Going back to the illness thing down there
What's the most ill you have ever been.
Mine was in 2003 when I contracted cryptosporidium on holiday, we were only a few miles from a hotel that was all over the news..

www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/728041/Dozens-infected-by-Spanish-pool-bug.html (edited for better link)

I was off work for 3 weeks and the day I went back I fainted and had to go to hospital where it was diagnosed and I had another 2 weeks off, I wouldn't mind but it was my honeymoon too.
( Mrs Sp@m, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:23, archived)

I had bronchitus as a babby.
I also remember a time during my GCSEs where I was so ill I didn't sleep for 5 days.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:24, archived)

That thing a couple of years ago when I could barely walk
Yet still came to L**ds to see you cunts. Or appendicitis.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:25, archived)

That's just arthritus from old age.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:25, archived)

Yes, arthritis of the heart and lungs
The commonest of all the ailments.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:26, archived)

shit, you must be 60, 65 to suffer arthritis like that.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)

I can remember everything ever
*gods it right up*
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:30, archived)

awww and I kept pretending to hit you on the back hahaha
I'm such an ace mate!
( Mrs Sp@m, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:29, archived)

I fucking hate you

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:30, archived)

Two years ago I forgot how to read whilst at work
then vomited a couple of times, got photophobic and generally a bit worried. They called an ambulance, took me to hospickle, wheeled me backwards round it at great speed, chucked me in the filthiest room ever, gave me an injection and half an hour later I was fine.

Either that or glandular fever, I suppose.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:25, archived)

That reminds me of my friend who had labrynthitis
She was driving on the road, all of a sudden threw up, couldn't talk and only JUST managed to pull the car over with the help of her passenger using the steering wheel
( Mrs Sp@m, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:27, archived)

Labyrinthitis has a nasty habit of getting people while they're driving
my mum's friend at work experienced pretty much exactly the same thing.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)

, couldn't talk and only JUST managed to pull the car over with the help of her passenger using the steering wheel

because all she could see what David Bowie's penis in those tight tight trousers.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)

Mmmm.
David Bowie's lovely as Jareth.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:29, archived)

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:30, archived)

Yeah, and PROUD of it.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:30, archived)

He was pretty 'proud' for most of the film.
Either that or a sock.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:31, archived)

You're just jealous.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:31, archived)

Of a millionaire musician with thousands of female fans who'd still sleep with him even though he's ancient?
Nah, not jealous.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:33, archived)

I'd let him drybum me.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:33, archived)

omg!
That is love.
( jenpots, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:35, archived)

I know!
Still he doesn't call, he just shags that Shaquille O Neal woman.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:36, archived)

isn't Shaq a bloke?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:37, archived)

Tall and black, that's what I'm going for here.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:38, archived)

oh my, YES!

( jenpots, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:31, archived)

All the way.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:31, archived)

I did that in GCSE English class once.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:33, archived)

That was dangerous
you could have crashed into your classmates.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:35, archived)

Knob-rot

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:25, archived)

i'm not sure this is a good discussion to have while our brave sweet prince SSG fights for his life against the most cruel of cancers
r.i.p brave little lamb, i'll never forget you
( mongychops, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:25, archived)

Who?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:26, archived)

just move on will you, there is no need to be cruel when a man as good and mighty as SSG is laid low by such a travisty of nature
you sicken me
( mongychops, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)

Nope, sorry
No bells ringing here
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:29, archived)

i hope you get cancer, and when you do i will laugh and remind you that it is your own fault, and i will call you cancer boy

( mongychops, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:32, archived)

Can't argue with that

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:54, archived)

shingles
3 weeks of pain ahoy
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:26, archived)

You really should have just taken those small driveway stones out your back pockets.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:29, archived)

Never really been ill.
When I ripped my lip off and broke my face coming off my bike at 40mph I was off college for 2 weeks. Apart from that it's just been flus and the usually stuff that everyone gets.

I was born with no finger/toenails and had to eat lots of jelly, everyday, throughout my youth. I was also too happy and that worried my mum lots.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:26, archived)

I was ill for a week at uni once,
I'd just got back from a visit to London, I don't know if that's relevant, maybe I found some strange virus on the tube or something. Probably the District Line.
Anyway, I couldn't keep so much as a digestive biscuit down and was shitting gravy whenever I stopped concentrating on not doing so.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:26, archived)

When i was 15 I broke my collar bone
3 days later i caught my 1st dose of glandular fever, I was out of it for about 8 weeks and lost 3.5 stone
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:27, archived)

Glandular fever is awesome
I was 15
( Mrs Sp@m, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:29, archived)

I suffered with glandular fever and tonsillitis until I was 30
Had my tonsils out (the doctor said they were so fucked he had to scrape the bits off), since then my health has been excellent.
Having your tonsils out at 30 is harsh
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:32, archived)

*makes notes*
/diet quest
( jenpots, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:30, archived)

staph infection
from crashing onto a broken bottle embedded in the earth on a downhill course at the Malverns.

or glandular fever when I were a teenager.

But otherwise I'm an impervious wall of good health, fuelled by meat, exercise, booze and fags.

EDIT - although I did put myself into anaphylactic shock a few years ago after an "incident" in one of my labs and ended up in intensive care with half a litre of IV antihistamine and steroids in one go. that was fun. Still, happened about lunchtime and I was in the pub by 4pm. Happy days.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:27, archived)

I had something similar where whenever a wide faced terrier would bark at me;
I had a Staff Infection.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:31, archived)

arf.
and also woof.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:34, archived)

I'm getting tubes down my throat soon
Looks like I might have stomach ulcers or something like that. I've always been a pretty healthy person in general otherwise. I put it down to my balanced mix of healthy and unhealthy lifestyles.
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:27, archived)

Not been that poorly.
Ripped the muscle off the bone in my foot, whilst training at karate. That was ace! Hurt like hell, and my foot went black. I got ace painkillers that made everything in the world shiny and happy. I went back to karate a week later, albeit tripping my tits off on painkillers.
( jenpots, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)

Beginning of May until 3 days ago, nearly 7 weeks altogether
gastroenteritis and some infection I think, though it was hard to tell 'cos the doctors were all forrin & there was a distinct language barrier.

Didn't eat for the first 10 days, couldn't go downstairs to watch telly for a month 'cos there's no bog down there.

On the plus side, I lost weight without having to exercise :)
( broadsword, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)

[Rolls out meningitis story again]
[Bores everyone rigid].

I had to have the last rites and that.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)

Bloody hell, really? I didn't know that bit.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:30, archived)

last rites fail.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:30, archived)

penultimate rites

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:41, archived)

I've never heard the meningitis story
either link me or tell it again.
( Mrs Sp@m, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:30, archived)

Did you survive?

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:34, archived)

Obviously yes
Sadly her banter didn't make it...
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:36, archived)

BAD AIDS AGAIN!
It took me a fucking week to shake that off last time.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:29, archived)

It's such a shame you can't even go bareback on a junkie rent-boy nowadays
without getting some hideous illness. I blame the BNP.
( broadsword, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:32, archived)

I had parts of my guts taken out, twice.
I couldn't sit upright for two months, then couldn't walk more than a few yards out of bed for another month, then over the proceding 4 months I got better.

But the worst thing I've been on is a formular called CT3211, which is two to three months of putting nothing in my body except tablets, forumular (that smelt and tasted of off-milk, with a McDonalds milkshake consistancy), and medicaly-sterial water... I couldn't even have chewing gum, and brushing my teeth was the only taste-pleasure I had. I've done that 3 or 4 times. The third and fourth time I was allowed crusher milkshake in it, and it was still really really manky. Crusher gave me LOADS of free stuff though, boxes of different flavours that they never made, I must have had 10 different flavours at one point.

//edit//

And then, after that, over 6 months, they introduce you to different foods, like for the first week I could have potato (no skins), and I sware, that was the most amazing thing I've ever tasted. Then the following week I was allowed marmight, then somehting else, and so on, until I'm eating normaly.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:30, archived)

cor!
what flavours were there?
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:32, archived)

I can't remember all of them, but...
- Chocolate
- Banana
- Strawberry
- Passion Fruit
- Mint
- Rose
- Tropical
- Coconut

I litteraly had boxes and boxes of them. Didn't pay for a single one, I think because they were the only thing people were allowed with this formular, so I was a good tester.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:37, archived)

I had salmonella poisioning,
it was pretty bad, can't remember much of it though because I was unconsious.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:31, archived)

I can't ever remember being really ill
A couple years ago I had tonsilitis though and my friends dragged me out the day before I got diagnosed to a karaoke bar as they thought I was exaggerating.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:31, archived)

or they just hate you

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:33, archived)

Maybe
But they did make it up to me when they found out.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:34, archived)

Should think so to
it's fucking wrong dragging someone to a karaoke bar
( broadsword, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:37, archived)

I collapsed whilst walking home feeling a bit unwell.
A stranger called an ambulance. I woke up 1 weeks latter in hospital. Not completely there, I was a bit of a vegatable. I'd had to be fed and toileted and bathed, by my mum or nurses. I was 17 years old at the time.
I had many tests I latter remembered things happening and thinking they were dreams, such as my mum bathing me and being put infront of a strobe light with sensors stuck to my head.

The only test that came back positive was Glandular fever. I was allowed out after 2 more weeks in hospital. And require Physio to get my balance back, I couldn't even do pigeon steps. I also had double vision afterwards.
( BindiBaji, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:38, archived)