All you /talk regulars are complete cunts

( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sun 6 Nov 2011, 8:33, 80 replies)

I "like" this & am going to reddit it.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 6 Nov 2011, 9:11, closed)

Am I really?
Well, cheers for that.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 6 Nov 2011, 9:25, closed)

Close the question.
We have a winner.

*Ninja Edit

I think when you get past the sweaty handed virgin bullshit and bravado UzzardC4H5As, they are actually funny people.

Except baldmonkey
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 6 Nov 2011, 9:42, closed)

No
you're not.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 6 Nov 2011, 10:32, closed)

Re tunes to planet rof.
Not a /talker nob cheese.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 6 Nov 2011, 10:35, closed)

Oh.
Really?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 6 Nov 2011, 13:46, closed)

Oh yes.
Mock Turtle

a member for 7 years, 6 months and 18 days
has posted 58 messages on the main board
has posted 12 messages on the talk board
has posted 73 messages on the links board
(including 10 links)


Profile for ringofyre:
a member for 2 years, 9 months and 17 days
has posted 258 messages on the main board
has posted 29 messages on the talk board
has posted 14 messages on the links board
(including 9 links)
has posted 80 stories and 757 replies on question of the week
They liked 77 pictures, 1 links, 1 talk posts, and 520 qotw answers.

You have actually posted on /talk more than me bollock breath.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 6 Nov 2011, 14:53, closed)

Typical /talk strategy of using "facts" and "figures".
You total shitbap.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 6 Nov 2011, 15:03, closed)

Damn busted.
My closet love of /talk has been cruelly exposed by bullies. *Flounces*

Cheers.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 6 Nov 2011, 17:10, closed)

What's a "rofile"
Actually knowing you lot who don't post your qotw stats as proof that you're not /talkers - I don't want to know...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 6 Nov 2011, 20:07, closed)

Good.
Then fuck off to mumsnet.

Maybe you will find it less stressful there.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 6 Nov 2011, 20:41, closed)

Friendly chappy aren't you?
Maybe your polite attitude would be better appreciated say.. on /talk.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 6 Nov 2011, 21:19, closed)

Well yes, yes I am.
I was also suggesting you could take your weekly crying and tantrums to a website better equipped for babies. Your lack of funnies are quite amusing in themselves.

x
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 8:29, closed)

This is full-scale Alanis Morissette stylee irony.
[1x] Complaining about lack of funny in a completely unfunny way
[1x] Changing his tagline to reflect that someone paid him some attention
[1x] Adding a sarcastic 'kiss'
___________________________________
= tantrum

if you don't believe me, watch this:-
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 7 Nov 2011, 10:25, closed)

Yay
Go gritty. Your lack of knowledge is quite phenomenal.

You get 5/10 for trying at least.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=nT1TVSTkAXg

Considering the top story you wrote was ripped off facebork, lack of funnies seems to be your forte.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 10:28, closed)

what's a facebook
..and what are you wibbling about?

also: /facepalm for missing the point.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:56, closed)

to be honest I have the opposite feeling. mock turtle comments always give me a chuckle, you seem to be taking the internet too seriously mr gritty.
( Trollman, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 10:50, closed)

I've laughed at him, too.
and even with him, sometimes.

it was him using absolutely no humour to bemoan someone else's lack of humour that did it for me.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:04, closed)

I think you are completely missing the point.
Best try OT/ where you wont get so angry and offended.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:17, closed)

you're purple in the face.
I've been laughing at you so hard my throat is sore.

and I'm angry and offended?

You should be easy to land.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:41, closed)

No. I troll YOU.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 8:53, closed)

i have quite enjoyed ringo and turtles banter. your misery is actually spoiling a good thread mr gritty.
( Trollman, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:22, closed)

don't go breaking my fucking heart.

(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:45, closed)

So gritty stop being miserable, get your head out of your arse
and go and be self righteous where someone cares.


( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:25, closed)

oh my.
I certainly touched a nerve there.

/pokes nerve with stick

edit* especially since you deleted half of your whiny, tragic memes.
why did you do that, pussy?
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:37, closed)

Your anger over nothing at all is quite funny.
Give up the poor attempt at trolling. Even your account is just a sock puppet, makes me wonder which B3tan you really are, I have got my money on Dr Shambolic.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:44, closed)

A fool and his money
end up on paid porn sites.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:46, closed)

Zing

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:48, closed)

your mum

(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:52, closed)

your uncle stephen

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 13:11, closed)

faggot.

(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 7 Nov 2011, 14:51, closed)

Haha you need to let some steam off.
Go back to your horse porn have a wank and don't let your sad life piss you off so much.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 19:20, closed)

my uncle stephen
sends his love.
he said you gave shit, but enthusiastic, head.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 7 Nov 2011, 23:43, closed)

You seem to think a lot of us are people we aren't.
It's a little bit paranoid if you ask me.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 0:22, closed)

it's fucking hilarious
if you ask me.

I also like how he says that other people are angry - while he pounds his keyboard to sand in his umbrage.
Pity he deleted it all =(
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 2:28, closed)

O HAI! AM IT COPIEPAEST TEIM?
b3ta user The Mock Turtle (24843) You are logged in as Gvpyczjppcl. Update your profile or Logout
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Profile for The Mock Turtle:

* a member for 7 years, 6 months and 19 days
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I'm just like Bart!
I'm Bart, who are you? by NoHomers.net







The Mock Turtle 13

Orf with their heads. 27












I am nerdier than 73% of all people. Are you a nerd? Click here to take the Nerd Test, get geeky images and jokes, and talk on the nerd forum!

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Hark! Who is that, prowling through the cliffs! It is The Mock Turtle, hands clutching buzzsaw hand extensions! And with a booming grunt, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to hump you for such a long time, you'll reincarnate as an X-file!!"

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» Tactless

At my mother-in-law's funeral
my wife called me 'tactless'. Well, I think she did...

I couldn't hear properly over my iPod.
(Fri 4th Nov 2011, 0:01, More)

» Bedroom Disasters

Meh 2
One night. Things were getting hot and I decided to sweep the covers off the bed and throw the Lady down for a rogering by the sneaky butcher.

It did not quite work out that way. Her cat was in the covers jumps up and claws my cock . I start swearing and yelling and bleeding. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her so the mangy fucker bites me on the thigh.

The Lady is hysterically laughing at my plight so i run out of the house get into my car and drive to A & E, while there they call the rozzers because they think I was trying to perform bestiality.

I told the rozzers my story. One of them just started laughing the other one was just like "Be more careful with your genitalia sir."

Worse night of my life.

Still not sure how that cat got it in one hit though. My dick is so small I need a pair of tweezers to jerk off.
__________________
(Thu 23rd Jun 2011, 18:55, More)

» Creepy!

This so called act was very disturbing and creepy to a young mind.


Why dear god? Why were they so popular?
(Tue 12th Apr 2011, 16:10, More)

» Fairgrounds, theme parks, circuses and carnivals

Talking of Dodgems
A friend of mine from a young age was obsessed with them, he had pictures of them on his wall and traveled for miles to spend hours on end riding them. I often wondered why his parents spent the time and money on such an obscure and dead end hobby.

As soon as my friend was sixteen he ran off and joined the fair and trained from a grease monkey up to dodgem controller.

One fateful day there was a nasty crash involving a little girl and an old lady , my friend got the blame (even though he was off that day) and was sacked. My friend came round crying to my house and asked how he could get his dream job back.

I suggested he sued them for fun-fare dismissal.
(Wed 15th Jun 2011, 14:16, More)

» The B3TA Detective Agency

Kill me.
SHERLOCK HOLMES AND THE MISSING LEMON



One day Sherlock Holmes and Watson sat down to enjoy their favourite lunch of fish and chips.

Just as they were about to tuck in, Holmes suddenly stood up and shouted.

"Watson stand up!"

Confused, Watson stood up.

"Watson! Drop your trousers!" he barked.

Worried, Watson loosened his belt and dropped his trousers.

"Watson! Bend over!" Holmes ordered.

Watson bent over.

Holmes then plucked the wedge of lemon from Watson's plate and shoved it straight up Watson's arse.

Watson screamed "In God's name Holmes, what on earth are you doing?"


To which Holmes calmly replied "A lemon-entry my dear Watson ... a

lemon-entry ..."


Cheers


This is all true and happened to me by the way, i was in the restaurant.
(Thu 13th Oct 2011, 13:07, More)
[read all their answers]
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 0:51, closed)

Cheers.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 0:51, closed)

Mmmm
My own stalker.... Hello honey. *Waves*
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 8:29, closed)

I would post your profile Gvpyczjppcl:

but link to the picture of the transvestite emo on your profile is probably NSFW.

Whatever floats your boat
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 8:35, closed)

Welcome To My World

( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 9:07, closed)

:-)
I can take a lot of insults Legless but to be accused of being a /talker is a bit too far.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 9:11, closed)

See now, the cap seems to fit.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 9:17, closed)

You back again sexy.
You are the b3ta version of the spaccy, slightly weird kid at school that smells of piss.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 9:23, closed)

Least I haven't kacked my daks like you.
Yet.
Nyeeeeaaaaar!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:49, closed)

:-~)

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:25, closed)

he's smiling ^
because he has no idea what you just said.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 7 Nov 2011, 15:13, closed)

Where I Grew Up

The worst thing you could ever have accused an adult male of being was a Leek-Slasher. Growing prize leeks was a major industry back in the day. Prizes went as far up as a car for a winning leek. So, some scum would actually raid their rivals allotments in the middle of the night and slash the best leeks. Coming up to Leek Show day, some blokes would actually sleep in their allotments to guard their precious leeks.

Being found out as a kiddie-fiddler would get you ostracised and occasionally beaten-up. Being found out as a leek-slasher could get you murdered.

So I feel your pain. Being accused of being a /talker when your demonstrably not is akin to someone calling me a leek-slasher....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:25, closed)

"you're"

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:50, closed)

*kills self*

( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:00, closed)

sploosh.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 7 Nov 2011, 23:47, closed)

Thank you Legless.
I love leeks and anyone that slashes them deserves to be shot.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 13:12, closed)

I think we owe it to QOTW to let this win.

( ousgg is not seeking approval, Sun 6 Nov 2011, 10:53, closed)

To Be Fair

I know I whinge about /talk more than a grown man should but it's only a small number of them I have a problem with. The ones who's only contributions are flinging shit and gratuitous insults.

Badger can be a bit of a twat but he does have at least one saving grace. He can, occasionally, be funny.

But most /talkers are OK. It's just the cunts I have a problem with.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sun 6 Nov 2011, 11:34, closed)

friendly suggestion:
you should step back and look at this from a fresh perspective.

that is all.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Sun 6 Nov 2011, 11:45, closed)

The only reason people take the piss is because the reactions are funny

( Major Turd for tonight only, Sun 6 Nov 2011, 14:18, closed)

Fuck. For a horrible moment there I thought you said "grown man".
Imagine how much ridicule you'd get if people didn't know you're actually a twelve year old girl.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 6 Nov 2011, 14:46, closed)

Nope, They're all cunts to a man (and the men pretending to be girls)

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sun 6 Nov 2011, 15:57, closed)

As I've only ever posted on here to gain your approval,
I shall take this as a tacit validation of my existence.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 6 Nov 2011, 19:53, closed)

It's funny because it's true.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sun 6 Nov 2011, 12:36, closed)

or true because it's funny?
OOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOO
(El Fandango carved a big EF onto his nemesis' doublet on .., Sun 6 Nov 2011, 13:50, closed)

lol

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 23:09, closed)