Easily dust the turn-ups on your trousers,
by lacing your shoes with pipe cleaners.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Mon 28 Jul 2014, 21:09, Reply)

Save time, money and a possible animal cruelty suit
By buying the complete works of Shakespeare
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:07, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Fool the postman into thinking you're a paedophile
by having PACT coffee delivered to your door
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 13:38, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Don't just don't. That's right, think about it.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 20:11, 11 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Save money on menthol cigarettes
by being allergic to menthol salicylic acid.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:24, Reply)

Save money on expensive menthol cigarettes
by buying cheap menthol cigarettes.
(username failed moderation, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 11:13, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Save money on expensive menthol cigarettes
by standing right next to a smoker while chewing gum.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 19:57, Reply)

Stuck for an idea of what to do for your mate's stag do?
Get him to dress up as a woman! Hahahahahaha! It will be WELL funny!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 13:10, Reply)

If your facebook friends don't think you're a big enough cunt already
Make it clear to them by liking Britain First and sharing all of their posts. Extra cunt points for removing any ethnic minorities from your friends list, shunning contact with people with both brown hair and brown eyes and telling anyone with a Polish sounding name to fuck off back to their own countries.
( Muns, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 9:27, Reply)

Staple insects to your bird table
before you go to bed, to feed the bats.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 19 Jul 2014, 18:05, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

A real one!!!
Do you use that self-clean daily shower spray stuff? If so, don't buy it at £1.75 or so a bottle. Instead, get a bottle of dishwasher rinse aid (£1.50) and dilute it (10 parts water to 1 part rinse aid) in a spray bottle and use that. Precisely the same chemicals, does the same job for 1/10th the price.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 19 Jul 2014, 11:56, 4 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Get more attention from girls
by not being a hopeless fat shut-in
( pemulis, Fri 18 Jul 2014, 19:15, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

Men in bars...
prevent getting your arse felt by having sensible short hair and not wearing skinny jeans...
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 18 Jul 2014, 16:39, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Pretend to be a gypsy
by stealing your neighbours roof tiles.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 18 Jul 2014, 14:02, Reply)

Reach out; touch faith.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 18 Jul 2014, 12:42, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Meeting you, with a view to a kill.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 18 Jul 2014, 10:06, Reply)

Disposable contact lenses make an ideal Center Parcs for amoebas.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:43, Reply)

Avoid being bored in work during the summer holidays
by not going to work.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:21, 6 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

make vegetarian free salad,
by using sliced ham instead of lettuce, scotch eggs instead of tomatoes and slices of napoli salami instead of sliced cucumber. Plus, you dont look like a gay at work bringing a tub of this in...
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 12:58, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Trick people into thinking your house is a fantastic world of wonder and intrigue
by paving the road leading upto it with yellow bricks.
As bonus points, it makes it easier to add to your lion, tin man and scarecrow collections.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 12:53, Reply)

permanently mentally damage your children,
by constructing a fake scrotum with a chamois leather, replica testicles with two peeled boiled eggs, some jam and two live worms,
and having a 'hilarious' accident whilst chopping something up whilst wearing a dressing gown in your kitchen.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 11:30, 4 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Live the life of a formula 1 racing driver in your local asda,
by racing in front of someone to an open check-out, then shaking a bottle of lemonade and spraying it all over their face.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 9:42, Reply)

Avoid being a humourless misery, terrified of spending a penny more than you have to
By not being Scottish.
(Eukanuba, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 15:27, Reply)

Love your money

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 14:37, Reply)

Kill the King, when love is the law.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:32, Reply)

By using passive-aggressive sarcasm it's possible to tell people how you really feel and pass it off as a joke without them noticing.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:36, Reply)

Kill for Allah. Kill for Jesus.
1980s shit - turn it down. Tone it down.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 14 Jul 2014, 19:24, Reply)

Kill your television

( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Mon 14 Jul 2014, 19:04, Reply)