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I'm back from the shop. I knew ye'd be worried, just thought I'd let you know.
Does anybody have any experience of getting a broken corkscrew out of a bottle of wine?

Edit: Hurray! I now have wine in my glass, and everywhere else. Thank you /talk, I love you all. From the bottom of my heart.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:49, archived)
I'd try pliers.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:50, archived)
Smash the bottle on the floor

(I helped save b3ta! BILL DOOR - MOON-MASTER, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:50, archived)
girls pee from the butt
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! ArthurTheRat, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:50, archived)
Scissors
Just stick it in and twist. Should be reet.
(I helped save b3ta! Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:50, archived)
That or us the blunt end of a table knife to push the cork into the bottle.
You may have to pour the wine through a tea strainer though.
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:51, archived)
That's what you do if you get an actual real girl naked on your bed.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:52, archived)
No not "what would you do if you got an actual real girl naked on your bed?".

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:52, archived)
ROFL

(I helped save b3ta! Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:55, archived)
The broken one is still in there, though.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:52, archived)
Burn it all

(I helped save b3ta! Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:55, archived)
THANK GOD YOU'RE BACK
they were all bullying me :(
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:50, archived)
:((((
*holds*
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:52, archived)
I believe that's normally referred to as cupping
and you should really ask if it's OK to do first.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:53, archived)

cup + lum
(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)
Rosie and Esme lump sandwich!

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:04, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6199980
(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)
Damn straight.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:11, archived)
just smash the top of the bottle off

(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:51, archived)
Or use a hacksaw.
That would be the more sensible option.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:52, archived)
Possible risk of glass shards

(I helped save b3ta! Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:54, archived)
More than if you just whanged it into a hard surface hoping it'll smash?

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:57, archived)
Good use of 'whanged'
I might be moving to Woodman Terrace. Can you imagine?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)
Terrace?
That's well middle class that is.
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:06, archived)
Not around here it isnt
But if you look on google maps it looks like a little willy
Kind of
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:12, archived)
A little bent willy
Nothing to boast about.
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:13, archived)
It was cold

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:17, archived)
Pliers
But if it's a plastic 'cork', it makes no difference to just shove it through.
(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:51, archived)
Yeah, the plastic ones are handy that way.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:55, archived)
touch my bum, this is life

(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:51, archived)
push it down into the bottle

(I helped save b3ta! Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:52, archived)
Push it.
Push it real good.
(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:53, archived)
push the cork right down into the bottle
and prepare a sieve for pouring purposes
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:53, archived)
jam it up your fanny and pull sharply, the vacuum should suck it right out

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:54, archived)
*something about a golf ball through a garden hose*

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:55, archived)
Drink your way to it.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:56, archived)
Push it down with a screwdriver

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:56, archived)
I thought you would have suggested
smash the neck off on the side of a skip and glug from the bottle.
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)
Nope
You might spill some that way.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:04, archived)
Won't fucking go down, stupid thing.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:59, archived)
Try harder, you spastic.
Wrap the top in a towel or something and give it a good thump.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:03, archived)
Have you got one of those corkscrews with levers on either side?
If so, re-screw it and lever it out.
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)
The stupid lever broke off
Have it now! I have lovely wine in my glass, on the floor, worktop, my top and my arms.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:06, archived)
The harder you have to work for it
the sweeter the reward.
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:07, archived)
Indeed,
WINEY WINEY WINE.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:08, archived)
Good stuff
The Internet - getting Irish birds drunk a speciality
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:09, archived)
Hurray!

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:09, archived)
Priapism can be a curse

(Ronnie Spleen MMMMNEURRGH I AM A GAY SPAZ AND I LOVE IT UP MY BU, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)
not if you really enjoy masturbating but can't be bothered to go through the effort of getting an erection

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:06, archived)
Not at my age, son

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:10, archived)
if it won't go down wrap a teatowel around the base
and gently smack it against a wall base first
the pressure pushes the cork out enough for you to grab it with pliers teeth firm grip
and yank it out
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:07, archived)
Put an orange then a mars bar in it for 4 days
on the 5th day put just an orange in.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)