Sir ! Sir ! Someone keeps on sullying my internet browsing experiance by making threads disappear !
I don't think it's my internet connection or my computer, I updated Firefox just to be sure.

//edit//

THE SHOP ACROSS THE ROAD IS ON FIRE !!!
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:35, archived)

I won a bottle of wine on the train home from london
it had stopped for engineering things so they did a quiz over the PA.
I handed my sheet in and won a bottle of wine which I gave to some middle aged cackling women.

I am very sunburnt, it is tingly.
( moohalaa, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:36, archived)

FLIRTING!


MOOHALAA FOR MARRIAGE IN '09!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:37, archived)

It's deep pink
and made a fat girl on the walk home say "fuckin' ell you're well burnt mate"
( moohalaa, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:38, archived)

You be careful.
She might mistake you for an iced bun.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:39, archived)

Or a fondant fancy.
Gayest of all the treats.
( mcdoof fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:41, archived)

you're well in there moo.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:40, archived)

cheers for the vino dino

( Neddy shucking chit funt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:40, archived)

I saw that on twitter, looks sore:(
Did you put aloe vera on it?
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:40, archived)

I have some in the fridge and will slap some on after a shower
which I am guessing will hurt.

Ooops!
( moohalaa, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:43, archived)

Not really, just makes you go OOH when you put it on, from the cold.
I love that stuff, it's great. If it's really bad, towels soaked in cold water will help cool it down aswell.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:44, archived)

hmm
It's not THAT bad, but a pasty internet shut in with six hours of sunshine on no suncream'd skin isn't good.
Haha
( moohalaa, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:46, archived)

It's not good for anyone, silly Moo.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:47, archived)

I have to use factor 40 at least i'm so pale :(

( Neddy shucking chit funt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:51, archived)

Apparently factor 30 is now the only one recommended, there's something about the higher factors not wrking that well.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:57, archived)

I tend to use the ones designed for albino children
does the trick!
( Neddy shucking chit funt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:59, archived)

I put total sunblock on my cat's ears, works well.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:01, archived)

awww bless
happy moggy
( Neddy shucking chit funt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:02, archived)

No, she hates it. But tough shit, she escaped without it a good few times last year, and got skin cancer, and the top of her pinnae amputated.
So lots of suncream for the remaining bits.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:04, archived)

well you're doing what you can
and let's face it no animal really understands why you do what you do
( Neddy shucking chit funt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:07, archived)

Nope, she'll have to put up with it.
I must brush her now, she has half a field stuck to her.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:09, archived)

I got some special pet spray-on sunblock for Billy
He hates it.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:08, archived)

I never bothered with that, seems very expensive.
The spray stuff is usually a bit watery, and Fluffy goes out and rolls straight away. She needs thick stuff that won't wash or rub off quickly.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:23, archived)

Yes Billy does that too, he's mostly brown over his head and front legs anyway
What's the best sort then?
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:25, archived)

Em, the Banana Boat factor 50 is good, it's really thick, lasts for ages.
But my mother was saying something about them not selling it here anymore, might be still in the UK, though. You can get it online, anyway.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:29, archived)

lol, 'rub off'

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:26, archived)

MOOEY IS AT MELANOMA ALERT 7!!

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:50, archived)

I'm sure you have some (very expensive) shaving soother
Use that. It works a treat.
Christ, look at me giving skincare tips to a fruit!
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:54, archived)

Everybody was saying it was you who ran to the mods crying because I was doing that @ thing for each new post.
I didn't believe it was you at first, and I'd suggest a more portly user who takes it all serious.
I trust in 90nz0.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:36, archived)

@JMG
It was probably the kind of user that sweats in an air conditioned office
( moohalaa, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:44, archived)

I don't think I did
I was at work that night. I deffo didn't gaz him.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:45, archived)

There's a film now on Sky about a man-eating crocodile
I'm going to watch that
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:47, archived)

I'm watching Michael McIntyre whilst I listen to the chavs argue outside and wait for mr sp@m to book our holiday so I can have official celebration drinks

( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:49, archived)

Can you let me know which bit of Michael McIntyre's act is the funny bit?
I'm yet to find it :(
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:56, archived)

If you'd come by my house last week, you could have seen a man eating ostrich
OM NOM NOM!
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:57, archived)

Which man did it eat?

( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:07, archived)

A big bird with long legs?
Probably has a choice.
( Lord Gnome, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:08, archived)

I was the man. I ate the ostrich.
Not all of it, mind. Just the tasty barbecued steaky bits
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 23:05, archived)

WHICH ONE?

( SuperMatt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:47, archived)

It's across the road from the cab office, the laundrette.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:00, archived)

Oh, so it's not the one next to the chinese, that's good.

( SuperMatt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:04, archived)

I bet one of our people will be in there on Monday.

( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:34, archived)

Fire lolz!
Sexface probably did it, thought he saw his ex go in there, or something.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:50, archived)

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Sexface is on fiiii-rrrreee
( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:50, archived)

Would you pee on Sexface if he was on fire?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:52, archived)

If he gave me a fiver I'd throw shit at him as well

( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:54, archived)

I'd do that for free, fire or not.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:56, archived)

Might as well make a bit of cash on the side

( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 21:58, archived)

I love a good blaze.
Shops or witches, both burn well.
( lion-cake Bad lion-cake, bad., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:06, archived)

Have we done this one yet?
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/8131408.stm
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:10, archived)

I think the winning quote is
"At first the big balls attracted lots of attention.

"It was good to see little kids race up to them seeing their reflections in the silver metal. "
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:11, archived)

Or maybe
"My friend's toddler leant one lent on one of these balls last week and burnt his hands."
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:12, archived)

That's obviously a lie
Lent wasn't last week- it was months ago.
( Lord Gnome, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:13, archived)

Fucking hell
"Morons touch metallic surfaces during hottest part of the year- are surprised that metal is hot when left in direct sun."
( Lord Gnome, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:12, archived)

I think this may be more a case of "Journo has slow day, decides to fill boring, non-story with innuendo"

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:13, archived)

Best one of those I remember
Was when I worked for a local newspaper and a story hidden in the back pages about Nicky Butt being omitted from the England squad against Greece was headlined, "Butt feels left out as England go Greek."
( Lord Gnome, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:16, archived)

Warning: some things get hot when they are heated up.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:13, archived)

The girl in the blue top behind Richard Hammond during the news bit on Top Gear last week is hot as hell

( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:27, archived)

I noticed her as well :)

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:29, archived)

Actually, they usually position hot ladies in obvious places
but she was very attractive
( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:30, archived)

The tennis has been good for that as well
bit of a lull in proceedings? Lets see if we can find a girl with big tits in the crowd.
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:36, archived)

Same as every sporting event ever.
Especially when Brazil go out of the World Cup.
( Lord Gnome, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 22:40, archived)