Morning.
I seem to have sunk into a fit of despair again. No good reason, other than I suffer from depression.
I haven't felt like this for a few months. I feel like giving in, curling up and waiting to die.
Why don't you all make yourselves useful, and fucking well cheer me the fuck up. Or at least come up with suggestions as to how I can fucking cheer myself the fuck up.
Thank you in advance, you fucking bunch of fucking cunts.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:36, archived)

THIS is hilarious:
www.thewb.com/Popups/Video/0,8204,136480,00.html

Bound to cheer you up!

*hugs*
( Christian Bale of Hay in a field, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:39, archived)

Awesome :)

( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:42, archived)

that is fuckin great
made my day
(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:55, archived)

*undresses*
*puts on top hat*
*grabs cane*
*dances*
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:39, archived)

He said
cheer him up, not scare the shit out of him.

*laughs anyway

On a more serious note - I always find that eating bananas helps - you can't eat a banana and look serious, and also they boost your seratonin levels (allegedly). Hey, it works for me.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:41, archived)

How could he not look at this little thing
without laughing?
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:42, archived)

I'll try that.
Ta.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:43, archived)

Then use
the skin for an amusing booby trap, film it and send it to us for our delectation and delight :)

/spreading the joy since 1979
( Dekazer, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:02, archived)

Go and look at your ickle sproglet,
dandle him/her* on your knee, and think about the miracle of life (and disposable nappies).



*sorry, can't remember
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:40, archived)

That's a very good idea.
He is great.
Unfortunately I am at work.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:44, archived)

Then do what any sane human would do,
and wank in the bogs.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:55, archived)

Dear baldmonkey,
I too have been feeling shitty recently, but last night I had sex. To cheer you up, I shall tell you what she said after...

"Are you done already?"

I almost died.

Yours,

originaljobe
( Jobe, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:40, archived)

ouch.
EDIT: You could always pretend she said "Are you done, already?" i.e. 'hurry the fuck up. I've had my fun and I am sore'
( Spunkmeyer, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:43, archived)

ooh,
she could have meant this...

*clutches ALL the straws*
( Jobe, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:54, archived)

Worked!
I'm smiling!
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:44, archived)

Woot!
There is more, so if you still feel bad, I could carry on.

Despite all this, it was a successful night.
( Jobe, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:53, archived)

Do go on...
please...
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:54, archived)

She took
a sleeping tablet so she could get some sleep.
( Jobe, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:54, archived)

were you snoring?

( Spunkmeyer, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:56, archived)

No.
I was still awake, lying there in a state of shock and anguish of the whole situation.
( Jobe, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:57, archived)

During?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:58, archived)

If I said
yes, would it cheer you up?

Yes*

*No. I would not be here if she had
( Jobe, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:07, archived)

I feel your pain...

( cuntmuffin, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:50, archived)

Go to the bathroom cabinet and eat all pills
Then drink whats under the sink.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:41, archived)

I love you too.
x
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:45, archived)

pans?

( Spunkmeyer, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:46, archived)

*clears throat*
OOOHHHHH
Jesus jesus jesus, you were just a jew
popey popey popey, now rotting in a hole
Blairy Blairy Blairy, sitting on a pew
Mary Mary Mary, virgin birth? Ride my honking pole
OOOOHhhh
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:41, archived)

Ahem...
Evil Fuckenevil
Riding motorbike...

I can't be arsed to finish this. Sorry.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:47, archived)

I know
the feeling I'm currently waiting to hear from the hospital after someone was rushed in this morning. And it's painful.
(Poodle_Me_Please, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:46, archived)

There's only one phrase that can save us:
"Cheer up. It might never happen."

Some people deserve to die. I'd like to make a giant sign of that phrase out of concrete and shove it up their arses.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:49, archived)

In my case
it already has. Now just waiting for the outcome.
(Poodle_Me_Please, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:52, archived)

go to the airport
and ride around on the free courtesy busses.

Or go to the supermarket and try all the free samples and give them scores. Give a rosette to the best counter.
(Brad Dice, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:50, archived)

Arf!

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:51, archived)

I also have to eat antidepressants every day too. I know this makes you feel no better, and probably gives you no comfort either, but I have nothing to say at this time of day.
( cuntmuffin, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 10:54, archived)

Actually, I often find
that just finding more people who feel the same does help. I don't know why.
What are you on? I'm on Prozac.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:03, archived)