ghosts
I work with this bloke, and although he's OK and means well, lets just be kind and say he's not exactly quick on the uptake. Anyway one time I was working in a different office when I realised I could control the printer in my office i share with this guy from the other location I was bored rigid at.

So out came the Word Processor and i typed out "I am the ghost of the office, I can see everything you are doin, I'm watching you and following you mwahahahaha" or something to that effect, and hit print. Come on surely no one could fall for that I thought.

I get in the next day and the printout was there sitting on his desk, I decided to play the innocent and ask what it was. He told me how the printer had started going nuts and this had churned out and at first he thought someone was winding him up but as no one admitted it he started to freak out. So i made up some crazy story on the spot about how an old worker had died after falling over and hitting his head on a printer, and theres rumours that people here noises near them and occasionally, the printers even jam! Surely he couldn't buy that i thought, but his face went white.

Another workmate came in clocked what was going on immediately, and with a straight face said "Its true you know, think about it, who else can use the printer in your room except you two, and J wasn't here yesterday was he?"

To this day he still thinks our printer is haunted by the ghost of someone who died in our office. I'll tell him one day it was a joke, maybe,.
(ruffdiamond, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:20, Reply)

How PC is this
I always used to fall for the 'I bet you can't lick your shoulder and pat the back of your hand at the same time'. What a goob. Still, have fun passing this down (only behind closed doors tho'..
(bonester tex_piss, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:16, Reply)

This is an old one...
When I was at school a friend of mine told me a story about a friend of his...

He had been staying around his girlfriend's house and the two of them got a bit adventurous on the sofa. They got to shagging and then he decided to go for the old brown eye. During this steamy session of bumsex, she spasmed and shat all over the couch. No amount of cleaning would remove the stain, so when her parents got back they blamed on the family dog, claiming it had lost control. The parents took the dog to the vets and had it put down.

I'm now 100% sure this is an urban legend, but I believed it for years.

Oh, and the one about Ricky Martin hiding in a fan's wardrobe live on Spanish TV...
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:16, Reply)

The Girl in the bedroom story....
Friend of a friend story...

Guy goes to a party held by a mate from his rugby club, he's then told there's this girl in a bedroom passed out drunk and all the guys are taking turns giving her one so guys agrees to do the same. After going up stairs he finds said girl face down on bed, naked from waist down, after finishing his dirty deed he then pulls her head back....to find his sister !!!!!!!!
(suntoucher, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:14, Reply)

St Jimmy
ther is an old man who lives next door to my mate.his name is jimmy an his a bit deaf so he has his tv on loud so u can hear it next door. thing is he only watches porn nothin else jus porn.

two years ago we wer in my mates back yard hidin cos we'd bin playin knock an run when we heard moaning noises. me an two of my mates wer hysterical cos bein 13 meant we knew exactly what it was but my sister an the other kids wer between 8-11 years old an wer dyin to kno what was so funny.

the boys thought it was really funny to tell them that jimmy kept an naughty kids locked in his house an tortured them.

now cos the others new the boys cud lie a bit they decided to ask me cos i was the honest girl who wud never lie. i backed them up completely an then told them that he came out at nite lookin for new victims.

so we wer out quite late cos it was summer an we wer off skool when it got dark we wer sat near a skip when out comes jimmy. they all ran off.

to this day 10 year old alicia still believes that the harmless perv is goin to get her.
(torture bunny lives under the kitchen sink, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:08, Reply)

PJ & Duncan
One stoned afternoon (how many stories start like that?) myself and three mates decided to each tell one person only the next day that PJ and Duncan would be playing the end of year prom at Ripon and York St Johns. The results were astounding. Only later that day the story had come back to us as 'the truth'. The next day we were aware complete strangers were discussing it and it was in the student papers by the end of the week.

Suckers.
(kidcamel is due to call your mum at, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:06, Reply)

Ah. I see.
When I were a lad, my Dad told me about the time he and his brother Terry went to watch a Fulham game in the 70s.

Now, Uncle Terry was a rather obese gentleman with a terrible drink problem and poor digestive health - resulting in the unfortunate fact that when Fulham scored the winner, he celebrated a little too over-vigorously and thoroughly shat his pants.

They left Craven Cottage and before catching the train home dashed into Marks & Spencers, wherein Terry hurriedly purchased a replacement set of pant & trouser.

Once on the train Terry rushed to the toilet, stripped off, cleaned his arse up a bit, and threw the shit-befouled garments out of the window. He opened the M&S carrier bag to take out the fresh ones....

and inside was a ladies' cardigan.

As I say, this story was related to me as gospel by my own father who swore he was there at the time and saw it with his own two eyes. I thought it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard and used it as my best story throughout the remainder of my youth.

Then one day, years later, I was out for a drink with a mate who started to tell me the story of how his dad and uncle once went to a football game....
.
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:03, Reply)

I dont know if to believe this one, but
My mate claimed he rang Sydney radio station 2UE on the morning INXS singer Michael Hutchence was found dead, and told John Laws, or whoever, that HE was the bellhop who had found the body. He then proceeded to bullshit Mr Laws about how he had found the guy with his pants round his ankles and his knob in a tub of frozen yohgurt . etc . which started the rumours about his suicide being an autoerotic accident.



Why he would bother doing this , i dont know.


Still, everyone believes this as fact, so if it was bullshit, it was pretty fucking good!!!
(uptonogood, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:02, Reply)

I'm quite proud
of being the only person at my old work NOT to believe the foul manky one about the woman who'd masturbated with a live lobster. Everyone else was totally convinced!

edit -SatchmoR, you bastard!
(teasus likes tea, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:51, Reply)

And...
... I got involved with a long standing rumour of this thing called "The Game".

5hit, I just lost...

;-)
(SatchmoR No, mummy, don't put knitting needles in my ears!, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:51, Reply)

d'oh
that Marilyn Manson was the geeky kid in the Wonder years...

*hangs head in shame*
(ludditefreak, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:51, Reply)

I fell for...
the rumour that Jeremy Beadle was funny, and believed it until I saw the first episode of Game for a Laugh.

W4nker
(SatchmoR No, mummy, don't put knitting needles in my ears!, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:50, Reply)

ledgendary ledgend. UNGI.
We started a ledgendary movement called UNGI at Barnwell school. I believe it is still referred to this day. Oh you should have been there!
(nickski, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:49, Reply)

Ramadamadingdong
Some friends of mine were told that a scary bogeyman in the Middle East had super secret weapons that would kill us all in like 45 minutes and that only by war could we make peace. And Saddam's a Hitler. And something about terrorists.

And the suckers bought it! Duh.

And they'll fall for it all over again ... in Iran.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:46, Reply)

did you hear that
Tony Heart (from Heart Beat) was gay, with Andy Crane from the broom cupboard, we managed to spread that round for ages, ruined lots of peoples childhood memories, and changed the way they looked at morph!
( hmmm cheese, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:37, Reply)

By email
Out of the blue, I got a message from a civil servant in the Nigerian treasury department, about how I was the nearest next of kin to some bloke I had never heard of. All I had to do was send him two grand to sort things at his end, and I would end up with twenty million quid.

I did this, and it turned out to be a well know con. What a chump.
(lardaholics anonymous, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:35, Reply)

I told
a mate that Lenny Henrys first tv appearance wasn't in fact on Tiswas, but he actually played the front half of Dobbin, the pantomime horse from Rentaghost.
After he believed that (and still does) i also informed him that Harry Enfield played the other half.

The thick fucker.
(nappy rash, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:31, Reply)

there was one about a mate of mine
where three other kids swore BLIND he'd bummed his rabbit to death. never mind the obvious, 'why would he do it with you watching?' question, the WHOLE school decided it was true.
It later transpired that he had in fact fingered his rabbit, on the advice that it felt 'just like the real thing', and it had died later of an 'unrelated' injury...
we hope.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:29, Reply)

i broke my nose
and was ruluctant to engage my nose in any physical contact.

my mates fooled me into the "if your had is bigger than your face , you've got cancer" gag

got blood everywhere
the cunts
( Gerbilinafishtank Gerbil in a fish tank...TURTLE POWER!, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:29, Reply)

urban legends
Years ago, i fell for the one about the little old lady getting into an elevator with Eddie Murphy.
For those of you havent heard it, my girlfreinds aunt is on holiday in Hollywood, and going down to breakfast one morning a black guy gets into the elevator and says "down" . The Aunt ( bless ) misunderstands totally and lays down on the floor of the elevator.

This cracks Eddie up , and he laughs so hard that he promises to pay the aunts hotel bill, and sends her a dozen roses... now

i believed this about Mr Murphy for years, and i told everyone i knew about what happened to my girlfreind's aunt.

Turns out its the oldest one in the book, and has been told about everyone from Richard Pryor to Mike Tyson.

what a fool..
(uptonogood, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:24, Reply)

actually, this is probobly more interesting!
Because i Still think its real.

In the same woods there was these two primary school chaurs att tangled up in this shrubbage, and every day they would be in a different position despite no-one being physically able to get to them, we knew these as the "spooky chairs" one of our braver neighbors one autum decided we were being silly about them being cursed and fought her way through teh undergrowth and sat on one, which we tole her was a big mistake. the next day she was struck down ill with a mysterious illness which lasted like a month!
(-captain_fourstring-, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:22, Reply)

Hahah, Ive Been Waiting For This!
Listen one And All To the Legend Of Crab Claw Man!

Theres a woods near my house which is really fucking scary and there was always this creepy tramp dowb there who lived in some abandoned water treatment pipes where we used to hang out (when he wasnt there) anyways, one day we were going past the woods and just over the fence there was the most gigantic pile of crab claws just abandonded there, odd, we thought. the next day they were gone, completely and there was just an old abandoned boot and the remnants of a fire in its place, this freaked out my young neigbor enough but we decided to insist for weeks that the tramp had eaten them all abd then was sleeping there when some toxic waste was dumped on him and now he was half tramp half crab and wandered the small villiage at night looking for human prey as revenge for his horrible mutation, after this he was so scared he wouldnt leave his house after dark. Cue us leaving crab claws around his house and gardern and banging on his windows at night. sounds cruel now, but alot of fun.
(-captain_fourstring-, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:20, Reply)

Yes, that cuppa
A mate of mine genuinely swore to me that a friend of his had been having a hand shandy with his girlfriend's knickers over his face. And when he had finished there was a cup of tea, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Only when I read this did I realise the full extent of its bullshithood.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:16, Reply)

a legend of my own spreading, great for a laugh
told many people, to my unending delight, that if you take the little bit of cotton wool out of a vicks vaporub and sniff it REALLY hard that you can see in black and white. the tears, the tears! try it.
(fantomex, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:15, Reply)

Aquatic biology?
I once had my younger brother convinced that the bubbles coming from a patch of sand he was looking at came from an elephant fish...His scepticism at this was met by comments along the lines of there being a lion and tiger fish.

Believe it or not, he won't take a single thing I say any more without evidence signed in triplicate. I wonder why.....
(Cheesecake Like a cake...But cheese, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:14, Reply)

Gullible

I actually believed that the Oxford English Dictionary had removed the word 'gullible' from their lists.


I was young. And foolish.
(Flappers, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:14, Reply)

I went round telling everyone
that the tune on ice cream vans means that they've run out of... what? why are you looking at me like that? what are you doing with that baseball bat? *thud*
( Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:08, Reply)

Clint Eastwood
Being Stan Laurel's son.. oh dear I believed that for a while.. I just ran with the crowd.
(The Lord God Almighty My bottom smells of poo, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:07, Reply)

Urban legends...
I once thought b3ta was a sick sick site ran by people without senses of humour...

Also the thing about "the game". You lost...
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:06, Reply)

Bloke down the pub told me that...
Bloke down the pub told me that ... if you make the first post of the year on the b3ta QotW then your length and girth problems will be solved. Oh, and I had to give him £500 as well. And shut my eyes and open my mouth. Anyone got any Listerene?
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 16:05, Reply)