I bought a pack of playing cards at lunchtime.
They are Chinese and have old photos from the vaults of the Imperial Palace on them. So I was enjoying flicking through looking at massive moustaches and people posing and stuff, having a nice chuckle, when I got to the two of clubs, which features a load of men standing around proudly posing, one of them with a weird axe, a grin, and four people's bodies at his feet and their heads nearby.
What has made you go "What the fuck?!" for real today? Actually don't answer that, I don't care. Just sort of pay attention to me instead.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:20, archived)

Hello. Would you like some Skittles?

( Druid, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:21, archived)

No thanks.
Would you like some shredded cuttlefish?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:22, archived)

Anything to get the taste
of Skittles out of my mouth.
( Druid, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:23, archived)

An emu came wriggling arse-first out of my belly button.
It smarts a bit.
( Comma, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:21, archived)

*cries*

( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:22, archived)

Come here binky.
It's alright.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:23, archived)

*comes to you*
*sniffles*
( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:23, archived)

*hugs*
*squeezes face*
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:24, archived)

*hugs*
*feels soothed*
( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:25, archived)

OMG CYBR!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:27, archived)

WE MUST STOP THEM, JMG.

( Fictional Emma, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:30, archived)

WE NEED TO OUTLAW THE * KEY!
BEFORE THEY START SHARING MINGE PICTURES!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:32, archived)

*outlaws the * key*
*pretends to be a cat*
*kills self*
( Fictional Emma, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:33, archived)

*pretends to be into scat*

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:33, archived)

I say!

( Fictional Emma, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:34, archived)

I like this new you.
*Emma Hat*
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:35, archived)

Let's get married.

( Fictional Emma, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:37, archived)

You collect husbands.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:38, archived)

And why shouldn't I? Hmm?

( Fictional Emma, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:40, archived)

:(

( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:41, archived)

under the patio?

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:41, archived)

Hello! I am Emma "Fred and Rose West" Kane.

I don't kill young girls to keep under the patio, but I do collect husbands in such a manner. Would you like to be part of my collection?
( Fictional Emma, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:44, archived)

FOR GODS SAKE
I AM A HUSBAND

I WANT TO BE COLLECTED

LOVE ME.
( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:45, archived)

YOU'RE IN.

( Fictional Emma, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:48, archived)

WOO!
*removes * key*
( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:50, archived)

because of the spinsters.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:42, archived)

*Rams a stanley knife into your buttock.*
*slices it open*
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:27, archived)

*gains a sexy scar*

( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:28, archived)

*makes you an emu-feather hat*

( Comma, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:23, archived)

*wears with pride*
*clutches at belly button protectively*
( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:24, archived)

Your belly button is safe, there is nothing that will come out of it.
Nothing would ever want to be outside of you, as you are the best place.
( Comma, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:27, archived)

aww
*hugs you*
*swallows you*
( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:28, archived)

*sploshy prancings*

( Comma, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:30, archived)

*feels poorly*

( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:31, archived)

*hugs you gently from within*

( Comma, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:32, archived)

*eats vegan things for you*

( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:33, archived)

You are the best person to be inside.
*snuggles down*
( Comma, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:35, archived)

*eats a vegan duvet*

( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:35, archived)

Smelling of plaice
and being a place are two entirely distinct things.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:28, archived)

Not if you're a plaice

( Fergburger, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:31, archived)

It will for a while.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:23, archived)

You just wait
till you end up living in a light house with a class of schoolchildren...

Actually, remembering that programme has kind of given me the first WTF moment of the day.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:27, archived)

I saw the man from powwow (the water cooler people)
tip six full water tanks onto the ground in the car park before putting them (now empty) in his truck. Loads of perfectly drinkable water, just going to waste.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:23, archived)

nestlé are gaay

( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:23, archived)

+aaaaaaaaa

( Lightguy hail satan, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:25, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/1996614
( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:25, archived)

That's to save on transport costs
They just refil them from the tap when they get to the other end. FACT.
( Fergburger, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:25, archived)

+ and add some salt

( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:26, archived)

Why didn't he just leave them there?

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:28, archived)

also, they put use-by dates on them.
maybe the plastic shit leaches into the water
( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:30, archived)

I think by law
all packaged consumables have to have a use by date on them. I suppose even water is no exception.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:42, archived)

some things just get a best before, though

( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:43, archived)

Perhaps they had green stuff in them.
/Has seen and sent back powwow water tanks with algae to put a pond to shame blog
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:27, archived)

green water doesn't hurt you usually.

( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:29, archived)

If by doesn't hurt you mean gives you dysentry because algae tainted water often harbours amoebas too.
Then you are correct.
In other news, office cat is guilt-tripping me into giving him bacon from my bacon and sausage bap.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:32, archived)

that is exactly what i mean.

( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:34, archived)

*offers green water*
*realises it's absinth*
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:35, archived)

ooh lovely.
*mixes it with the wholse sugar/fire/water thing*
( sleepybinky, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:36, archived)

woo yay
hoopla
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:51, archived)

woo
hoopla
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:51, archived)

woo
hoopla
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 12 Oct 2006, 11:23, archived)

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 12 Oct 2006, 11:23, archived)

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 12 Oct 2006, 11:23, archived)

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 12 Oct 2006, 11:23, archived)

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 12 Oct 2006, 11:23, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

2,000,000
woo :)

do I win a prize?
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

You have won at the 2 millionth /talk post.
Well done.
(MooCow_Byter, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

And he/she got 1 million. I suspect insider dealings.
www.b3ta.com/talk/1000690
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 2:00, archived)

My GOD.
FIIIIIIX
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 15:28, archived)

I just want to say I hope you all get fucking AIDS.
UP THE ARSE.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:57, archived)

no
sadly this is your finest achievement in life, and still there is no prize.
( scott,, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 2:07, archived)

There was going to be.
But there isn't.
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis too rass, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 17:56, archived)

Gayer than a gay gaybummer being bummed up the gay by a bumgay gay bummer.
You bumgaying gay bumgay.
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 22:55, archived)

Time
spazz

(sort of)
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 8 Oct 2006, 16:53, archived)

nope
except the knowledge that almost everyone who comes on here will wish that it hadnt been you that got it
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 10 Oct 2006, 1:45, archived)

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 12 Oct 2006, 11:22, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:52, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

woo
hoopla !!!!!!!
(edgyandcrazy, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 1:53, archived)

if they are opened and not totally empty
they ofetn swap them for full ones anyway, then dump the rest to save weight
(Dangermouse., Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:28, archived)

I asked you how you were and shit yesterday and you went away.

( rosie posie tingly bongly, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:38, archived)

Terribly sorry.
I'm in the middle of training, you see. I'm very well. I have moneys. Lots of.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:40, archived)

This
www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGVFA-PGXPo
( Lightguy hail satan, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:24, archived)

That doesn't work very well on my shitty work computer.
What's going on there?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:26, archived)

It's a PSP ad
of children beating the shit out of each other.

I'm not quite sure what Sony are thinking.
( Lightguy hail satan, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:28, archived)

YAY!

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:29, archived)

Racial Intolerance
and the PSP.
( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:28, archived)

Dunno if there's any racial element to it,
they're just beating each other up.
Of course, that won't stop PC busibodies trying to read racial intolerance into it.

Unless they're saying racist things? I've no sound on this computer.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:31, archived)

Neither of them say anything
I don't think it's racist, just a bit violent. I think it's fake anyway
( Fergburger, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:32, archived)

ORLY?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:33, archived)

I used to fancy a girl called Orly

( Fergburger, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:37, archived)

I used to fuck a girl called YOUR MUM

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:39, archived)

That's not a girl

( Fergburger, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:42, archived)

Well yeah.
I mean, if it were real, they'd just roll around on the floor for a but pulling each others' hair until one of them started crying and ran off.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:34, archived)

The white kid beats the shit out of the black kid.
Need any more pointers?
( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:35, archived)

They beat the shit out of each other.
And there's no indication that they fight BECAUSE they're of different race. None at all. You're seeing something that isn't there.

What I find offensive about it is the idea that young kids ought to be 'playing' by doing something totally sedentary, that requires a very expensive toy, rather than messing about outside with a football or a toy car.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:37, archived)

I'm seeing a black kid and a white kid fighting.
The white kid knocks the black kid to the ground.

The advert ends.

For fucks sake, Tea.
( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:43, archived)

The black kid does not get knocked to the ground.
I've watched it three times now, and each kid gives as good as he gets. They start fighting because the black kid won't give the white kid's ball back. Then the white kid kicks the black kid's car, and it all kicks off.
There's nothing AT ALL to indicate that they start fighting because one's white and the other's black. You're obviously trying to see racism in a situation that contains none.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:47, archived)

I DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING WATCH IT.

( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:49, archived)

You utter knobend.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:53, archived)

That's not rayssism.
That's natural selection.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:37, archived)

Pffft,
because if you look at boxing, right, the white guy ALWAYS wins, doesn't he? :)
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:41, archived)

So your saying all niggers should be rounded up and made to fight each other
like roman gladiators because that's all they are good for.
You raizist shit-sack.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:43, archived)

I love you.
Let's make bum-babies.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:47, archived)

Okay.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:54, archived)

Two young kids beating seven shades of shit out of each other,
by the look of things.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:29, archived)

Beautiful.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:31, archived)

I'm wanking over it as i type this

( Fergburger, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:33, archived)

today's "What the fuck?!"
is finding out my* pub burned down

*I don't own it, I just worked and now drink there
(Dangermouse., Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:33, archived)

A pub I used to drink in got firebombed by some racist (Asian) cunts.
Fortunately they* refurbished it, so I still drink there. Yay.


*the people who run it, not the racist cunts
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:35, archived)