Smells like Updok in here.
What is the nearest object to your left, RIGHT NOW?
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:33, archived)

I JUST DON'T KNOW.

(MooCow_Byter, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:34, archived)

I'm not sure either - I am sitting in the dark.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:35, archived)

It's probably a monster, then.

(MooCow_Byter, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:36, archived)

Yes
www.b3ta.com/talk/6157063
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:37, archived)

Clothes

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:34, archived)

Your mum.

(Peter_G, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:37, archived)

An A4 pad, with several loose leaves on top filled with writing on both sides.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:37, archived)

TREES!
Oh how I miss the trees.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:38, archived)

I don't.
Then again, I live directly opposite a park.

And my aim is excellent, ho ho!
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:39, archived)

Guiness, hurray!
Nice and cold too.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:37, archived)

Since I had the Nigerian variety, I have found standard Guinness to be quite unfulfilling.
I'm not sure whether to be sad about this or not.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:42, archived)

Nigerian variety? Tell me more!
A link will suffice.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:43, archived)

Oh come on...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guinness_Nigeria
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:44, archived)

I've seen that, I will try it.

( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:46, archived)

Be sure to check for the red "imported" label on the front.
There's an almost identical one by the same name (Foreign Extra) that is not the Nigerian one, and is very different.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:48, archived)

Noted, ta

( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 18 May 2009, 1:10, archived)

Bit too sweet for me
gets you proper drunk, though.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:45, archived)

Oh yes. Especially if you can get the bigger 750ml bottles.
:-D
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:46, archived)

How would you describe this "Updok" of which you speak?

( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 18 May 2009, 0:38, archived)

Git. Nobody will ask now.
RUINER!
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:39, archived)

Someone has done this to me before,
but I couldn't remember what the joke was.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:40, archived)

Smells like a wormdo in here.

( NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:41, archived)

What's wormdo?
Nah, doesn't work. What's the joke?
( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:43, archived)

"What's a wormdo?"
Wriggle.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:43, archived)

*tut*

( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:46, archived)

What's a snakedo? It slithers around.
What's a mousedo? It squeaks and bites.
What's a phonedo? It rings and lets you talk to people.
What's a kettledo? Boils water.
What's a cupboarddo? Opens up and lets you store objects of various sizes inside.
What's a hairdo? Nothing much, then it falls out.
What's a corpsedo? Bugger-all.

I should really stop now.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:48, archived)

You have a pastycost on your head.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 18 May 2009, 1:11, archived)

"What's..." etc.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:42, archived)

An empty cardboard box.
Boxy boxy box.
( NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:42, archived)

BOXXY 4 EVA

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:43, archived)

BOX PLOX.

(MooCow_Byter, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:44, archived)

Box
BOXBOXBOX
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:46, archived)

A black and white cat
who is trying to muscle himself on to my lap but I'm having none of it.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 18 May 2009, 0:47, archived)

Shove it in the oven, 220C for 50 minutes.
Lovely.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:48, archived)

He's a bit old and stringy now
He'd be a bit chewy.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 18 May 2009, 0:50, archived)

In that case, freeze it with liquid nitrogen, then hit it with a big hammer.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:52, archived)

My 1/5 finished dissertation
:(
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:57, archived)

*restrained giggling*

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 18 May 2009, 0:59, archived)

*punches you in your crooked neck*

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 18 May 2009, 1:02, archived)

So mean :-(

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 18 May 2009, 1:21, archived)

A pillow.

( Mu Dinofiddler, Mon 18 May 2009, 1:28, archived)