Fucking hell today isn't half dragging.
I'm about to be left alone in my office as well.

Tell me something fabulous. Lies will do. Just make them SPECTACULAR.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:06, archived)

Bladmonkey once raped 14 alsatians in a day.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:07, archived)

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:07, archived)

I said LIES

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

It was really 23

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

Then he still did 14 didnt he ?
So it's not a lie, it's just a partial truth.

*belms*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:14, archived)

I actually did die of cancer once though so you people don't know what you're talking about and you're really insensitive.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)

You were copying SSG for the attention though.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)

Are you at the CHBash?
I hope you are at the CHBash.
You are one of my favourite people to see at the CHBash. Also Easty and Moo.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:23, archived)

And stupid fat girls with their tits hanging out.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:23, archived)

I wondered when you were going to mention me

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)

i bet everyone is extra excited about this one since it is the first time that i will be attending

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)

yay :D

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:25, archived)

No.
You're quite dull and cornish faced.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:25, archived)

i direct your attention to the posts above and below yours
checkmate!
also, i know you love me really, balders
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:48, archived)

huzzah!
I will hide in your beard.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:25, archived)

Possibly.
I understand it's being billed as a 'smash Sexface in the face' party.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)

David Carradine needed to practice his Hung Fu a bit more...

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:07, archived)

Also I'm really a man in disguise

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

pfft
alright DG?
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)

Ello monkey pants ;)

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

I might sleep for a week.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:08, archived)

have you made a podcast or something?
OH NO HE DI-N'T!! SHA ZAMMY!
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:08, archived)

I don't get it.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

you listened to yourself and bored yourself to sleep for a week.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)

Oh.
I might try that, sounds like it would work.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)

i kid i kid :)
I just being a silly :)
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:22, archived)

this is very out of character
i'm disappointed
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)

www.b3ta.cr3ation.co.uk/data/jpg/dgisalwaysserious.jpg
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:30, archived)

Wowsers

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

I can take my leg off, attach it via my second toe to my earlobe
and turn myself into a rudimentary parsnip mincer.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:08, archived)

You didn't like my halloween costume suggestion then :(

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)

No, I just didn't see it.
Battlefield Earth is uncommonly shite.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:15, archived)

I know but the aliens remind me of Another World (the old computer game)

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)

Still, though :D

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)

You are an amazing lady

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:14, archived)

I was hoping you'd think that.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:15, archived)

I once inserted a baseball bat into the minge of a girl i dated at uni, she was insistant and had the width of an aircraft carrier
Its possible thats too much sharing.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:08, archived)

I mean im not sure if thats spectacular or not

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

If you're into buckets.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

I prefer them like a mouses ear


Not an actual mouses ear. That'd be odd.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)

Tiny and fuzzy and grey?

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)

I read that as 'fluzzy'

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

Awwww bless her.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)

She's /talk's favourite Christian
Always trying to convert people she is. Constantly.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:15, archived)

Jesus was a black man

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:16, archived)

No.
Jesus was batman.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:23, archived)

Attagirl
even if/when I'm a vicar, I don't think I'll be doing the whole 'come on, get in the church with you, you heathens' thing.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:16, archived)

You get a free uniform though
Thats not half bad
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)

And a pretty cool custom God Scarf.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)

keeping heaven all to yourself? you selfish bitch

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)

You'll clutter it up.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)

s'alright, I've got my own block of flats in hell

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:22, archived)

Well there we go then.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:23, archived)

Converrrrrt meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I don't have to go to church do I?
Everyone always looks at me like I'm the bad girl.
I just don't get it.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:25, archived)

I've not been taught
so I'll have a bash.

Er...Jesus, yeah, he was awesome and GOD, yeah, he's awesome too.

Christian yet?
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:27, archived)

I already was, I just got upset that you didn't want to convert me
so thanks
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)

People get upset when you try to convert them

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:30, archived)

KFC amiright?!?!

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

Nomnomnomnomgravy.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

Sometimes I wear the bucket on my head and become a KNIGHT OF THE MESSY TABLE

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:14, archived)

Buckethead?
Do you brandish your axe?
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:14, archived)

I do my electric octopus dance

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)

Good lord
I don't know how you're not knee deep in flaps.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)

But I AM though :)
*rolls around in his collection of catflaps*
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:23, archived)

Bet that's uncomfortable.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)

That's impressive.

( Bats, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

Sideways?

( broadsword, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)

If you like

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

I remember being extremely disappointed with the results when I shoved a mars bar up a lady
mental note to self - chuck it in the fridge for a while first
( broadsword, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)

A baseball bat's quite modest in diameter
compared to, say, a hand. Which isn't all that uncommon an object.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)

still
it's got a rather blunt end.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:16, archived)

that's easily mitigated
by taking a long enough run-up.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)

Like a sort of a minge vault.

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)

*winces*

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:23, archived)

My pubic hair
has been replaced by peacock feathers. They fan out when I become tumescent.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:08, archived)

I might have to photoshop something like that
it sounds very pretty.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

No dude
cocks are ugly.

Do one of a fanny, but instead of pubes there's a lions mane and instead of flaps theres the two 9/11 towers asploding.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)

That just sounds awesome, never mind pretty
cocks aren't always ugly, you know.

Actually they very rarely are.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

Good for you

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)

What is?
Now who's the miserable cow? Cheer up, miseryballs.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)

Good for you that you like cocks
I like fannies, I think they are ace but I guess I think cocks are so minging that I expect everyone to think they are shit.

You are lucky that you like cocks.

Unless you're a gay.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:15, archived)

Either/or. Makes nae difference to me.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)

OMGEXUAL

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:22, archived)

That's PLANE CUNTISHNESS.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

Dude
people died on a plane recently.

This is too soon.

: (
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)

ALIENS did it.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)

Scientists have created a real life shark that can store 3tb of mp3 files and play them while delivering a flashing skin and laser-fin sound to light show.
Solar powered and all.
And it eats half of every dolphin ever.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:08, archived)

And they are reinstating the English canal system and putting loads of these sharks in it.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

I spent the weekend on the moon
battling lesbian robot zombies with a laser-powered atomic shotgun on a fucking Harley Davidson
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:08, archived)

That's not fabulous.
That's a somewhat depressing mid-life crisis fantasy from a balding man in an old grey tanktop eating pea soup.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

have you stopped being shit yet?

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)

YOU are.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)

PWNED

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:14, archived)

When I was very young, I was taken away by some monks and forced to perform dark rituals in the night.
We raised the evil Hellbeast Kthar'shigron to wreak terrible damage in a small Ukranian city called Pripyat. The government hushed it up and said it was a nuclear accident as they're using contrails to turn the world into their own giant pentagram to raise demons and this might expose them. The monks deposited me back at my home, and I was to live a normal life, forgetting the moment of power I had in that dark circle of hell.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

huh.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:32, archived)

I´ve only been at work 5 mins & I´m already bored
Lizards saliva tastes of marmite, which is why some lizards look really happy & others look really unhappy.
( broadsword, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)

Haha that's brilliant.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:16, archived)

ESME WESME!
Show us your knickers
( broadsword, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)

NO
I can't remember what ones I have on, they might not be nice.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:20, archived)

I´m not fussy

( broadsword, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:22, archived)

How much?

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)

they're made from her gran's old vest with the neck hole sewn up

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:22, archived)

hahaha

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)

COR

( broadsword, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)

I'm going to test that when I get home.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)

I hope this is true

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)

German Measles was actually invented by a Czech.
And Delhi Belly was first discovered in Marrakesh.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

I see
*sees*
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)

when i was younger we used to sniff poppers
we once decided to make susan thomas cat get high on them, we made it sniff them so much it died and blood came out of it's nose and ears, susan was crying so much john got managed a sympathy fuck out of her
( mongychops, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

p o

/spaniel
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)

A kid bullied me at school
Later, after I'd done some Kung Fu, I bought a Honda Accord and run him over till he died.

The last laugh was on me though when I accidentally killed myself having a posh wank in a Hong Kong hotel : (
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

ha ha ha

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:15, archived)

I heard that in the style of Nelson from the Simpsons
: (
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:16, archived)

In an echo chamber?

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)

I think it's fabulous anyway
I am wearing a waistcoat made of long vibrantly purple fur. It's amazing. I love it.
( Bats, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)

yesterday
I woke up so late and got to work so fast that my morning erection didn't kick in til i was sat at my desk
( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:15, archived)

Everyone misses me when I don't post
but won't admit it on here becuase they don't want people to think they aren't internet cool.
( WormuIus, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:16, archived)

www.b3ta.com/search/talk?q=wormulus+is+a+cunt
( mongychops, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)

I was accused
Of saying something interesting.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 5 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)