Laughing in spite of yourself
I was in a restaurant in France and overheard a big scouse guy ordering rare steak from the waiter.

When the waiter asked how rare he'd like it, he said "Just wipe its arse and stick it on a plate, mate" and I nearly pissed myself, against my better judgement.

Laughed at anything recently that was not funny?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:29, archived)

Yes
the learning diasabled guy in HR earlier...
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:31, archived)

Don't you mean
the black lesbian halfwit cripple in HR earlier?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:34, archived)

she was Jewish
and had one leg
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:34, archived)

Full house!

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:37, archived)

Yahtzee!

( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:40, archived)

Kerplunk!

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:42, archived)

Dookie!
(we did this one the other day, didn't we?)
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:44, archived)

Deja Vu!

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:46, archived)

I've heard that phrase before,
somewhere...
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:51, archived)

I have some friends
whose daughter only moved out of their bedroom when she was 18 months old. The wife was thrilled, looking forward to a renewed sex life. On their first night alone she turned hopefully to her husband and said, "we're alone at last, you know what that means" to which he replied, "yes, we can play Yahtzee as loudly as we like!"

They'd never played Yahtzee. Ever. Although distressingly the wife now uses Yahtzee as a euphamism, and calls to tell me whenever she gets a game. *shudders*
( Dekazer, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:43, archived)

Just say "Jadeviper"
we all know.

Edit: If that was her then I suspect I am in trouble now.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:44, archived)

Actually no
A mutual friend though :D
( Dekazer, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:48, archived)

why do some people feel the need to share that?
gah. There isn't enough mindbleach in my world.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:45, archived)

I sometimes
used to pick their daughter up from nursery, and my code word for IDing myself was Yahtzee. Sick fucks that they are.
( Dekazer, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:53, archived)

Gah, and Meh.
Set them on fire and put them out with a shovel. That'll learn them.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:57, archived)

Isn't
that the one that fixes his photocopier? Anyone else suspicious that Mykey's office seem to run a very equal opportunities policy?
( Dekazer, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:35, archived)

They employ him
perhaps they have a position reserved for the politically-challenged? :P
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:37, archived)

Hes so lerning diasabled
he cant spel fir shit.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:37, archived)

Fenris.



:-)
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:32, archived)

I was tempted to say that;)
you bad bad man
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:33, archived)

All 3 of you
can go get knotted :P
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:35, archived)

Ah, you love it
you attention seeking whore
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:38, archived)

But hes not Wiccadwitch!
Oh i see...
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:39, archived)

blahblahblah MY BASTARD EX! blahblah...
...blahblah I'M FAT! blahblah...
Heh heh, I'm quite fond the girl, really.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:41, archived)

I am too
But still hauling the ex issue out is getting a bit worn

/not one to talk
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:42, archived)

Lets face it... we wouldn't be on here
if we weren't all seeking some sort of attention.

Although I wonder *exactly* what type of attention would be appropriate for Mykey. A baseball bat perhaps?
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:44, archived)

That's probably true
And when all you have to go on here is how people put themselves across, I suppose it's inevitable that one would charicature oneself a little.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:46, archived)

So, do you reckon her and badger are having
a relationship of some type?
I just cant work it out...
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:49, archived)

Expressions involving
glass houses and stones are springing to mind, so on that note I'm going to have a fag and do some work (finally)
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:50, archived)

Im pretty certain im not that bad

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:52, archived)

What are you accused of?

( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:53, archived)

I didn't just mean your
goodself. But no, point taken.

I don't mind, if people are happy then great. I started to see what you meant about the "always being right" thing but I can let that ride. There are people on here (none of you lot at the moment!) that wind me up more and I can refrain from rising to tha bait... and no doubt some people think I am a right wanker (or attention seeking whore :) and they're entitled to that opinion too.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:55, archived)

gayer:)

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:57, archived)

*pouts*
You love it you slag.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 15:03, archived)

Nah.
I think they're just having mad rampant sex.


lucky bastards
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:51, archived)

could you be more specific about your badgers?
I do not wish to be lumped into one "uberbadger" responsible for all these acts.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:51, archived)

It may be too late.
We are through the looking glass here gentlemen...

I've waited years to use that phrase.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:53, archived)

Oh
what fillum is that from?
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:57, archived)

The Rock I think

( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:59, archived)

CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK'S COOKIN'?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Apr 2005, 15:00, archived)

Have you seen
Welcome to the Jungle?

Actually better than you might imagine.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 15:02, archived)

That film is great
The initial fight, and the one with the midgets in the jungle!
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 15:05, archived)

Molé pablano and chicken breast in a mild chili
sauce with a tossed green salad?
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 15:03, archived)

I thought you, TBK and BOL
were going to form some sort of almighty badger triumvirate and take over the world?
In a fashion involving mushrooms and snakes, perhaps?
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:54, archived)

this is true
although TBK wished to be known as The "Feared Badger of Spoons"

But my involvement in this adventure does not extend to sexually gratifying their partners and I would like this noted for the record.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:56, archived)

*sniggers*
its funny cos its true
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:45, archived)

I love it when you and Comma have your little tiffs.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:55, archived)

The only thing worse than
being talked about, is not being talked about.

And yes, yes I do.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:40, archived)

Hehehehe
making this a meta-thread already, thankyou.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:33, archived)

I was walking down a corridor, aware of someone behind me.
I was moving fairly fast and held the door open but forward momentum carried me too far and it caused me to let the door swing closed on the guy who was on crutches. I had to apologise make my excuses and run off to the toilets to giggle like a school girl.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:36, archived)

That's not funny



pfft!
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:40, archived)

It was excruciatingly so by virtue of the giggle loop thing going on.
I had to help him up and he was really, really pissed off. In that time I had to stifle laughter so it just got worse and worse until I could get away.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:42, archived)

Hahahaha
Reminds me of something my mate did.
This blind woman gets off train, and proceeds to walk straight towards him.
He tries to jump out the way, but in the process knocks her white stick out her hand, literally punting it 5m down the station.
He had to then lead her and pick the stick up for her, all without laughing.
Heh, how i laughed from my safe distance
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:45, archived)

Laughing at the constipated guy in the toilets
It wasn't the grunts and wheezes of air, funny though they were.
It was the sheer amount of bass in his fart when he finally released some gas.
My cubicle door shook and it reverberated around my toilet bowl and i swear i felt it on my arse.
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:40, archived)

Woo!
I'd've laughed for England if I'd been in your place.
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:44, archived)

Who was it talking about
sitting between two occupied toilets that were both flushed in stereo the other day? That made me laugh more than was healthy.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:46, archived)

Aye that was me
I have been biding my time, using the middle cubicle in some hope that this will happen again.
remember to raise you arms and chant something
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:49, archived)

Hahaha
you are my cubicle-priesthood hero*

*meant in a non-gay way.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:54, archived)

Sweet!
Is that like a BA with Honours?
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 15:01, archived)

And a floater

I ain't gettin' in no cubicle, foo'
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 15:03, archived)

Sounds like you should have had the Dambusters theme
as incidental music.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:47, archived)

I laughed at something that was extremely funny
My mate (at the time) only had the one leg (he's now without both of them) and was playing in goal. He had his false leg on obviously and it was held on by the usual gubbins but also a strap around his waist. Anyway - he dived to make a save...but the ball got loose...and their attacker was running in so he swung his false leg at it...which promptly came off. This would've been fine had it not been attached to his waist also...it swung round and kicked him squarely in the face.

This was...and still is...the funniest thing I have ever seen...
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:45, archived)

hahahhahahah!

( viperrr mostly comes out at night, mostly, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:46, archived)

Pfffffttt!
That's fucking great!
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:48, archived)

We had to stop the game for ten minutes
while we all picked ourselves up from the floor and composed ourselves...
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:49, archived)

That sounds familar
but still as funny as last time you posted it.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:50, archived)

Yep I try to air
this little gem whenever I can...
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:51, archived)

Hahaha
I knew a guy at Uni who, when at school, was walking into town with a mate when he pointed and said "'Ere, who's that bald bloke? BALDYYY!", towhich his mate said "That's my dad, he's just had an operation to remove a brain tumour."

Cue chump stammering and pointing down an empty street "No, not him, I meant that other guy there... oh, he's gone now."
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:51, archived)

Ha ha ha ha
classic.

Checked your Amsterbash mail?
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:52, archived)

Eh?
Where?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:58, archived)

Ah...
Wrong one beginning with 'F'...my bad...
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:59, archived)

Heh heh heh
I think I would have died from laughter.
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:54, archived)

I'm part of a team entering a competition to design an airship thing
for the RAF, and we were discussing what kind of thing it should be able to stand up to. I said "there's a difference between a fully-armed fighter and a " *pause for breath and while I thought of something* *think of something and blurt it out* "MAN WITH STICK!". At that exact moment a bloke hobbled in on crutches and I couldn't control myself.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:45, archived)

I was merry drunk last night...
Kinda laughed at anything that moved.

put the fella right off...

Also went to Tesco and the guy in front of us had combat pants on.

It was only when the fella blurted out :

" THAT GUY HAS NO LEGS! "

Meaning he couldn’t see them due to the remarkable camouflage.

I nearly wet myself...
( Zenith - SAVE THE DUCKS!, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:46, archived)

No more humming of TV theme songs?

(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:50, archived)

Christ
this morning it was bewitched. >_<
( Zenith - SAVE THE DUCKS!, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:52, archived)

Get treatment
if it gets to Johnny Briggs, divorce is on the cards.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 15:02, archived)

DANGERMOUSE!!!
funny-est post from last week IMO
(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:55, archived)

: )
www.b3ta.com/talk/438528
( Zenith - SAVE THE DUCKS!, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 15:09, archived)

:-)
www.b3ta.com/talk/438573
(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Mon 11 Apr 2005, 15:12, archived)

You just reminded me of the time I was at a pub quiz with a mate who was totally hammered
He stood up, and carefully chose the quiet gap after a question had been delivered to point at a guy in a wheelchair and shout "YOU'RE NOT FUCKING DISABLED!!!"

He swears that he had shared a taxi home from a club with the guy (a total stranger but still possible in light of my friend) the previous week and he had been able to walk. I almost pissed myself and still laugh about it now.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Mon 11 Apr 2005, 14:57, archived)