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Why do people think decorative candles are a good idea?
If you burn them, you just fuck up the furniture. However, if it's just a wax tchotchy with a wick in it, why put the wick in? Why do they make a bathroom ensemble complete? Has anyone ever burned a decorative candle in the bathroom for a festive shit? I almost feel the need to light it every time I go in there!
(I helped save b3ta! Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:36, archived)
Is it true that every time a man sneezes, a woman loses her virginity?

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:37, archived)
it depends on what he's doing when he sneezes

(I helped save b3ta! brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:39, archived)
Only when I sneeze.

(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:40, archived)
Only if you have a big cock, and you sneeze in the bus queue
behind a 14 year old
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:45, archived)
I farted on a young girl in a queue at Alton Towers.
It was fucking massive, and her family actually left a bit of room between us afterwards!
(I helped save b3ta! Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:50, archived)
yes
she's getting pretty tired of it
(Newton Crosby, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:48, archived)
Only if she was a virgin before she maced me.

(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:49, archived)
Top answer
A++
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:55, archived)
well light it then

(I helped save b3ta! brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:38, archived)
It's a pineapple
I'll get bathed in molten pineapple wax!

*fears*
(I helped save b3ta! Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:39, archived)
well don't hold it above your head when you light it

(I helped save b3ta! brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:41, archived)
It's on the back of the fucking loo!
It could drip down my back or catch my hair on fire!

*suspects a safety hazard*

/edit: Anyway, having your butt spackled up with molten candle wax does not seem like it would be my idea of a 'good time'.
(I helped save b3ta! Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:43, archived)
Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it...

(I helped save b3ta! jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:51, archived)
I don't shit at christmas, it offends baby Jebus

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:38, archived)
yankee candles
are lovely
(rudedoodle smug bucket, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:40, archived)
They sell them on QVC

(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:41, archived)
they are
the only scented candles that actually give off a smell.
love them.
(rudedoodle smug bucket, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:42, archived)
Asparagus makes my pee stink
but if you got stung by a jellyfish, I'd still pee on you without being too embarrassed about it.
(I helped save b3ta! Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:49, archived)
we (over here in the snow) call medical suppositories - "candles"
that makes the haemorrhoidal decorative "candles" quite a festive idea
huh?
(bonker banker, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:45, archived)
I used a suppository once
for all the good it did I may have well stuffed it up my arse.
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:46, archived)
OOPS!! ALARM!!
never do this again, you might get used to objects in your arse.....
(bonker banker, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:49, archived)
ooh look! a christmas new person!
are you jesus?
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:50, archived)
sort of
after sex changing surgery....
(bonker banker, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:52, archived)
omg!!111
a girl.

Do you have photos?!!!!11 omg!

You know, because if you showed me a photo of yourself, I could find out if you were fit or not. I'd then say, "yeah, she's fit" and then I could send you a message for us to meet up, and then we'll have sex.
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:54, archived)
this assumes you are over 16
over 16 not too ugly
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:55, archived)
come from a country of
patented beauties imported to all over the world, but that's irrelevant as more interested in decorative scented haemorrhoidal "candles"
(bonker banker, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 15:14, archived)
would be the most expensive sex in your life
methinks. airticket+visa+travel charges considered.
(bonker banker, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:56, archived)
not to mention the medical expenses.

(I helped save b3ta! asparagus time Is in Brazil., Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:58, archived)
brain surgery you think might be needed?
as i've had my lobotomy not so long ago at an underground lobotomy room
(bonker banker, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 15:01, archived)
I saw some paracetamol suppositories once
They gave me the fear just looking at the size of them.
(I helped save b3ta! jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:50, archived)
one of many versions of origins of homosexuality
i'd say....
(bonker banker, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:51, archived)
Who knows?
Either way, I do know they haven't changed the way people check for hernias yet. *Coughs*
(I helped save b3ta! jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:53, archived)
hm, how do they?
no idea, apart from dressing as a proctologist assistant for a party, no idea about this part of human activity :)
(bonker banker, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:59, archived)
Were they scented?

(I helped save b3ta! Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Tue 26 Dec 2006, 15:03, archived)
speaking of which
my friend broke his bum-hole after being pushed onto a spike by a cabbie in Rio last week.

He has to go back to england for 3 months to have his arse-hole reconstructed.
(I helped save b3ta! asparagus time Is in Brazil., Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:51, archived)
ouch
a doctor once told me that a guy came into A&E with a jar of colman's mustard up his arse, hadn't had a shit in 2 weeks and it was starting to hurt.

They had to remove his sphincter muscle to get it out. Now he's incontinent of faeces and has to wear a nappy at the ripe old age of 17.

BE WARNED!
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:53, archived)
I find this hard to believe.
Why would they have to remove his sphincter muscle? The damn thing went in, didn't it?
(I helped save b3ta! Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:57, archived)
I heard it straight from the doctor's mouth
and colman's mustard jars are wider at the bottom than at the top

as is the patient now
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:58, archived)
Still, it went in?
Seems like an ass-ectomy is a pretty severe procedure to get it out.

I'd go for an 'ouch that hurt' over losing my ass any day!
(I helped save b3ta! Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Tue 26 Dec 2006, 15:06, archived)
This is not just a candle
this is a mandle candle
(Newton Crosby, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:46, archived)
and what's the deal
with the airline food?
(firestormviper!!1 approaching god through cigarettes, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:54, archived)
what the hell is a tchotchy?
is it another word for penis?
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 14:54, archived)
I typoed it
dictionary.reference.com/search?r=2&q=tchotchke
(I helped save b3ta! Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Tue 26 Dec 2006, 15:01, archived)
if i was to have guessed
i would have guessed it was yiddish
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 15:06, archived)