with my (ex) girlfriend and her two teenagers, I realise that all of these stories were just as unbelievable coming from my mouth as they were from theirs.

For this I apologise, for thinking you were gullible enough to believe them, I'm sorry.

I'd also like to thank you for putting up the pretence that you believed me and not grounding my for the next 5 years. This helped me grow into the semi reasonably, responsible adult I am now.

Sorry.
(HungOver, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 20:53, Reply)

Pass
tinyurl.com/amybmls
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 19:33, Reply)

Apology To Passive-Aggressive Homeless Guy


Dear Passive-Aggressive Homeless Guy:

I apologize for taking flash photos of you last summer and putting them on the Internet. I lost my temper. It was one thing when you were defecating in the darkness by my back gate (which guaranteed I would step in it arriving home after late-night forays), but when you started sleeping in my driveway, I took unnecessary offense. My bad.

I was especially sorry when you grabbed my glasses and threw them across the dark parking lot. The late-night blurry-eyed hunt for them made me reflect on my rash actions.

I also apologize for our ill-considered autumn intimidation campaign against you. No one should have to walk in fear.

I just wanted to start this year off on a happier note. So, I handed you some recyclable cans as a peace offering.

But I would like you to reflect that it is a bad idea to defecate behind my garbage cans if you will subsequently sleep behind them several nights later. It's just that I'm slow on cleaning things up, sometimes.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 18:48, 12 replies)

Ex-Uni Landlord
Dear Mr Crake

I just wanted to wholeheartedly apologise for repeatedly calling you at 3am asking to speak to "Mr Crack". We were drunk, we thought it was funny to mispronounce your name and wake you up. We were wrong, it was not funny, it was immature.

Regards
The students who used to live at 63, Yew Tree Drive, Guildford.
(mulborough, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 18:05, Reply)

Terribly sorry
for coming here after years away, posting a reply to Question of the Week and promptly disappearing again.
( froopyscot may have a prehensile cock, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 17:43, 2 replies)

Im sorry....
IM NOT SORRY I TOOK THE MANNEYYYYYYYHHHHHH MUAHHHHH HEHEHEHEHE
( Zank Frappa Who let the lefties in?, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 17:17, 2 replies)

wanker making his car skid out across the icy road on purpose*
sorry i leapt back onto the pavement, thus thwarting your attempt to knock me over with your car this afternoon.
prick.


*yes, i'm pretty sure. he was laughing.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 15:32, 2 replies)

People in the cinema, take note:
Saying "Sorry...sorry...sorry...sorry...sorry...sorry" while finding your seat and simultaneously bending down 1.75 cm in order not to block the view means you are both deluded as to the extent of your visual pollution and creating noise pollution of your own into the bargain.
( .Yeti., Fri 18 Jan 2013, 13:31, 4 replies)

I'm really sorry about 2.0 It's fucking shit.
And the whole 'not fixing Search' thing as well.
(DefinitelyNOTAmorousBadgerOhNo, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 13:30, 1 reply)