Just to be different
A Yank walks up to me at the train station and asks how to get to Scarbarooga..
(David Fishwick Minibus Sales - notmad.co.uk, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 21:50, Reply)

Loughborough
Surely it would be pronounced.....

Luff-Boruff

How the urban myth about Looga barooga came to be, I cant understand!

Sorry, have I just jumped on teh bandwaggon?
I'll just get my coat *IJGMC*
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 21:43, Reply)

Not a dumb tourist...a dumb friend
Despite being exrtoardinarily intelligent in a lot of things, I have a friend greatly lacking in basic knowledge. One French lesson when learning place names in French we were set one of those tasks that attempt but fail to make learning fun. We had to write the correct French names on the places on a world map. In an attempt to help position Argentina...."well Argentina is in Europe isn't it?"...and after a lot of ridicule later you'd think she'd learn but no..."I think Turkey is in Africa"

Hoho
(HoHum, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 21:37, Reply)

York Minster
My Aunt works in the bookshop at York Minster. One day an American was looking round and asked of the building "Is it pre-War?" Came the reply: "Sir, it's pre-America"
(KJHIOUPOIOIUKJJH, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 21:33, Reply)

Warwick Castle
In an annoying yank twang, "Gee honey do you think this is where they filmed Shrek?"

That'll be Shrek the animated on computer film maybe?
( juanking ...and then it fell off, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 20:01, Reply)

Can we stop?
Alright, stop. Stop going on about people fucking up Loughborough and saying "loogabarooga", and stop the satirical posts about it as well. It's not funny anymore. :(
(Deathway, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 20:00, Reply)

Was at Edinburgh Castle
when fat merkin woman asks me why they didn't build Buckingham palace closer to the Loogybaroogy airport.

I smashed her face in with a spade. It went 'spang.'
(unholysmoke, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 19:40, Reply)

In Florida whilst on holiday,
A rep for the Titanic museum was giving out leaflets. A big fat stereotypical yank tourist asked ' Do they have the actual boat there?'
(dr-kill, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 19:13, Reply)

Coventry Cathedrals
My ex girlfriend overheard two americans standing between Coventry's two cathedrals:

"Gee, how come they managed to bomb this one, but they missed this one?"
(Woppa, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 19:11, Reply)

moron
While in France, an American approached me. He asked me if I had THE TIME, pointing to his watch in an annoyingly over-emphasised way, with no attempt whatsoever at French language. Not that I'd be able to understand it, but I thought it pretty rude, presuming he had taken me for somebody who was French.

Therefore I responded with this: "Oooga booga la ley crossiant honky hoo la leee lay shooby leela maison...etc" in a French accent, with slightly crossed eyes.

He ran away.
(mrmistoffeles, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 19:11, Reply)

At the WTC wreckage site
American: Sure takes your breath away, doesn't it?
Scouser: Yeah; it changed the world.
American: That's a strange accent, buddy; where you from?
Scouser: Liverpool.
American: What state's that in?
Scouser: About the same state as this...

Okay, so it's not a story, it's a crap joke. Shiksa; it has to be said, it's a lot of big talk from a bunch of people who're guilty of, after all, being ENGLISH TOURISTS. Grimacing, humourless, fat ugly old bastards* or sweaty, drugged-up chavs swapping diseases on a Spanish island.

* I'm probably one of the former.
(Hairy, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 18:43, Reply)

Fucking tourists
A woman with her 18-year-old son asked me what directions she should take to this stupidly named place, as her and her son were doing two to three University visits that day, and were on their way out of Hull.

"What's Luffburra?" I counter-inquired.

She meant Loogabarooga.

Stupid bitch.
( TGP on the rock 'n' roll, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 18:24, Reply)

And...
My gran on a bus in Calais:

"They've even got an ASDA."
(Fiendish Astronaut, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 18:14, Reply)

cragget
you've got it completely the wrong way round... the subject line was ironic, the woman said she *hadn't* been to the states and yet *had* been to hawaii...
(soma9766, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 18:10, Reply)

Chinese man approached me in Camden Town...
"Where can I find the Kirkus?" he enquired.

I didn't have a clue what he meant.

Minutes later I realised he had wanted the circus.

I wouldn't mind but there wasn't a circus within twenty miles.
(Fiendish Astronaut, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 18:09, Reply)

Sorry
not indicative of all Americans I know. But the Yank tourist who was just telling me what bastards London underground staff are because they wouldn't stop the tube at King's Cross.

On a similar rant. English tourists to London. Come back and stop hiding, the city doesn't need this as well.
(I know everything, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 17:39, Reply)

Any other nationality trying to pronounce welsh names
makes me laugh every time
(Absynth&Cheese Have you tasted my Jesus, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 16:51, Reply)

As an American, I'm grateful to have read these replies
I've found them enlightening.
It's both amusing and oddly comforting to know that knee-jerk, hypocritical, uninformed xenophobia is not merely an American trait.
I'm also feeling better about never having been able to afford to go overseas, as I work hard for what money I have and I don't fancy spending it someplace where I'll be hated for an accident of birth.

And you don't want me there anyway.

We both win! Thanks, b3ta!
( Shiksa, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 16:28, Reply)

Over here in the Fatherland
I once had the pleasure of hearing an English girl, while playing cards, try to ask a German lad if he was good at shuffling the deck.

Unfortunately, she didn't know the German for shuffle, but then she had the epiphany that shuffle is English slang for wank so why not in German? She asks the guy in perfect German: Can you wank well?
-----------------------------------------------
A German friend once had a Dutch boyfriend. Your man spoke reasonable German and, as Dutch and German are pretty similar, you can sometimes guess words you don't know. So, mum asks, "what would you like for dinner?", and not knowing what poultry is in German, he guessed. It's "gevogelte" in Dutch, so he says, "Was gevögeltes", meaning "something that's been fucked."
(nugchuts, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 14:24, Reply)

Less stupid, more surprising
with a group of mates on school trip in germany, my friend (a fair linguist) needs to get to the post office for reasons that have become lost in time, but has been practicing how to ask for directions, he stops a man to ask and is antogonised untill he can get the exact accent even though he was more then understandable, eventually he gets the directions thanks the man and we head off. Just then we hear the man turn to our teacher and compliment friend on his german in perfect english. turns out he was a german teacher from england visiting. bastard.
( Puffin Boy, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 14:11, Reply)

Re: Shalroth's post
and we pronounce France 'frans', and the 's' in Paris, and Germany is actually pronounced 'Deutchland', and Munich 'Munchen', I could go on...

Stupid English people...

(shame an English person has to point out the ludicrousness of so many English getting angry at foreigners mispronouncing their localities names, but if no bugger else is gonna do it!)
( ..wil, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 13:49, Reply)

overheard on a popular holiday island...
...every single english person calling it "Aye-Bee-Tha."

AICMFP
(theSHALROTH Gaga's tits are on fucking fire!!!, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 13:41, Reply)

Another one
I worked in the supermarket over the summer, at the traiteur counter, (you know, slicing up cheese, ham etc)
and I had the pleasure of serving an English lady and her family.

Me "Volgende klant alstublieft?" (next customer please)
English lady "Hello. Ham. Please."
Me "Hm. Right. Which one?"
EL "That. One." *slowly pointing at the desired ham*
Me "Right. *puts ham on slicer* How many slices, please?"
EL "Five. Slices. Please." *holds up five fingers*
Me (ridiculously posh) "Certainly, madam. Have a nice day." That told her.

Maybe all the Belgians she met before me happened to be mongs?
(Caustic Armadillo consists at least 30% out of custard, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 13:35, Reply)

Not strictly tourists
Holiday in France, doing some late night volleyball on the beach with French friends.
Being Belgian and coming to France for years, me and my brother & cousins speak French fluently.

Other group of Frenchies arrive, we throw the ball around a bit, and no matter how many times we tell them, they refuse to believe French is not an alien language to us, and keep blabbering to us in a grotesque parody of English.

-"Mais on parle le français! On vous comprend!"
-"Yeeeez, Yeeeeeez, Izgoode! Izgoud! Yeeezz!"
Needless to say, we didn't take their invitation to meet up the next day.
(Caustic Armadillo consists at least 30% out of custard, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 12:47, Reply)

Another battle...
Overheard this in a gents lavvy in Somerset...

A yank tourist and a REAL yokel type stood at the urinals....
The old yokel finshes his piss, shakes the drops off and puts the old fellah away...

'Gee, don't you wash your hands'?
'Us 'ere don't piss on us 'ands'

I nearly pissed on my hands laughing.
(vamp1refrog, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 12:40, Reply)

Nuff said........
Doing an English Civil War re-enactment a few years ago........ A mate of mine is doing some carpentry, bashing a few nails into some timber. An American woman comes up to him and says.....

'They didn't have nails in the 17th century'
'What do you mean'?
'They didn't have nails, i read it in a book somewhere'
'Oh right.. I think you'll find they had nains somewhat earlier than the 17th century'.
'How do you know'?
'Do you think they tied Jesus to the fucking cross'?

Exit one speechless tourist.
(vamp1refrog, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 12:36, Reply)

Only about 80 miles out...
Heading home for the summer one year at Uni, I'm just getting on the train at Stoke on Trent station, when I hear an oriental couple talking to the platform attendant/whistle guy/whatever he's called, asking for directions.

Due to the train being packed, I'm having to wait by the door of the train, sitting on my rucksack. From there, however, with the window open, I can just about hear over the revving of my train about to pull away, they want to get to Stafford. Next stop down the line, not far at all.

Only thing is they seem to be pronouncing it Strafford.

Ah well, guy tells em staffords next stop, they ask again - Strafford?

Strafford?

Strafford pon Avorn?

Ah.

Not Stafford then, home of pottery, but Stratford upon Avon, Shakespeare country, etc etc...

It was at that point my train pulled away from the station and I never found out how the story ended...
( GigerPunk has, hopefully, slept since, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 12:27, Reply)

Freeeeedommmm
Perhaps in an effort to entrap tourists into making fools of themselves the inflight magazine for a Canadian airline explained to travellers flying to Scotland that:

"The Wallace Monument in Stirling was built to commemorate the place where Wallace Simpson camped in 1927, before defeating Edward I in the battle made famous in Mel Gibson's Braveheart."

That'll explain what Mel grew his hair long for the part and wore a skirt. His american accent wasn't very convincing though.
(lankygingerfool, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 12:16, Reply)

I've already put in about 3 posts on this subject, but I'm bored and my partners still sleeping off yesterday's party, so I'm gonna give you a few more!
As I've already said previously, I've lived and worked abroad for a time, and obviously didn't get there fully integrated and made a few mistakes myself, which I thought people might find interesting (though I guess strictly speaking I wasn't really a tourist, but meh...).

French is a bloody hard language to learn to speak when your used to English, I had tried to prep myself when I knew I was going to be working in Brussels for a while by learning it from a tape set, but these things are bloody useless as they teach you a 'perfect fairytale' French and NO ONE speaks like that! It's the equivalent of hearing a foreigner walk into your bar and say 'I say, barkeep, I would like to pur-chase one of your fine beers if you please!', although it's cute, people just laugh at you! Anyway, early on as I struggled with it I had plenty of 'faux pas'.

The way the English pronounce 'Q', 'Queue' or 'Cue' is EXACTLY the same as the French slang for 'Arse', however the french for 'Q' is (initially, to my English ears anyway) infinitesimally different, but completely evident to all French speaking peoples. It took me about 6 months to realise that it has a nasality to it (as in most French vowels) and to get it right. Until then, if any one of my French speaking friends needed a good laugh, they had only to ask me to recite the alphabet!

The 'sex' of a word in French can completely change it's meaning, for instance 'La Tour' is a tower, where as 'Le Tour' is a tour/journey, as in 'Le Tour De France' and the only way to ever learn the sexes of words is simply to commit them ALL individually to memory, so as you can imagine, this is tricky, and initially I was usually more often wrong than right.
Now, I was with friends going to a girls party, she had a cat, it was a gorgeous fluffy little soul so almost the first thing I said was what a lovely cat she had. As you can probably guess, the French for cat is 'le Chat' (pronounced 'sha') and I had just said 'Vous avez une tres joli chat!', pronouncing it in the feminine ('ooon shat') and had just told her what a pretty cunt she had. Thank god I was amongst friends.

Oh, and the French slang for cock is 'La Bit'. Yes men, your cock is feminine in French, all makes perfect sense doesn't it?

Oh, and the Belgians are OBSESSED with 'politess' which is their main criticism of the English and Americans equally, that we don't have any. What it is is hard to get as a concept, but basically it's a collection of curious and quaint little customs everyone is taught from birth, usually to do with food and drink, performed with an almost superstitious exactitude by everyone everytime they do a certain thing. Examples: don't pour the last dreg out of a bottle of red wine, always cut brie in a diagonal to the back of the slice, NEVER eat the last of ANYTHING at a party or function in case someone turns up late, you shake hands with a stranger, kiss a casual friend on one cheek (male or female!), kiss a good friend on BOTH cheeks, and a close family member REPEATEDLY on both cheeks, often whilst shaking their hands.
Obviously these things are completely alien to an English visitor and take some time to learn, but I nearly lost a good friend once when he found me in a bar and obligingly bought me a drink when I was all spent up and I, in my merry state, forgot myself and took a sip out of my drink before he had even picked his up, let alone had the first sip!
Yes, a HEINOUS insult to him! Visitors be warned!

And finally a slightly off topic but non the less (I think!) fascinating fact about the French language:

The French language has been 'kept pure' by the pedantic authorities in charge of such things for about 200 years now, which is why when you read a menu and it has burger in it, it isn't called a burger, it's called 'Une pate de boufe dan une petite pain blanc avec salade et pomme frites' or whatever (I never learned to read or write French terribly well, so apologies to all French readers) and 'apperail de photo' (machine for pictures) is a camera, and so on, as officially they aren't supposed to add ANY new words and haven't for over two centuries now.
They aren't even allowed to call their newborns something un-French!
Of course, most people, especially the young, say the proper word for things anyway, but this business of keeping it 'pure' has resulted in modern people in a modern world full of modern things with a 200 year out-of-date language with which to express such concepts.

Our job there as stocktakers involved scanning tickets on the merchandise we were totting up, each of us with a little over-the-shoulder electronic computer connected to the scanner, which then connected to a larger central one that figures out the final figures and sends them down the telephone wire to the central database to be checked and sorted before being then passed on in written form to the shop's central management. ANYHOO, as you can imagine, sometimes something went wrong, and as there isn't even the word 'computer' in the French language (something that translates as 'machine that does numbers' or something stupid liike that) never mind the names for the individual parts, you can imagine how things would then go down! Often over the phone, the caller miming with their hands what had to be done or what they had done already, obviously to no avail, using the words 'petit truc' (little thingy) for everything and trying desperately to hold the concept of what was occuring in their heads without any words to visualise or describe it. Madness!

This was years ago so maybe it's different now, but I doubt it. Maybe time to let that one go? Maybe just a bit!?

Right, anyway, it's bloody midday now and we got to bed at 130am, so I'm gonna go kick sleeping beauty out of bed, the lazy @$*&!
( ..wil, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 12:10, Reply)

Now Now.....
Hunyaga and Cragget....

Play nicely...
(Oops....did I say that out loud cos I really bloody want to., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 12:03, Reply)