mars bar
i believed this up until today, when i trumpeted it at work, only to be shot down in flames.
Murray Walker invented the slogan "a mars a day helps you work rest and play"
complete bollocks apparently.
mind you, i did also believe that an air guitar was an actual kind of guitar till i was about oooh 20.
(unciebana It's good, but it's not right., Thu 5 Jan 2006, 23:59, Reply)

Sir Trevor McDonald....
...was the original bass player in the Wailers before Bob Marley joined.

Honest.

Bloke in the pub told me.
( fr13day has everything required to be a Penguin, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 23:34, Reply)

Plankton your a star
Here's one growing as we speak.
www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/showthread.php?s=&threadid=81573
Thanks Plankton
(hal9001, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 23:34, Reply)

Fact: 95% of electric tooth brushes are used for anal masturbation. Manufacturers know this: It's the only way to sell dildos to straight males.
Er.. this isn't a fact. It's something that popped into my head whilst watching a toothbrush ad on telly.

So I stuck it in the b3ta newsletter hoping that people would propigate the idea.

This is now a bigger legend than Seaman Stains and Roger the Cabin boy. It's not? Arses.
( rob, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 23:23, Reply)

Its from 'lies parents told you' but what the heck
Mum told us as kids taht sheep that lived on steep hills and mountains hand 2 feet shorter than the other. My sister only found out recently this want true

Oh and BOB Todd, Cabbits can be found in an anime called Tenchi Muyo and its called Ryo-ohki
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 23:15, Reply)

People believe everything I say.
When I worked in retail, our shop was opening another branch in the next town. All the new staff were in our store for training and I mentioned that the Queen Mother (she was alive at the time so it was credible)was doing the store opening and they would all have to learn how to bow and curtsey (sp?) to her. Bunch of mugs believed it all.
None of them wondered why the Queen Mum would be doing the opening of some poxy car parts shop.


My sister on the other hand falls for every scam in the book. She signed up to some guys scheme where he claimed to be able to predict horse race winners. All she had to do was pay A certain amount each week - £50 by direct debit i seem to remember - and he would leave a recorded message each day she and all the other mugs could listen to where he predicted the winners.
Im just waiting for her to wire-transfer all her money to some dude in Nigeria who has promised her £20mil.
(dave likes cheese, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 23:06, Reply)

I'm ashamed to admit
that I believed the myth about there being an animal called a cabbit, which was a hybrid between cat and rabbit. Apparently it's available to order from most major pet shops in the US, and is made a feasible creation by the fact that cats and rabbits have the same number of chromosomes (no idea if that's actually true), and by the fact that male rabbits fuck anything.

I was 15 and should have known better than to believe such obvious bollocks. But dammit, I wanted it to be true!
( Bob Todd whee, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 22:50, Reply)

clouds
when i was lil my big sis convinced me that the clouds were austrailia. she also convinced me that the people we watched on the telly actually lived inside it.

she also told me that if i got out of the bath before i pulled the plug jaws would come out and eat me.
(hey sunshiney day, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 22:44, Reply)

big collared man of badgers...
i had my missus convinced that harry hill was the son of benny hill. kept it going for about 6 months!
(discodaz *generic witty comment*, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 22:27, Reply)

When I was 10...
...Kathy Bruce told me that Elton John and Olivia Newton-John were brother and sister. Stupid bitch.
(CMYK Excess consumption may have a laxative effect, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 22:26, Reply)

Once at a friend's party
I wrote gullible on the ceiling.

'Nuff said.
(Balue Free From Tetanus, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 22:24, Reply)

Ooooh, the evilness of it all!
Children make excellent marks for convincing of facts of a dubious nature. For example- the time I was working in a summer camp and managed to convince a bunch of nine year olds that pushing their thumb to their forehead would make them more intelligent. Later in the day I had a class full of nine year olds in my computer room all typing one-handed...

Also, convincing them that yelling "go web go!" is really innocent, and not a terrible way to get yourself dumped. Became a camp craze that one did.

Or my personal favourite, adult Americans. Two words- drop bears. The guy who I told about this was apparently heading off to Australia the next month- last I heard he'd cancelled his ticket on the mistaken belief that carniverous koala bears were going to rip out his spinal chord and eat it.

And of course, April Fools. You can't beat that. Convincing a very nice (but also very dim) grandparent that the European Union were putting all the clocks three hours forewards. Or the time she thought I had got my nose pierced, or the time that I told her I was dyeing my hair pink, etc etc. Oddly enough, a friend of mine is getting married on April 1st this year. I wonder what japery will ensue... "You've been dumped at the altar- April Fools!"

Oh- one last one- remember the answer to the QOTW about a housemate's large pink glistening dildo being left on the sofa? Told a friend about that last night, only swapping deep heat for tabasco sauce. And waving a handy bottle of the stuff at my webcam. Hehehehe...

One ticket to Hull please with my lucky groat...
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 5 Jan 2006, 22:16, Reply)

Always falling into the trap
Every time someone says they like me, I actually belive it!

Hahaha... heh... *sigh*


Me? Bitter?
(therocker, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 22:04, Reply)

I once sent out a message on a bulletin board
saying "it's a well-known fact that you can't touch the back of your left knee with your right elbow. Try it, you'll find it impossible!"

It's a wonderful thought imagining tens of people falling about on the floor all at once to prove me wrong and then posting "That's not true - I can do it".
(plankton, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 21:52, Reply)

an dis an dat rite yeh cos rite jus dis
I once convinced someone that this is correct spelling ...

"ther is a man an his a bit deaf so u can he wud an jus dis an dat an we wer dyin to kno cos dey cud an dat"

Then I told him to piss off back to school and learn to spell
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 21:29, Reply)

When i was ickle
my sister was (and still is) 16 years older than me and she and my parents convinced me she was marrying David Bowie. i was well impressed. i just hope her new husband doesn't learn of this, she's been living a lie!
( ygolyhuop; jkb;vi, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 21:27, Reply)

I was working in a well-known supermarket whilst at school...
...and I persuaded one of the brainless people there that the USA had worked out that a guided missile cost the same as 500,000 Coke cans - so instead of missiles, they were sometimes dropping these by the hundreds of thousands. When he asked why they would do that, I asked him to imagine the cumulative damage that they would cause, especially when dropped from a great height. Plus they were freely and readily available.

He bought it and started telling colleagues. They sussed straight away that someone had spun this yarn to him and went along with it. Either that, or they believed it too.

Halcyon days.
(DamoUK, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 21:16, Reply)

I made one... er... a small one.
At a G and T camp I once went to, they had an extensive computer lab of brand spanking new Macs, which few people had ever worked on. You could use the text-to-speech function to make your computer 'speak'... But I knew this, having owned one.


I, of course, announced that this was why Mac was ahead, they could make a computer that could read and talk. Then, I promptly started the text-to-speech and had a long 'discussion' with the entire table of computers.
Cue panic-stricken teachers trying to cover up their email, guilty students minimizing their 'research' porn and one girl throwing a fit that she couldn't use a Mac because they 'weren't private' and everyone could see whatever she did.
The myth held out there, of course, until someone noticed me typing in a future 'Am I real or do I just think I'm real?' monologue for the next class.
(Cyndia has shuriken in her pompoms, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 21:16, Reply)

Mrs Scribble once asked...
...if she deletes the Internet Explorer icon on her desktop what happens?

Me: You delete the entire Internet!
Her: What really?
Mate: YES! When did you do it?
Her: Wednesday afternoon, about 3pm!
Me & Mate: We did notice everything went really slow! What did you do then!
Her: Well fortunately I undeleted it from my Recycle bin so now it's back on my desktop!
Me & Mate: Phew! That was close, you could have lost everything.


...5 minutes of pindropping silence before laughter ensues and I get a beating from the wife.

Worth it though.
(Scribble, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 21:04, Reply)

You wouldn't let it lie!
Convinced my gullible knuckle-dragging housemate that Keanu Reeves is Vic Reeves' son. He believed it for about six weeks. Moron.
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 20:47, Reply)

I Didn't Have The Foggiest!
I have relatives who live in Blackpool and so have visited the lovely (charvery) place many, many times throughout my life. I always used to stay with my Grandparents in my younger years and the best thing, without a doubt, was that Blackpool tower was visible from my temporary bedroom.

It started one day when I must have been about, ooooooh lets be generous and say, 5. I awoke one morning and looked out of my window full of expectation and, to my horror, Blackpool tower was gone! I raced downstairs and told my Grandad of my shocking discovery. He looked out of the window and 'ahhhh'ed in recognition. "They've taken it down to clean it son." he said, full of authority. Naturally my five year old mind never questioned his undoubted wisdom. After all he was ancient so he must know everything. He saw the sad look on my face and so cheered me up by telling me they'd been doing it for ages so they were really good at it and it'd be back up before tea time. When tea time came around I'd forgotten all about it but just before we ate my Grandad whipped back the net curtains with a 'tadaaaahhh' and, lo and behold, Blackpool tower was back up. Yay!

This happened numerous times over the course of my childhood, amazing me greatly every time, but it all came crashing down when I was about 13. Walking down the streets of Blackpool with my older brother he suddenly stopped and said "Bloody hell! Blackpool tower's disappeared!" I shook my head at the naive fool and looked at where it should be. I think I'd made it as far as "Don't worry, they'll have just taken it down to clea..." when I saw the vague outline of it through the fog and realisation suddenly dawned. Being by the coast, it gets foggy pretty regularly in Blackpool. My brother was looking at me like the idiot I was, not expecting an answer to his pathetic joke. He gleefully retold the whole episode to my Grandad when we arrived home who, thankfully, was laughing too much to give me a clip round the ear for calling him a total bastard.

The best bit was just last year. It was roughly five years since my Grandad had died and I was walking round a foggy Blackpool with my Godson sitting on my shoulders. Suddenly he piped up with "Why isn't the tower there today?". "Oh they've just taken it down to clean it son." I replied with the biggest smile on my face.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Thu 5 Jan 2006, 20:39, Reply)

the story goes
that a boy/girl/kitten once got so stressed in an exam at my old school that him/her/fluffykins put a pencil up each nostril and slammed his/her/meow meows head against the table killing themselves.

well this was told to me by a friend of a friend of a mate who heard it from his girlfriends dad who was the brother of the sister of the person...or soemthing like that!
( Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 20:27, Reply)

www.snopes.com/


That is all.
( Snollock Biffer I don't really sniff Bollocks, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 20:23, Reply)

Petrol
When I was a kid my Dad had a Ford Anglia with a manual choke which he always adjusted to the leanest possible mix to save petrol. This meant we frequently bounced down the street away from our house while he shouted "Kangaroo Petrol Kids !"

For decades afterwards I believed Amoco sold inferior quality Australian petrol and would avoid them even after I learned to drive and got my own car.
(Carpet Burns, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 20:16, Reply)

Stares
at the hysterical conversations I have with people 'Bill Gates has emailed me!' ... 'Oh really?'

'He's retiring and is offering people money to keep Microsoft going!'

Several friends thoroughly believe this kind of chain mails. I don't think its worth it. Not for their disappointment when Bill Gates doesn't send them money...

Then again, I'm a rather stupid girl. You could tell me anything.

Just don't send it in a chain mail.
(ladyintheradiator, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 20:15, Reply)

The Mars Bar Guy
When I was a young lad of 14, I had my first proper girlfriend. Some of my mates were impressed because she was in the year above me, but because her birthday was (and I suppose still is) in September, she was 16.

One day she had the house to herself for the weekend and I told my parents that I was staying at a friend's house. Now, we'd already commenced in the act of (to quote Stusut) "Jimmynudging" a few weeks previously so that was nothing new. What you have to bear in mind is that that the GF had a mind of filth. Pure filth. And I loved it.

So, we are engaging in sexual acts, and for no apparent reason, there was a chocolate bar at her bedsides. I think it would be a laugh to shove it up her.

Now, that's not a great story. It isn't really a great thing to do. And it made a chocolaty caramel mess. But what happened next was amazing.

She had decided to tell one of my friends about it via MSN Messenger. This soon turned to her telling all my friends about it. The story spread through my school faster than the flu. Everyone in my year knew about it.

"Do you know that Wonderbrawl?"
"No. Never heard of him."
"You know, the Mars Bar Guy"
"Oh yeah he's a ugly twat sexy bloke"

People who I had never seen before were coming up to me and asking about it. I was famous throughout the kingdom...or at least in my year group at school. I guess I kind of enjoyed the attention and liked the fact that lots of people knew who I was.

A few months later when I had a new girlfriend who also didn't go to my school, she told me a story.

"Apparently there's this bloke at your school who poked a girl with a Mars Bar"

I couldn't escape it. What made it even worse was when Mars Bars changed their slogan to Pleasure You Can't Measure. A day didn't go past where it wasn't mentioned at school. I was beginning to tire of it.

I left school at the end of year 11 and moved to another to do my A-levels. And bear in mind, that this is a good 20 months after the incident happened. One person knew that I did the Mars Bar thing, and everyone in the sixth form had already heard the story- They were amazed when they saw me in the flesh. People came up and started talking to me about it, which I guess broke the ice and quickly found lots of people to talk to. One set of girls even bought me a Mars Bar and left it in my bag-box as a joke. How I cringed as I set my eyes upon it.

Even now I am reminded of it. Four years after what is now known as "the Mars Bar incident" People still ask me about it, and now I am not as embarassed to tell the story.

That is how I was the urban legend. Apparently people still talk about it nowadays in my old school. "There was once a bloke who put a Mars Bar up......" I'm sure each time the tale is retold, it is given a new exaggeration or a new angle.

Now, I live in the aftermath of fame. I have had my fifteen minutes and the baton has been passed on. All I say is this: If ever you get the urge to shove a confectionary up your bird's love tunnel, then don't choose something with a tagline like Pleasure You Can't Measure

Apologies for Length - at least it wasn't a Funsize Mars Bar

/Edit: I went out on Thursday (same night that I posted this answer) night in Revolution, Leeds and this bloke comes up to me: "Hey You're the guy who did the mars bar thing? My friend showed me a picture of you and explained the story"

It still haunts me!
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 20:08, Reply)

Bollocks!
My class mates and I convinced one of the local nutters that I had my sac torn, and testicles lost, in a bizzare accident involving a low level stand for locking push bikes to, at school.

Unforetunately, the urban myth is such that now there are still people in our hometown who think I have plastic balls.
This in turn meant that my kids are either "adopted" or due to a "sperm donation, poor guy".

The whole thing was almost 25 years ago but it is still growing arms and legs!
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 19:59, Reply)

I felt sorry for the guy..
friend of mine when we were about 9. Was somehow convinced that kenny Everett was incredibly rich. When challenged as to How He Knew this, we were told - as though idiots - "well, he owns most of Miami Beach, doesn't he?"

*koff*

???????????????

However, 25 years later the last laugh's on me and he has a buff girlfriend and a good job and abs you could crack cocunuts on. Bastard karma. I'm a slightly-too-heavy divorced singleton. Shat.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 5 Jan 2006, 19:58, Reply)

Gerbils and Hamsters
once, long ago, when i was but a child we had a school trip to London. On that trip we were going to the london eye, newly opened and sparkly. i managed to convince half of a bus full of students that it was powered by hamsters and gerbils. they would have believed me if i could have kept a straight face as i was trying to convince the other half....
(Jack the sparrow dodger, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 19:58, Reply)

remembering purple aki
when i was a wee wirral lad, purple aki used to live in the alleyway behind our school. scared the bejeebus out of us when we used to kick the ball over the fence. 11 balls lost in one week, never to be seen again. no one was brave enough to step onto his property.

later on in a law class i learnt that he was jailed for pushing a man onto a railway track near the cadburys factory in lesowe.
( useless_rocker twitter.com/phillipteague, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 19:55, Reply)