b3ta.com talk
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Talk » Message 6231228

I just ate two of Barry Norman's pickled onions.
What's going on here at the moment? It all looks very depressing.
I suggest more pickled onions.
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:24, archived)
I would like to pickle some radishes again.
And some big chillies.
And make some more chilli oil.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:25, archived)
A snail has eaten one of my chilli plants.
I hope it stung the cunt. And then I hope it was eaten by a blackbird. And I hope it stung that cunt too.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:26, archived)
If any snail tries to eat MY chilli plant, I'll fuck his shit RIGHT up.

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:29, archived)
they do tiny little vegetarian sausagey poo strings

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:43, archived)
My mother wages a constant war against them.
Apparently if you stick grapefruit skins upside down in with the plants, slugs can get stuck under them. And they won't go over copper, I can't remember why. I think they get a small electric shock.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:30, archived)
Mrs Shanbles is a frencher.
We just eat the fuckers.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:31, archived)
Really?
Can you eat any kind of snail?
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:32, archived)
i remember the first time i ate snails
they were in a soup. I looked at it and thought they were mushrooms in the soup, and when I went to eat it, I thought the mushrooms were really rubbery and chewy.
(I helped save b3ta! turb0t, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:34, archived)
Mushrooms are fucking liver fluke in disguise.
BLEH.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:35, archived)
Just looked it up
*retches*
(I helped save b3ta! turb0t, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:51, archived)
We dissected them in first year of secondary school, I never ate mushrooms again.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:52, archived)
Pretty much.
If you feed regular garden snails for a week or so on a diet of clean greens and water, you can toss them into a pan with some oil, onions, white wine and garlic and eat them.
(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:36, archived)
i thought that the slime trail of a snail was poisonous
or is that the slime trail of a slug that is poisonous.
I once watched a snail crawl up the side of my greenhouse, it was fascinating watching what was going on under its foot through the glass.
(I helped save b3ta! turb0t, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:39, archived)
Slugs apparently taste manky
which is why they can get away with not having a shell. I don't know if they're poisonous though.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:41, archived)
i can understand the shell of a snail being its defense
but the birds eat slugs as well don't they ? Don't they ?
(I helped save b3ta! turb0t, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:43, archived)
hedgehogs eat them.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:45, archived)
They'll eat KFC.
I wouldn't trust a hedgehog as far as I could spit one.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:48, archived)
Dunno. I've only collected one sort.
And I've only done it in france. I've never been able to collect enough in England.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:40, archived)
I heard if you smash one up with a hammer all the little bits regrow as snails

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:43, archived)
oh yeah, I've heard the copper thing. Weird.
Mind you it's weird enough what salt does to them.

Spacefish made a slug pub, that got quite a few on the first night.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:32, archived)
Cool.
Do you just stick beer in a saucer or something?
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:33, archived)
yeah, pretty much.
or a round baking tray, which is what we used. I think it needs to be deep enough for them to drown in.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:34, archived)
Yeah, it does.
They're just one big mucous membrane, they're cool.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:35, archived)
I used to sink yoghurt pots into the soil and fill them with beer.
It really works.
Incidentally, I heard that one of the dictionaries was demoting yoghurt spelt properly in favour of yogurt.
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:36, archived)
what happens to the extra H?

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:46, archived)
Dole.

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:47, archived)
they need them for "shibboleth"

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:48, archived)
It's probably toxic to them.
If it was something to do with electricity, aluminium or iron would have the same effect.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:35, archived)
No, it's not toxicity.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:36, archived)
There you go:
www.groworganic.com/item_PBR650_SnailBarr_Copper_Barrier_3_x_20_.html?welcome=T&theses=4979255

Can't be arsed looking more.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:37, archived)
no no no
it's because it stops them reaching 88 miles per hour
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 19:16, archived)
I'm going to see if I can get some of that copper tape,
it looks useful for all sorts of things.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:38, archived)
It's hard to get here, but most garden centres in the UK seem to have them.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:39, archived)
You'd probably just make bombs with it.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:41, archived)
:(((
Terrible bullying.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:44, archived)
Acting as a Leclanche cell?

(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:37, archived)
Whats good for stopping cats from digging the earth and shitting between my plants.
I had some of that "get orf my land" green jelly stuff, and that works fine, so long as it never rains, I've also been told to use the skin of an orange.
I've tried both of these but neither of them work, and i'm fed up with teh cats digging up around the roots of my plants and shitting there.
(I helped save b3ta! turb0t, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:41, archived)
Kill them and then kill their owners and then kill EVERYBODY ELSE IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:47, archived)
Barbed wire.
Or land mines.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:51, archived)
Get a cat of your own.
They'll protect their territory from other moggies, but they'll not shit in it.
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:54, archived)
Haha, yeah right.
Tell our cats that.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:55, archived)
Although, they don't shit in the flower or veggie beds.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:55, archived)
Exactly.
Wolsey shits in next door's lily plants or on Badger's mum's next-door neighbour's lawn.
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:58, archived)
Haha, bad Wolsey.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:59, archived)
Mrs T hates cat, as does Old Father T
So getting a cat would not really be an option if I'm to stay in favour with the family.
I wouldn't mind getting a *big* cat though if I was gonna get one, as that would help keep the foxes away as well.
(I helped save b3ta! turb0t, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:56, archived)
Get a Lynx.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:57, archived)
OR AN EAGLE.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:57, archived)
Or a fuck-off huge supersoaker.

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:59, archived)
Oooh, yes.
If you had a remoted controlled sprinkler system, you could teach them not to do it. You'd need to spend a day or so spraying them everytime they went near it.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 19:01, archived)
I've seen a thing on the interweb, it was about £50,
that you attach to your hose, and leave in the middle of the garden, and it has a movement sensor and sprays water in the direction of where ever it detects movement.
My garden would become a swamp.
(I helped save b3ta! turb0t, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 19:02, archived)
They'd learn soon enough, though.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 19:05, archived)
YES
I gotta get one of these LYNX
(I helped save b3ta! turb0t, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 19:07, archived)
We have some chilli oil macerating on the window sill. It has scotch bonnets in.
I really need to make some more pickled onions. The last batch were awesome.
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:29, archived)
My Da is growing them.
Evil things.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:30, archived)
We put 5 of them in a chilli con carne once,
it was a powerful concoction and no mistake.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:33, archived)
Blergh
Good for diabetics, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:33, archived)
Good for everyone.
Prevents cancer, obesity, alopecia, gayness, the lot.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:35, archived)
Yeah, they can reduce blood glucose levels in diabetics, which is my Da eats fuckloads of them.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:38, archived)
The evidence for this is very very very sketchy indeed.
I suspect he just likes chilli. Calling it medicinal is an excellent ruse.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:46, archived)
He'd eat them anyway.
His consultant recommended them aswell. But I suspect losing five stone and getting fit had a damn sight more to do with it.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:47, archived)
This sounds like a double smart ruse.
I'm afraid you'll have to give up cake and lard and get off your arse and do some exercise. On the plus side, here is a prescription for three chilli meals a day.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:50, archived)
If it does work, he'll have a BG of zero, with the amount of chillies he has growing.
They have a fucking polytunnel full of them. Ooh, and a peach tree and an orange tree. The oranges are tiny and loooovely.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:52, archived)
Badger is banned from cooking with them after An Incident.

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:37, archived)
Oh, you poor thing.

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:45, archived)
how do you get scotch bonnets through the neck of the bottle?

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:31, archived)
They are sliced.

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:37, archived)
ah,
I put bird's eye chillies in whole.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:39, archived)
I have a lot of juicy red strawberries in my garden
there are also a lot of green ones and some pinky pail red ones, but, mmmm lots of juicy red ones.
(I helped save b3ta! turb0t, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:32, archived)
EAT THEM

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:49, archived)
Too Late
I already have.
Except for the ones that are not red.
(I helped save b3ta! turb0t, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:54, archived)
Booooo.
Send them to me in future.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:56, archived)
The cost of me sending them to you
would exceed the cost of you buying them in your local supermarket.
I'll send you a photo of them if you like.
(I helped save b3ta! turb0t, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:58, archived)
Or me wandering down to the polytunnel and getting them for nothing.
But I'd have to get up for that.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:59, archived)
I've eaten a whole 1 of my strawberries so far.
They've just started ripening up, and are delicious.
(I helped save b3ta! my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:51, archived)
Things were all going swimmingly until Druid came online :(

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:25, archived)
i'm not sure i've ever had one

(I helped save b3ta! well, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:25, archived)
Bloody hell.
I just googled that and Barry Norman really does have his own picked onions.

I apologise for doubting you.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:27, archived)
It makes sense.
He was born with a face that looks like it just ate a really good pickled onion. He's his own best advert.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:28, archived)
I knew this already,
but I admit I was a tad surprised when I first discovered them.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:28, archived)
I heard him in a radio interview about 4 years ago when they came out
and found a jar on the weekend. They are utterly fantastic.
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:30, archived)
I wouldn't usually buy pickled onions.
"No need," as the man himself says. But I think I'll see if I can find them next time I'm in Waitrose.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:34, archived)
Lock, Stock, and Four Smoking Onions.
www.pickleodeon.co.uk/Barrysrecipes.pdf
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:40, archived)
I like this new unit, the "glug"

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:46, archived)
Me too. It's right though, I understand it!

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:47, archived)
Surely a spoof?!
www.pickleodeon.co.uk/pickles.html
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:28, archived)
Seriously- it's not.

(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:30, archived)
NOM
NOM.
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:34, archived)
That's awesome
I'm gonna keep an eye out now.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:47, archived)
you know what, right, I can't remember the last time I pressed the F9 key on my keyboard

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:28, archived)
My CapsLock key never gets used.
I might remap it to F5, do you think that would be a good idea Gigly? I'm not sure, it sounds good, but it might be stupid, I sure as hell hope it isn't.

What's your opinion on the QWERTY keyboard?
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:31, archived)
It doesn't do anything :(

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:31, archived)
F7 does

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:32, archived)
Do I want to turn Caret Browsing on?
I'm always a bit scared to try that.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:34, archived)
i just turned it on and nothing happened.

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:40, archived)
YOU CRAZY FOOL, DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:41, archived)
I just did it
and got a cursor on the page.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:42, archived)
It's probably responsible for your pancreatic cancer.
I've never turned it on and guess what? No pancreatic cancer. This can't be coincidence.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:53, archived)
Well, I'm convinced.
I think my new internet buddy should SUE Caret.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:54, archived)
oh fucking hell
fucking fucking hell
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:41, archived)
Oh for fuck's sake, that's the most ridiculous thing I've seen.
I can't believe you didn't use target="new". Jesus Christ.
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:43, archived)
For fuck's sake.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:46, archived)
I know that rule,
but I'm not sure how that applies here, I don't know whether the Sabbath extends to automatic equipment or not, I'm sure I remember reading some counterexamples. It would probably take another Orthodox Jew to talk them out of it.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:54, archived)
I worked with an observant jewish lad a few years back
if it was going dark when he finished work on friday night then the silly twat used to walk home

edit: beause Jehovah would strike him dead if he used his car
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:58, archived)
oh yeah,
Hebrew days go from sunset to sunset, so he wouldn't be able to operate a motor vehicle.

An interesting issue from the Talmud is that the Sabbath would be announced by a trumpeter from the city walls at sunset. The sounding of the trumpet would be the official start of the Sabbath. The problem is, no transfer of property from public to private property is allowed on the Sabbath, so then what does he do with the trumpet?
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 19:04, archived)
leaves it in the communal trumpet cupboard?

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 19:09, archived)
this is, believe it or not, exactly the right answer.
there's a great argument in there where some rabbi proposes the hypothetical situation of someone throwing a beehive into the street on the Sabbath. It just gets more bizarre as it goes on.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 19:10, archived)
I bet God was having a right laugh when he was writing the rules.
1) Don't kill people.
2) Don't say my name in vain.
3) No carrying trumpets on Sunday.
4) No eating pork.
5) No walking past automatic light sensors
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 19:21, archived)
The Talmud is Rabbinical rather than prophetic,
but yeah, it's hilarious in parts. There's some brilliant stuff about Leviathan. And apparently the age of consent in ancient Israel was... 9.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 19:29, archived)
It's ok, I'm here now.
Did you have fun with Rah this weekend?
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:30, archived)
YES. She was lovely and we all had fun.
Walks in the sun and beer and farm shop black pudding & sossidges.
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:31, archived)
I suggest more tickled bunions.

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:40, archived)
more pickled onions!
are you quite quite mad?
(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 19:03, archived)