God I pulled an orange munter last night...
hammered away at it like a desperate bonobo ape, completely failed to notice that I was filing my nails whilst he pulled some of the most embarrassing sex-faces I have ever seen in my life, and then burst into tears when he shot his load, crying 'I really love you, I'm so lonely and nobody knows me like you do. Please don't leave me, please please please love me back.

I'm glad he's fucking off to Uni, he's a nutcase. He wont stop texting me either.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:39, archived)

I bet he's hung like a bluebottle

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:40, archived)

How are bluebottles hung?

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:42, archived)

like a tedious orange twat

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:42, archived)

pffft

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:42, archived)

with very small nooses

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:12, archived)

I did sex in a tent on Wednesday night and it was a bit rubbish.
I think he broke my cock.
:/
( ArthurTheRat, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:40, archived)

That's God's punishment for trying to stick it up someone else's arse, Easty.

( moohalaa, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:41, archived)

Lube dear, and never let a beginner lose on your cock in the dark.
Banjo string, bruising or scabs?
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:42, archived)

It might be a proper snap

( Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:43, archived)

It's possible if he attempted a massive thrust into a dry, unprepared arse.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:43, archived)

Or if the person on top got too 'buckwhylde'

( Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:44, archived)

I think it was the 60 metre run-up and double pike somersault approach that did it.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:44, archived)

These gaymosexuals and their fancy fucky ways.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:45, archived)

haha

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:47, archived)

Of a two-year-old.

( Comma, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:45, archived)

Oh no.
Really it was more of a fumble.
( ArthurTheRat, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:45, archived)

Over enthusiastic tug job?
OUCH.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:46, archived)

It was probably like that bit on Sin City where Bruce Willis pulls that yellow fellow's bollocks off.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:47, archived)

Yeah.

( ArthurTheRat, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:57, archived)

Lube. Lots of.
It stops the friction burns and the bruised foreskin, which means you can focus on teaching them the right way to go about things.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:59, archived)

He was a good three years older than me was the odd thing.

( ArthurTheRat, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:01, archived)

You'd be surprised how many people can't give a good handjob.
It's something everyone assumes is easy, so they never bother brushing up their technique.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:08, archived)

So you tried shoving it in his navel then?
You complete fucking failure.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:46, archived)

I've failed as a teacher.
I really have.

:(
( moohalaa, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:48, archived)

Mooey: purveyor of rubbish homosexuality tips since 1987.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:50, archived)

I'm definitely cancelling my order for 'Moohalaa's Own Lube and Oven Degreaser Combi'

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:54, archived)

If It Ain't Caustic, It Ain't Fab-U-Lous!

( moohalaa, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:58, archived)

Don't be prejudiced against the navelsexualists.

( Comma, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:52, archived)

It's not prejudice if I'm right.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:53, archived)

What if I prove you wrong.
Does that make me less prejudiced than you.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:03, archived)

you are a shit fake gayer
stop it immediately
( Barry Chuckle III - the troll with a soul., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:43, archived)

:(

( ArthurTheRat, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:44, archived)

This is why minges are naturally lubricating.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:44, archived)

And mouths

(Eeh Blah Gum, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:47, archived)

Yes, but everyone has a mouth.
I'm trying to straighten the boy out.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:48, archived)

Sounds like
this experience might have done that for you
(Eeh Blah Gum, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:49, archived)

I wouldn't be so sure.
He is ginger, after all.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:50, archived)

Oh well
In that case he has to take it wherever he can get it, surely
(Eeh Blah Gum, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:51, archived)

I love you so very much

( SuperMatt, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:40, archived)

pffffffft!

( Pedere Penfold...shush., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:40, archived)

10/10 top insult.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:40, archived)

i saw that movie

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:41, archived)

I lived it. :(

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:41, archived)

oh fran

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:43, archived)

HALF A CONDOM

( SuperMatt, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:44, archived)

So did I. When I was 16.
*shakes head sadly*
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:45, archived)

You slept with Rik when you were 16?
Paedo.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:46, archived)

OMG! I'm amazed by this revelation.
And the internet never lies.

o_O
( Templeton Blah, blah, blah..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:47, archived)

This is why me and Badger split up the other night...
Bou said he had an affair. She MUST be telling the truth.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:49, archived)

What's this?
Have I missed OMGOSSIP?
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:50, archived)

Bou tried to convince b3ta that Badger had cheated on me.
Bless.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:55, archived)

I'VE HAD BADGER
HE WAS CRAP
( moohalaa, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:57, archived)

WHOO WHOOP! KAFFIRS!

( moohalaa, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:57, archived)

It was on the front of ALL the papers in South Africa.

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:57, archived)

Haha.
Any links?
( Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:00, archived)

I bet he likes being pissed on too.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:51, archived)

To be fair, who doesn't like being pissed on?
/ac
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:54, archived)

It's a good point
Where did all this getting pissed on stuff come from anyway?
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:56, archived)

Your diary.

( Templeton Blah, blah, blah..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:57, archived)

Bou told us that she pissed on someone's hand when she was having sex
because her imaginary boyfriend told her to.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:57, archived)

Ah righty
What a good thing to share.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:58, archived)

With so many personalities to choose from
it is not surprising that one or more of them could be her boyfriends.
( Templeton Blah, blah, blah..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:03, archived)

Someone very clever and his internet girlfriend
made up that rumour about their unspeakable internet nemesis, as a rather desperate way of trying to turn people against him.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:58, archived)

It's all good fun, till someone's eye is put out.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:01, archived)

I hope
you're using the word "clever" in an ironic and ultimately incorrect sense.
(Eeh Blah Gum, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:02, archived)

Well he usually is an intelligent fellow,
but on this occasion, common sense was shoved aside in favour of righteous internet rage.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:04, archived)

Ah sorry
I thought you meant Syncubus. I now see this cannot have been the case!
(Eeh Blah Gum, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:07, archived)

Did scrybl verify the story?
If they both told you then it MUST be true
( Pedere Penfold...shush., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:53, archived)

Same thing, dingus.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:54, archived)

They're the same nutter??
Sorry I'm a noob, I've yet to write up my "avoid like the plague" list
( Pedere Penfold...shush., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:57, archived)

I don't get
why Bou/Scrybl keeps coming back for more and more abuse
(Eeh Blah Gum, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:00, archived)

abuse attention
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:02, archived)

For the attention.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:02, archived)

attention piss
Tumnus
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:04, archived)

If you don't stop this whole Tumnus business, I shall be forced to end you.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:05, archived)

But
it's not real attention. It's a bunch of little letters in a screen. All of which spell FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING RETARD.
(Eeh Blah Gum, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:05, archived)

Clearly it was with her
And maybe also Syncubus
(Eeh Blah Gum, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:53, archived)

She never ceases to surprise me with her knowledge
I swear she is psychic... or is it pyscho?

Anyway, what is more amazing is how she can type, cackle insanely and throw cats around her room at the same time. Simply amazing.
( Templeton Blah, blah, blah..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:54, archived)

Two words.
Head dobber.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:55, archived)

Hahaha.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:41, archived)

This is why he never replies to us on here.
He's text stalking Wicca'd.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:41, archived)

Just tell him next time you want to stand on his testicles
with your 12" high heels
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:41, archived)

pffft
excellent
( moohalaa, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:41, archived)

Honestly.
I love you.

Why doesn't he just get a blog or something?

You'vebeentango'd.blog.com.
(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:41, archived)

Hello new person.
*waves*
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:44, archived)

Hello!
Also: I'm not that new. I've been here a few times with different names (same account). Thank you though.
(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:45, archived)

you really like maffers posts are you maffers

(hot white cum, YEAH! i will show you 0wnage in a handful of posts, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:04, archived)

I love you lady
*snogs*
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:41, archived)

Hehehe!

( Templeton Blah, blah, blah..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:41, archived)

I'll bet the first thing the tedious cunt did
was tell the internet.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:42, archived)

Are you his second account?
I bet you fucking are.
(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:43, archived)

Have I ever told you that I love you, Lisa ?

( FoldsFive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:42, archived)

This is dreadful bullying.
The poor boy is heartbroken and you can do nothing but MOCK.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:43, archived)

pfft!

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:46, archived)

I'm deadly serious.
These are people's emotions we're playing with here. Real people. Not just comedy nobheads the colour and intellect of cheesy wotsits.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:48, archived)

It was a deep and meaningful relationship based on shared interests and a love of fine art...
I'm just bitter.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:47, archived)

You forgot
ONLINE.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:47, archived)

I don't know.
It's quite good.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:50, archived)

Haha

( postal ninja has Transmissible spongiform encephalopathies, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:50, archived)

Evening Wicca ^^
Sounds horrendous. What on earth possessed you to bed him?
( Bats, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:56, archived)

Rohypnol.
New Orange flavour.
(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 20:58, archived)

I wonder if it tastes of that orange Calpol?

( Bats, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:00, archived)

Try it...
*spoon feeds*

*waits* ...
(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:01, archived)

I was blind drunk and my usual shag had let me down
so I found the number that he foisted on me in Malia.

I should either delete it or rename it as 'Do not answer, he is SHIT'
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:00, archived)

heehee
I think i needed that :):)
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:02, archived)