Flobby
That was just noise. Another 5 minutes of my life wasted.

Thanks a bunch!
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 24 May 2007, 14:44, Reply)

Oh just the usual
Get talked into sorting out a colleague's computer at home. Show up to find that the little cunt has invited his whole extended family round so that I can sort out all their pc based problems as fucking well. Plus whilst I'm removing the 2700 viruses and malware that the stupid cunt and his kids have managed to get infected with the whole family is sat there back-seat driving and suggesting the fucking obvious.

What thanks did I get? A can of fucking Stella!

Cunts

BTW He was a Sikh so guess how big his extended family was!!!!
( Big Ian has stopped changing his sig, Thu 24 May 2007, 14:22, Reply)

back in school (yr 10 or something)
i used to hang around with friends of mainly a quiet quiet christian disposition. Not boring, just a little too good clean fun,(quiche, no sex before marriage, sunday school, charities etc.) I took a liking to one of the girls who was pretty quiet but nice but had a slightly over protective mother. she says she likes me and after about 3 months of persuading we end up goin to see a movie together though she is most frigid thing on the planet won;t let me even hold her hand etc. From then on its kinda an extreme 2 month game of hard to get and i eventually get bored (as you would)

So I meet someone else and we hit it off and go out (albeit for two weeks!). Oh dear oh dear, the ripples it caused were unimaginable, i was the most evil person in the world, all her friends told me how upset she was yada yada. Never really talked to her until about a whole fuckin year later when we apologised and made up the summer before sixth form starts.

2 months in she and my best mate get together which was nice apart from they were the only two people in my physics lessons and having them all over each other when the teacher wasn't looking was just rubbish. So i sent her a text or email or something about how if they could refrain a little so i could maybe stay sane that would be nice.

So kind nice christian girl decides this is the best opportunity for revenge and promptly spins some yarn to my mate about how I want her back and to stop going out with him (did I mention she knew an ex of his had done that to him once and it was his main phobia about relationships). She also spreads the story to all my "christian" friends who promptly treated me like shit for months. great, fucking great. i loved year 12, no really...
(Flobby Boris is returned to /talk from the northern wastes., Thu 24 May 2007, 14:16, Reply)

I'll schedule interviews more carefully in future.
Its the last three weeks of term at Uni and we have another project dumped on our laps, to complete while we work on our Final Major Projects, something I'd already lost time on after doing a work placement on the other side of the country for two weeks. The day the briefing of the new project is given Im not around, Im in London meeting prospective clients for a long term job (got it!) and by the time I make it home, Uni's been long closed. Being the end of the week, I figured no problem, I'll phone a friend and get the details, bugger its a team project.

Monday morning Im one of the first in and ask if there are any teams with a spot open (max number 4 people to a team) and I hear there are a few other people who weren't in on the briefing day. After I read the brief, I think that I could probably do the project on my own, if allowed (its the kind of work I enjoy doing anyway) but no, just across the room are three guys asking me to join their team. Two of them I know for a fact never do any work, the other has the ability but is usually too tired (or off his face). I get landed with the three stooges who for the following two and a half weeks do nothing. I end up doing 95% of the project just to make sure that the group passes so I don't get a fail on the project myself. I spoke to the course leader who was marking the project and was told if I mark all of my own work and make it clear what I did and what they did (or didn't do) on the project then I should have nothing to worry about.

Hand in day comes, we do the presentation and it goes fairly smoothly (all the while Im trying to control the growing rage I have) and we hand the work in, or rather, I hand in my work, one lad hands in a sketchbook with two pages of doodles on it, and the other two disappear afer handing in nothing.
We get the marks back, im given a 2.1 and not far off a 1st, the others get border line 2.2's. They deserved 3rds or less, the thanks I got? The usual smart alec remarks from the idiot who'd done nothing, thinking he's a genius, a "yeah thanks for doing everything" from another and a nod from the third.

Oh yes, I lost another two weeks on my final major project after giving all my time to carry those three through the project, so in all I lost four weeks on the FMP and am looking at a probably 3rd on it. Thanks guys.
(Grey, Thu 24 May 2007, 13:48, Reply)

How not to get laid
There was this girl I took a shine to at Uni. Being a shy fella I took it slow, friends first and all that crap. Spent ages listening to her pour out her heart, tell me all about her family trouble, how her epilepsy had ruined her life, men treated her badly etc.

Anyway eventually, after several months of this, things seemed to be going well: she'd even shown unmistakeable signs of more than platonic interest. So finally I got up the courage to ask her if she'd like to go to an upcoming ball with me. She gave me a funny look and made it clear that this wouldn't be a 'date', well I was a bit downhearted but said fine.

Anyway come the night I got myself togged up, she looked mighty fine, off we went. I paid for everything, tickets, food, drink and all the various fees on the night (no small matter given my parlous financial state), made sure she got to do all the things she wanted to and so on. But from the moment she arrived she did nothing but moan -- this was boring, that was stupid, her friends were having more fun and on and on. After a couple of hours of this in my ear I just turned to her and told her that she'd obviously have a better time without me, walked off and got drunk with my mates.

Ungrateful bitch. We never spoke again.

Anyway I found out soon after that she was a grade-A bunny-boiler: my friends hadn't wanted to upset me, but as soon as I told them that we were no longer involved it all came out. So I was well shot of her.

Didn't stop me being miffed that after all that I didn't even get a sniff of a shag, or even a drunken snog/grope. Bollocks.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Thu 24 May 2007, 13:34, Reply)

he only ever talks to me when he's drunk

when he's sober he's always dumping on me.

I hate being a toilet.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 24 May 2007, 13:25, Reply)

Apeloverage gets no thanks from me ...
like a twunt all I could think of was www.getthatsong.org/lyrics/122147

Arghhhhhhhhhhhh
(Biff..., Thu 24 May 2007, 13:11, Reply)

I invented cats, and the idea of having hands pointing different ways
and then jealous people in the government bribed my psychiatrist to call me mad!
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 24 May 2007, 13:07, Reply)

About a month ago...
...I had some coursework to hand in at uni. As a group we had to make a MIDI sequence and present it to a group of tutors.

My mate Milner felt a bit less emo one day, felt a bit love-struck and chose the song "Every Breathe You Take" by The Police as our song to work around.

Everything went well. A great drum-track and some lovely synth sections and it was sounding pretty good. Milner one day decided to be a bit charitable and let a kid join our group who had been begging for a group by email without telling me! I let him off...

Weeks pass and we are tweaking the composition to perfection, emailing this new guy to get him to come help or at least watch. He never does. We figure that he's changed his mind. The deadline looms and we've all but forgotten about him.

On the day of the presentation, we turn up an hour early as specified to setup the sequence in one of the rooms. This guy seems to be hanging around the rooms a bit. As we were called up to present, this guy literally follows us in front of the tutors. We confirm our names, and he confirms his!

The presentation goes okay (apart from me insulting one of the tutors by accident!), and this guy just stands there while we answer questions as best as we can.

When it's finally over, this unknown person says to us "Thanks for that, let me know if you need someone for the next coursework" and disappears out of the door never to be seen again.

Months pass, results come in. 68% (pretty good). Haven't heard from the guy since!

I said i'd never let random people join my group EVER again, but for the same has just happened with the new coursework! I have intentionally gone hunting for this guy, and he seems okay and sounds like he knows his stuff, fortunately!

GRRRR!!
(r2b2 has ear cataracts?!?, Thu 24 May 2007, 13:06, Reply)

Birds
The ones with beaks.

I feed them bread a'plenty all through the year and they show their gratitude by pooting all over my windscreen.

The little feathered fucks.
(Mozchops ... just not in the face, Thu 24 May 2007, 13:01, Reply)

one night there were no shooting stars
so me and a mate let Billy Bragg wish on us instead.

Then he told everyone about how he wasn't sure whether it was right to wish on us, more or less assuming we weren't as good as his precious meteors, and making us feel bad for helping him out!

Signed,
a piece of space hardware.

PS If the laws of gravity weren't so very, very strict, I would've bloody fallen on him.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 24 May 2007, 13:00, Reply)

Reprimanded for working too hard.
Back in 2000 I had a shitty admin job in a pokey little un-air-conditioned office surrounded by noisy building work. The workload was immense, on my first day I was 6 weeks behind and it never let up. The phones never stopped ringing and each call was an angry customer or financial advisor demanding their bit of work took priority over everything else. The female office manager was a 1980’s throwback, all shoulder pads and Hilary Clinton hairstyle, she was also a complete cunt who would tell me that she never expected me to clear my workload, but would then drag a piece of paper out of my in-tray and demand why it had not been done.

For the first 3 months I worked my bollocks off, I would come in early, work through my lunch break and leave late. I worked and worked and worked through this Kafka-esque nightmare just to try and get on top of my workload. I did so many unpaid hours they forced me to take a day off every month so that they didn’t break employment laws, which I didn’t want to take because after a day off my desk would be straining under the new untouched work. I honestly didn’t think my work life could get more stressful.

Then one morning, in front of the whole office, I was marched into the meeting room by the office manager. “You’re late! This isn’t good enough, I wont have you letting the team down” she barked at me. My tired eyes rose to look at the clock on the wall behind her. It was just coming up to 8.45am. “No…I’m early” I replied. “You are supposed to start work at 8am” she retorted. “No, I’m supposed to start at nine, but I get in an hour early to get work done before the phones start ringing” I tried to explain.

It was no good; for being ‘late’ I was given a warning that would be entered on my permanent record. An hour later I was back in that office because it was my 3-month review. The stupid bitch acted like nothing had happened and started with, “So, how have you enjoyed your first three months?”

A month later I handed in my notice.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 24 May 2007, 12:25, Reply)

oh there are many QOTW that would suit this girl
first day of highschool.
not many people to hang around with, being a midget year 7 and all. me and my bestie were in the same class luckily. there was one other girl in the class who didn't have anybody to hang out with, so we welcomed her into the group.

we're nice and friendly to her, she's not too happy, poor girl, really low self esteem and problems like that. at least, that's what i thought.

i was nice to her all the time, helped her out with all her problems and school work and everything (being the nerd of the nerd class that i was) and was basically her teddy bear for all her problems.

did this for a year.

the thanks i got?

rumours about me saying i was a slut, a "burn book" just for me (watch mean girls) and my personal favourite, telling everyone that it was my fault and she was innocent.

THEN.

she got all the people in our year who didn't like me to make my life as unpleasant as possible.
(getting bashed, name called, stuff written about me on the toilet walls etc)



(fucking cnut she was)


no wonder i turned to alcohol.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 24 May 2007, 12:07, Reply)

Cheeky Bastard....
Friend of mine from work was having a hard time, his computer died in the middle of his Uni thesis so him not having any cash being el studente I sorted him out with some pc stuff i had lying around (worth a few £££) and built a machine. I even spent several painstaking hours recovering as many files off his crocked pc as I could and reinstalling, all in was a few days work had to take a day off at one point as well with a fake sickie. Lo and behold the fucker says thanks and finishes his work and I get a warm fuzzy good deed for the year feeling and then the bastard sells the computer for Beer money and tries to say he got robbed.... only the little shite sold the PC to another guy in his halls who came in to pay him while I was there and inadvertantly rumbling the little shit. Being the nice person I am, I took the cash off the guy he sold it to then went home and lit a small fire in his old pc case and returned it to him bbq fresh.
(Krossy, Thu 24 May 2007, 11:45, Reply)

I do a bit of recording now and then...
Works quite well for my own means, and I'd like to think I've got a pretty good sense of what people want from their music...

SO, I decided to offer my services to the band I was playing bass for at the time. As far as I knew, they loved grunge and hardcore stuff, and were aiming for a sound somewhere around that area. Easy, thinks I, and set about getting drums, guitars etc done, all the while thinking "If I can make this sound ace then there might be a bit of benefit for me in it as well."

Once we're done, I set about mixing it, and tweaking for hours and hours on end, trying to give the whole thing a real sense of vitality and passion (not easy given the somewhat lacklustre performances).

After days of my life have gone to these three songs, I'm done, so I present them the results, and before they've even listened they give me this to work on "yeah, we've decided to get it all recorded at a proper studio instead, so we're not going to use your stuff as it's not professional enough."

Cheers.

They then go on to record everything in a 'proper' studio only to be thrilled with the most piss-weak slice of indie-pop I've ever heard, in a blatant attempt to follow the scene instead of being true to themselves. what's more, they have the cheek to tell me that I didn't really "get what we're trying to do here" because I wasn't into "our kind of music."

Self-important bastards.
( Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Thu 24 May 2007, 11:10, Reply)

Saving a company
A few years back I worked for a shitty little firm with directors who thought it was perfectly acceptable to treat staff like serfs. One of the dodgy types who worked there was a very odd individual and started acting rather strangely. He pretended he was in the SAS and would have these "secret" phone calls and then dash out the office in a flasher's raincoat, whispering things about covert operations. Turned out he was a total loon and thought he would be able to take the company over. When he wasn't running around James Bond-style he'd been selling stuff to rivals too and was costing the company a lot of cash. Anyway, another member of staff and I reported this to the powers that be, mainly cos I hated the bloke. They seemed quite happy that their company was saved and tra la la, SAS man was asked to leave blah de blah

Now what do you think those sons of bitches did to demonstrate their gratitude? A bonus perhaps? Or maybe an increase in salary? Nope, two weeks later they made us redundant! Fuckers!
(angelica666, Thu 24 May 2007, 11:03, Reply)

Betrayal of biblical proportions
After a lifetime of teaching the gospels, performing miracles, fulfilling biblical prophecies, taking twelve lads under my wing on a religious YTS and generally doing Gods work, what thanks did I get?

One of the lads, in exchange for thirty measly pieces of silver, grasses me up to the Roman feds and gets me arrested and crucified.

What a git!

Yours,
JC.
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Thu 24 May 2007, 10:52, Reply)

Once upon a time...
I was helping a 'friend' (who will remain anonymous) move house which consisted of driving the van with all of his (or her) stuff and then lugging it up a very steep set of stairs.

Once finished there were several pieces of crap that he no longer wanted and he offered me first refusal. The first was an old bike, which had been given to him by another mutual friend about a year ago.

So I thought, OK, I will take this bike off your hands, to stop you having to store it in your nice new flat. But no, the shit wanted £5 for it, and I paid it. Should've known then just how much of a tight arse he was. Still, look on the bright side, I got a brand new bike for nothi...oh!
(bonester tex_piss, Thu 24 May 2007, 10:42, Reply)

The thanks he got.
Had a great mate a few years ago. He had a heart of gold and would make you feel fantastic by telling you how great you were and making you sound like the greatest person in the world to women he new and other friends.

There was girl he really fancied and had been chasing her for months and to fair she was great. One night he took us both out on the town and spent a lot of the evening 'bigging' me up to her. He ended up kissing her that night and assumed that they were now a couple.

He had to go home early as he had to be up in the morning but in his usual kind and generous way he left us some money to carry the night on.
She really liked him.......I slept with her that night.

He came round to see her the day after and I was still there, the look on his face haunts me to this day. Things where never the same between us after that. And only got worse when I went out with his much loved ex while he was away on holiday a few years later.

I am a c*nt. Well, I was then, anyway.
( Evil Bastardo, Thu 24 May 2007, 10:42, Reply)

BE ASHAMED!!
I alerted JTW of the fact that the QOTW was changing via MSN.

And he snuck in and did the whole 'woo first' thing.

AND THATS THE THANKS I GOT!!!!!!

this has pushed me very close to the edge
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Thu 24 May 2007, 10:36, Reply)

INDEED I HAVE
many many moons ago, when I was working in teh licensed trade, a ne'er do well chum of mine had fallen on hard times, and requested some bar work, and as I knew he was good with people, I welcomed him in with open arms.

It turns out I should have welcomed him with open till drawers instead, as we quickly noticed the tills never counted up right after his shift.

I took him aside, and asked him about it, and he flatly denied any wrong doing.
As he denied it, I was idly playing with the cctv remote, the screen of which was behind me.

Oh the look of 'oh bugger' that befell his face as he realised he was watching himself rob me, as he told me he hadnt robbed me.

I employed no further friends.


where are apeloverage and frankspencer these days?
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Thu 24 May 2007, 10:28, Reply)

I knew a bloke called Shaun...
...who was (I thought) a rough diamond, and was on Hard Times, so I sold him a car (not bad, needed tax & ticket) for £25, so his missus could learn to drive.

The cunt sold it straight on for £400. I could have done that. Bastard.
( Fathter Puddytat Kill Kill dat widdle boid is mine on, Thu 24 May 2007, 10:26, Reply)

Moron at Uni
And that's the thanks I got for being 1st...

:-P

On topic - there was a guy who was on my course at Uni - for the first while he seemed ok, nice guy, friendly & all but after a while it became clear that he as a proper freeloader....

If you were working with him in a group, he'd blatantly do nothing for the whole piece so you'd end up having to do his work for him so it didn't bring your grades down.

If it was an individual piece, he'd ask to "check yours over"

We fell for this for ages until the final piece when we all refused to work with him as we knew what an arse he'd been for the whole course.

He got stroppy and moaned at us all - overlooking the fact that we'd all carried him this far.

I'll not mention his name just now - I'll edit it in later :o)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 24 May 2007, 10:26, Reply)