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Hello you gorgeous specimens.
Today is a BAD DAY. I’ve already elbowed my cereal bowl (full of shredded wheat and milk) all over the floor, smashing it all up. RUBBISH BLUE STAR.

I’m in a quandary. Yesterday I bought tickets to see Kasabian* on 19 November. YAY. It’s very exciting. Thing is, for my birthday my friends bought me tickets to see Ed Byrne. It’s the same night. And I know where I’d rather go. I don’t have the Ed Byrne tickets as two of my friends are also going to see him. I really want to see Kasabian. What can I do? Help me /talk, you’re my only hope…


* fully awaits exclamations of ‘KASABIAN ARE SHIT’ in response to this post


THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUGGESTIONS. I think I might try to swap my tickets for another venue. If that fails, I can give a ticket to my brother for an early Christmas present.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:28, archived)
BARK BARK ONLY AN HOUR TO GO BARK!!! DIE DG ROOO!!

SIT DOGGY SIT RARABARK BARKSNOFFLE DARKBARK
www.b3ta.cr3ation.co.uk/data/jpg/barkdgtiedup.jpg


BARK BARK ROFLMA HAV A DRINK DG! BARK BARK RARARARA!

www.b3ta.cr3ation.co.uk/data/jpg/barkweeinhisfacebark.jpg
(Police Dog bark bark bark, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:29, archived)
YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS!
free DG immediately or i'm coming down there to get him
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:32, archived)
Damn you dog! Damn yooooooooooooooooooooooooou!

(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:34, archived)
Now give us a photo with today's newspaper in it.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:34, archived)
and a red and white yardstick to show scale

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:18, archived)
BINKY! you'll help us rescue DG, right?

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:19, archived)
i'm not sure this joke is really working
nobody really seems to care
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:35, archived)
I'll be honest, Mongy
I'm trying to give a shit. I really am. But this place is just soul-destroying most of the time these days.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:36, archived)
it's a shame, donkeygums is trying to inspire a little interest by pretending to be both a police dog and taken hostage, the trouble with it is that it's not funny and no one cares
if even one person has laughed at this whole episode they need to be sectioned
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:38, archived)
you're such a ray of sunshine

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:42, archived)
huggles, glomps, nyoms
lol rolfmayo, offers to buy people stuff from shops, bacons, samiches
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:51, archived)
Hahha.
This is everything I hate about /talk.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 3:43, archived)
VOLTAN AGREES
AND HOPES DONKEY GUMS IS BEHEADED
(MECHA-VOLTAN, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:38, archived)
I like DG
I just can't even begin to try and fake some interest, here.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:40, archived)
i like chinstrap the duck, that was funny

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:40, archived)
I fully endorse Police Dog in his nefarious scheme and politely request if I can have that Tshirt that DG is wearing once you've topped him.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:36, archived)
disappointed, RR.
we need to save him!
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:43, archived)
I'm also in the market for a "Police Dog Saves The World" T-Shirt
With BARK! on the back.
(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:44, archived)
Save the DG, save the world.
YATAAAA
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:48, archived)
This has the potential to be the best flounce EVAH.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:38, archived)
NO DG OH LORD WHAT WILL WE DO
*buys Bonios*
*locks and loads*
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:42, archived)
i'm working on a plan
we'll bust him out

you in?
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:44, archived)
hell yes!
*pulls balaclava over head*
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:58, archived)

*pulls balletdancer over head*
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:59, archived)
excellent
i'm armed to the teeth with stuff i found on my desk. when the time comes... be ready

let's synchronise watches. mine says big hand just to the right of straight up, little hand just to the left. kay?
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:08, archived)
I'm not wearing a watch
but I'll count in my head. One elephant two elephant three elephant four elephant
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:13, archived)
ok, with skills like that, you can head up the intelligence team

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:22, archived)
Tell your friends you'll meet them there,
then tout the ticket.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:30, archived)
Today is a FUCKING AWFUL DAY
My hard drive broke this morning, we found out that some people have been promoted to be our bosses and they're the useless people, and I got 4 hours sleep. RUBBISH. WORST DAY EVER. God I'm going to tell Reddit I'm going to kill myself.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:30, archived)
are your friends fit?
I'll go to ed byrne with them.
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:30, archived)
I bet they're not.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:32, archived)
I doubt Ed Byrne
brings out the hotties.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:32, archived)
I'll leave them for you then.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:34, archived)
A lot of my friends are, yes.
Not the ones who are going to see Ed Byrne though.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:45, archived)
OK, I'll pass for now. But if things ever go tits up with mrs rocket, you've got to hook me up with some hot sluts. Deal?

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:53, archived)
i find that mrs rocket goes tits up all the time
hoo, sick burn.
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:55, archived)
Are you saying her chebs are perky?
Why thank you.
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:12, archived)
you're welcome, my good man
my compliments on your choice of wife
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:14, archived)
They're not sluts...
well, not all of them. One of them is, kind of. The prettiest of my friends is getting married in October. It's a sad day for all of her admirers. It'll be a sad day for me too, trying to not wreck her photos with my face.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:58, archived)
Wear your dress upside down and do handstands for the photos.

(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:00, archived)
"Who's that in that photo?"
"Who?"
"The one standing next to the bride. The one with the ginger goatee."
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:03, archived)
ha ha

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:05, archived)
So her fiery box can burn it's image onto the retina's of all the guests, leaving them struggling to cope with even the most basic of tasks?



HELL YEAH!
(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:04, archived)
Hey Fantapants. Kasabian are shite.
Tim Minchin is coming to Aberdeen in Oct. I wanna go!
Frankie Boyle next year too. Wouldn't mind that.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:31, archived)
Send Kasabian an email telling them you're full of rage and it's your birthday.
They'll change it just for you.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:38, archived)
Kasabian will tour again soon enough.
Go see Ed Byrne with your mates and buy drinks with the profits made on selling the Kasabian tickets. Alternatively are Kasabian playing another night you could trade tickets Kasabian are shit for or somewhere else close by?
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:31, archived)
^what he said.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:34, archived)
^ What he said, but naked.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:37, archived)
^ What he said, but naked and covered in raspberry-ripple icecream.

(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:43, archived)
COR!

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:52, archived)
I bet this is the sexiest advice you've ever been given

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:11, archived)
It's your birthday.
Cry until they figure out whats wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! BindiBaji, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:33, archived)
I'm glad Kasabian didn't win a mercury last night.
But even gladder that fucking La roux or florence and the machine didn't win.

I don't mind florence's music - I've seen her live and she's got a cracking voice - but she's annoying, very 'I'm well kooky, me'.
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:34, archived)
Even La Roux didn't want La Roux to win.

(__, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:36, archived)
I wanted Kasabian or Friendly Fires or even Florence,
even though Florence is built on hype, the album is pretty fucking good. I was delighted it wasn't La Roux.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:56, archived)
who did win?
i know i could just look it up, but i want to hear it with your inimitable delivery
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:57, archived)
Speech Debelle.
I quite like what I've heard. She's like Estelle was when she started out, before she went to America to suck Kanye West's penis.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:02, archived)
Just had a listen.
Didn't get me excited at all, I didn't see/hear anything special.
(I helped save b3ta! BindiBaji, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:09, archived)
i have NO IDEA who that is
am i getting old, blue star?
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:09, archived)
I'm just spotifying her album now
it's alright I guess.
(I helped save b3ta! ArthurTheRat, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:10, archived)
VOLTAN SAYS BE A GOOD FRIEND AND DONT BE SELFISH

(MECHA-VOLTAN, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:34, archived)
It's HER birthday.
Do you have a birthday? No, you fucking don't. Just a manufacturing date when you dropped off the conveyor belt you stupid lump of tin.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:35, archived)
You know how hi-fi's eventually pack up and stop working usually after 4 years.
How old are you MECHA-VOLTAN?
(I helped save b3ta! BindiBaji, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:39, archived)
I don't mind Kasabian
I don't mind them playing live

But their fanbase usually consist of pretentious indie wankers who think the band are better than they actually are. And I wouldn't wanna be a room with a whole bunch of their fans.

Go to Ed Byrne. You'll have a laugh with your friends on your birthday.
(__, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:35, archived)
But aren't Ed Byrne fans a load of pretentious indie wankers as well?

(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:43, archived)
I don't think so
unless they go on about a joke he did a few years ago which was a brilliant cover of a previous comedian's joke, but he told it better because he finally found meaning in the joke where the previous artist didn't.
(__, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:45, archived)
Tell your mates that it's reeeeeallly lovely of them
but you already have something booked for that night.
(I helped save b3ta! DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:35, archived)
criKey, thAt'S quite A proBlem. I Am Not sure whAt advice to offeR you hEre. it'S a tougHIe, definiTely

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:37, archived)
Skills.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:38, archived)
well, i do my best

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:41, archived)
I hate you

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:43, archived)
what?!
i'm sympathising!
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:45, archived)
ED BYRNE IS SHIT.

(I helped save b3ta! BindiBaji, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:42, archived)
YOUR MUM IS SHIT.

(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:44, archived)
arguing on the interent 101, here

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:53, archived)
Not as shit as Ed Byrne

(I helped save b3ta! BindiBaji, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:06, archived)
Go to neither, and hide under the duvet playing solitaire.

(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:43, archived)
Sell both tickets and use the money to buy me a present instead.

(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:44, archived)
I got Spotify Premium so I can use their iPhone app, but I miss the adverts.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:54, archived)
oh gonz
you so cra-zee
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 10:56, archived)
I think they should have a "party" application for Spotify
that only adds a track to the end of a playlist (like a jukebox). because there's always at least one tit who takes the role of DJ and keeps skipping songs!
(likeajackhammer, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:02, archived)