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So... the next baldmonkeystuff podcast is all about Abraham Lincoln.
What Abraham Lincoln related problems would you like me to solve for you in Dear baldmonkey?
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:51, archived)
Why does Abraham Lincoln think your podcast is a shit waste of time?

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:52, archived)
Thats a little bit unfair

(I helped save b3ta! turb0t, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)
Dear Baldmonkey,
I have been having issues emancipating the slaves.

What would you suggest to help subdue our racist Southern countrymen?

Yours faithfully,
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:52, archived)
Why does he never have a shave, and where does he get his hats?

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:53, archived)
Abraham Lincoln told me that no-one listens to your podcast and it's really fucking shit.
Is Abraham Lincoln correct?
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:53, archived)
Lincoln hired Wilkes Booth
to assasinate him, so he wouldn't live to hear the podcast.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:00, archived)
i'm not a betting man, no offence to people who are or are employed in the betting industry you all do a great job, or not, but anyway, i bet your podcast is brilliant, or not, wanker, no offence
great
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:53, archived)
I see you are still an active member of this web based forum
This means the MODS have not taken firm ACTION against you.
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:56, archived)
*manly shoulder pat*
Keep your pecker up.
(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:57, archived)
it's all sunshine and flowers from here on in, you great forum poster you, love you sooooo much, all of you, i feel like embracing you all xxxxxx
all my love

m
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:00, archived)
*huggles*

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:01, archived)
if only we could all just meet up and really get to know each other, i bet some of you, if not all would make me burst with love and friendships, mwah
love you

m
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:02, archived)
I like bashes because they make me feel superiour.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:03, archived)
i'm going to make a point of going to all the bashes i can to meet all the great forum posters, i love you all soooooo much
all my love

m
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:04, archived)
This is an OUTRAGE

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:05, archived)
never fear, i have enough love for all my great forum posting chums, soooooo much love
love you all

m
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)
Please stop
you're scaring me.
(I helped save b3ta! jenpots, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:06, archived)
don't be scared young lady, i belive you hold the odd bash or two, i'm going to come along to meet you and i will soooooo love it
love forever

m
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)
met you already
don't need to meet you again.
(I helped save b3ta! jenpots, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)
But how will you show him your bumhole?

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)
photos

(I helped save b3ta! jenpots, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:11, archived)
We're going to need a wide angle telephoto lens and a long, clear stretch of road here, people!

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:13, archived)
don't tell everyone
there will be crowds!
(I helped save b3ta! jenpots, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:15, archived)
your bingo ticket request is noted young man, i am unable to process this as i am at work, love you all sooooo much x
loves

m
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:17, archived)
Was that growth on his face melanoma?

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:54, archived)
Dear Baldmonkey
I have an overwhelming desire to shoot gentlemen wearing stovepipe hats in theatres. What can I do about this terrible compulsion?

yours, etc.

J W Booth, esq.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:54, archived)
Why does Abraham Lincoln think baldmonkey is borderline mentally ill?

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:54, archived)
I CAN ANSWER THIS ONE!
Probably because psychiatrists have diagnosed baldmonkey as having borderline personality disorder. Which, if you look it up, is a medical euphemism for being a twat.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:57, archived)
Haha, you wrongheaded mentalist wanker.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:57, archived)
Why don't you voodoo it out?

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:58, archived)
I tried voodoo once to kill someone. It didn't work.
When I explained this to a relative as anecdotal evidence that such things are bollocks, they said it would only have worked if I'd believed it would work. Now I just don't know WHAT to think.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:00, archived)
I suggest you stab said relative in the face with a sharpened voodoo doll.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:02, archived)
Who do?

(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:04, archived)
You do.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:07, archived)
Do what?

(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)
I haven't a clue.
Do.
(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)
I knew it was never Miss Scarlet.
Because her card was sellotaped to my wank scrap book. Along with most of the females from Happy Families and the Queen of Hearts.
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:13, archived)
You do?

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:07, archived)
How do I grow a beard?

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:54, archived)
Stop shaving your mini moo-moo

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:55, archived)
that's no way to talk about cr3.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:56, archived)
Glue a squirrel to your chin.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:58, archived)
Learn how to be a contortionist

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:00, archived)
Reply.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:03, archived)
I forgot the question

(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:04, archived)
dear baldmonkey
I seem to be stuck in this chair, I can't move I think I've had a stroke. Oh god why are these tiny people all taking photos of me and not helping.
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:54, archived)
haha

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:00, archived)
Seriously
why do you bother?
(I helped save b3ta! Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:55, archived)
Because it's brilliant.
I like the uncomfortable silences and mundane unfunny banter.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:58, archived)
Dude. You actually listen to them?
WTF?
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:02, archived)
I'm not sure.
I think it is a mixture of a few things. Certainly attention seeking plays a large part, it is enjoyable and I enjoy meeting up with my good chumm Richard on a weekly basis.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:59, archived)
To be fair I have only listened to a part of 1 of them so my opinion is not worth a wank
I have downloaded every one of them though.
(I helped save b3ta! Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:02, archived)
That's very kind of you.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:03, archived)
I THINK YOU SHOULD GIVE UP.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:55, archived)
I THINK YOU ARE A POOR TEENAGER.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:02, archived)
HE'S 21 YOU AGE IDIOT.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:03, archived)
*1987 fives*

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:04, archived)
you was born a decade late
everyone knows all the cool people were born in 1977.
(I helped save b3ta! jenpots, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)

co +d
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)
yes
but ace with it.
(I helped save b3ta! jenpots, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:16, archived)
Haha.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:17, archived)
Bollocks.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)
bah
you have no room to talk, you already look ancient ;o)
(I helped save b3ta! jenpots, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:14, archived)
SAD FACE.
It's true mind, I look bloody awful lately.
(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:16, archived)
I'M 21 SO I'M A PRETTY SHOCKING TEENAGER TO BE HONEST.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:03, archived)

21 SO I'M A
OCK
NG
EENAGER
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:06, archived)
No, that's you.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)
lolol

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)
Dear baldmonkey,
I can never tell a lie. When was the last time you lied?

Ta,
Abe (the US president, not the farty guy from the Oddworld Playstation games)
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:04, archived)
Why at the end of the remake of Planet of the Apes does my statue appear as monkey?
I mean, it just makes no fucking sense.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:06, archived)
BECAUSE IT WAS BONOBIA IV ALL ALONG

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)
Oh my god, I was wrong.
It was Earth, all along.
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)
I hate every ape I see from chimpan-A to chimpan-ZEE.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:16, archived)
Dear Baldmonkey
which address in Gettysburg? Be more specific. This pizza is getting cold.
(I helped save b3ta! scott,, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:14, archived)
Dear baldmonkey
How big was Abraham Lincon's cock, and is it true Michael Jackson has it in a jar in his grooming room?
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:15, archived)
dear baldmonkey
what if abe lincoln was a chimp? eh? WHAT THEN?
(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:16, archived)
APE LINCOLN

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:17, archived)
Considering that lincoln was known for his tall hat
having the hat armoured may have been beneficial.

what ya think?
(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:42, archived)