huh.
I have never, would never and will never:

- read someone else's texts, emails or letters
- got annoyed at a boyfriend spending time with other people
- made a nuisance of myself after a break-up (it's obvious fairly quickly if you're going to be able to stay friends; if not, leave the poor sod alone and stop chewing over it.)

I have friends (not close ones, mind) who do these things. I've sat there open-mouthed while a girl of my acquaintance dragged her fella home from the pub in front of all his mates for some imagined grievance. I've known girls lie about being pregnant (f*cking low), cheat repeatedly, cling, and complain about absolutely-frikking-nothing for hours on end and the chaps still don't give them the boot. (Men of the world - it's because you tolerate it that they continue to do it. Make a stand - do the rest of us a favour...)

And yet, despite the fact I've never been anything but sane and reasonable in my dealings with the opposite sex (even when discovering I'd been cheated on when massively head over heels with a certain vile and undeserving personage) I'm single. Ergo, I can only assume that secretly, in the deepest, darkest, most simian depths of the male psyche, men must actually prefer whiny neurotic manipulative females who'll weep if you leave them alone for an evening, harrass you via any communicative means possible and then (going on some of these tales) follow you about wailing that they want your babies for months or even years afterwards. It's the only possible explanation.
Yup.
That's DEFINITELY the reason.
Fact.

Any other ladies finding this annoying?
(jennymnemonic, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 14:34, 28 replies)

I'm of the opinion...
That the reason for this is that the whiny people lie their arses off to get someone, then their true side comes out. The other people, like yourself, are honest about things. The man weighs up the (so far not known to be) lies and the less appealing truths, and chooses the lies.

Humans just don't learn... *sigh*
(Belgaer is, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 14:40, closed)

Or alternatively...
..she doesn't put out?

* runs away very quickly *
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 5 Feb 2008, 14:44, closed)

YES
I too am a sane, non-stalkery single girl. Why do men seem to like crazy bitches so much? They must all be masochists!
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 14:44, closed)

well...
I always find it's the opposite -

Whenever I get the elbow, I go quietly. When it's me doing the breaking up - it takes at least 3 months of mental torture.
( scoshi pretending to diet since, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 14:47, closed)

Hear hear!
I would never check my boyfriends emails/facebook messages or texts (despite having frequent access to all three). Good relationships are based on trust, and if one doesn't trust someone, one can never truly love them. Being paranoid and clingy will: (a) piss off one's partner, and (b) deny one the ability of being happy.
Stalkers, clingers, cheaters and those with the inability to form long-term relationships have something wrong mentally, and until they confront what it is, they will continue to piss other people off.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 14:51, closed)

Hate to have to point this out...
... But not all of us chaps are undamaged goods ourselves either. Before you ask I'm certainly not loon material, but like a good many b3tans I play unwilling host to the Black Dog from time to time.

Sometimes it's nice to be able to have a certain amount of recognition and understanding in a partner. I'd personally take someone who's slightly neurotic but understanding over someone who is stable but has absolutely no idea what its like to feel like utter shit occasionally.

It's exactly the same as suggesting that all men want is an orange skinned nail technician called "Vicky" with breast implants, three GCSEs and who's sole ambition in life to own a Mini Cooper.

However, it's difficult to guage whether "slightly neurotic" might be "daffy in a cute kind of fashion" or "fuck me she's barking at the moon again" until it's too late.

Sometimes it's all too easy to be fooled. I might post a tale of woe later for interested parties.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 5 Feb 2008, 14:54, closed)

Simple - we're all lazy
For instance, it's usually easier to get the emotionally needy psycho to go out with you than the sane and reasonable one.

This is also works in reverse when we really should break up with them.

Although I should point out I have a number of 'sane and reasonable' female friends dating drug dealers, 'gangsters', wide boys, serial cheaters etc. so looks like it works both ways...
(Milo Minderbinder, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 14:55, closed)

Sigh of relief
I got so used to insane behaviour from my ex's that I was genuinely shocked and surprised that my current girlfriend is very open honest and understanding - may be a cultural thing as she wasn't brought up in the UK. Is it something they teach these days in Cosmo or Just17? Make him your biatch in 10 easy steps!
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 14:57, closed)

spade
might be something to do with the fact your face looks like it has been repeatedly battered with a spade.












or possibly not - are you mongaloid?
(little lord muthafuckin fauntleroy, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 14:58, closed)

PJM
You make a reasonable point - didn't mean to suggest any of the above, particularly as I'm not all sunshine and roses myself 24-7; I've had a couple of really bad exes but I do my best not to let it affect my relationships with successive people. Just cos one guy is a bastard...etc. Only fair.

Can we have your tale of woe now please?

Magic cat, you may be closer to the bone than you think with that one. There's some horrific stuff in MicroSluts Monthly or whatever that rubbish strewn round hairdresser's/waiting rooms is - I swear to Jebus I've seen one with an article entitled 'How to Cheat on Your BOyfriend and NOt Get CAught!!!' on the cover. Yikes.

As for the above, I'm 24, size 8, and fairly bloody fabulous, actually. You, however, are a facile idiot who can't punctuate. Kiss my *ignore*.

(sorry folks, had to indulge)
(jennymnemonic, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 15:32, closed)

jenny
If only you were 8 and a size 24, you'd be right up my street.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 15:35, closed)

well
I think your problem is that you seem to be dealing with guys who aren't strong or confident enough yet to have a relationship on an equal footing with a member of the opposite sex.
They would rather try to protect/dominate (depending on point of view) what they may see as a less strong woman, and thus are open to manipulation by the tears/stamping of feet etc usually associated with a child's temper tantrum.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 15:59, closed)

@ Magic
I think you may have a point there - I've dated guys who start off being very nice and then begin to manipulate me and generally attempt to treat me like a child. In the past I've even allowed them to do it - everyone likes to be taken care of, don't they? But when it gets to the point of being told how you will live your life, which job you should get and so on, then it's too much and I tell them to go away...generally without me stamping and having a tantrum.

I've also dated a few who have been mad as hatters - great fun, off the wall, loud and hugely entertaining, but dear god, mad as a bag of bouncy balls in a thunderstorm. Utterly exhausting.

The one thing both types have in common is the appearance of confidence. The first type it's actually arrogance, the second type it's a total lack of self-awareness (they're so mad they don't care about the rest of the world - and bloody good luck to them, but I need a quieter life!).

I do think that (reasonably) sane and normal(ish) women often appear Strong (yes, with a capital S)and that frightens a fair few men. Good.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 16:07, closed)

'Strong' (and a smidge loopy) v 'Klingon'
Much rather have someone with a personality (only one, please) and confidence (not arrogance) than a clingy subservient bimbo.

At least, that's what I have been told to say in lieu of having a household implement shoved up my bottom.

Seems to work though - 14 years and counting.

Gosh, aren't I all new-mannish? I'll be giving up early morning Richter-Scale flatulence next..
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 16:39, closed)

@ Grandmasterfluffles (and everyone else)
The common theme in all the stalker posts is that the woman does the approaching (or is easily apporachable), so if you're not the most outgoing/confident person chances are you get approached by a mentally unstable bunny boiler.

I don't think it's a case of being a glutton for punishment, perhaps people only ever meet the nutters, and it takes a while for people to stop the pretending that happens at the start of every relationship and for people's real characteristics to show through.
( Moonraker isn't the droid you were looking for, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 17:13, closed)

@Moonraker
It's a shocking idea, I know, but how about nobody pretends things at the start of relationships...?
Ahhh, my utopia would be the best utopia (if there can, by definition, be more than one perfect utopia). Or eutopia. Whatever.
/ramble
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 17:27, closed)

pretending
is the only thing that gets teenagers laid though isn't it?

Both sides.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 17:37, closed)

^pretending
and alcohol.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 17:39, closed)

I agree with CHCB
Why bother pretending?

It's something I did when I was younger so I could appear to be cooler/sexier/more intelligent (not intelligenter! Ha!) and so on. But now I've got to the point where I don't actually want someone who is interested in the projected, perfected me, but rather the normal me...the one who talks too much, is an irritating know-all, all in all, fairly normal...ish.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 17:40, closed)

then again
It could be that most older stalkers are the ones that didn't stop pretending to be someone else or wanting something that was unattainable due to their refusal to do so

That sounded better in my head
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 17:43, closed)

@chickenlady: I wonder...
is this just the gravitation of likeminded individuals towards the Interweb phenomenon that is b3ta or were we separated at birth...?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 17:45, closed)

Everybody pretends
Nobody like to admit that they have a normal 9-5 life when they might do something a little more exciting at the weekends. when you first meet someone, you go out more (with them and other friends - especially when you meet with friends to tell them about the new beau) you do more things you wouldn't normally do (usually share each others interests) and it's only after the 'honeymoon' period of the relationship is over (around 3 months) you begin to slip into your old routines. and then you feel comfortable to unleash real rip-snorting toe-curling flatulance in front of each other.

Remember gentlemen, it's only acceptable to fart in front of a lady after bringing her to orgasm.
( Moonraker isn't the droid you were looking for, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 17:49, closed)

@ CHCB
We were separated at birth but the interweb can reunite all of us. Clearly the majority of b3tans are part of an über race set to take over the planet if we can just be arsed to do so, or alternatively if we're offered enough chocolate and cake based products alongside the alcohol.




In all honesty meeting up with a few other b3tans at BGB's was a most illuminating experience (no, I don't mean someone shone a torch somewhere) simply because we were all very similar.

I think perhaps the beer bellies and beards did it - not often you get a dozen or so men and women who have identical ones.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 17:54, closed)

Mind you...
I did once meet a girl whose first sight of me had been when she visited my lab to see her friend and there and then decided that I was the bloke she was going to marry. I was dissecting a dogfish at the time, if I recall, and was unaware of her visit.





Scarily, 8 years later she did.




I'm starting to get worried now...
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 17:56, closed)

@chickenlady: similar beer bellies and beards?
You haven't been to enough folk festivals...
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 17:56, closed)

I knew
before I'd finished this there'd be bazillions of replies. It's not just you lasses that suffer here y'know. My mates (great people, I'm not complaining) consist of a serial cheat, a guy who cant stay with someone for over 5 minutes and a generally lovely fella who is juuuuust a bit creepy ( clings to his gf, always phoning her, and my other mates think he fancies me,ffs!) Who's the one who's been single for 3 years? Yup, me, the non-paranoid, non stalkery one with morals. Just cos I'm a bit shy! My mates act like arses and are beating them off with shitty sticks! Pah. Oops, getting carried away here :-P *edit* - My sig is an example of what my mate said to a lady.... if I'd said that, I'd still be in traction! Same guy used "bend over and accept your destiny" as a chat-up. Beating them off with a stick. I don't get it.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 19:04, closed)

boiler of fluffies
The only lady who's tried to keep in contact with me was one who in effect cheated on me.

I was tempted to read her texts, emails and what not because I thought she was cheating on me.
Turns out she was.
Not sure it would have made life easier to know that though. Could have confronted the cow about it earlier...

Happy happy! All happy happy.
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Wed 6 Feb 2008, 0:17, closed)

Damaged goods
Yep, and the older you get the worse it is - I'm not single now, but I was for a couple of years, and I've found that more and more 30-something men are damaged by mental exes, leaving me to deal with the mess - not funny! I got all my stalkerish tendencies out by age 15, maybe I'm missing something?
(Beklet is inexplicably angry, Wed 6 Feb 2008, 10:47, closed)